This is the character sheet for Ansem Retort.
Ansem Retort Protagonists
The first cast member introduced and generally one of the most focused on. Is a evil Buddhist god and is married to Aerith.
- Anti-Hero: Type V
- Ax Crazy
- Badass: Is a evil Buddhist God and has/had mind bullets, managed to out-kill Cloud in a Murder Off prior to abusing One Winged Angel, can warp reality and can turn into Andrew Jackson.
- Blood Knight
- But for Me It Was Tuesday: Played with. Axel never planned to get a Grand Theft Auto game, since the murder, violence, and crime he could do in the game was "shit [he] did last Tuesday!".
- Comedic Sociopath: Axel is this trope, given how often he murders people.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Would never abuse Aerith and responded with a "WHAT?!" when she claimed he hit her to cover up hitting her face on a doorknob.
- He's also disgusted by Hercules saying that he prefers unconscious women.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Axel genuinely loves Aerith and would never abuse or kill her.
- Fusion Dance: With Zexion - they turn into Andrew Jackson.
- Heterosexual Life Partners: With Zexion
- Jerkass: Constantly abuses the cast minus Aerith and Zexion, brutally murders random civilians and is just all around a giant douche.
- Hidden Heart of Gold: He really does love Aerith and seems to be good friends with Zexion.
- Large Ham: BURN ORPHANS!!!, BURN!!!
- Reality Warper: Maybe.
Naminé: The sheer force of your insanity actually warps reality! Earth changes to accommodate your insane view of the world!
Axel: Sorry, what? I'm kinda fighting a shark right now.
One of the cast members. Has both short term and long term memory damage and has the power of a demi-god which is often ignored. Is incredibly stupid.
- Butt Monkey: Not that he remembers it happening.
- Dude in Distress: Sora, twice now.
- The Ditz: Sora has this in spades.
"We'll die, and then come back as the Ghostbusters. And then we'll play soccer!"
"I wonder what fire tastes like." (Beat Panel) "Fire tastes like bacon!"
- Eats Babies: The 'Spock diet' Zexion and Axel force him on. Later, they make him eat an alcohol-assisted aborted fetus.
- Flanderization: Sora used to be just somewhat stupid and merely had amnesia before becoming completely retarded with short-term, long-term, and short-term memory loss.
- The memory loss turns out to not be Sora's fault, though. Its Naminé, having been flanderized into mucking about with his memory far more than in-game.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: There might be hope for Sora yet. (Key word: Might.)
- Too Dumb to Live: Yet somehow he's still alive after setting himself on fire to find out how it tastes, was repeatedly injured by cans of soda falling on his head when it was stuck in a vending machine and forgetting how to breathe on a few occassions.
The Butt Monkey and Chew Toy of the cast, Riku is very emo and is usually the most common victim of Axel and Zexion's abuse. Is actually a Time Lord, which is how he survives all of the abuse he gets which often consists of being cut in two and losing his heart. He has a Down Syndrome version which prevents him regenerating like Doctor Who.
- A Day in the Limelight: Got his own story arc recently.
- Butt Monkey: Riku is the poster boy for this, given how everyone gives him nothing but abuse.
- Chew Toy: Riku has been cut in half several times, had a firecracker in his liver which contributed to being in half the second time, had his heart removed by Cloud stabbing him in the chest and losing it to a seagull, has been stabbed by Axel's chakram on multiple occasions and tortured in so many ways. He also has AIDS.
- Emo Teen: This has been downplayed in later seasons, but Riku is very emo.
- Fail O'Suckyname: Riku Imabitch.
- Ill Boy: Riku. Axel and Zexion infected him with AIDS to make him the poster boy for AIDS Aid.
- Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory: Riku is the only member of the group shown to have this. Justified by being a Time Lord.
- Super Mode: Parodied when Riku enters "Emo Mode".
Riku: The Dragon Ball Z clause states that any transformation, no matter how stupid, makes the user much stronger.
Axel: Holy shit! Do you know what this means? TV Tropes was actually right about something!
Governor of Pennsylvania and Jerkass extraordinaire.
- Breakout Character
- Characterization Marches On: Started off as the straight man. Turned into the king of Jerkasses.
- Deadly Doctor: Averted. While Zexion is both a Doctor and Deadly (especially to his patients), he doesn't fight using a medical motif. Instead, he uses Lightsabers (courtesy of Darth Maul).
- Fusion Dance: With Axel - they turn into Andrew Jackson
- Heterosexual Life Partners: With Axel. The two are such good friends that Axel did nothing when Zexion hit on Aerith DURING THEIR WEDDING. Anyone else and it would've been a massacre, a slaughter, and a bloodbath, in that order.
- Latin Lover: He had his name legally changed to Guillermo del Zexiero lo Marquis.
- Morally-Ambiguous Doctorate
- President Evil: Well, close. He is Governor Evil.
- Just to remind people, he invaded New Jersey and stole tax dollars to finance Axel and Aerith's wedding just to prove that he can.
- He also sold New Mexico back to Spain so that any person in the U.S.A can have sexy latino names.
- He also started running for president, but after realizing his campaign slogans where actually LIKED by a roomful of people (or because they're a bunch of overly-accepting morons) he quit, sticking Sora on stage...who immediately got the same results.
- Running Gag: He always goes to order Chinese food at the season finale.