Captain Obvious/Quotes: Difference between revisions

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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(I'm surprised that we didn't have a Dan Quayle quote on the page. We do now.)
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{{trope}}
{{trope}}
{{quote|'''Ginger''': You mean you never actually ''flew'' the plane?<br />
{{quote|'''Ginger''': You mean you never actually ''flew'' the plane?
'''Fowler''': Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!|''[[Chicken Run (Animation)|Chicken Run]]''}}
'''Fowler''': Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!
|''[[Chicken Run]]'' }}


{{quote|''"Mega Man, Mega Man! Come in! There's these [[Frickin' Laser Beams|big yellow beams]] that [[One-Hit Kill|kill you]] if you-" "SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I don't need you!''|'''Roll''' and '''Egoraptor''' arguing in Quick Man's Stage on an episode of ''Sequelitis''.}}
{{quote|- Mega Man, Mega Man! Come in! There's these [[Frickin' Laser Beams|big yellow beams]] that [[One-Hit Kill|kill you]] if you-
- SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I don't need you!
|'''Roll''' and '''Egoraptor''' arguing in Quick Man's Stage on an episode of ''Sequelitis''.}}


{{quote|'''Inspector Lestrade''' (''seeing a midget in Lord Blackwood's coffin''): That's not Blackwood!<br />
{{quote|'''Inspector Lestrade''' (''seeing a midget in Lord Blackwood's coffin''): That's not Blackwood!
'''Holmes''': Now we have a firm grasp... of the obvious.|[[Guy Ritchie|Guy Ritchie's]] ''[[Sherlock Holmes (Film)|Sherlock Holmes]]''}}
'''Holmes''': Now we have a firm grasp... of the obvious.
|[[Guy Ritchie|Guy Ritchie's]] ''[[Sherlock Holmes (film)|Sherlock Holmes]]'' movie}}


{{quote|'''John:''' Fun? There's a woman lying dead!<br />
{{quote|'''John:''' Fun? There's a woman lying dead!
'''Sherlock:''' Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.|''[[Sherlock (TV)|Sherlock]]''}}
'''Sherlock:''' Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.
|''[[Sherlock]]''}}


{{quote|[[Exaggerated Trope|"That's air going into my lungs."]]|'''Colin Mochrie''', ''[[Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV)|Whose Line Is It Anyway?]]''}}
{{quote|[[Exaggerated Trope|"That's air going into my lungs."]]
|'''Colin Mochrie''', ''[[Whose Line Is It Anyway?]]''}}


{{quote|'''Don Calfari''': But I did not give the orders to wipe out the Spaldoni family. That is an order that I did not give.
{{quote|"Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good."|''[[Doom (Comic Book)|Doom Comic]]''}}
'''Mobster''': Okay, Don Calfari. If you didn't give the order, then what does that mean?
'''Don Calfari''': That would mean someone had to give the order. Someone that was not me.
|''[[The Middleman]]'', "The Pilot Episode Sanction"}}


{{quote|([thousands of Confederacy starfighters stream past Yoda's window])
{{quote|'''Don Calfari''': But I did not give the orders to wipe out the Spaldoni family. That is an order that I did not give.<br />
'''Mace Windu:''' The city is under attack!
'''Mobster''': Okay, Don Calfari. If you didn't give the order, then what does that mean?<br />
'''Yoda:''' Defend the city we must!
'''Don Calfari''': That would mean someone had to give the order. Someone that was not me.|''[[The Middleman]]'', "The Pilot Episode Sanction"}}
|''[[Star Wars: Clone Wars]]''}}


{{quote|That's a lot of fish!
{{quote|''[thousands of Confederacy starfighters stream past Yoda's window]''<br />
|The 1998 American [[Godzilla]] movie}}
'''Mace Windu:''' The city is under attack!<br />
'''Yoda:''' Defend the city we must!|''[[Star Wars Clone Wars]]''}}


