SpongeBob SquarePants/Quotes

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
< SpongeBob SquarePants
Revision as of 13:26, 9 May 2016 by Robkelk (talk | contribs) (→‎Season Four: moved to new subpage)



Season one

Season Two

Season Three

Season Four

Season Five (2007)

Friend or Foe [5.1]

SpongeBob: Why, Mr. Krabs? Why does he hate us so?
Mr. Krabs: Listen up Squidward, 'cause this is where it gets juicy.
SpongeBob: Don't forget your condiments, Plankton!
Kid Plankton: Get outta my FACE!
[He and Kid Krabs growl at each other]
Potty the Parrot: You've got rats in the kitchen!

Rise and Shine

" Patrick: I've got to put on my teeth and brush my pants!

Sing a Song of Patrick [5.3]

Patrick: I think I wrote a poem once... [flashback to a younger Patrick, whose voice is higher-pitched]
Young Patrick: [reading from a sheet of paper] A Poem, by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red. I have to go to the bathroom. [eats the paper and burps]
Gym Teacher: How many times I gotta tell ya, this...is...gym class! [blows a whistle, and several dodgeballs are thrown at Patrick]
Squidward: What's that horrible smell?! [sees steam coming out of SpongeBob's window] Is Patrick thinking again?
Patrick: [sticking his head out of the window] I'm making art!
Squidward: Patrick, it smells like something crawled into your brain and died.
Patrick: That's the creative process at work!
A band member: This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up!
Another band member: Oh yeah? [he takes the script and, upon reading it, his eyeballs shrivel up and turn to dust]
Director: I don't care how awful his poem is, he spent his hundred bucks already!
Band leader: C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. A-one, and a-two, and a--
[Cuts to a graveyard: the band members apparently died after recording the song]
An eulogizer: [to Patrick] They wanted you to have this. [hands a record to Patrick]
Patrick: My song!
SpongeBob: It's really loud!
Patrick: You need it louder? OKAY!
"I Wrote This" Lyrics:
Twinkle Twinkle Patrick Star
I made myself a sandwich
My mommy named it Fred
It tastes like beans and bacon
And smells like it's been dead
Writing stuff is hard
So I used a pointy pencil
Pointy, pointy, pointy
Pointy, pointy, point
P.U., what's that horrible smell?
Man: Drum solo! [drum solo]
I have a head
It ends in a point
Pointy, pointy, pointy
Pointy, pointy, point
This song is over
Except for this line
You win this round
Broccoli!

A Flea In Her Dome [5.4]

[SpongeBob and Patrick are crying because they miss Sandy]
SpongeBob: Why did she have to go to the science convention and TAY-HAUS [Spanish pronounciation of "Texas"]?
Patrick: TAY-HAUS!
SpongeBob: She won't be back for one more hour, 26 minutes, and 47 seconds! [they start squirting tears at each other]
Patrick: I miss Sandy so much! Her tentacles, the way she plays clarinet, her massive nose...
SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, that's Squidward. He's not gone; he's right here! [camera pans to Squidward planting a flower in the ground]
Squidward: No I'm not. [walks away]
SpongeBob: I sure do miss that squirrel! Her karate chopping, that 10-gallon glass dome over her dome, and who can forget those buck teeth? After Sandy gets back, we're gonna let her know how much we miss her!
Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "mom"?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that's your mother. But that does give me an idea! We'll throw Sandy the mother of all welcome-home parties! Patrick, to the tree dome!
Patrick: WHOHAIE!
SpongeBob: [singing] Welcome, home Sandy, you know that, we missed ya—
Bus Driver: NO!! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING!
Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, he's got a fierce no-singing policy!
SpongeBob: That's quite all right, Ms. Cheeks, as long as you don't have a fierce no-partying policy!
Patrick: [the flea bites him and makes marks on his stomach] Ahahahaha! Connect the Dots. [draws lines connecting the bite marks on his stomach] I drawed a horsey! OUCH!! Why does this flea keep biting me?
Sandy: When a flea bites you, it's because he's sucking up your blood for nutrition.
Patrick: I have been bitten by a vampire flea! NO!! I'm gonna turn into a vampire now! It's already happening! [starts going berserk]

Krabs à la Mode [5.5b]

Squidward: I'm going to go recover from hypothermia.
Spongebob: Hippo-whatia? What does that mean?
Mr. Krabs: It means he's a big fat crybaby.
Squidward: It's freezing in here! How cold does Krabs keep this place anyway? [looks at the thermostat which reads 62 degrees, much to his disgust] 62 DEGREES!? [with confidence] I'm gonna set to a toasty 63. [turns the thermostat dial slightly clockwise; an siren goes off and a red light flashes]
Mr. Krabs: [bursts through the door to his office] WHOOOOO TOUCHED ME THERMOSTAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!? [everyone points to Squidward]
Squidward: [to Spongebob] Oh, thanks a-- [Mr. Krabs grabs him in the jugular]
Spongebob: You're welcome, Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you're always going on about your book club. READ THIS!! [points to a poster above the thermostat that reads "DO NOT TOUCH THERMOSTAT EVER!]
Squidward: Do not touch thermostat ever. [Mr. Krabs sets it back]
Mr. Krabs: HEAT COSTS MONEY!! There's two ways to get on me bad side, boys. I don't like kids playing in me yard, and nobody but me, touches me thermostat!
Squidward: That's totally selfish!
Spongebob: Yeah! Your yard is really fun! There are kids playing in it right now.
Mr. Krabs: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Mr. Krabs: [having a nightmare] Someone... touching... thermostat!


