All You Need Is Love/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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  • Two Words: Victory Sex
  • Naomi Misora throwing Matsuda out the window. Also a Moment of Awesome.
  • L as pedobear.
  • "My name is Hikaru Imagay! My name is a play on my sexuality!"
  • "The Beyond Birthday case made so much more sense now, BB wasn't a megalomaniac he was L's spurned and neglected lover. Clearly the jam was just the aftershock of being forced into sex with someone that looked vaguely like a crack head. And she had prevented him from burning himself alive, if she had to have sex with L she might have tried to burn herself alive too. Naomi noted to herself that perhaps it was a good time to go to L.A.'s prison and apologize to that poor madman."
  • When Naomi Misora started wearing Gothic Lolita to try and recapture Light's attention and Light's horrified reaction.
  • Light's epic Reason You Suck Speech directed at Raye Penber:

Light: Mr. Raye Penber is very annoying and doesn't know when to LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE. I realize it is his job to follow me around like a lost puppy but could he at least put a small amount of effort into not being so bloody noticeable? It's almost embarrassing having to look behind me every day and see him there standing oh so inconspicuously behind me with that newspaper shielding his pasty face. Yes, I can see him behind that newspaper the eyes in my face indicate that I am not blind. Your fiancé should note this fact next time he comes tapping along behind me, which should be any moment now I might add. Here are a few tips I wish to convey to your lover boy, please feel free to tell him for me as I think it's counterproductive for me to tell him. Besides it would just point out how inept he truly is: 1) when following someone try not to walk so loudly and when they stop walking you stop walking 2) when following someone do not literally follow them at every single moment of the day this includes lurking outside their room in the dead of night 3) do not wear the same clothes every day especially when on a high school campus not only are you noticeable you look completely ridiculous 4) when on a bus that is being high-jacked by a man with a gun do not show your victim your ID with your real name, if you have to use a pseudonym it's not unheard of 5) everyone can see you whispering in the back of the bus your voice is louder than you think 6) don't tell your victim what day your shift ends; you never know when they might have been paying attention. 7) when wearing the same clothes every day do not wear a blue trench coat, you want to be mistaken for a drug dealer every time you take a stroll? 8) when glaring at your victim and their date try not to look so completely bored, if you are going for the 'pedophilic-stalker' look be sure to complete it otherwise you look stupid 9) walk at a distance far enough away that your victim can't instantly grasp the fact that he is being stalked 10) try to look like you're doing something besides following your victim people might start to notice. I could go on but I think this should suffice, once again I leave with the statement THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC USELESS BEAU WHO CAN'T EVEN STALK HIS VICTIMS PROPERLY!!! Thank you for your time.

  • While Light is killing criminals:

Naomi: What are you working on anyway? We both know you're Kira.
Light: I'm not working on anything.
Naomi: Then why the laptop?
Light: ... Porn...

Naomi: Wow that is the most boring pornography I have ever seen. This is porn for you?

  • Naomi referring to Ryuk as "Light's clown."
  • Naomi's reaction when Near announces his presence in the story.

Naomi(to L): You have another spurned and neglected lover. Goddammit Ryuzaki, wasn't Beyond Birthday enough for you! Now we have what, Near Necrophelia? Don't tell me, he likes jam too doesn't he?

L: Near, actually. And he likes finger puppets not jam.

Duck: You can't leave Kira in charge! That's child endangerment!
Naomi: Light is a very responsible young man.

Matsuda: Well, Inamo it turns out had an affair with Y's evil twin A and that A is now back in town but Y doesn't want Hikaru to know because he's afraid that A will seduce Y because they're identical and it's really hard to tell them apart.
Light: And let me guess Hikaru is going to sleep with both of them because he's not only gay but he's also a whore.
Matsuda: Um, well, I don't know if I'd use that term but what if he really can't tell the difference and then… Wow Light, you have really good ideas! You should help me write sometime!
Light: You know, this is excellent proof that I'm not Kira. Ryuzaki may be miserable and death-seeking but if I had been Kira then surely Matsuda would be dead by now.