{{quote|Magma is not a water source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.
{{quote|"That's a lot of fish!"|The 1998 American [[Godzilla]] movie}}
(later edit)
* Magma cannot be used to satisfy thirst.
* Magma mist will not generate happy thoughts, but will instead burn whatever it touches.
(of course, with the Dorfs it's... [[Artificial Stupidity|not always obvious]])
|''[http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/40d:Magma#Magma_compared_to_water The Dwarf Fortress Wiki]'' }}


{{quote|I am murdered.
{{quote|''Magma is not a water source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.''|''[http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/40d:Magma#Magma_compared_to_water The Dwarf Fortress Wiki]''}}
|''[[Spencer Perceval]]'' on his own assassination.}}


{{quote|Joseph was rushed to the hospital where doctors discovered the 19 bullet-holes in his body. The attending physician later testified that Joseph was "probably in severe pain." Dr. Obvious likely went on to say that the red stuff pouring out of Joseph's body was "probably blood."
{{quote|"I am murdered."|''[[Spencer Perceval]]'' on his own assassination.}}
|''Cracked.com'' [http://www.cracked.com/article_17573_7-fatal-injuries-that-people-somehow-survived.html 7 Fatal Injuries (That People Somehow Survived)]}}


{{quote|''I knew it!'' That sword... It's your weapon, isn't it?!
{{quote|Joseph was rushed to the hospital where doctors discovered the 19 bullet-holes in his body. The attending physician later testified that Joseph was "probably in severe pain." Dr. Obvious likely went on to say that the red stuff pouring out of Joseph's body was "probably blood."|''Cracked.com'' [http://www.cracked.com/article_17573_7-fatal-injuries-that-people-somehow-survived.html 7 Fatal Injuries (That People Somehow Survived)]}}
|'''Might Guy''', ''[[Naruto]]''}}


{{quote|Life is very important to Americans.
{{quote|''"I knew it!'' That sword... It's your weapon, isn't it?!"|'''Might Guy''', ''[[Naruto (Manga)|Naruto]]''}}
|Bob Dole}}


{{quote|One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in ''It's a nice day'', or ''You're very tall'', or ''Oh dear, you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?'' At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.
{{quote|"Life is very important to Americans."|Bob Dole}}
|''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy]]''}}


{{quote|Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.
{{quote|One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in ''It's a nice day'', or ''You're very tall'', or ''Oh dear, you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?'' At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.|''[[The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy]]''}}
|'''John Madden'''}}


{{quote|Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered... and somebody is responsible.
{{quote|"Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field."|'''John Madden'''}}
| Detective, ''[[Plan 9 from Outer Space]]''}}


{{quote|'''Grey Warden''': Thanks for stating the completely obvious, by the way.
{{quote|"Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered... and somebody is responsible."|Detective, ''[[Plan 9 From Outer Space]]''}}
'''Alistair''': No problem. It's nice to have a purpose.
|''[[Dragon Age]]''}}


{{quote|Toxic waste is poisonous.
{{quote|'''Grey Warden''': Thanks for stating the completely obvious, by the way.<br />
|'''Game tutorial tip,''' ''[[Lego Batman]]''}}
'''Alistair''': No problem. It's nice to have a purpose.|''[[Dragon Age]]''}}


{{quote|Use your weapons! They are designed to do damage!
{{quote|''Toxic waste is poisonous.''|'''Game tutorial tip,''' ''[[Lego Batman]]''}}
|'''[[The Red Mage|Red Mage]]''', [[8-Bit Theater|Eight Bit Theater]]}}


{{quote|All toasters toast toast!
{{quote|"Use your weapons! They are designed to do damage!"|'''[[The Red Mage|Red Mage]]''', [[8-Bit Theater (Webcomic)|Eight Bit Theater]]}}
|'''Mario''', ''[[Hotel Mario]]''<ref>To all of you who just went, "Toasters toast bread!" yes, that is true. They can also re-toast toast.</ref>}}


