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Season 1

Episode 1: Show Within a Show:

• After talking to Mr. Administrator:

Zack: He seems nice. Tom: Shut up Zack.

• The very first scene of the series, which includes Zack's Hand Puppet.

Tom: Thank you, Zack, for ruining the 20th take. Zack: You're welcome, man. Tom: You're not sorry, are you? Zack: Nah.

• "If you get near the front of the camera, I will stab you! I will actually stab you!"
• "You guys keep your dead cat in a box, too?"

Episode 2: Freudian Excuse

• "Putting pants on would be admitting defeat."
• "Aww, how tragic. Watch as my hatred turns to pity."
• "He's a butt! I hate him!"
• Tom on explaining his supposed older brother's age...

Tom: I didn't say he was older... Zack: Hahaha! Tom's a loser!

Episode 3: Terrible Interviewees Montage

• Heartfelt music playing as Dana tells Tom that she'll be his co-star because he sucks at his job, comparing him to a turd steaming on the carpet, that she needs to clean up.
• Zack's reaction to Shannon bursting into the room and berating Tom and Dana.

Zack: Please don't eat me.

• Tom fending off one of the more enthusiastic interviewees as she said she was "Up for anything..."

Tom: Oh, oh, uh...nonono No!

• Eternal vigilance against "This Troper":

Mr. Administrator: A troper has just referred to himself in the first person. We must make an example of him.

• Dana finally getting fed up with Uncle Bill.

Dana: God, Next! Uncle Bill: I thought we were just hanging out... Dana: NEXT!!

Episode 4: Dumbass Has a Point

• Dana bringing the guys cold pizza when she returns from getting dinner. A really nice, friendly gesture. Except that there's only one small slice left in the box.
• Zack using Buffy-Speak.
• "This is not unimpressive." "This is not me sleeping."
• "That was unwatchable."

Tom: (to Dana) Look, if you keep assuming that someone can't do anything right, sooner or later, you're gonna be proven wrong. Zack: Yeah! Tom: God, I wish I had some duct tape right now. Zack: Why? Tom: To shut you up! Dana: To be a "dumbass with a point", you need to have a point, dumbass. Tom: Trope still applies. Dana: Does not.

Episode 5: Unresolved Sexual Tension

• This gem:

Dana: So I could take my hair down and be all "Hair Flip! Hair Flip!" and you'd be like "Oh, that is so-super-sexy!". [very long and awkward beat] Zack: I'd do her.

• After Dana realizes Tom is flirting with her for insulting Zack.

Dana: Tom... *takes his hands, smiles fondly* I hate you.

• The gag of confusing their characters and themselves, especially:

Dana: Do we have sexual tension? Tom: [Freezes like a rabbit in the headlights.]

• Just seeing Tom and Dana on the same bed, even though Dana already stated outright she dislikes Tom.
• "Bend over backwards to accomodate me!"
• Also, "Why do you hate me?!"

Episode 6: Psycho Ex-Girlfriend

Tom: "I mean have you seen her [Shannon's] boobs, Dana?" Dana: "No, Tom. No, I haven't." Tom: "They're so good."

• And later:

Shannon: "Shut up, you just don't know anything about love." Dana: "Oh no, my heart, she breaks. *Traces the outline of a teardrop down her cheek*

Tom: "I was writing what I know." Zack: "Hah...that's why it's bad because you don't ah...you don't know a lot."

Zack: "Hey Dana? I followed you all day with my camera because I love you." Dana: "That's nice, Zack." (goes inside) Zack: "Aww...why doesn't she like me? It's like she couldn't even see my boner!"

• On why Tom has suddenly become rather sanguine regarding Shannon.

Dana: "So...your stalker friended me on Facebook, by the way." Tom: "Oh, you mean my Ex?" Dana: "No Tom, I mean your stalker. An Ex is someone you run into at parties and pretend not to notice. And this is waaay creepier than that." Tom: "Huh..." Dana: "What do you mean 'Huh'?! A few days ago you were scared shitless of this girl...what...What is there to think about? If a guy were doing this to me I'd..." [Long Beat] Dana: "You started sleeping with her again, didn't you?"

