What an Idiot!/Web Original

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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  • Lonelygirl15
    • TAAG has kidnapped a brainwashed girl from an evil cult and tied her up. She complains that her hands are going numb and begs them to loosen the ropes just a little. The last time they loosened a prisoner's ropes "just a little", the prisoner escaped the instant their backs were turned.
      • You'd Expect: They'd tell the girl to just deal with it. Especially since Daniel and Jonas are both there.
      • Instead: They loosen the ropes just a little, and the prisoner escapes the instant their backs are turned.
    • TAAG, having recently failed a mission, blames Steve on suspicion of treachery and decides to abandon him in the wilderness. The last time they abandoned a friend in the wilderness, said friend was captured and brainwashed by the aforementioned evil cult.
      • You'd Expect: They'd at least drop him off in a town with enough money to buy a ticket home.
      • Instead: Apparently having learned nothing from their past mistakes, they abandon him in the wilderness.
  • In a certain hentai, the main star has wishing powers given to him by a demoness! Who warns him, straightforward, on the rules of wishing, including that "If you wish for anything specific, we will steal it.", along with "You will get what you desire and <didn't pay attention> what you get." This is not the first time he has heard this lecture. Also, this demoness is rather kinky, with a TF fetish.
    • You'd Expect: He would pretty much be careful with his wishes, considering this is a demoness! Who is bluntly telling him that she is a Literal Genie!
    • Instead: His first wish is to be hung like a herd of bucking broncos. Clydsdale. You sure? YES! This ends, well, just about as well as can be expected. Oh, as a bonus, You want the stamina? Yes. Give the girls the same stamina? Yes! End Result: Demoness gets a TF field day. His next wish? I want a cowgirl. Can you make me one? The rest get worse.
  • New York Magician: After a building on fire partially collapses on him, Michel takes himself to task for not getting magical head protection, or protection against environmental hazards.
  • Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog: In Act III, Dr. Horrible has finally turned the tables on his Arch Enemy, Captain Hammer, by shooting him with a Freeze Ray.
    • You'd Expect: He would get on with the shooting bit, given that the Freeze Ray is Mad Scientist technology and such things always have a disturbing tendency to fail when it's most inconvenient.
    • Instead: He spends three full minutes singing an Evil Gloating song, giving the Freeze Ray time to run out of power and release Captain Hammer.
  • Darwin's Soldiers: a cop gets a call about a suspicious package in a hotel.
    • You'd Expect: He evacuates everyone from the hotel and calls the bomb squad to deal with it.
    • Instead: He goes into the room and opens said package, which is a bomb, killing several people and completely destroying the hotel.
  • Ah, Marble Hornets, where would you be without this?
    • The protagonist Jay recently paid a nocturnal visit to an abandoned house that he believes is connected to the various weirdness that's been going on. While there, he sees signs that someone had been living there recently, a sink covered in blood, and he has a sudden, extremely violent coughing fit for no apparent reason. For some time, he's had a Youtuber by the name of totheark responding to all his videos with ominous, Mind Screw-tastic videos of his own; when TTA responds to this one, the usual cryptic messages are accompanied by footage of Jay's coughing fit, taken from right behind him.
      • You'd Expect: Jay to stay the hell away from the place in future, or if he feels he absolutely has to look for more clues, to at least take precautions to prevent his stalker from doing anything worse than filming him hacking up a lung.
      • Instead: He announces on YouTube that he's going back to the house, along with the date. He goes alone, at night. Predictably, he's jumped by a creepy guy in a White Mask of Doom on his way out of the house.
      • And Then: He goes back a third time later. And announces it again. Though at least this time he had the brainpower to go during the daytime, not that it made any difference.
    • Entry #40: Jay is standing around a parking lot outside a park, waiting for Alex so they can discuss what to do about a certain someone who's been following them around. Alex is running really late and not answering his cell phone.
      • You'd Expect: Jay to do anything but what he does. Sit around some more, drive off to get some fast food, leave entirely, stand in the middle of the parking lot and do the Chicken Dance- anything.
      • Instead: He wanders off into the exceptionally creepy woods. Off the trail. Oh, and he's never been there before.
      • Consequently: He gets lost. He wanders a good two miles into the woods before reaching a creepy overgrown brick chimney, which he stops to stare at. Naturally, the minute he turns around, the Operator is literally inches away from him. Surprisingly, Jay then averts this trope: in the single most Genre Savvy action of anyone in the entire series, he responds by dropping the camera and running like hell.