{{quote|'''Father Ted:''' We need something that will keep them away from the house something to distract them...but what?
{{quote|"All toasters toast toast!"|'''Mario''', ''[[Hotel Mario (Video Game)|Hotel Mario]]''<ref>To all of you who just went, "Toasters toast bread!" yes, that is true. They can also re-toast toast.</ref>}}
'''[[The Ditz|Father Dougal]]:''' A diversion! That's what it's called, a diversion!
|''[[Father Ted]]''}}


{{quote|'''Father Ted:''' We need something that will keep them away from the house something to distract them...but what?<br />
{{quote|'''Aragorn:''' Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves.
'''Legolas:''' (In tones of one having a great revelation) A diversion!
'''[[The Ditz|Father Dougal]]:''' A diversion! That's what it's called, a diversion!|''[[Father Ted]]''}}
|''[[The Lord of the Rings]]''}}


{{quote|[[Overly Long Gag|If I kill you then you will die... If you die then you will be dead... If you're dead then you won't be alive... If you aren't alive you won't be able to breath and then you will die...]]
{{quote|'''Aragorn:''' Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves.<br />
|'''[[Death Note|Rem]]''', ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v{{=}}UUal-aTCL74 Death Note Abridged]'' }}
'''Legolas:''' A diversion! ''[In tones of one having a great revelation.]''|''[[Lord of the Rings]]''}}


{{quote|'''Ron Weasley:''' You can't break an Unbreakable Vow.
{{quote|[[Overly Long Gag|"If I kill you then you will die... If you die then you will be dead... If you're dead then you won't be alive... If you aren't alive you won't be able to breath and then you will die..."]]|'''[[Death Note (Manga)|Rem]]''', ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUal-aTCL74&feature=PlayList&p=03389DC24AABE458&index=13 Death Note Abridged]'' }}
'''Harry Potter:''' [[Deadpan Snarker|I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough.]]
|''[[Harry Potter (film)|Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince]]''}}


{{quote|'''Ron Weasley:''' You can't break an Unbreakable Vow.<br />
{{quote|'''''It's a trap!'''''
|(many characters in [[Star Wars]], but [[Memetic Mutation|most famously]]) '''Admiral Ackbar''', ''Return of the Jedi''}}
'''Harry Potter:''' [[Deadpan Snarker|I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough.]]|''[[Harry Potter (Film)|Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince]]''}}


{{quote|The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
{{quote|'''''It's a trap!'''''|(many characters in [[Star Wars]], but most famously) '''Admiral Ackbar''', ''Return of the Jedi''}}
|attributed to '''[[Salvador Dali]]'''}}


{{quote|'''Leela:''' Ow, fire hot!
{{quote|The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.|attributed to '''[[Salvador Dali]]'''}}
'''Professor Farnsworth:''' Professy will help! Oh, fire indeed hot!
|''[[Futurama|The Day the Earth Stood Stupid]]''}}


{{quote|You see those things that look like time bombs? Oh yeah! Those are time bombs.
{{quote|'''Leela:''' Ow, fire hot!<br />
|A gem of advice from musclebomber2021 about Super <s>[[Bomberman|Bomber]]</s>[[Retsupurae|Bummerman]] 2}}
'''Professor Farnsworth:''' Professy will help! Oh, fire indeed hot!|''[[Futurama (Animation)|The Day the Earth Stood Stupid]]''}}


{{quote|In the silent movie, there's no talking.
{{quote|"You see those things that look like time bombs? Oh yeah! Those are time bombs."|A gem of advice from musclebomber2021 about Super <s>[[Bomberman (Video Game)|Bomber]]</s>[[Retsupurae|Bummerman]] 2}}
|'''Natasha Bedingfield''', 'Silent Movie'}}


