Pictures for Sad Children

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whatever happens you guys will do great-ish things, probably. unless you don't, like most people. but you will be doing it together. unless you get divorced. —gary describes the the toast he wants to give at his brother's wedding

i made this comic and i regret it, but i regret most comics and i regret most things. —john campbell

pictures for sad children ^{[dead link]} is a webcomic by john campbell. it features a minimalist style of art, humor, and grammar. originally, the comic also featured character-driven stories about a ghost and some other people

it uses punctuation only sporadically which is why this article is written this way not because we are too dumb to find the shift key. blame john campbell

the two main characters were paul and gary, although sometimes the comic would follow the other minor characters for a little bit

paul, who is a ghost, who is wearing a bedsheet, died just before the first strip. he wears the bed sheet to look ghosty of course. he hates everything ^{[dead link]} and doesn't care ^{[dead link]}

gary is a grad student who currently works at a call center that takes the overflow of indian help lines. people call him ^{[dead link]} and Hilarity Ensues

after 226 pages, the story of paul and gary came to a very abrupt and inconclusive end. since then, the comic has continued as an unconnected series of surreal one-shots w/ sometimes story arcs but not as long as the big one

the world of pictures for sad children is cynical. most of the characters are depressed even though they know that they have no real problems. the main characters also resign themselves to a life of unfulfilled dreams and crushing meaningless jobs.

there are many magic realist elements to the world as well, like an ipod that plays you your regrets, a family that has the powers ^{[dead link]} of jesus ^{[dead link]}, and post-it notes that seemingly come from no one ^{[dead link]}

the author is currently dabbling in various new media, please bear with his experimentation

tropes used in pictures for sad children include:

• Aerith and Bob: afsheen and sara
• All Lowercase Letters
• And That's Terrible: you are not dead you are just a bad person
• Alt Text
• And Now for Something Completely Different: up the mountain to see the dead man
• Art Shift: one comic is a sunday strip from a fictional syndicated version of comic, done in full colour (and complete with king features syndicate small print in the margins)
  • also as part of the minor but protracted Creator Breakdown john campbell is posting his work in various media in place of regular comics
• Bedsheet Ghost
• Blessed with Suck: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
• Celestial Bureaucracy: paul waits in line to get into the afterlife.
• Coitus Uninterruptus: "i'm ben franklin and i'm giving it to a french lady, this is what i do."
• Corrupt Corporate Executive: one or more may be involved, not like it matters b/c the result is the same no matter what, there is no point in thinking about how many different ones there are in this strip
• Creator Breakdown: John Campbell did a kickstarter to make a book of the comic, which met its goal easily enough. Unfortunately, he was then faced with doing the actual work of shipping out books to donators. This whole concept of "effort" apparently caused him to go insane, burn the books, and declare that it was immoral for people to expect things in return for the money they gave him.
• Death Is Cheap: best shown through paul who is killed by a car hitting him and simply becomes a ghost. then when his time of haunting is up he is forced into hell but ends up escaping it very easily
• Deus Angst Machina: impossibly tragic grandma
• Episode on a Plane: we are all going down together
• Fetish: "do you have any pornography that simulates having a significant relationship, that is my fetish"
• Flat What: what.
• Furry Fandom: inverted, the dog is a uh, reverse furry
• Hell: apparently it is a hotel in latin america. ironic punishments are pretty lax and the wi-fi is slow and you have to pay for it
• Hypocrisy Nod
• Imagine Spot: gary imagines his future with a girl
• Island Help Message: poor dfw
• "Jump Off a Bridge" Rebuttal: everyone is doing it
• Kafka Komedy: u may have been in this situation b4
• Literary Allusion Title: so it goes
  • ts eliot prufrock
  • kurt vonnegut, slaughterhouse-five.
• Metaphorgotten: in the alt text, in the text text
• Mixed Metaphor: lampshaded in the alt text
• Mundane Afterlife: hell is a hotel somewhere in latin america
• The Plague: it is not very convenient
• Platform Game: this one contains examples of Scoring Points Designated Villain Goomba Stomp and For Massive Damage
• Product Placement: hooray for long john silver's
• Racist Grandma: if she is not being racist, then she is just boring.
  • also you may consider this tree to be a racist grandpa, it was certainly planted by one
• Religion of Evil: there may be a pedophile priest involved but he may also just be a sinister minister, either way yr soul will be crushed
• Robotic Reveal: and it gives his room mate a bsod
• Running Gag: a character calls for help and reaches gary
• Self-Deprecation: in the alt text here.

i can almost see something mediocre. it says pictures... of small children??

• Serious Business: don't talk to jeremy about saint shoot unless you want this
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: an odd variation
• Shout-Out: in early comics, to the love song of j. alfred prufrock
• Suddenly Ethnicity: paul (who is a ghost) is chinese
  • gary's ethnicity is "brown. ish."
• Take That: huge slam on oklahoma out of nowhere
• Talkative Loon: the music promoter

lacking the hazy hooks of their debut, a pleasing middle ground between lo-fi and club, this folk ep will be making year end lists for the east coast shitgaze tropicalia no wave dubstep sxsw bedroom split single

• Talking Poo: the voice of reason
• The Singularity: a rather cynical take
  • it's flying car bullshit: surely the world will conform to our speculative fiction, surely we're the ones who will get to live in the future
• Who Shot JFK?: yr mileage may vary on whether this is black comedy or what
• You Bastard: i am not telling a joke. you are terrible