Beware the Nice Ones/Real Life

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Skunks are kinda cute. Do not, under any circumstances, scare a wild one.
  • An animal example: The Gaboon Viper, one of the deadliest snakes, is very docile and easygoing, especially when compared to its feisty, aggressive rattlesnake relatives. Zoologists have reported that when picked up the snakes usually will not try to bite. However, as always, you should never push it too far. Those two-inch fangs can and will kill you, and their chubby appearance is made up of pure muscle.
  • The Semai of Malaysia are an anthropological rarity and a good example of this trope. They are a society with almost no interpersonal violence, with words for warfare not even existing in their language. During a communist insurrection in Malaysia, some Semai were involved in the fighting and they became effective fighters, almost fanatical ones. The Semai who fought described themselves afterwards as "drunk on blood," and they surprised themselves by their behavior, although they weren't upset by it.
  • George Carlin said that the tendency of people to say "It's the quiet ones you gotta watch", seemed, to him, "like a very dangerous assumption."

"I will bet you anything that while you're watching a quiet one, a noisy one will fucking kill you! Suppose you're in a bar and one guy's sitting over on the side reading a book, not bothering anybody; another guy's standing up at the front with a machete, banging it on the bar, saying "I'll kill the next motherfucker who comes in here!" Who ya gonna watch?"

  • CS Lewis once pointed out that the ideal Medieval knight was "Fierce in the field and meek in the hall." Of course it really didn't come out that way but that is why we call them ideals.
  • The Shaolin Monks are a prime example of this trope; they were peaceful till a group of bandits pushed them to the edge. Then they developed their own weapons and brand of Kung Fu- elegant, graceful, generally defensive- and also able to paralyze, maim, and kill in some of the most horrifyingly gruesome ways imaginable.
  • Reinhard Heydrich was born to artistic parents, and was by all accounts a shy, sensitive child. His mildly Semitic features did not go down well in early-20th century Germany, and he was frequently bullied as a child. From young adulthood onwards he transformed himself into a dashing naval officer and womaniser, and later climbed the ranks of Hitler's SS, becoming the kind of Nazi official that Nazi officials were frightened of. The general competence of "the blond beast" gave the Allies nightmares that he might succeed Hitler. Upon his assassination in 1942 the world sighed with relief; all except for the populations of the Czech villages of Lidice and Le�?, who were murdered in reprisal. "The towns were burned and the ruins leveled."
  • Heydrich's former Navy commander, admiral Wilhelm Canaris. He was a rather frail, mild-mannered, soft-spoken man, caring father and fond of dogs and music. He was also the head of German military intelligence. During WWI he managed to escape from a prisonners camp in Chile, traveled to Buenos Aires mostly on foot and went back to Germany to start a career as a spy. He's known to have bypassed the clauses concerning submarines in the Treaty of Versailles by asking the Japanese to build them and then sell them to the German fleet. Well done. During WWII, he tricked Heydrich, Himmler AND Hitler into believing he was supporting them (while doing the exact opposite), and was at the very least aware of all plots against Hitler, and lent a hand in some. It didn't end well for him. Had a Crowning Moment of Funny, lighting his cigars with Hitler's orders.
  • Steve Irwin. One of the nicest guys you could ever hope to have met, but you did not ever brag about abusing animals in his hearing distance, ever.
  • Members of the Religious Society of Friends (more often known as Quakers) are defined (in part) by their testimony against war. You'd imagine they'd be the nicest, kindest, most docile and timid opponents you'd meet. But some Quakers have been pushed too far, and have taken up the sword, sometimes with spectacular results.
    • Gen. Nathaniel Greene was, by the end of the Revolutionary War, second only to George Washington on the roster of American Generals. Leading troops in almost every major victory and defeat under Washington in the northern theater, Greene was sent to command the Southern army towards the end of the war. There he "lost" three battles in a row, all Pyrrhic victories for the Army. They had to give up Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina to the rebels. A Quaker ended up forcing the Crown to evacuate the southern half of his Majesty's colonies. Beware the Nice Ones, yes indeed.
    • Edwin Stanton was a Quaker, and Abraham Lincoln's Secretary of War. A capable administrator, unfailingly honest, ...and a SCARY sonufabitch if you were to run afoul of him. Spies and subversives were treated... harshly.
    • Gen. Isaac Peace Rodman joined the Union Army at the start of the Civil War, a lowly captain. One year and three months later, he died commanding a division of soldiers (a very speedy advancement of four ranks due to his competence and bravery), at the Battle of Antietam.
    • Gen. Smedley Butler won two Medals of Honor. Fought in China. Fought in Mexico. Fought in Central America. Fought in Haiti. Fought in WWI. Fought mobsters in Philadelphia as Director of Public Safety. Then he wrote a book in the 30's about how he hated fighting, called "War Is A Racket" (essentially picking a public relations fight with Wall Street, Big Oil, and Big Banks). There's no doubt he hated fighting... but neither is there any doubt that he was really good at it, no matter who the opponent.
      • All of the above came about when individual Quakers got pushed to violence. The group as a whole, while remaining nonviolent, also has a pretty impressive track record when pushed too far: helped end slavery (John Woolman), taught Martin Luther King how to win a fight without shooting (Bayard Rustin), and got women the right to vote (Lucretia Mott and Susan B. Anthony). Basically if you make them angry, you'll probably survive... but you'll probably still lose eventually.
    • Consider these when next opposed with a Quaker. They're not always the happy, kindly gent on the oatmeal drum.
    • There's an old Quaker saying, "I would not harm thee for all the world, friend, but thou art standing where I am about to shoot."
  • The Country That Shall Go Nameless Here As One Country Is The Equal Of The Others. Its Nameless Military, and most of their people are rather friendly, but put them in uniform and they go from wouldn't run a red light to very proficient soldiers.
  • Leonard Cheshire. A mild-looking slim and bookish young man who trained to become a bomber pilot in the RAF. After two full tours of duty in bombers (already beating the odds) he commands the elite bomber 617 squadron post-Dambusters raid. Using new methods and equipment and with his aircraft specially modified, his small unit destroyed with 12,000 and 22,000lb bombs many pinpoint hardened targets in Occupied Europe, including V2 launch complexes, the Battleship Tirpitz, concrete U-Boat pens, railway and canal viaducts, tunnels and bridges, and then developed methods to precision-mark targets from low level during raids. Eventually, he was flying a small single-engined Mustang fighter into a target in the moments before the attack began, putting marker flares precisely on the pin-point target. Awarded the Victoria Cross for continuous extraordinary leadership and success, he devoted the rest of his life to running the charity The Cheshire Homes; providing housing and help for the disadvantaged and disabled. Not really 'one who went berserk', but a man whose methods are now a normal feature of modern warfare with 'smart' precision-attack weapons, and who got back in his box when no longer needed.
  • Jimmy Stewart was largely considered to be one of the nicest men in Hollywood in particular and the world in general. He also joined the Army Air Force during the Second World War and fought as hard as he could to be placed with a combat squadron (his papers were repeatedly shelved because various higher-ups wanted to avoid the possibility of him dying in combat). He flew numerous missions over enemy territory as a common pilot, and while his official total is 20 missions, many others were uncounted. During the Vietnam War, he flew a combat mission aboard a B-52 as an observer, and finished his military career as a Brigadier General in the Air Force Reserve. Not bad for George Bailey.
  • Jimmy's friend and one-time costar Audie Murphy, a highly decorated WWII infantry veteran, was noted for his softspoken politeness, impulsive kindness, and numerous acts of Nice to The Waitress and Friend to All Children. But woe unto anyone who bullied him or was nasty to him or his friends, or who picked a fight with him for the bragging rights. They tended to discover that Murphy wasn't just Captain America (comics) minus the Super Soldier Serum (although he kind of was), he was also The Hulk minus the gamma radiation.
  • The Swiss. Yes, the Swiss, of chocolate-and-clock fame. Swiss mercenaries were known for their consistent record of victory and refusal to take prisoners. The kings of France thought it impossible to go to war without Swiss pikemen as the core of their infantry. Eventually, using Swiss mercenaries was declared a war crime and today the only Swiss troops you tend to hear about are the ones who make up the Vatican's Pontifical Swiss Guard. Yeah, these are the guys who have been trusted to guard the Pope for five hundred years and counting. Do not screw with.
    • The reason they're neutral is that for hundreds of years no one has been stupid enough to start a fight with them.
    • That one blade on a Swiss Army Knife that you could never work out what it's for? You Do NOT Want to Know.
    • There was a story this troper recalls, which takes place back when rifles could fire five shots. It goes like this:
      • A German commander and Swiss commander are chatting. The German says, "In 24 hours, I could summon up 25 million troops" (or something to that effect). The Swiss nods and says, "In that time, I could call up 5 million." The German laughs. "And then what?" The Swiss simply replies, "And then my men would line up, empty their rifles, and go home for dinner."
      • A variation: The Swiss commander says "I could call up an army of 1 million." The German commander asks "What if we send an army of 2 million?" The response-- "Then we'll shoot twice."
    • They also froze out several enemies, much like the Russians.
  • The Finns. Who are so nice a people. Until they find Russians in their Fearsome Forests.
    • People, who according to their own folk saying once had the custom of going to meet their neighbor with an axe if they saw a chip of wood floating down the river.
    • Scandinavians in general. Today, they may strike some of us as like Canadians with a different accent, but they have one hell of a checkered past.
  • Wisconsin. A very pleasant state in the American Union, it's home to a lot of amiable and friendly people. It also boasts a disproportionately high number of the union's most infamous serial killers.