Episode 7: Walk and Talk

• At the beginning:

Tom: "Zack, I thought we were playing 'Shut the Fuck Up'." Zack: "I always lose at this game!"

• This:

Zack: Wait, was [the guy from Blue's Clues] the blue one, or was the dog??

Episode 8: Romantic False Lead

• Zack talking about his dead cat in The Stinger.

Dana: Tom, find someone else. Date... someone else. Sleep with anyone else. Zack: Not "it"!

• "Don't go, we still have more scenes to shoot! Also, I love you..."
• Dana's nickname for Shannon is "Crazyfuck McStalkerson".
• Zack: "Wait, is the pegleg like a stripper pole?"

Zack: Would you love me if I gave you candy? Dana: No. Zack: A unicorn? Dana: ...no. Zack: What about my undying love?

Episode 9: Did You Think I Can't Feel?

• Zack's line at the end of the episode, referring to Dana and Tom:

....Just fuck, already... Jesus!

• Or Zack's line at The Stinger:

"[Nervously] Why are you looking at me?"

Episode 10: Mysterious Employer

• Zack wondering where the toilet is in the Administrator's domain.

Zack: Well actually, I wanted to know where the bathroom i... Administrator: SILENCE! [Zack gulps]

• The Administrator getting mad at Tom for Dana's lecture.
• The Zack sock puppet.
  • Zack using the Dana sock puppet.

Tom: He got angry at me. Why did he get angry at me? Zack: It's your face. I get angry just looking at it.

• Writing a new episode:

Tom: So, should we be arguing, or...? Dana: No, we can't just be us.

Season 2

Episode 1: Always Someone Better

• People can't help but crack up whenever Ace says "gurt". Including the Administrator.
• Dana and Tom trying to fog ire out how they should go about their second season.

Dana: Ah success. You're a fickle slut.

• Tom literally tries to Grow the Beard. Cut to Dana shoving him into the bathroom with a razor.

Episode 2: The Ace

• The Call Back at the beginning:

Tom: Where are we going? Dana: Somewhere specific.

• Dana's reasoning for getting a new character.

Dana: Maybe we could have a Foil to you, someone who's good in all the ways you're... not. Tom: We're talking about my character, right? Dana: ...no.

Outside the series

From Zack's Character Blog Twitter account:

