Celebrian: Difference between revisions

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''"Go on, silver bitch. You may not yet stuff your mouth with my wondrous rod."''}}
''"Go on, silver bitch. You may not yet stuff your mouth with my wondrous rod."''}}


Infamous ''[[Lord of the Rings]]'' fanfic that it is widely regarded as one of the worst fanfics ever written, to the point of [[Memetic Mutation]]. Celebrían, here spelled sans accent, is a briefly mentioned tertiary character in ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' (she's actually Elrond's wife in canon but she doesn't get any development) who gets kidnapped by orcs and is subjected to several forms of [[Rape Is Love|rape]], [[Body Horror]], and other [[Squick]] for over 21,000 words. It is widely regarded as [[So Bad It's Horrible|really bad]], but there are still others that find it [[So Bad It's Good|comedic]] for [[Beyond the Impossible|the extensive lengths it goes off the deep end]], along with the [[Narm|sheer ridiculousness of the dialogue and prose]]. Either way, reading it is regarded as something of an [[Self-Imposed Challenge|endurance test]] - finish reading "Celebrian", and you can read [[Twilight|just]] [[My Immortal|about]] ''[[The Eye of Argon|anything]]''.
Infamous ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' fanfic that it is widely regarded as one of the worst fanfics ever written, to the point of [[Memetic Mutation]]. Celebrían, here spelled sans accent, is a briefly mentioned tertiary character in ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' (she's actually Elrond's wife in canon but she doesn't get any development) who gets kidnapped by orcs and is subjected to several forms of [[Rape Is Love|rape]], [[Body Horror]], and other [[Squick]] for over 21,000 words. It is widely regarded as [[So Bad It's Horrible|really bad]], but there are still others that find it [[So Bad It's Good|comedic]] for [[Beyond the Impossible|the extensive lengths it goes off the deep end]], along with the [[Narm|sheer ridiculousness of the dialogue and prose]]. Either way, reading it is regarded as something of an [[Self-Imposed Challenge|endurance test]] - finish reading "''Celebrian''", and you can read [[Twilight|just]] [[My Immortal|about]] ''[[The Eye of Argon|anything]]''.


Several complaints are not that it is BAD, but that it is DULL;
Several complaints are not that it is ''bad'', but that it is '''''dull''''':


{{quote|''"When I'd finally psyched myself up to read it, I could hardly get past the first page, not because I was so disgusted, but because it was so inordinately DULL. How is it possible to make so much porn so freaking BORING?"''}}
{{quote|''"When I'd finally psyched myself up to read it, I could hardly get past the first page, not because I was so disgusted, but because it was so inordinately DULL. How is it possible to make so much porn so freaking BORING?"''}}


It can be found [http://web.archive.org/web/20010423131650/http://www.greyarchive.com/Celebrian.htm here], if you dare. You'll probably also need some [[Brain Bleach]]. Needless to say, it's [[NSFW]].
It can be found [https://web.archive.org/web/20010423131650/http://www.greyarchive.com/Celebrian.htm here], if you dare. You'll probably also need some [[Brain Bleach]]. Needless to say, it's [[NSFW]].


Some brave soul decided to do ''Celebrian''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s first dramatic reading. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMjYX6ZEku4 Here's the Intro.] Needless to say, they start going quite insane by the second part. And the fifth. And the sixth, where the reader becomes drugged on NyQuil.
Some brave soul decided to do ''Celebrian''{{'}}s first dramatic reading. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMjYX6ZEku4 Here's the Intro.] Needless to say, they start going quite insane by the second part. And the fifth. And the sixth, where the reader becomes drugged on NyQuil.