Mr. Krabs: [yells that the icicles fall] Don't..touch...ME THERMOSTAT!!!

Donut Of Shame [5.9c]

Patrick: Where am I? What happened? Oh yeah, the party. I must have passed out in SpongeBob's kitchen, on the ceiling. See, SpongeBob? I told you we shouldn't stay up past 8:30, things get real crazy after 8:30. [has a flashback of last night's tea party] She really knows how to pound 'em down huh, SpongeBob... SpongeBob? [notices SpongeBob snoring with a donut in his hand] That's a good lookin' donut.

Atlantis Squarepantis

Mr Krabs: Is this some kind of joke!? Where's that gas tank?
[Song starts]
SpongeBob: A song? To sing a song? A song of wanting to move along
To a land where all our dreee--
[Falls to the floor low song stops]
SpongeBob: Sorry.
SpongeBob: To a land of all our dreeaaams can finaly come true

20,000 Patties Under the Sea [5.16a]

SpongeBob: Bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! [sounding flirtatious] Bye, Squidward.
Patrick: You said "Bye Squidward" twice.
SpongeBob: I like Squidward.
Patrick: I think I fell on a rock! [shows a sharp, jagged rock in the back of his head]
Plankton: Hello, little one! Would you like a Chum Burger?
Little Kid: Uh...does it come in raspberry?
Plankton: Umm...no...
Little Kid: Blueberry...?
Plankton: No.
Little Kid: Uhmmmmmmm...raspberry?
Plankton: Aw, c'mon kid! You already said that! Quit wasting my time!
Little Kid's Mother: Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are?!
Plankton: I'm Plankton, ya old hag, and your son smells like boogers!
Husband: Hey, don't talk to my wife like that! What do you think this is?!
Plankton: Looks like it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty! That's what it is!
Husband's Grandmother: You can't talk to my grandson like that! Someone ought to put you in a mental institution!
Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, grandma!
Husband's Grandmother: You're probably right...
Plankton: You people are crazy! I'm gettin' outta here! [people begin throwing rocks at him] Hey!
Patrick: [talking about mysterious stomach-like thing from the abyss] It's a liquid!
Spongebob: No, it's a solid, it's a solid! [thing oozes mysterious liquid]
Spongebob and Patrick: It's a losquid...

The Battle of Bikini Bottom [5.17a]

Patrick: I happen to like my various smells and germs.
Patrick: [after he reveals he doesn't wash his hands, much to the chagrin of Spongebob] You... [writes a "U" on a brick wall with mud] are... [writes an "R"] how do you spell "Notmyfriend"?
Patrick: Taste pit evildoer.
Squidward: [to Mr. Krabs] Did you get any of Patrick's gold?
Mr. Krabs: He's not digging for any gold I'm looking for!

Season 6

The Splinter [6.1a]

Squidward: [same tone] The spatula...TIED TO YOUR NOSE!! SpongeBob: Ohhh, this! [explains quickly]Well, you see, this got stuck up there so I stacked stuff and I climbed up to reach it. I reached it and grabbed it. I got it but then I fell and I screamed! I was sure I was dead but then I wasn't but then I tripped and I got this splinter and Squidward? Squidward, were you listening at all? I got this really bad splinter, you see? And I couldn't hold the spatula with my hand so I used my nose. Makes sense now, huh? Squidward: [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. You're a half-wit who injured himself at work being a nitwit. SpongeBob: [laughs] Good one, Squiddy. Squidward: [grumbles] Injury. Your brain is injured! [gets an idea] Wait a minute. Did you say that you got that splinter injury at work?

Sun Bleached [6.4a]

Patrick: [sprays dirt with a water hose then dips SpongeBob who is sun bleached and horribly dry, into a puddle of mud, wipes the mud away from his eyes, puts two slabs of jerky for SpongeBob's buck teeth, then rips out his own armpit hair] AAHHHH!! AAH-AHH-AAAHH!! [instantly turns calm, then places the armpit hair onto SpongeBob's head, then gives SpongeBob a mirror] See?
SpongeBob: [screams, horrified] I...look... [adoring voice] amaaaziiing.