• "Just finished washing Tom's car. He didn't think it was funny. (I did)... To be fair, I cleaned his car with my pee. And the windows were open. And he was in it."
• "I like bacon! Who else likes bacon? I like bacon in my nose! Who else likes bacon in my nose? Bacon. It goes in noses."
• "Just found the journal I kept when I was seven. Best quote: 'if i am what i eat i think i am boogers'"
• "How is there not already a Fishbook? You know... Facebook but for fishes? Why has this not happened?! D:"
• "Tom called Dana a matryoshka doll because she's so short (I guess?). Is there a taller Dana running around somewhere?"
• "Saw that scary girl Shannon again. She had her face mushed up against the window. I tried telling Tom but he threw crickets at me."
• "I think I might have maybe kind of almost set the bathroom on fire?"
• "I haven't seen Dave in a few days. I wonder if he got stuck in the sewer again. He likes to chase rats."
• "Carried my camera through the Batman set - somebody tried to take it. I came at him like a monkey!"
• "I found a penny on the ground! It was glued there, but I kept trying to pick it up anyway. Then I remembered I glued it there."
• "I drew a face on my toilet in Sharpie. It looks angry haha! But now I regret doing it. I feel bad. I really should have made it look shocked."
• "I wonder if Dana would want a present...specifically the wig I found on the side of the road today."
• "Have you seen TV Tropes's Echo Chamber? It's like a web show within a web show wrapped in bacon."
• "What? That's not how it happened! Now Tom's just making stuff up. He didn't even mention the thing with the bacon!"
• "Holy crap! I just realized bacon used to be pigs! How long has this been true? D:"
• "When I woke up, there was ANOTHER PINEAPPLE."
• "Pigs are made of TURKEY??! Then is a turducken really a pigducken? I'm so confused. And scared."
• "I wonder, if I leave bacon out, will it turn BACK into a pig? One way to find out!"
• "My fingernails taste like cookies :D"
• "Apparently you can retweet stuff? Wow! It's like technology and something else had a baby! (I couldn't think of a something else.)"
• "Asked dad about the earthquake. He said it happened because I touch myself :( How does he always know?"
• "Roadkill game: I lost score, but today I ran over a bottle of laundry detergent. Now dad's car is clean and pine-scented!"
• "We're out of bacon...worst day ever." "DAD BROUGHT HOME THE BACON! Worst day ever: averted."
• "Peanut butter is DELICIOUS."
• "Soooooo week old bacon does NOT become a pig again. It becomes a hospitalized Dave. Myth: busted!"
• "Ultimate challenge: Peanut butter and bacon. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE?"
• "Found Dave in a closet today. Figured there should be some kind of joke there but I just couldn't think of anything."
• "Did I always have this creepy troll doll in my underwear drawer? Where did it come from?!" #ohgodsoscared
• "I got halfway to middle school today before I realized I grew up. Then I woke up. Then I actually went to middle school. They made me leave."
• "Ha! I watched a pot today! It boiled! To be fair, it was already boiling. But I still feel like I accomplished something today."
• "Note to self: Red Bull does NOT give you wings. Remember that before you try to fly off your house next time, self. Ow."
• "Dad got a package labeled "BOMB". He didn't want to open it, so I did. Inside was a turd and a note saying "Ha ha". Thanks, Uncle Bill!"
• "Tom keeps sending me long lists of things I "need" to "do". Good thing God granted me a spam folder!"
• "Dana is talking so much I think she's on a sugar high or something."
• "Taught myself the marimba. Didn't have real drumsticks, so I used chicken drumsticks. The middle school janitor heard me and kicked me out."
• "We've got auditions tomorrow. Guess that means I should help Tom. No, wait that's the coffee talking."
• Halloween entry: "Tom says I should be myself today and that's scary enough. I told him to look in a mirror."
• "I can't tell if Tom is thinking or hit his head. He makes the same face for everything."
• "Tom's talking about music. I wish he'd stop humming. It's creepy."
• "I ENVY NO MAN! Only Spongebob, and even then only occasionally."
• "It's too cold out to be sweaty. Also, my blood was replaced with red slurpie years ago."
• "I got tangled up in Christmas lights today and somebody thought I was a Christmas tree."
• "Apparently stuffing is *not* turkey poop. Good to know."
• "Christmas ornaments that look like cookies don't taste very good. Weird."
• "Roadkill game: I ran over a sandwich today. It was roast beef, so it's kind of like roadkill."
• "I wonder if this cranberry sauce is okay. It's starting to smell like my socks."
• "Note to followers: If you drop a banana on the floor, only eat it if you haven't peeled it already."
• "Fell asleep under a tree- somebody put me in a box."
• "My shoulders ache. Either I slept bad, or someone switched my arms while I was sleeping."
• "Chocolate comes in boxes, right? I think I found some chocolate in this old box on the sidewalk. It smells kind of bad, though. (later) Nope not chocolate. I think it was raccoon poop."
• "Dave is sick today. I'm going to cure him...with SCIENCE!"
• "I keep falling asleep under bushes and then birds try to nest in my hair. Kind of rude."
• "You know what makes ham sandwiches better? Taking the ham off, and the bread, and eating the cheese."
• "I was sick, but now I'm not! Time for cartwheels!"
• "What? A new comedy about an unemployed guy? I CAN RELATE."
• "Chocolate sauce and peanut butter sandwich. The question is not "Why" but "WHY ISN'T EVERYBODY DOING THIS""

From Shannon's Character Blog (found here)

• When will they understand that everything would be so much better if I were in it? And writing it? And directing it?
• The title of the first post is: My first blog post! Oh my god, I'm so talented!
• Anything you can do...

I’m going to show him that no matter what that Dana girl does, I’ll do better. They want to have a fight by a pond? Well, he and I will have an even BIGGER fight by an even PRETTIER pond!

• Shannon appears to have gone right off the deep end of crazy:

[Following Zack] And how did he notice me in the first place, seeing as I’ve been wearing nothing but camouflage since the whole operation began? I might have to get my roller skates out of the closet so I can keep up with him.