{{quote|It seems you have to defeat this one to win!
{{quote|"In the silent movie, there's no talking."|'''Natasha Bedingfield''', 'Silent Movie'}}
|'''[[Mission Control|Fuuka Yamagishi]]''', ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v{{=}}6p0gGj5iATw Gasp! The Enemy!]''}}


{{quote|- Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.
{{quote|"It seems you have to defeat this one to win!"|'''[[Mission Control|Fuuka Yamagishi]]''', ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p0gGj5iATw Gasp! The Enemy!]''}}
- Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!"
|[[Red vs. Blue|Sarge and Simmons]] on Donut, who was just blown up.}}


{{quote|'''Fry:''' Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.
{{quote|''Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.''<br />
'''Leela:''' Like what?
''Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!"''|[[Red vs. Blue (Machinima)|Sarge and Simmons]] on Donut, who was just blown up.}}
'''Fry:''' Like this is not the end.
|''[[Futurama]]'', ''Into the Wild Green Yonder''}}


{{quote|'''Goon:''' That's a dead dog.
{{quote|'''Fry:''' Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.<br />
'''Leela:''' Like what?<br />
'''Anton Chigurh:''' Yes, it is.
|''[[No Country for Old Men]]''}}
'''Fry:''' Like this is not the end.|'''''[[Futurama (Animation)|Futurama]]''''', ''Into the Wild Green Yonder''}}


{{quote|And so he brought forth a carrot. And said; 'Behold this! For it is a carrot.' And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange. With a green top.
{{quote|'''Goon:''' "That's a dead dog."<br />
|[[Rowan Atkinson]], "Amazing Jesus" sketch}}
'''Anton Chigurh:''' "Yes, it is."|''[[No Country for Old Men]]''}}


{{quote|In Economics, everything that is not obvious, is usually bullcrap.
{{quote|"And so he brought forth a carrot. And said; 'Behold this! For it is a carrot.' And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange. With a green top."|[[Rowan Atkinson]], "Amazing Jesus" sketch}}
|Mário Henrique Simonsen, Brazilian economist (original: ''Em Economia, tudo o que não é óbvio, normalmente é besteira.'' This phrase may extend to other fields.)}}


{{quote|And he speaks; 'I don't think those jewels belong to you.' ([[Beat]]) [[Deadpan Snarker|I salute you, World's Greatest Detective!]]
{{quote|"In Economics, everything that is not obvious, is usually bullcrap."|Mário Henrique Simonsen, Brazilian economist (original: ''Em Economia, tudo o que não é óbvio, normalmente é besteira.'' This phrase may extend to other fields.)}}
|Catwoman, describing an early encounter with [[Batman]]: ''[[Cat-Tales]]''}}


{{quote|You are huge! That means you have huge guts!
{{quote|"And he speaks; 'I don't think those jewels belong to you.' ([[Beat]]) [[Deadpan Snarker|I salute you, World's Greatest Detective!]]"|Catwoman, describing an early encounter with [[Batman]]: ''[[Cat Tales]]''}}
|'''Doom Marine''', ''[[Doom (Comic Book)|Doom Comics]]''}}
{{quote|Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!
|'''Doom Marine''', ''[[Doom (Comic Book)|Doom Comics]]''}}
{{quote|Now I'm in a completely different place!
|'''Doom Marine''', you guessed it, ''[[Doom (Comic Book)|Doom Comics]]''}}


{{quote|'''[[Animal Man]]:''' You must be Robot-Man.
{{quote|"You are huge! That means you have huge guts!"|''Doom Marine'', '''[[Doom (Comic Book)|Doom Comics]]'''}}
'''Robot-Man:''' And you must be the guy who states the obvious.
|''[[Doom Patrol]]''}}