Giant Squidward [6.7a]

Patrick: [about Squidward's kelp flowers, with a soft tone] They're preeeeeeettyyy! [Squidward shrieks]
Squidward: Patrick!
SpongeBob: And SpongeBob!
Squidward: What are you two doing here?
SpongeBob: Patrick is helping me to do good deeds today, like trimming your kelp garden! [points to Patrick, who takes a large bite out of the kelp, then burps]
Squidward: [Yells] STOP EATING MY KELP!!! [shoves Patrick and SpongeBob]
Patrick: Okay, okay, geez! I try to help a fellow out. I'll just have to eat this ice cream cone instead!
Squidward: Oh! Do you like to eat ice cream, Patrick?
Patrick: Hmmmmmm...yeah.
Squidward: Then have some more! [sprays the ice cream]
Patrick: [falls over when the ice cream gets bigger] Whoa! Oof!
Squidward: Ha, ha, ha! Still want that ice cream?
Patrick: Boy I do! Thanks, Squidward! Want some, SpongeBob? Last one to the cone is a rotten clam!
Squidward: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] HEY! Look at what you did to me! You better fix my nose, or you'll hear from my lawyer!
SpongeBob: Are you sure?
Patrick: Yeah! You'll be ugly again!
SpongeBob: Good deed accomplished! I ask for no reward.
Patrick: You're a saint, SpongeBob! A SAINT!
SpongeBob: I know, and it is a burden I must carry.

Repeated Quotes

  • SpongeBob: "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"
  • Patrick: "Oh, barnacles!"
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: "Aw, tartar sauce!"
  • Patrick: "Good morning Krusty Crew."
  • Mr. Krabs: "Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!"
  • Mermaid Man: "EEEEVILLL!!!"
  • Patrick: "Aw, fish paste!"
  • Squidward: "How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors?"
  • Fred: "My leg!"
  • Sandy: "Yee-haw!"

Season 8

The Way of the Sponge

Fuzzy Acorns: Congratulations, Sandy. You've managed to put your opponent to sleep in under 1 minute. [Lifts his finger, touches the wood, causing it to collapse, and waking Spongebob up] Too bad your opponent didn't put up a fight. I was prepared to give you the lowest of belts: a clear belt. But now I realized, you're unfit to wear a belt of any kind INCLUDING THE ONE THAT HOLDS UP YOUR PANTS! [snatches off spongebob's belt, causing his pants to fall off]
Sandy: Don't be disappointed, Spongebob. A belt isn't the most important thing in karate.
Spongebob: (Depressed) Easy for you to say, Sandy. Your pants aren't down around your ankles.
Fuzzy Acorns: And I'm revoking your black belt. [snatches Sandy's black belt right off]
Sandy: Hey. You can't do that.
Fuzzy Acorns: Oh yes, I can, for wasting my time, bringing me this SORRY EXCUSE FOR A STUDENT! Stick to something you're good at, son.
Spongebob: Yes, sensei. [walks out of Sandy's house, while also having trouble staying up]
Sandy: That was pretty lowdown, Fuzzy. The way you humiliated my friend.
Fuzzy Acorns: The sponge one will never earn his belt.
Sandy: I know Spongebob will impress you if you give him one more chance.
Fuzzy Acorns: Silence. No more chances. Sensei never gives two chances. If you really want to impress me, show me where I can get a decent meal around here. Lunchtime approaches.
Sandy: That's it! (excited) I'll take him to the Krusty Krab and then, he might just find himself impressed by a certain sandwich maker.
Fuzzy Acorns: Who are you talking to?

Unsorted Quotes

SpongeBob SquarePants

  • "Actually, I just have a question about these parking tickets. I don't have a car."
  • "Let go of what kills you, and hold on to what keeps you breathing."
  • "There's nothing good on TV anyway. Nothing."

Patrick Star

  • "Birthday Happy."
  • "Like my mom always said: 'If you can't think of anything to say something nice about someone, don't blow your nose into your hand.'"
  • "We are young , We got wheels, The whole world is our oyster!"
  • "Your potty has a shocky thing in it."

Sandy Cheeks

  • "There's something rotten in the Alamo."
  • "I'm gonna be all over you like ugly on an ape!"
  • "Don't lose your barnacles, boys."
  • "Something smells like rancid rodeo around here."
  • Sandy: "Hey SpongeBob! How're y'all doin'?"

SpongeBob: "Not too close, Sandy. I tend to get smelly when I'm pumping iron. Check it out!" [flexes]
Sandy: "Well, you're smelly."

Eugene Krabs

  • "SpongeBob! You're scaring away me money!"
  • "That's me money walking out the door!"
  • "Hello... may I take your money?"
  • (singing) "Counting me money. Money sweeter than honey. Money money this, money money that. Profit will make me wallet fat!"
  • "After all, money is the ultimate source of joy!"
  • Spongebob: [sadly] "I used to have a dream."
    Mr. Krabs: "Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually."
  • "What doesn't kill you usually gets you on the second attempt."

"You can borrow anything you like, at anytime, as long as you give it back before it's missed."

Fishes

  • SpongeBob: "Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!"
    Squidward: "Not the Navy! [over loudspeaker] Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!" [everyone is silent] "Our world!" [all the customers run out screaming]
  • SpongeBob: "Has the world gone mad?!"
    Fish: "Well, that depends on your definition-"
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