Alvan an The Chipmunks 3 The Second Squeakuel
"This is an ANTI-RAPE piece, speaking out against erotic rape scenes in fanfictions. In no way is this meant to be "hot" or anything, it's supposed to be disturbing to show how horrible an criminal rape is. But there are a buncha funny parts an it's not all depressing. I just wanna get a message across to my readers that RAPE IS NOT GOOD."
Off the heels of his debut fanfiction, author hunterjeanmidna set out to create a story that spoke out against the portrayal of rape in fanfictions as erotic or hot, and wanted his readers to know that "RAPE IS NOT GOOD." It isn't a bad idea, and it might have worked. Too bad he used characters from the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies to get his point across.
The story here involves Ian Hawk, David Cross' villainous character, using a scientist's "Munkifier" to transform himself into a chipmunk as part of a plan to infiltrate their group and kill them (and maybe get a little Chipette tail on the side). Meanwhile, Dave has left for the UK to attend the premiere of a Harry Potter movie, and has left the Chipmunks and Chipettes in the care of...SnoopDogg. However, they are visited by a strange chipmunk named "Kwah Nai", who is nice, even if he seems a bit familiar...
But a description of the plot really doesn't do it justice in terms of getting across just how batshit insane it is. There's a chipmunk orgy, Theodor [sic] farting too much, the Chipmunks swearing, Snoop Dogg running out to the store - right as his charges are going to bed, mind you - to get some beer, and Simon playing Call of Duty and screaming in rage as he is killed by an alien. Oh, and Ian flushing Eleanor down the toilet and violently raping and torturing Brittany...and his rather ridiculous comeuppance the next day. It must be read to be believed.
For a relatively new fanfiction, it's already garnered some infamy on the internet, even more than When Qwaritch Takes Revenge. Topless Robot featured it in their April 2nd Fanfiction Friday. A reading of it can be found on YouTube.
- An Aesop: The whole thing is allegedly intended as an anti-rape piece.
- Anatomically-Impossible Sex: When Alvan [sic] is describing sex as "...what happens when you stick your penis in a vagina and hump an hump an hump an then white shit comes out an gets her pregnent an 8 months later you have a buncha baby chipmunks." and also when Alvan was having sex with Brittany, he "unloaded a full clip into her uterus."
- Unloaded a full clip? Dude, that's nothing compared to how he was apparently "such a power fuck that Brittany went flyin [sic] across the room"!
- And That's Terrible: After all, "RAPE IS NOT GOOD."
- Beige Prose
- Beware the Nice Ones: Do not piss off the Chipmunks. They will jump on you and bite you for hours on end.
- Big No: Several.
- Captain Obvious Aesop: The moral of the story is that rape is bad
- Clueless Aesop: Oh lord, don't get us started.
- Comedic Sociopathy: Ian.
- Content Warnings: See the quote at the top of this page.
- Media Research Failure: The chipmunks get killed by an alien in Call of Duty, a shooter series based off of real life military conflicts against entirely human enemies.
- Crack Fic
- Dark Fic
- Deconstruction: Of Rape fics.
- Department of Redundancy Department: "A deep boiling hate boiled up inside of Alvan an the other munks."
- Disney Death: Elanor [sic].
- Gasshole: Theodore - it's stated in his character bio that he farts too much and "takes shits on the toilet like a fuckin buffalo".
- Groin Attack: Twice: First Ian whips Brittany between her legs, and later she pays him back by biting his penis.
- IKEA Erotica
- I Have Your Wife: Ian forces the scientist to turn him into a chipmunk by threatening his son.
- Large Ham: Ian.
- OOC: Incredibly.
- Prison Rape: In one version (no longer available online), this eventually ends up happening to Ian.
- Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil
- Say My Name: At the end of the fic, Dave screams Alvan's name.
- Sdrawkcab Name: "Kwah Nai" is Ian Hawk spelled backwards.
- Shout-Out: Several. The shoutout to My Immortal proves its Troll Fic status:
"I may be a gangster rapper," Snoop said angrily, "BUT I AM ALSO A POLICEMAN!"
- Sexual Karma: See the "Prison Rape" example above.
- Stealth Parody - It is.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: The author's notes
- This Is Unforgivable!: The Chipmunks' reaction to the rape.
- Unexplained Recovery: Elanor [sic] survives getting knocked out and flushed down the toilet.
- Updated Rerelease: In the original, the chipmunks killed Ian. In the re-release, he gets sent to prison instead.
- You Bastard: "(if you thought that was erotic or hot or anything like that then GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE YOU SICK BASTARDS. I MEAN it. This is supposed to be ANTI-RAPE.)"
- You Fail Geography Forever: Ian describes London as "in the desert an there are tigers an its a nude city so ther're naked hoes everywhere showin off there gozangas".
- To be fair, it's pretty clear he's just making shit up at that point.
- Either that or Ian's never been to London.