  • And Later from that same conversation:

Naomi: I'm very sorry to everyone. My companions don't try to be idiots it just kind of happens. Sayu and I were put through very traumatic experiences; it's just for me, well... I deal with this shit all the time so it doesn't really bother me. For a normal person I'm sure what we went through would have left them shell shocked with only the ability to remain curled in a corner rocking themselves back and forth. So I'm going to apologize on the behalf of everyone here except for Takada who really did try her best, it's not her fault that he's dumb, she's traumatized, I don't have problems, he's an asshole, and he's the devil.

  • Light tells L and Naomi that he got a message from Kira informing him that Kira has "misplaced" his notebook:

L: Light-kun, it's already obvious that you're Kira.
Light: No, I'm not Kira... And you look like a meth addict so no one will ever believe you.

    • And:

Naomi: Are you saying that we lost the notebook and that no one noticed? How could you lose something like that? That's like Roosevelt losing the atom bomb, woops it got stolen, guess we'll have to write that one off.

L: If you're finally going to admit that you're Kira I'll have you know that so far your various futures entail your being my sex slave, the government's sex slave, or locked up in some mental institution. Of the three I prefer your being my sex slave but the decision is yours. Or Naomi-chan could shoot you behind the chemical shed, if that's preferable.

L: So really the only options that we have left after we prove that Light is Kira are for him to be my personal sex slave or to be shot behind the chemical shed. Prove to ourselves at least, I don't think we'll ever convince Soichiro or Matsuda even with the thirteen day rule. So Light since this is your immediate future which would you prefer, death or sex slave?

  • When L, Light, and Naomi come to the conclusion that they need to test the notebook on a drug dealer:

L: Yes, today I will be ordering quite a lot of crystal meth.
Takeshi: Are you a cop?
Naomi: Ryuzaki, Takeshi is a heroin dealer. He doesn't sell meth.
L: No I'm not a cop, but he is. *points to Light*
Takeshi: I thought you were trying to rape him.
Naomi: He is.
L: What gave you that idea?
Takeshi: He always enters and leaves exhausted at late hours looking like he's been drugged.
L: Yes, well, that's irrelevant I just want drugs.
Takeshi (to Light): Have you been watching what you drink, he's probably spiked everything you touch.

Light: I know he does, thank you for the advice.

  • When Duck compares the notebook with nuclear material: "Anything that can replicate a part itself infinitely and almost instantaneously has got to be very, very dangerous. Just so you know, it's a wonder he doesn't have cancer."
  • Naomi relates how it SUCKS being stuck between L and Kira's warring egos:

Naomi: You do realize that if L or Kira were to find out they would kill you... If Light finds out he'll probably kill you. However he might keep you around as a pawn and use you to reach his ultimate goal of creating a cult civilization in which he's god. That means that if you don't find yourself drowning in a swimming pool you'll find yourself brainwashed and tortured and then thinking nothing at all... If L finds you that's a whole different story. L won't kill you but he will tie you to a chair and leave you there to rot for fifty days and then pretend to execute you only to leave you alive so that the government can perform nasty experiments on you. He probably won't give you a trial but instead will leave you in a mental institution or have you killed off by thugs. Then he'll steal your name and use it as yet another detective name and that will be the end of that.
Duck: Why do you work for these people?

Duck: Look, mommy, his pants are tighter than yours!

Ryuk: Yeah, Light's great.
Naomi: I thought you said Light was a bastard.
Ryuk: He's my bastard.
Naomi stopped walking for a moment to contemplate the horrifying idea that she had misjudged Light's relationship to his clown god and was in fact the shinigami's bitch. Somehow that idea seemed more horrifying than the prospect that Light was probably painting an upside down star on her wall in red paint. She decided not to comment.

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