'''{{tropelist|This fanfic provides examples of:}}'''
{{tropelist}}
* [[A-Cup Angst]]: When Celebrian first meets the goblin/orc king, she is supremely disappointed that her small breasts which are beautiful by elven standards do not please him.
* [[A-Cup Angst]]: When Celebrian first meets the goblin/orc king, she is supremely disappointed that her small breasts which are beautiful by elven standards do not please him.
* [[A Date with Rosie Palms]]
* [[A Date with Rosie Palms]]
* [[Added Alliterative Appeal]]: "lavender labia"
* [[Alliteration]]: "lavender labia"
* [[Biggus Dickus]]
* [[Biggus Dickus]]
* [[Body Horror]]: {{spoiler|the teeth. Oh god, the ''teeth''...}} Never mind the warts on top of zits on top of carbuncles on top of unnamed bumps.
* [[Body Horror]]: {{spoiler|the teeth. Oh god, the ''teeth''...}} Never mind the warts on top of zits on top of carbuncles on top of unnamed bumps.
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* [[Dead Baby Comedy]]: Albeit unintentionally.
* [[Dead Baby Comedy]]: Albeit unintentionally.
* [[Erotic Dream]]
* [[Erotic Dream]]
* [[Exotic Equipment]]: The orc king's warty cock and Celebrian's [[Added Alliterative Appeal|lavender labia]].
* [[Exotic Equipment]]: The orc king's warty cock and Celebrian's [[Alliteration|lavender labia]].
* [[Eye Scream]]: After {{spoiler|giving so many orcs blowjobs, Celebrian eventually develops mouths on her eyelids}}.
* [[Eye Scream]]: After {{spoiler|giving so many orcs blowjobs, Celebrian eventually develops mouths on her eyelids}}.
** Actually, {{spoiler|those are just tattoos. Still pretty squick though.}}
** Actually, {{spoiler|those are just tattoos. Still pretty squick though.}}
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* [[Interspecies Romance]]: Elf/orc, {{spoiler|elf/horse, and elf/warg}}. If you call that "[[Rape Is Love|romance]]", at least.
* [[Interspecies Romance]]: Elf/orc, {{spoiler|elf/horse, and elf/warg}}. If you call that "[[Rape Is Love|romance]]", at least.
* [["It's Not Rape If You Enjoyed It"]]: Heavily implied when Celebrian becomes {{spoiler|uninterested in her husband's small, wartless penis and begins to pine for something... larger and wartier}}.
* [["It's Not Rape If You Enjoyed It"]]: Heavily implied when Celebrian becomes {{spoiler|uninterested in her husband's small, wartless penis and begins to pine for something... larger and wartier}}.
* [[Mars Needs Women]]
* [[Mars Needs Women]]: more like Orcs need females
* [[Memetic Mutation]]
* [[Memetic Mutation]]
* [[MST]]: Generally considered the only way to enjoy it at all, or even survive it while still retaining one's sanity. Assuming, of course, you don't have some [[Squick|very]] [[Nightmare Fuel|odd]] [[Rule 34|fetishes]], that is.
* [[MST]]: Generally considered the only way to enjoy it at all, or even survive it while still retaining one's sanity. Assuming, of course, you don't have some [[Squick|very]] [[Nightmare Fuel|odd]] [[Rule 34|fetishes]], that is.
* [[My Girl Is a Slut]]: And how!
* [[My Girl Is a Slut]]: And how!
* [[Narm]]: Once (if) you get over the squick, you realize that the overly long description of the sexual acts Celebrian are subjected to are written in such a [[Sophisticated As Hell]] [[Purple Prose]] you stop taking any of it seriously.
* [[Narm]]
* [[Nausea Fuel]]: Where to ''begin''?
* [[Nausea Fuel]]: Where to ''begin''?
* [[Nightmare Fuel]]: Some haven't even read it yet, and is already ''deeply'' disturbed by the images this All The Tropes page has created.
* [[Nightmare Fuel]]: Some haven't even read it yet, and is already ''deeply'' disturbed by the images this All The Tropes page has created.
** When Celebrian {{spoiler|returns to her elven land}} she finds that ice cream tastes exactly like the Goblin/Orc king's cum {{spoiler|and proceeds to eat A LOT OF IT}}. Good incentive to go dairy free after reading this fic?
** When Celebrian {{spoiler|returns to her elven land}} she finds that ice cream tastes exactly like the Goblin/Orc king's cum {{spoiler|and proceeds to eat ''a lot of it''}}. Good incentive to go dairy free after reading this fic?
* [[Post-Rape Taunt]]: Once you go... warty... you never go back?
* [[Post-Rape Taunt]]: Once you go... warty... you never go back?
* [[Rape Is Love]]
* [[Rape Is Love]]
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[[Category:Celebrian]]
[[Category:Celebrian]]
[[Category:Fanfic]]
[[Category:Fanfic]]
[[Category:Banned On TV Tropes]]

Latest revision as of 00:43, 16 October 2022

"Oh, thank you, great-king-with-balls-of-fire, king-whose-great-rod-my-mouth-yearns-for."
"Go on, silver bitch. You may not yet stuff your mouth with my wondrous rod."

Infamous The Lord of the Rings fanfic that it is widely regarded as one of the worst fanfics ever written, to the point of Memetic Mutation. Celebrían, here spelled sans accent, is a briefly mentioned tertiary character in The Lord of the Rings (she's actually Elrond's wife in canon but she doesn't get any development) who gets kidnapped by orcs and is subjected to several forms of rape, Body Horror, and other Squick for over 21,000 words. It is widely regarded as really bad, but there are still others that find it comedic for the extensive lengths it goes off the deep end, along with the sheer ridiculousness of the dialogue and prose. Either way, reading it is regarded as something of an endurance test - finish reading "Celebrian", and you can read just about anything.

Several complaints are not that it is bad, but that it is dull:

"When I'd finally psyched myself up to read it, I could hardly get past the first page, not because I was so disgusted, but because it was so inordinately DULL. How is it possible to make so much porn so freaking BORING?"

It can be found here, if you dare. You'll probably also need some Brain Bleach. Needless to say, it's NSFW.

Some brave soul decided to do Celebrian‍'‍s first dramatic reading. Here's the Intro. Needless to say, they start going quite insane by the second part. And the fifth. And the sixth, where the reader becomes drugged on NyQuil.

Tropes used in Celebrian include:

"No, bitch. You know the rules. Name thyself."
She stared at the cruel king. Then slowly and deliberately, she named herself.
"Cock-sucker. Ball-licker. Cum-drinker. Cock-lover. King's-sheath. Dick-sucker."

Retrieved from "https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Celebrian?oldid=1983483"