Crack Fic

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Hitler continued laughing, then finally said 'Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!' Hitler had become a Super Saiyan.

Anonymous Poster #1: Woody is stuck inside Sunnyside with the gang, and has just had his arm torn off by Lotso. Luckily, a rifle through the confiscated items drawer and a bit of duct tape later, Woody has a new arm -- a Swiss Army knife duct-taped to his shoulder, Ash Williams style. Now what shall he do with his new arm? Bonus points if you can get Ken to call Woody's new arm "groovy".
Anonymous Poster #2: I love you.

Fanfic on crack. The easiest type of fanfic to write, and one of the hardest to write well (the other types of fanfic that are also hard to write well are ALL the other types of fanfic).

Crack fic is not merely humorous. In fact in many cases it doesn't have to be humorous. While it is similar to Alternate Universe Fic, in that they both change some fundamental aspect of the source material, the "something's different about this" idea taken to the extreme. In its broadest sense, crack fic is any story whose premise and events would be completely implausible in Canon. These frequently include bizarre settings and explorations of improbable relationships between characters—not merely unlikely in canon, as in Foe Yay, but totally irrational and turned up a notch beyond that, as in Crack Pairing.

Crack fic is often considered the result of a challenge, either from someone outside the author or from the author him/herself: "This idea is completely unworkable, but I bet I can make it work." The name stems from the notion that the author must have been ingesting some illegal substance just to think up the idea, let alone write it.

Even more than the rest of the realm of Fanfic, crack fic is proof of Sturgeon's Law. Much of what is actually labeled as crack fic is pure nonsense, streams of out-of-character absurdity stereotypically written by young teen girls who were "soooooo high on sugar/caffeine/cold medicine/red cordial/crack that I had this great idea lol" and don't understand that "randomness" and the in-jokes they share with their friends do not actual humor make.

The rare and shining well-written crack fic, however, interweaves an outlandish premise with solid characterization, internally consistent logic, and a clear understanding of the rules and feel of the source material (as every writing teacher in history has said, you have to know the rules before you can break them). It's a difficult tightrope to walk, and it's easy to fall off one side or the other into "not quite enough to make the premise work" or "so crazy that it no longer makes any sense." This difficulty frequently drives both authors (who balk at the work involved) and readers (who are often skeptical that the author has really pulled the premise off) away from the genre, but crack fic fans agree that the discovery or creation of a successful story is well worth the search.

Compare Crack Pairing, Bizarro Fiction.


Examples of Crack Fic include:

"Official" Examples[edit | hide | hide all]

Anime & Manga[edit | hide]


Comic Books[edit | hide]


Film[edit | hide]

  • Funny or Die's When Harry Met Sally... II. It starts off staunchly Original Flavor with the mildly cracky premise of Harry in an old folks' home after Sally's death, falling in love for the second time with Helen Mirren's character. Then the vampires show up.
  • Bubba Ho Tep features an elderly Elvis and JFK (who's brain has been transplanted into a black man's body) fighting a mummy. I swear I'm not making that up.[1]
  • Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a musical movie in which Jesus, in the modern day, kills vampires... and sings.
  • The brucesploitation "classic" The Dragon Lives Again, featuring Popeye, Kwai Chang Caine, The One-Armed Swordsman, 007, The Man With No Name, The Godfather, Laurel and Hardy, The Exorcist, Dracula and Emmanuelle with most of them trying to conquer Hell/The Underworld.
  • Seltzer and Friedberg's movies, especially Disaster Movie.


Literature[edit | hide]

  • Twilight is arguably a Crack Fic of Vampire Mythology. Furthermore, the fourth book, Breaking Dawn is arguably a Crack Fic of itself.
  • The Rocky Horror Discworld Show. Yes, it's official; made with the permission of Richard O'Brien and the enthusiastic encouragement of Terry Pratchett, the only performance took place at the 2010 Discworld Convention. Carrot and Angua are Brad and Janet, Lord Vetinari is Frank-N-Furter and Igor and Igorina are... oh, you guessed.
  • Speaking of Terry Pratchett, Good Omens is arguably a Crack Fic of the Bible (specifically, the Book of Revelation).


Live-Action Television[edit | hide]

  • "Can't Smeg Won't Smeg" was the first feature of Red Dwarf Night, the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary Celebration. It is Red Dwarf as a cooking show, based on a real English cooking show. One full of the unintentional hilarity that comes of asking these characters to cook.
  • The Glee episode "Comeback".