  • In the SCP Foundation, the competence - or lack thereof - of the eponymous Foundation is very much Depending on the Writer. Case in point, the story of SCP-2922 (“Notes from Down Under”). It starts when the Foundation is testing an implant made from Organic Technology, which should it work, would allow the user to telepathically connect to a specific landline telephone. A researcher named Dr. Janet Spiegel agrees to test it. But Janet is killed shortly after, in a car accident. But then, the Foundation gets a call on that landline phone, from Janet. While she is clearly dead, her soul is now able to call from the afterlife! A miracle breakthrough! And it seems to get better. Janet calls frequently, giving them detailed descriptions of this Purgatory-like dimension she is in, and eventually calls to tell them she’s been accepted into the Elysium Fields (as in, she’s in Heaven now) and has made friends with one of the local rulers, a “7th Entity” (the name is labeled “DATA EXPUNGED”). She says she will gladly continue being their source of information on the afterlife, and only has one request: she wants to talk to her husband. And that it is against SCP Foundation policy to share research information with a civilian, especially with information this sensitive and vital.
    • You'd Expect: The SCP Foundation now has access to the Holy Grail of research, information on the afterlife and knowledge held by a Council of Angels; possibly beings of godlike power could become their allies. Certainly that is worth bending the rules a little so this woman can talk to her grieving family just to assure them she’s not suffering, right? They could even use amnestics on him later (something they tend to do to civilians frequently) or hire him as an aide on the project (Janet even suggests this). Is it too much to ask for such a gold mine of information?
    • Instead: The Foundation staunchly refuses to break protocol, and refuses the suggestion to hire her husband, the reason given being simply, his degree is in art history, meaning he isn’t qualified. After several months of refusal (and tragically, just as the O5 Council is considering changing their minds), Janet tells them it has become clear to her that fear and hatred of civilians trumps their yearn for knowledge, calling them as a bunch of fools, rebuking them forever.
    • To Make Things Worse: The Foundation will not stand for such insubordination, and sends an MTF squad to Janet’s house to raid it. But Janet has become very crafty and being on good terms with the 7th Entity has benefits. She is able to bypass their security and call her husband on her own, but now, it is to warn them that the Foundation is coming to kill him (which is exactly what happens), and to give him advice on where to go once he reaches the Purgatory where she ended up. Unfortunately, while he attempts to smash the phone to destroy the evidence, he is killed before the information becomes unrecoverable, which leads to it becoming..
    • Even Worse: The Foundation refuses to let it go, and labels Janet a traitor and an enemy. Then they assemble a new MTF called “the Grail Knights”, a crack team of special ops to go after her using the same implants. This is the afterlife, remember, the only way to get there is to die. The Foundation does not tell the team this, they do not tell them there’s no way back, nor do they give them any of the information regarding SCP-2922. (They're hoping the expedition does that for them, the listed secondary objective.) Exactly what they would do if they actually caught Janet isn’t made clear; they do manage to give some descriptive information, but their primary mission fails miserably. Many end up condemned to horrible fates (or in the case of one member, winds up at an endless party where she doesn’t want to leave) and the final message from Juliet is a hacked file to condemn the Foundation as liars and cruel tyrants willing to murder their own employees rather than admit a mistake. She advises any low-ranking members to forget what’s coming, and enjoy life while they can.
    • Worst of All: The Grail Knights’ efforts are not completely in vain, as they do manage to establish communications with the Three Moons Initiative, a powerful council of former humans in this afterlife who becomes their line to information in this dimension. Problem is, Janet is now an influential member of this organization, meaning any decision regarding helping the Foundation will likely have at least one dissenter. And they also act as judges who decide the fates of human souls. Again, Janet will have at least some say in that decision whenever a Foundation member dies…
  • (The Customer is) Not Always Right has enough for its own page. Here are the highlights:
    • "This is Truly Next-Level Entitlement"
      • A hospital staff member who works on the graveyard shift is a food thief. The reason why she hasn't been caught is she is friends with her housekeeping surpervisor for years and only steals from the nurses, not other housekeeping staff. They also haven't caught her in the act. Eventually, the nurses on the night shift all get "bearproof" lunch cages with keys that protect their meals. The cages work and they can eat their meals and snacks in peace.
      • You'd Expect: That the thief would get over it. She lost.
      • Instead: She insists that the supervisor call a disciplinary meeting against the nurses, on grounds of food theft.
      • You'd Then Expect: The supervisor would ask what the grounds specifically are.
      • Instead: She schedules the meeting without asking, making the nurses come directly after their night shift.
      • The Result: The supervisor has a Jaw Drop when her "friend" says loudly, “You’ve all been locking up your food and not letting me eat it anymore!” in front of the nurses' night and day shift supervisors. Said thief proceeds to complain for six minutes how she should be entitled to eat anything she wants. All the supervisors dismiss the nurses so they can get some sleep, put the thief on probation, and switch her to the day shift. "Also, the day shift nursing and secretarial staff had all ordered food cages."

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