{{quote|'''Darth Baras:''' RAAAAAAGH! I cannot break him!
{{quote|"Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!"|''Doom Marine'', again, '''Doom Comics'''}}
'''Sith Apprentice:''' Is there some problem here?
'''Darth Baras:''' Who would ask such a stupid question?! ''Clearly'', there's a problem here!
[...]
'''Sith Apprentice:''' I feel your anger, master.
'''Darth Baras:''' A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could ''feel my anger!''
|''[[Star Wars: The Old Republic]]'', as Darth Baras [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v{{=}}4KhSIV0Xcs8 loses his patience.]}}


{{quote|My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
{{quote|"Now I'm in a completely different place!"|''[[Rule of Three|Doom Marine]]'', you guessed it, '''Doom Comics'''}}
|'''[[The Simpsons (animation)|Lenny]]''' ''when Homer hits him with pudding.''}}


{{quote|Hey, he just stopped at that house over there! Hey, I just stated the obvious! Oh look, a chair!
{{quote|'''[[Animal Man (Comic Book)|Animal Man]]:''' You must be Robot-Man.<br />
|'''Tom''', ''Eddsworld''}}
'''Robot-Man:''' And you must be the guy who states the obvious.|'''[[Doom Patrol (Comic Book)|Doom Patrol]]'''}}


{{quote|Pitying his obvious distress,
{{quote|'''Darth Baras:''' RAAAAAAGH! I cannot break him!<br />
Yet with a tinge of bitterness,
'''Sith Apprentice:''' Is there some problem here?<br />
She said "The More exceeds the Less."
'''Darth Baras:''' Who would ask such a stupid question?! ''Clearly'', there's a problem here!<br />
''Or...''<br />
'''Sith Apprentice:''' I feel your anger, master.<br />
'''Darth Baras:''' A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could ''feel my anger!''|'''''[[Star Warsthe Old Republic]]''''', as Darth Baras [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KhSIV0Xcs8 loses his patience.]}}


"A truth of such undoubted weight,"
{{quote|My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!|'''[[The Simpsons (Animation)|Lenny]]''' ''when Homer hits him with pudding.''}}
He urged, "and so extreme in date,
It were superfluous to state."


Roused into sudden passion, she
{{quote|''Hey, he just stopped at that house over there! Hey, I just stated the obvious! Oh look, a chair!''|'''Tom''', ''Eddsworld''}}
In tone of cold malignity:
"To others, yea: but not to thee."
[...]
She urged "No cheese is made of chalk":
And ceaseless flowed her dreary talk,
Tuned to the footfall of a walk.
|''The Three Voices'' by [[Lewis Carroll]] }}


{{quote|If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
{{reflist}}
|Attributed to [[Dan Quayle]], quoted in ''Esquire'', August 1992}}
[[Category:Captain Obvious]]

[[Category:Quotes]]
{{tropesubpagefooter}}

Revision as of 21:18, 6 April 2024


Ginger: You mean you never actually flew the plane?
Fowler: Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!

- Mega Man, Mega Man! Come in! There's these big yellow beams that kill you if you-
- SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I don't need you!

Roll and Egoraptor arguing in Quick Man's Stage on an episode of Sequelitis.

Inspector Lestrade (seeing a midget in Lord Blackwood's coffin): That's not Blackwood!
Holmes: Now we have a firm grasp... of the obvious.

John: Fun? There's a woman lying dead!
Sherlock: Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.

Don Calfari: But I did not give the orders to wipe out the Spaldoni family. That is an order that I did not give.
Mobster: Okay, Don Calfari. If you didn't give the order, then what does that mean?
Don Calfari: That would mean someone had to give the order. Someone that was not me.

The Middleman, "The Pilot Episode Sanction"

([thousands of Confederacy starfighters stream past Yoda's window])
Mace Windu: The city is under attack!
Yoda: Defend the city we must!

That's a lot of fish!

—The 1998 American Godzilla movie

Magma is not a water source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.
(later edit)

  • Magma cannot be used to satisfy thirst.
  • Magma mist will not generate happy thoughts, but will instead burn whatever it touches.

(of course, with the Dorfs it's... not always obvious)

I am murdered.