Music[edit | hide]


Video Games[edit | hide]


Webcomics[edit | hide]


Western Animation[edit | hide]

  • Duck Dodgers provides several examples:
    • The episode where Duck Dodgers joined the Green Lantern Corps. Yes, they used the actual DC characters. He went to Oa and fought Sinestro and everything.
    • On that basis, the episode where he ate poorly made Fugu, hallucinated he was Samurai Quack and fought Aku/Happy Cat, who was actually his father.
    • There is also episode where Dave Mustaine from Megadeth saves the day. Keep in mind that his early albums are certainly not for young children.
  • Both Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law are entirely premised as crack fic.


Other[edit | hide]

  • There's a certain word game where one person starts a story with the first sentence, and each person in the group adds on another sentence. With certain groups of people competing to make the story even weirder than it was before, this can get pretty surreal. Also goes for certain improv games. The more formalized version is called "Consequences," and asks a different person to fill in one of the following, in order, then fold the paper so his entry is unreadable and pass to the next person. The items are 1. Man's Name 2. Woman's Name 3. Place 4. Reason they were there 5. What he said 6. How she replied 7. What happened. Hilarity Ensues.


Fan Work Examples[edit | hide]

Specific Authors[edit | hide]

Inter-Media Crossovers[edit | hide]

Anime & Manga[edit | hide]

"This fic is not on crack. Crack is on this fic."

  • Naruto 40,000.
  • Thousand Shinji and its even more crack-tastic sequel The Open Door, To pick one plot line out off The Open Door: A daemon (who eats souls, and kills people with tentacles) named Lars and Skuld cause an industrial revolution, change the nature of magic and raise a child. Oh, and Skuld is technically the father.
  • There is a Naruto fanfic about what allegedly happened during Itachi's story. Where to start...? Well, he accidentally killed his friend during a spar, accidentally killed the entire clan (after he used the wrong side of his sword to threaten them with... oops)... the list goes on. And his super torture move? He distracts the target then screams in their face. First person to guess what goes here gets a cookie!
  • This mixes Fullmetal Alchemist and Pokémon together in a very, very weird way. The title, Pokémists: Pocket Alchemists should speak for itself.
  • All You Need Is Love from the Death Note fandom has Light/Naomi Misora as the pairing, makes Naomi the narrator, and just takes what it wants. One of the best crack fics in existence despite butchering of grammar.
  • Ever wondered what it would be like if Ah! My Goddess experienced a Zombie Apocalypse? It's actually quite good.
  • A Bleach fanfic version of this: Love and the Art of War. Nanao X Kenpachi Zaraki. In the words of the author, "Nanao X ...Zaraki? I have no excuse, explanation, or defense of this pairing whatsoever. So very, very sorry. The crack! It burns!" And it's actually good.
  • Slope, a Death Note crack fic. This fic is only particularly funny due to its radically understated final line.
  • This ridiculous Axis Powers Hetalia fanfic features, among other things, Canada behaving like a stereotypical Dastardly Whiplash-esque villain, North Italy & South Italy fighting an army of ninja hipsters, and Germany literally pulling a machine gun out of his ass. All of the fics by that author are Crack Fics to some extent, but this one just takes the cake.
  • Gurren Jesus is a story where Jesus Christ saves Kamina. Then they ride motorcycles and fight nazis, including Hitler dressed up as Chester Cheetah. And it is awesome.
  • In this one-shot Bleach fic, Aizen is accidentally defeated by being molested by Chizuru, who only saw him from the back and assumed from his super-long mullet of power that he was a girl. No summary can possibly do justice to the sheer cracky hilarity.
  • In Uninvited Guests, Yachiru burns entire 11th division while baking a cake, Hitsugaya talks with a secretly evil imaginary cat, and Godzilla appears for some reason. The catch? Once you read it, everything makes sense... a lot. This is one of rare Crack Fic that manages to be both insane yet remarkably reasonable. Also, it's the closest and the best thing we have to Bleach Abridged Series.
  • Magical Whip Girl Pretty Lotten-Chan is a pure crack fic. Lotten is described here as a Whip Girl and needs to save Crashtown. It is even weirder then it sounds.
  • This Doujinshi crosses over Hidamari Sketch and Death Note (warning: site ads are NSFW).
  • You Got Haruhi Rolled.
  • This lovely Axis Powers Hetalia fic. The plot involves Austria's mole coming to life, and causing mayhem. Yes, you read that correctly. His mole. The author, though, fully acknoledges the weirdness, and the characters frequently break the fourth wall to comment on how strange the events happening are, and there are many pop culture refrences. The full title? The extremely amazing ballad of Austria's annoying mole and their amazing adventures when said mole comes to life: An Axis Powers Hetalia Troll Fic of EPICNESS!!! (a.k.a. the shorter title, "The Annoying Mole, a Hetalia Troll Fic").
  • Looking for a weird Pokémon fanfic? Look no further than this absolutely INSANE one-shot right here. It involves many Non Sequiturs (Yay! Kill all water bottles!), James getting squished by a "giant Mario thing", Brock eating chicken noodle soup, and a guy named Bob. It ends with Little Miss Sunshine being eaten by a random guy.


Film (Animated)[edit | hide]


Film (Live-Action)[edit | hide]

Vader: NO disintegrations!
Boba Fett: As you wish.
Vader: Westley!


Literature[edit | hide]

"One final question. Albus Dumbledore. Great Headmaster? Or... the greatest Headmaster?"


Live-Action Television[edit | hide]

The Master frowned, moving towards his guest. "I have been trying to be a bit less excessive about object lessons this century. I don't want another mathematician like that fellow."
One purple hand waved, and there smaller vampire shrugged. "I have medications for that now. There shouldn't be another situation like that as long as I take my pills. Thirty six little green pills for a twelve day visit."
"Much better than three mathematicians in several hundred pieces," the Master shook his head.
"One mathematician, in one hundred and sewen boxes. With a diagram of where they all went," the Count corrected. "I let his assistant go."

  • A LOLcat comes to Torchwood in Trying to Communicate.
  • Stargate Atlantis fandom has a thing about penguins, or more specifically, about turning its characters into penguins. John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, and Carson Beckett have all turned into penguins (the former two in multiple works). And then there was that time when McKay was a dinosaur. Or when Sheppard was a rainbow and McKay was a unicorn. Or the one where they were girl scout cookies. Socks. Ice cubes.
  • The Fourth Wall series, a Supernatural crack fic that features Sam being sad because everyone's jumped on the Dean/Castiel bandwagon and no fanfiction is being written about him anymore, Dean finally realising that he does love that trenchcoat-wearing Angel, Castiel eating everything remotely sugary in sight and Lucifer playing poker for M&Ms. It's amazing.
  • This story features Star Trek: The Next Generation's Enterprise being visited by The Muppets. It's just as strange as it sounds, but it WORKS. Mainly because it's Played for Laughs.
  • Uh Oh Spagettio is a cracky Smallville fic involving Clark trying to find a "double bactrian camel". Yeah...
  • The Kink Meme for the Sherlock fandom spawned a running joke that's managed to filter through into a number of non-crack fanfics regarding Anderson having an... interest in dinosaurs. Not as popular, but also present is the idea that John Watson is in love with jam, and that his character is made of kittens (more to do with the fact the actor that plays him is Martin Freeman).
  • Of Love and Bunnies is a self-described "cleverly hidden Crack Fic" about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and Power Rangers Dino Thunder. Surprisingly not as cracky as it could be, since the authors do a great job keeping people in character, but then they get to the Crack Pairing of Conner and Kat. Yes, the Cloudcuckoolander Red Ranger of PRDT and the Pink Ranger from MMPR, Zeo and Turbo, who is about five or six years older than him.
  • Day of the Barney distinguishes itself from the typical anti-Barney and Friends fic with its insane premise of casting Barney as a villain hellbent on taking over the world... A demonic, immortal, genuinely terrifying and competent villain, we mean.


