Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality/Funny
- Harry's meeting with Draco in Madam Malkins.
Harry could predict where this conversation was about to go, and he decided in a split second of frustration that enough was enough. |
- Even better...
[McGonagall]: I am going there, (points to a bar) and buying a drink, which I desperately need. |
- The result of Harry's experiment with the Time Turner in Chapter 17. DO NOT MESS WITH TIME
- Draco's reaction when he learns Muggles landed on the moon.
- Fred and George singing an improvised "Who you gonna call? Harry Potter!" song to the Ghostbusters melody during Harry's sorting in chapter 9.
- When Harry meets Crabbe and Goyle for the first time.
- Chapter 21 ends with a letter home describing Harry's (eventful) first week:
Dear Mum and Dad: |
- "You have lost the game", for the wrong reason.
- "Yes, I'm very angry!" said Harry. "Grrr!" Harry's Internal Critic promptly awarded him the All-Time Award for the Worst Acting in the History of Ever.
- Harry is suffering a Heroic BSOD, retreating into his Dark Side persona after Dementor exposure sucks away everything else. In between loudly threatening the murder of everything that slightly annoys him, the nurse shovels chocolate in his mouth;
YOU SHOULD DIMMMPHL. |
- And of course, what the thing that cures Harry ends up being.
Dumbledore: Well done, Miss Granger. Honestly, I would never have expected that to work. |
- Professor McGonagall: "You're having another 'you turned into a cat' moment, aren't you, Mr. Potter. You probably don't want to hear this, but it's quite endearingly cute."
- The exchange at the end of Chapter 47:
Draco: You're a Parselmouth, you can speak Parseltongue, it's the language of all snakes everywhere. You can understand any snake when it talks, and they can understand when you talk to them... Harry, you can't possibly believe you were Sorted into Ravenclaw! You're the Heir of Slytherin! |
- "Oh, I'm a Sorting Hat and I'm okay, I sleep all year, I work one day..."
- What Harry does with the last three cans of Comed-Tea in chap. 46
- The scene with Dumbledore's phoenix:
Harry:"Professor McGonagall the Headmaster set fire to a chicken!"
Professor McGonagall: "He wha-" |
- Harry's Pet Rock died, nuff said...
- "Tell me," said General Granger, "is there anyone in my army who isn't a spy?"
- Harry's speech to his soldiers in chapter 30:
- Hermione's absolute glee at beating Harry hollow (academically) in ch. 21 makes this troper grin along with her:
- Absolutely anything in any of the battles.
- Chapter sixty-three consists of various character's reactions to the escape of Bellatrix Lestrange. And then there's this.
"You doing anything interesting today?" said Tracey. |
- The omake chapter 11, with all the various possibilities the Sorting Hat could have yelled out about which house Harry belonged to...
- Achoo!
- Pancakes!
- Representatives!
- ELF!
- Atreides!
- KHAAAAANNNN!
- This troper was reduced to a puddle of laughing tears after imagining the Sorting Hat screaming after being placed on Harry's mind, bouncing away, and bursting into flame.
- And of course what it actually said: SLYTHERIN! Just kidding, RAVENCLAW!
- Another "Harry gets Draco pregnant" joke.
Hat: "Oh, dear. This has never happened before..." |
- "Headmaster!" called the Sorting Hat.
- "When you try to find the Great Hall, you will get lost." Penelope stated this in the tones of a flat, unarguable fact. "As soon as you do, ask a portrait how to get to the first floor. Ask another portrait the instant you suspect you might be lost again. Especially if it seems like you're going up higher and higher. If you are higher than the whole castle ought to be, stop and wait for search parties. Otherwise we shall see you again three months later and you will be two years older and dressed in a loincloth and covered in snow and that's if you stay inside the castle."
- Draco knows the right way to deal with incompetence:
"And everyone with secret orders, make sure you carry them out to the letter," said Draco. |
- Harry is not modest.
- Dumbledore backpedals:
- The exact moment when poor Professor McGonagall realises she's been played in chapter sixty-nine.
- Daphne Greengrass, Sparkly Unicorn Princess of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Sparklypoo.
- Establishing the traitor-armies arc, you get four viewpoint sections from the perspectives of Professor McGonagall, Hermione, Draco and Harry. The first three begin, quote, "The terrifying part was how fast the whole thing had spiraled out of control." Harry's begins, "The awesome thing was how fast he'd been able to escalate the chaos once he started doing it deliberately."
- Dumbledore being equal-opportunity insa- inscrutable to Susan in chapter 70.
- The end of Chapter 18.
At the Gryffindor table, where a cake waited with fifty-one unlit candles, Fred whispered, "I think we may be out of our league here, George." And from that day onward, no matter what Hermione tried to tell anyone, it would be an accepted legend of Hogwarts that Harry Potter could make absolutely anything happen by snapping his fingers." |
- After Lesath Lestrange profusely thanking him for getting his mother out of Azkaban
And some unbelievably tactless part of him thought, Yay, we completed a quest and got a minion. |
- While reflecting on his jaunt to Azkaban:
- After Hermione talking to Dumbledore deciding to become a hero:
"Oh, I know," said Hermione. She ate another bite of toast. "That reminds me, Dumbledore refused to be my mysterious old wizard, is there someplace I can write to get another one?" |
- Severus Snape has plans in motion such that if Voldemort comes back, he might be under the permanent effects of LSD.
- Even though that probably isn't even the right grave.
- Draco's reaction to Harry still wanting to be friends with him in Chapter 24, after Draco put a torture hex on him.
- Harry's conversation with Quirrel and Dumbledore after killing a dementor.
"But," said the Headmaster. "But, but what am I to tell the Ministry? You can't just lose a Dementor!" |
- McGonagall's reaction to Harry's long sorting.
- Hermione having second thoughts about SPHEW in Chapter 70.
- The first offered explanation for Susan's dramatic power increase in chapter 73, proving that not all houses can be as cool as Slytherin:
- Harry and Quirell discussing the aftereffects of a prank ritual, involving some Warhammer 40000 Chaos gods, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer demon and an Old One:
- The others aftereffects of this particular prank:
- In addition to the line itself, the fact that this line makes sense in context should get one:
Harry: So, after weighing the expected outcomes as best I could with my boundedly rational intellect, I thought it would be wisest to strip the bullies naked and glue them to the ceiling. |
- Hermione's imagination when she contemplates the fate of those who are about to become heroes...
A Quibbler headline proclaiming 'HERMIONE GRANGER GETS DRACO MALFOY PREGNANT!' |
- In chapter seventy-five, the Ravenclaw boys telling Harry that nice boys get girls, and Dark wizards get girls, but nice boys suspected of secretly being Dark wizards get more girls than you can imagine...all while the Ravenclaw girls are telling Hermione how romantic Harry's actions were (she's not buying it).
Harry: I. Am. Not. Her. Boyfriend! |
- Harry and Hermione have The Maiden Name Debate...and then immediately stop talking when they realize they're having the maiden name debate.
- Harry scaring a Dementor away by saying, "BOO!". Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
Harry: I make you this one offer. I never learn that you've been interfering with me or any of mine. And you never find out why the unkillable soul-eating monster is scared of me. Now sit down and shut up. |
- "Enough, Mr. Potter," said Professor McGonagall. "We shall be late for afternoon Transfiguration as it is. And do come back here, you're still terrifying that poor Dementor."
- A very serious talk in Chapter 84 in which Harry comforts Hermione about everyone thinking she tried to murder Draco Malfoy, ends with this: