The Intercontinental Union of Disgusting Characters/Characters

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


A list of the actual AD&D Character Sheets for many of the characters in these stories can be found here.

Ringman

  • Happily Married: In the 3rd story, to Izabella.
  • The Hero: Ringman finally becomes this in the 3rd story. Even though he's still the weakest character by far, and has to have his life saved repeatedly by his offspring.
  • Incorruptible Pure Pureness: He'll never take unfair advantage of the rules, even if it means being a wimpy 9th-level by-the-book paladin for the rest of his life.
  • The Lancer: To Sick Sword in the 1st story, and to his daughters in the 2nd.
  • Lawful Good: For real, unlike a certain other paladin mentioned below.
  • Duty First, Love Second: After living an idyllic life of semi-retirement with his wife Izabella, Tiamat decides to crash the party. His wife is flabbergasted that he'd throw away his life fighting a dragon he couldn't possibly beat. His response:

"You knew when you married me that I am, first and foremost, a paladin. That means I have a duty to protect my village from evil. We were lucky; over the eighteen years since I've been here, no invaders attacked. But now our luck's run out. And now, this paladin almost literally has to march into hell for a heavenly cause."

Peter Perfect

Wierd Dough: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go mug a centaur and take his four one-million-gold-piece gems!"
Peter Perfect: "Kill a centaur and take his four 1 000 000 g.p. gems."

  • Horse of a Different Color: As of 2nd Edition, a paladin's warhorse doesn't have to be an actual horse. Peter Perfect takes full advantage of this clause.
  • Knight Templar: Technically Lawful Good. Technically.
  • Moral Event Horizon: When he killed Ringman and annihilated his soul. Even his sentient Holy Sword, Prometheus, thought this was going too far and refused to play along.
  • Rules Lawyer: He can decapitate a random peasant, and attack another paladin without provocation, and still retains his paladinhood -- because he knows how to find a loophole excuse.

Prometheus

"Whoo!" the longsword cheered. "Man, did that ever feel good! We oughta hack something up like that every day!"

Sick Sword

  • Action Girl: The made-up Weapons Master class operates on agility rather than toughness, allowing her to be lithe and quick -- and not have to hide her body inside armor.
  • Action Mom: In The Sick Kids.
  • The Hero: Only in the 1st story, though.
  • She Who Fights Monsters: In order to defeat the Intercontinental Union of Disgusting Characters, Sick Sword had to become disgusting herself.

Omnion

  • Lawful Evil: It was the only alignment not already spoken for at the time.

Homer the Brownie

  • Familiar: It seems to be a brownie's lot in life.

Koenieg

  • Ice Cream Koan: Practically every line he utters. He even uses it as a weapon against Rango during the penultimate battle in the 1st story:

Koenieg had been spouting Zen Druid Bhuddism to Rango continuously under his hail of 25 ineffective sword hacks, and evidently it was getting to him. Upon telepathically hearing 'One to change it and one not to change it' for the twelfth time, Rango threw down his weapons, threw up his arms, and cried, "No more! No more! Get this tree brain away from me! AAaaagghh!"

Wierd Dough

"I didn't misspell it by accident," Wierd Dough explained, "I just spelled Wierd weird to be weird."
"And your last name?" Peter asked.
"My father was a dough maker and I handled his shipments, all right?"

Clerasil

Izabella

Disgusting Sword and Ridiculous Sword

Gross Sword

Jimmy

  • The Call Knows Where You Live: He became an adventurer only because his parents got turned into zombies. His gaining straight 18s in all stats, and instantly jumping to experience level 5, were partly due to Ridiculous Sword's conniving.

Danny

Josephus

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