Tabletop Games[edit | hide]

Video Games[edit | hide]


Webcomics[edit | hide]


Web Original[edit | hide]


Western Animation[edit | hide]

  • This is a collection of Avatar: The Last Airbender crack fics; some work, some don't.
  • The Transformers Animated crack fic You Never ARGH WHAT AM I WEARING? featured Starscream having sex with Blitzwing, a character with multiple personalities. Blitzwing was wearing high heels, fishnet tights, and a thong all through the fanfic. What made the fanfic even more crack was finding out which personality was really in charge when it started.
  • Beast Wars has its own Crack Fic in Beast Wars: Make it Real Big. Optimus Primal evolves into Rapidash, Cheetor dies but continues to contribute to the dialogue via gas emissions and the character of Airazor turns out to be a cleverly disguised "Airazor Bomb."
  • Osama's Last Stand by Fireand'chutes777 is one of those rare examples of a Crack Fic done right. The basic premise is simple: Action Girl heroine Kim Possible is called in by President Bush after Al-Qaeda attacks America on April 23, 2007 to kick aforementioned terrorist organization to the curb (hence the title). It should be an exaggerated stream of Girl Power and Eagle Land patriotism, it should have terrible grammar and be wrapped up in one chapter, it should spit in the face of basic physics, but what happened instead was a 128,000 word novel that would not look out of place at all in a book store with the name Tom Clancy printed in big bold letters on the front (ironic in that the author hadn't even touched a Tom Clancy book until he was done with the third story in his series). Even though the author himself admits the reader needs to apply a healthy dose of Willing Suspension of Disbelief to get past some of the set-up, once one does it's a very enjoyable story for any technothriller fan.
  • Slave Bear of Care-A-Lot is Care Bears BDSM/noncon porn. It's as well-written as one could expect it to be, as is all the best Crack Fic.
  • William Country is a literal crack fic in that the animator reportedly did drugs while making it. The plot itself is fairly strait forward (although it does involve a character in a relationship with an Original Character who looks like himself), but there are countless unusual moments, related to the plot or otherwise, and bizzare background events (such as a bunch of buses flipping around while Chris is narrating). All in all, it's somewhat surreal.
  • This series of Danny Phantom fics have their own titles, but are generally known as The Crack. That's right, it's a Crack Fic actually called The Crack. It takes one of the show's least reasonable pairings, brutally "forces them together", and throws in mpreg to boot. Surprisingly, this is considered one of the best fics in the fandom—all 102 chapters of it.
  • Bart the General.
  • Iron Man: Kindergarten Adventures is proclaimed by the author to be crack, probably because the West Virginia Mothman becomes central to the plot in the last chapter.
  • Horny Lil' Devils takes the Horny Devils trope and applies it to the entire cast of Kim Possible. Notable for keeping the characters recognizable while totally ignoring everything in canon (chapter five is titled: "Punching Canon in the Throat). It's utterly hysterical from start to finish. Too bad it seems to be a Dead Fic, though.
  • The Total Drama Island fanfic Illogical is an interesting example because it takes place inside Izzy's mind (which is saying a lot) and the Crack Pairing is between two of her personalities.
  • Beating the Heat: The main (sorry, mane) characters of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic go into an Element of Harmony-induced heat... and surprisingly it doesn't devolve into a porn story. Instead the plot is focused around the six mares (and soon everypony else) resisting their urges long enough to stop the heat before it spreads through every pony in the land, including the two princesses, and the entire world ends in one massive orgy. What sex does happen is generally not referenced explicitly and played thoroughly for laughs; the story instead focuses on the absurdity of the situation.
  • Of Cartoons, Randomness, and Beef Jerky: This story involves Dora the Explorer teaming up with characters such as Winnie the Pooh, Phineas and Ferb, and Tinker Bell and going to visit Hello Kitty's house for some beef jerky. Among other things, it's Reference Overdosed, Barney and Friends is hit by a roller coaster, a Yandere Isabella appears, and Kenny dies. It's actually pretty funny and worth reading.


Other[edit | hide]

  • Some of the fics listed here. A few of them are already listed on this page.
  • This bad boy, in which Stephen Colbert leaves a fork in the microwave, goes back in time, and makes Adolf Hitler fall in love with him.
  • On the same page as Nazi fan fictions, there is a rare historical Crack Fic on the internet about a paring between a Mary Sue type character and Josef Mengele. Let that sink in for a while. A story full of IKEA Erotica featuring a mutant Mary Sue and Josef Mengele.
  • This generator tends to come up with these. For instance:

This fanfic is about the casts of Sesame Street and Neon Genesis Evangelion. Important to the plot: The Chrono Trigger.
This fanfic is about Tony the Tiger (Frosted Flakes commercials) fighting Cybermen with an army of clones.

Notes

  1. Well, if ya wanna get technical, "JFK" actually claims he was dyed that color, and that part of his brain was replaced with a little bag of sand.