  • Google: A company with the motto, "Don't Be Evil," has a laid back office atmosphere, entertaining April Fools jokes, and has access to most of the information on the planet? It is no wonder that you have some people thinking that they could take over the world in just a few mouse clicks.
  • Human beings in general. Present your average person, chosen at random, with a credible threat to that which they care about, be the threat real or imagined, and chances are good they could become a raging berserker. There's a reason nearly all of the examples under Mama Bear and Papa Wolf are humans.
  • Just as much as humans, dogs and wolves in particular fit this trope. Almost all canines have enough of a social order that, under the right circumstances, even the most territorial dogs and wolves can usually be approached by a human. But even the most friendly and tame canine you have ever seen is probably perfectly willing (and most are surpisingly capable- see their entry under Badass Adorable) to rip you limb from limb if they catch you trying to harm anyone they care about. Of course, there are those that avert or subvert this trope by being perpetually timid or just tearing you apart for the heck of it, these are not the majority.
  • If you did not know of him prior to meeting him, you might think that Simo Hayha was a amiable but quiet man who seemed to have suffered an unfortunate facial injury in his past. However, bear in mind that he was a Finnish sniper in World War 2, is in the running for "single most lethal man to ever exist", and had a body count somewhere in the area of 700 kills. When Russia invaded Finland, Simo Häyhä was a farmer who had already served his mandatory year of military service. The ensuing Winter War saw him cause so many Russian casualties that entire counter-sniper teams and whole artillery barrages were deployed to try and stop him...to no appreciable effect, especially when he ended up sniping his counter-snipers. When he was finally hit by enemy fire--in the face, no less--he still managed to kill the man who'd failed to kill him. Those who met Simo Häyhä later in life tell that he was actually quite a nice and talkative fellow, but undeniably skilled and enough of a terror to his foes to warrant them calling him "The White Death".
  • Canada. You know that Nice Country up north who's overly polite and says "eh"? a lot? Look up Canada's accomplishments in World War I and World War II. German troops feared meeting Canucks With Chinooks more than anyone else in the Western front. And if that didn't convince you, don't talk bad about hockey to a Canadian. Just don't.
  • Swing Out Sister's lead vocalist Corrine Drewery is known to be soft spoken and generally friendly. However in an interview, she admitted that around "once a year", she can get pissed off enough (her most notable Berserk Button being rude taxi drivers) that she'll "erupt like a volcano", and that those in her close circle actually "recoil in fear" when it happens.
  • Sergio Gutiérrez Benítez is a short, pudgy, middle aged priest in Mexico who runs an orphanage of over sixty poor children. To earn money for them to go to school, he became Fray Tormenta (Friar Storm), a Luchador. And he kept the secret for over twenty years .
  • Jesus and "the cleansing of the temple". This is a guy who was literally the poster boy for patience and forgiveness. But everybody has at least one thing that really burns them up and makes them want to break something/someone; for Jesus, it seems, it was taking advantage of poor and ignorant people in the name of God (the corruption in the Jewish church was along the same lines as the selling of indulgences in Martin Luther's time). When he saw what was going on, he just stood there, looking around and emanating so much anger that he didn't even have to raise his voice for everybody in the temple to know that some serious shit was about to go down if they didn't get out of there. He flipped over a money-changer's table, and the priests and merchants ran like hell.
  • Unfortunately, it seems that it'd be very difficult to spot the nice ones who are restraining themselves, or, inversely, getting people to stop bothering you through niceness.
  • Seriously, what part of "Taylor Swift" do you not quite get? Even she doesn't know what's continuing to be so hard about this.
  • This McDonalds cashier delivers a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown to two unruly costumers who attacked him and then jumped over the counter to attack him some more. Depending on your viewpoint, this could be either Nightmare Fuel or a Crowning Moment of Awesome for the cashier.
  • St. Louis Cardinals fans are generally accepted as the nicest of all the Major League Baseball fanbases. But if you're President Obama in a White Sox jersey, they will boo you. If you're George W. Bush, they will boo you beneath the cheers piped in over the speakers. And if you're Albert Pujols and you just signed a $250 million contract with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, they will burn their Pujols jerseys. Until that one nice pastor suggested that they donate the jerseys to his church to send to homeless shelters in Anaheim.
  • Evgeni malkin, oh god Malkin. One of the more gentlemanly players in the NHL destroyed rick nash in This fight
  • African buffalo are usually content to just lumber around and eat grass, but if you try to hurt one, it will attack with the help of its friends and family, regardless of your species. Even if you've got a gun, they'll just hide and ambush you when you least expect it, like a team of gigantic ninjas wearing bulletproof shields on their foreheads.
  • Unless trained to do so, Retrievers rarely go on the attack. Most of the time, they're naturally easy-going. They're often wise for a first-time dog owner because of it. This was why they're often chosen to serve as an assistance dog, either: detection, guides, or hunting... which they were originally bred for. However, like other dogs who are close with their friends, including humans, retrievers will go into guard mode if they sense a threat.
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