Spencer Perceval on his own assassination.

Joseph was rushed to the hospital where doctors discovered the 19 bullet-holes in his body. The attending physician later testified that Joseph was "probably in severe pain." Dr. Obvious likely went on to say that the red stuff pouring out of Joseph's body was "probably blood."

I knew it! That sword... It's your weapon, isn't it?!

Might Guy, Naruto

Life is very important to Americans.

—Bob Dole

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear, you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.

Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.

John Madden

Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered... and somebody is responsible.

Grey Warden: Thanks for stating the completely obvious, by the way.
Alistair: No problem. It's nice to have a purpose.

Toxic waste is poisonous.

Game tutorial tip, Lego Batman

Use your weapons! They are designed to do damage!

All toasters toast toast!

Mario, Hotel Mario[1]

Father Ted: We need something that will keep them away from the house something to distract them...but what?
Father Dougal: A diversion! That's what it's called, a diversion!

Aragorn: Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves.
Legolas: (In tones of one having a great revelation) A diversion!

Ron Weasley: You can't break an Unbreakable Vow.
Harry Potter: I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough.

It's a trap!

—(many characters in Star Wars, but most famously) Admiral Ackbar, Return of the Jedi

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

—attributed to Salvador Dali

Leela: Ow, fire hot!
Professor Farnsworth: Professy will help! Oh, fire indeed hot!

You see those things that look like time bombs? Oh yeah! Those are time bombs.

—A gem of advice from musclebomber2021 about Super BomberBummerman 2

In the silent movie, there's no talking.

Natasha Bedingfield, 'Silent Movie'

It seems you have to defeat this one to win!

- Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.
- Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!"

Sarge and Simmons on Donut, who was just blown up.

Fry: Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.
Leela: Like what?
Fry: Like this is not the end.

Futurama, Into the Wild Green Yonder

Goon: That's a dead dog.
Anton Chigurh: Yes, it is.

And so he brought forth a carrot. And said; 'Behold this! For it is a carrot.' And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange. With a green top.

Rowan Atkinson, "Amazing Jesus" sketch

In Economics, everything that is not obvious, is usually bullcrap.

—Mário Henrique Simonsen, Brazilian economist (original: Em Economia, tudo o que não é óbvio, normalmente é besteira. This phrase may extend to other fields.)

And he speaks; 'I don't think those jewels belong to you.' (Beat) I salute you, World's Greatest Detective!

—Catwoman, describing an early encounter with Batman: Cat-Tales

You are huge! That means you have huge guts!

Doom Marine, Doom Comics

Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!

Doom Marine, Doom Comics

Now I'm in a completely different place!

Doom Marine, you guessed it, Doom Comics

Animal Man: You must be Robot-Man.
Robot-Man: And you must be the guy who states the obvious.

Darth Baras: RAAAAAAGH! I cannot break him!
Sith Apprentice: Is there some problem here?
Darth Baras: Who would ask such a stupid question?! Clearly, there's a problem here!
[...]
Sith Apprentice: I feel your anger, master.
Darth Baras: A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could feel my anger!

My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

Lenny when Homer hits him with pudding.

Hey, he just stopped at that house over there! Hey, I just stated the obvious! Oh look, a chair!

Tom, Eddsworld

Pitying his obvious distress,
Yet with a tinge of bitterness,
She said "The More exceeds the Less."

"A truth of such undoubted weight,"
He urged, "and so extreme in date,
It were superfluous to state."

Roused into sudden passion, she
In tone of cold malignity:
"To others, yea: but not to thee."
[...]
She urged "No cheese is made of chalk":
And ceaseless flowed her dreary talk,
Tuned to the footfall of a walk.

The Three Voices by Lewis Carroll

If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.

—Attributed to Dan Quayle, quoted in Esquire, August 1992

Back to Captain Obvious
  1. To all of you who just went, "Toasters toast bread!" yes, that is true. They can also re-toast toast.