Mortal Kombat 9/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


For a game which was catalogued as the bloodiest and violent MK game to date, Mortal Kombat 9 surely has its funny moments.

  • The Klassic Kostume commercial. To wit, Scorpion and Mileena fights in their UMK3 costumes and started complimenting each other, then Scorpion offers Mileena a kiss...only to reveal his skull head and does his flame Fatality on her.

Scorpion: Works every time.

Announcer: Johnny Cage wins.
Johnny Cage: Oh yeah. (Sometimes it's "Don't hate.")

Johnny Cage: (addressing kombatants) And I'm takin' you down, I'm takin' you down, I'm taking you out, I'm takin you out and I'm takin' you out (addressing Sonya)...for dinner.

    • The moment where he begins to realize he's actually in a tournament surrounded by supernatural killers and demons when he's urged to finish off Baraka, who he's trying to hire for his next production.

Johnny Cage: My producer has got to meet you! We're doing Tommy Scissorfists, and...

    • After defeating Kano in the last fight of his chapter:

Johnny Cage: Throw that on your...barby...shrimp... (shrugs)

    • Cage also mistakes Raiden and Liu Kang for some really enthusiastic role-players.
    • When Cage suggests that Jax or himself may be the one he requires to win, we have this this:

Raiden: Perhaps you are right, Johnny Cage. You will stay close to me.
Johnny: Great, I...
Raiden: Close as a shadow and twice as silent.

    • He even makes a Call Back to this when Liu Kang and Raiden are arguing.

Raiden: I must speak with the Elder Gods. Shao Kahn's violation must be punished.
Liu Kang: But the battle is joined here, in Earthrealm.
Raiden: We cannot win without the Elder Gods.
Liu Kang: But, Master...
Johnny: Liu Kang, close as a shadow...

    • After finding out Raiden's interference has lead to Sub-Zero being captured instead of Smoke, Johnny makes this comment when they go off to talk to Kitana. It doubles as a Dude, Not Funny, as Smoke stands there visibly devastated by the truth of his comment.

Johnny Cage: Sure. Let's go ruin someone else's life.

    • This exchange between Johnny and the Shaolin Monks, after Jade makes a High Heel Face Turn and seeks out Raiden on Kitana's behalf:

Cage: "Lord"? I was with Smoke. I thought she was a bad guy, er, girl. Guess he turned another one. What's Raiden got that I haven't got?
Liu Kang: God-like power?
Kung Lao: A personality that is not at all like sanding paper?
Cage: Jerks.

    • Cage also has a fatality where he karate-chops the opponent's head in half. Then he takes out a shiny gold trophy of a flexing man (presumably Cage himself) and sticks it where their head was, saying "And the award goes to..."
  • Challenge Tower mission #20 has Scorpion fighting off Mileena...who made him a teddy bear.

Scorpion: I HATE TEDDIES!
Mileena: But I worked so hard on this! You HAVE TO accept it!

    • Her further attempts DURING the fight to give Scorpion the teddy are adorable.
    • Among the new Challenge Tower missions in the Vita port is "I still hate teddies!" This time, after taking down Mileena, Scorpion decides to make his hatred clear by strangling the poor bear and then giving it the Subway fatality treatment. The squeaky noises it makes during the whole thing is what sells it.
  • Challenge Tower mission #250 has Shang Tsung and Shao Kahn fighting over a baby.

Shao Kahn: You know this child is not mine!
Shang Tsung: Do not unload your children on me!

  • Stryker displaying some Genre Savvy when his partner, Kabal, spots the scantily clad Mileena amongst the chaos.

Partner: Stryker! Check her out! What do you think? Friend or foe?

Stryker: Foe.

Partner: Dressed like that?!

Stryker: Definitely foe. Cover me.

    • There's also this part, when he sees Johnny Cage fighting against Motaro:

Stryker: Johnny Cage fighting a giant monster!? What is this, "Time Smashers"!?

    • His ending. He doesn't mind all the attention and merchandise that came after defeating Shao Kahn, but when Hollywood tries to get the rights for a movie, he rejects it. The reason?

"Never would he allow himself to be portrayed by Johnny Cage."

