The Colbert Report/Awesome

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • The 2006 White House Correspondent's Dinner - where he delivered scathing commentary feet away from his biggest targets.

Colbert: "Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32 percent approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality'. And reality has a well-known liberal bias. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's two-thirds empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash."

    • Your Mileage May Vary. To be fair, he was invited to do that. His act followed Bush and a Bush impersonator acting together and making fun of his own presidency. Is it really a Crowning Moment of Awesome for a political comic to make political jokes at a dinner where he was invited in order to do exactly that, following other acts in which other comics did the exact same thing?
      • Yes, because regardless of whether the person that invited him knew that Colbert plays a character or not, they got far more than they bargained for. The event was a roast, they got pure unadulterated arson. Note how Bush laughed at the guy before Colbert, but wasn't laughing once Stephen launched his act. In fact, you could tell the Bush supporters in the room from his dissidents by who was laughing and who wasn't- and given who the event was for, most of them were supporters, but Stephen stayed true to the end, and yet all he did was point out the truth in a humorous tone the man in charge of the country. That takes gorram brass balls.
  • Interviewing "Papa Bear" Bill O'Reilly, the man whom the show was generally parodying.

O'Reilly: "This is all an act!"
Colbert: "If you're an act, then what am I?"

  • Running for the United States Presidency in the 2008 election - with (visible) corporate sponsorship.

Colbert: "It's time for another installment of Hail To The Cheese: Stephen Colbert's Nacho Cheese Doritos 2008 Presidential Campaign...Coverage!"

    • Notably, he was not actually being sponsored by Frito-Lay.
  • There was his "feud" with the city of Oshawa, Ontario, Canada, started when fans of the Oshawa Generals junior hockey team threw teddy bears (for charity) on the ice during a game against the Saginaw Spirit[1]. This culminated in Stephen Colbert Day in Oshawa after the Spirit defeated the Generals in a contest.
  • Having his portrait displayed in the Smithsonian - next to the hall of Presidents. And also the bathroom.

Colbert: "And if you wish to see my portrait, then go to the National Portrait Gallery, take the stairs to the second floor, then go to the bathroom!"

Barack Obama: "As Commander-In-Chief of the United States Armed Forces, I order you to shave that man's head!"

  • As well, one segment of his show described his father's real-life Crowning Moment of Awesome - working with Coretta Scott King and Andrew Young to resolve the 1969 Charleston Hospital Workers' Strike.

Colbert: "And that hospital administrator was James T. Colbert, who had recently sired an heir - who would later grow up to become the greatest American alive."

  • Having Al Gore to spontaneously dunk his head in a bucket of water just to show how hard it would be for people to adapt to a world covered in water (i.e. global warming).
  • Colbert's dance-off with Korean Pop Sensation and his arch-nemesis Rain.
  • Calling Sarah Palin's autobiography "a steaming pile of shit," then calling Quetzalcoatl a pussy & refusing to apologize:
  • Calling upon the Colbert Nation to help save the US speed skating team (the most successful US winter Olympic sport) when their chief financial backer went bankrupt.

(the next day) You went to the ColbertNation website and the "donate" button wasn't there but now it is and you guys raised $200,000!

    • As a token of gratitude, the Colbert "C" is now prominently displayed on the skaters' outfits
    • This Troper believes that some of Colbert's previous instances of calling on the fans-naming a bridge in Hungary, getting a treadmill named after him, HIS OWN GODDAMN ICE CREAM-qualifies as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
  • After a White House Advisor named G Edward DeSeve spent twelve million dollars on a stimulus website & pronounced Stephen's name wrong, Stephen ripped him a new one in a verbal smackdown that rivaled Quagmire's rant against Brian.[1]
  • When Stephen interviewed Andrew Schlafly, he got his revenge on Assfly taking his name out of his revision of the Bible by accusing him of inventing his own truth. We all knew it was true long before he said it, but the fact that Stephen said it to his face has to count for something.
  • As someone from Memphis, TN, his interview with Harold Ford Jr was particularly satisfying.
  • In response to Sarah Palin defending Rush Limbaugh's use of "effing retard" as satire: "SARAH PALIN IS A FUCKING RETARD." Stephen said it right into the camera. Hell yeah.
  • Colbert's 6-minute interview with Joseph Cirincione, head of the Ploughshares Fund for nuclear disarmament, including a graphic pantomime of a nuclear blast, the reduction of current nuclear dilemma to a game of Marry/Boff/Kill(Marry, Sanction, Bomb), and actually getting his opponent to choose the "Bomb" option. The fact that Cirincione is such a good sport about it all adds to the fun. View the whole thing here.
  • Speaking of Canada, EVERYTHING involved with the 2010 '010 Vancouver Olympics, from crawling into NBC's fake fireplace to psychoanalyzing the US speed skating team to almost killing Lindsey Vonn with laughter on camera to getting Michael Bublé to sing the Canadian national anthem to the tune of the American national anthem (Bublé: I feel kind of dirty...).
  • One of the show's early "Better Know a District" interviews, before anyone knew who he was, was with Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland, who had done virtually nothing during his time in office except try to get the Ten Commandments displayed in federal government buildings.

Colbert: Why was that important to you?
Westmoreland: Well, the Ten Commandments is not a bad thing for people to understand and to respect.
Colbert: I'm with you.
Westmoreland: What better place is there to have something like that than in a judicial building, or a courthouse?
Colbert: That is a good question. Can you think of any better building to put the Ten Commandments in than in a public building?
Westmoreland: No. [shot of Colbert's face, which is like, "really?"] I think if we were totally without them we might lose a sense of our direction.
Colbert: What are the Ten Commandments?
Westmoreland: ...What are all of them?
Colbert: Mm-hmm.
Westmoreland: You want me to name them all?
Colbert: Yes, please. [puts up his hands with his fists closed]
Westmoreland: Um... don't murder. [Colbert puts up a finger] Don't lie. [second finger] Don't steal. [third finger] Um... I can't name them all.
Colbert: Congressman, thank you for taking time away from keeping the Sabbath day holy to talk to me.
Westmoreland: [shaking his hand] Anytime, Stephen.

  • It seems criminal to give one to someone other than Stephen, but surely Jane Fonda deserves a major Crowning Moment of Awesome for smooching Colbert on national television and taking him completely by surprise. She continues to rule the rest of the interview - from his lap, might I add - and prove that she may be the greatest example of Grandma, What Massive Hotness You Have!.
  • The Trope Naming "The Wørd" segment for "I Need a Freaking Drink". Carried entirely by Stephen's physical acting and expressions and the segments trademark right screen text.
  • June 7th, 2010: Colbert begins by chastising President Obama for not outwardly showing his anger and frustration at the BP Oil Spill disaster and demonstrates how rolling up his sleeves represent how angry he is. Colbert ends up ripping his sleeves off completely and demanding that the BP C.E.O. Tony Hayward come out onto the stage. A Tony Hayward look-alike appears and tries to explain things but Colbert kicks him in the nuts, drags him out of the studio, throws him down a flight of stairs, bangs his head in with a door, throws him off the roof of the studio, watches him be run over by his own SUV repeatedly by a sea turtle, then has a pair of seagulls eat him alive. There are not enough words for how utterly hilarious and awesome this is. Forget every gag and joke there has ever been about Tony Hayward's ineptitude regarding the BP spill because this is without a doubt the best revenge joke ever on the subject.
  • As if each had created the other in its own warped image, never in the history of television were a band and a late-night Talk Show more perfectly matched than Devo and The Colbert Report (on June 16, 2010).
  • The July 5th, 2010 episode where he does the show sick. He's in his Colbert Report robe, has a cup of Gatorade, his bunny slippers, and "Nana's Blanket." He's also in a leather chair next to the interviewing table the whole time, but most of the episode consists of pre taped segments.
  • July 7th, 2010: Colbert's interview with Steve Carell turns into a segment of the Daily Show's beloved Even Stepvhen. Made even more awesome when Jon Stewart appears 'live' on the screen behind them.
  • Eleanor Holmes Norton's appearances... she holds her own.
  • July 27, 2010: Stephen Colbert...vs. Kevin freaking Kline on who can out-pronunciate each other. Followed by who can act out famous Shakespeare characters the best using only facial expressions and grunts.
  • His interview with Laura Ingraham, in which he managed to call her writing banal, cliched, and filled with "hideous, hackneyed racial stereotypes" to her face, while still pretending to support her.