  • Babalities return, and each victim has a HILARIOUS animation:
    • Cyber Sub-Zero plays with an ice ball. He drops it. It flash-freezes him.
    • Kratos rips the head off of a Medusa doll! Not to mention his proud displaying of said head like a real gladiator should!
    • Noob Saibot accidentally summons two portals at once (one above him, the other below), and is stuck in an endless loop of falling through them.
    • Raiden invokes lightning, but another lightning bolt strikes behind him, and causes him to fall over terrified and cower while shaking.
    • Scorpion throws his spear, complete with an adorable, high-pitched version of his trademark "GET OVER HERE!", but it fails and makes him fall.
    • Sektor plays with an active rocket that's about to launch. It doesn't end well.
    • Shang Tsung steals the soul from a teddy bear, then sits down and then puts his hands together, plotting.
    • Smoke farts, and falls after that (it appears the smell was too much for him).
    • Sonya does her Bicycle Kick, but falls, and cries while spinning in the floor.
    • Sub-Zero has to go to the little Cryomancers' room, but urinates on the floor. It promptly freezes, and he slips on it.
    • Cage sits down, pulls out a piece of paper, starts drawing, and throws it in the air. What is it? A sloppy and childish picture of Cage's head with the words "To my best fan! - Johnny Cage".
    • If special conditions are met, the bosses can be Babalified: Goro plays pattycake with himself before accidentally smacking his own face and crying, Kintaro mewls like a kitten before crawling over to a bowl of milk and lapping it up and Shao Kahn, after noticing he has visibly NOT exploded but has instead been turned into a baby, says a hilarious "You suck!" and then giggles.
  • Baraka's "Take a Spin" fatality, first he lifts the victim above him with one blade, then spins them around on it like a top. Whilst they are spinning. He gets out his second blade and holds it up, cutting off all the limbs on the torso in one go.
    • Speaking of fatalities, Sheeva's "Lend a Hand" fatality is pretty hilarious. She tears the opponent's arms off, then beats them to death using the arms... and for a 'victory pose', she uses the severed hands to give herself a round of applause.
    • Yet another darkly humorous fatality, Cyber Sub-Zero's "Brain Freeze" fatality, first he fires two shuriken into the victim's head, then a final one which goes deep into the brain and proceeds to spin around, no doubt turning it into mush, this would seem lame due to no dismemberment, but what makes it worth it is the fact that the opponent spasms into a silly pose and falls over dead like that.
    • Kano's "Eat Your Heart Out" fatality. First, he rips out the opponent's heart, and most of the time, on your first performing of the fatality, you'd think that's it. But no, he proceeds to rip their head off, and shove it in the gaping hole where their heart used to be, oh, and then he kicks it deep inside there for good measure. That is just such gratuitous overkill you can't help but chuckle the first time it's performed.
    • And the triumphant return of Ed Boon's favorite fatality: like he did in MK4, Quan Chi tears his opponent's leg off, then hits them with it. Again and again. And again. And again. And he's showing no signs of slowing down when the screen fades to black.
    • Stryker's third fatality. It's not executed by normal means, but playing ladder or versus, winning a match, and not performing one of the first 2 fatalities, his babality, or stage fatality. It's also the only fatality which can be used against Goro and Kintaro (but still doesn't work on Shao Kahn).
    • Sektor's second fatality features him throwing a mysterious device at the opponent which latches onto their chest. Most people would predict an explosion to occur, but instead, the device lights up and suddenly, huge blades extend out from the device and tears the opponent apart, turning them into a scarecrow. It's watching it the first time and being caught by surprise that makes this so fuuny.
    • Ermac's second fatality, "Pest Control", has him using his powers to shrink his opponent, causing them to panic with their voice comically high-pitched. Then he stomps on them. What really caps it off is the way he wipes the blood off of his foot afterwards.
    • Jade's second fatality, where she kicks her opponent high up into the air, plants her staff into the ground as they slide to the impalement. Then Jade, being the Proud Warrior Race Lady she is, does a war cry as she rips their head off and plants the severed head on the staff. What makes it funnier is the slow-motion done as she rips the head, slowing her war cry.
  • Some of the challenge tower levels or test your luck modifiers are so ridiculously insane, you can't help but laugh. HEADLESS KOMBAT!
    • Hyper Kombat (everything on fastforward)! You'll have a hard time playing seriously when your characters are squeaking like chipmunks on helium. Even the announcer sounds like a mouse!
      • Special mention goes to the "Out on a Limb" series, where the only way to damage your opponent is chucking your limbs at them. This results in casually tossing one's head, kicking one's leg right off, or throwing BOTH arms off in a pseudo-Rocket Punch fashion.
  • Sheeva's win pose. She snarls and poses like a muscle man twice, then does a sexy pose and moans.
  • How about this unintentional funny part in Jade's chapter:

Kitana: Jade!
Sheeva: My orders are clear. No one is allowed in the tower!
Jade: As you can see, I am here.

Kung Lao: I hope your girlfriend is worth Lord Raiden's anger, Liu Kang.
Liu Kang: Notice that I am ignoring you.

  • Another Kitana quote: "I will drag you before Shao Kahn by your pointed beard".
  • At the beginning, Shang Tsung is explaining the background of the tournament, mentioning that the winner can challenge him personally. Johnny Cage is not impressed.

Johnny: Might as well give me the belt right now...they do have belts here, right?
(Pan to show Tsung is now right besides Johnny)

Tsung: Appearences can be decieving.

Johnny: How'd he-?!

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