"What are the odds that Barack Obama’s private musings would completely and perfectly match up with the narrative that the right is trying to push about him?"

  • Saying that if Brett Favre unretires again, he'd kill him with his bare hands.
    • He said if Favre came out of retirement again, he'd "gouge his eyes out with a sharpened broom handle." Sure enough, two weeks later, Stephen plays a clip of the press conference where Brett Favre once again comes out of retirement. The next shot is of Stephen sharpening a broom handle. Made even more brilliant by his deadpan delivery of the line "It's eye-kebob time."
  • The entire Sept. 8, 2010 episode. To celebrate the official pulling of every combat troop from Iraq, his entire studio audience consisted of soldiers from every branch of the military who made it home in one piece (as well as two live feeds of soldiers still overseas). Not only were the veterans in attendance given a proper hero's welcome, each was supplied with a cold bottle of American beer and a hot dog. Serving the hot dogs? Vice President Joe Biden. And believe it or not, all that is just the tip of the awesome iceberg.
  • The topic: Attacks on US troops no matter how we react to the Mosque/Koran burning. The Word: Mutually Assured Coercion. The skit: DR STRANGELOVE PARODY.
  • The December 20, 2006 episode (sorry for breaking the order). Stephen (sort of) and Chris Funk are in a guitar solo contest. The musicians have a jam session at the end, playing the show's theme.
  • The October 30, 2010 Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear was one huge CMoA for him and Jon Stewart.
  • The show's origin. After struggling to find a show to follow The Daily Show (Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Weeked at the DL, etc.), the producers of TDS pitched an idea: Stephen Colbert parodying Bill O'Reilly. That one phrase got the head of Comedy Central to OK the show for a two month run. Without ever filming a pilot.
    • The show's origin dates even before that: the concept started as a series of fake promos on The Daily Show, before they decided to make it into an actual show.
  • When one of his employees found a credit card belonging to someone connected to Goldman Sachs, Colbert offered to return the card if the man came on the show to defend Wall Street bonuses. He then threatened to reveal one number on the card until the card holder came on the show. Goldman Sachs then sent him a letter demanding he return the card, which he said he would do...after he copied it.
  • January 3rd, 2011. Colbert calls the Susan G Komen for the cure out on spending over a million in donor funds annually on Frivolous Lawsuits against other cancer charities that use "for the cure" in their title, while acting like he was praising the decision.
  • January 18, 2011. Colbert calls out Mika Brzezinski for complaining about Sarah Palin getting too much attention in the media. The awesome part is not what he said against her, but the total criticism he gave about the relevance of Sarah Palin, without missing a single beat.

"I know you think this story has no purpose other than keeping Sarah Palin’s name in the headlines for another news cycle. I know you think she has nothing to offer the national dialogue and that her speeches are just coded talking points mixed in with words picked up at random from a thesaurus. I know you think Sarah Palin is at best a self-promoting ignoramus and at worst a shameless media troll who will abuse any platform to deliver dog-whistle encouragement to a far right base that may include possible insurrectionists. I know you think her reality show was pathetically unstatesmanlike, and at the same time, I know you believe it represents the pinnacle of her potential. And that her transparent desperation to be a celebrity so completely eclipsed her interest in public service so long ago that there would be more journalistic integrity on reporting on of the lesser Kardashians’ ass implants. I know, I know that when you arrive at the office each day you say a silent prayer that maybe--just maybe--Sarah Palin will at long last just shut up for just ten fucking minutes. I know because I can see it in your eyes. Well guess what, Mika? That’s the gig. And it’s only January of 2011, kiddo. And you have a minimum of two more years of this ahead of you. You want to stay in this game? You dig deep. You find another gear. You show up to work every day and get your hair and makeup done. You slap on a smile, get out there on TV and repeat what Sarah Palin said on Hannity last night right into the lens. You know...news."

  • And his response to Big Hollywood's blog posts about said rant is a slightly lesser Crowning Moment of Awesome: "For the record, I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman whose experience as a failed Vice Presidential candidate, half-term governor, and eight-episode reality show star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.”
  • The epic ColbertPAC ad, in response to Governor Tim Palenty's epic totally-not-running-for-president-just-selling-a-book ad.
  • What's more awesome than selling a portrait of yourself to children's charities for 26,000 dollars? Getting Jimmy Fallon to match that money and getting the auctioneer to dance to Snoop Dogg.
  • Stephen totally owning O'Reilly at Christian theology, and proving that Jesus Was Way Cool.
  • In his review of Atlas Shrugged, he utterly decapitates the philosophy of Objectivism.
  • Getting his own PAC, even if we have no idea what he's going to do with it.
    • You mean Super PAC.
  • Colbert performing a suburban version of Empire State of Mind with Alicia Keys.
  • Colbert dropping a massive Take That laden anvil in the recent Word segment "The 1%".
  • Colbert dishing out on the the recent internet censorship bill with Danny Goldberg and Jonathan Zittrain, with a side of Biting the Hand Humor at Viacom.
  • Stephen's response to Rick Perry, who's latest ad had him saying "You know something's wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but children can't openly celebrate Christmas in our schools".
  • Stephen performs The Nutcracker with David Hallberg of American Ballet Theater. Manages to be hilarious but respectful of the art form at the same time.
  • Most recently, not only did Nat Geo Wild agree to host Stephen's Serious Classy Republican Debate, but they even created an amazing promo for it. And then Animal Planet ALSO agreed to host it! Let the battle begin!
  • How about this: a recent poll taken among South Carolina Republican voters placed Stephen at a whoping 5% of the vote. A full percentage point above Jon Huntsman. AND HE IS NOT EVEN RUNNING!!! Maybe.
    • And from that, the entire first act of his January 12th show the next day, where he transfers control of his Super Pac to Jon Stewart so he'll be free to run for president, and the two of them flaunting how closely they work together, how good friends they are and how they can communicate through their TV shows, and thus can slip through legal loopholes forbidding presidential candidates and super pacs from directly coordinating their plans. Also a Crowning Moment of Funny, awesome because, as Stephen demonstrated shortly before bringing out Stewart, this is pretty much how real life super pacs work.
    • He confirmed on CNN on Saturday morning that political ads will be run in SC. And there was much rejoicing.
    • January 19: In the Public Policy Poll Colbert is at 13% (Obama had 41% and Romney 38%). After One week.
  • Placido Domingo and Stephen Colbert singing opera.
    • Colbert on stage with Emmylou Harris, Elvis Costello, and Don Flemming singing "Goodnight Irene." Wow. This folk- singing Troper approves!
  • Colbert deconstructs Steve Doocy's use of Subtext.

Colbert: I am an independent newsmen. Not some smug, self-satisfied brown-noser toting to the Republican establishment...unlike some people.

Colbert: To look at that add and not feel for the man (Michael J. Fox), you'd have to be a cold, heartless sociopath.

  • After a pastor claims that Obama's support of same-sex marriage goes against "the Jesus that he says he follows."

Colbert: Yes. Obama's contradicting The Jesus. (brings out a bible) And I, right now, would like to read to you what The Jesus said about homosexuality. ...I'd like to, but he never said anything about it.

Colbert: So congratulations North Carolina! You struck a decisive blow for loneliness. And tonight, as you sleep beside your heterosexual lifemate, you can rest assured that all across your great state, a gay man or a lesbian woman, is crying themselves to sleep in solitude, and making your relationship stronger with every tear.

  1. ↑ Whose team mini-mascot, "Steagle Colbeagle The Eagle", was named after Colbert after fans stuffed the ballots. As a result, Colbert then started supporting the Spirit on the show, trashtalking rival teams during the Sport Report.
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