Comic Sutra

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
(Redirected from Noodle Sutra)

Wendy Ward: Adam, do you know what I used to do?
Adam Rafkin: You were a prostitute.
Wendy Ward: Adam, do you know what a two-fingered Mexican oil job is?
Adam Rafkin: No.
Wendy Ward: I do. Do you know what a double-knobbed rubber-bottom sex-basket is?
Adam Rafkin: No.
Wendy Ward: I own one, Adam. Adam, have you ever had a Dominican face-hat?
Adam Rafkin: No.
Wendy Ward: Of course you haven't. Cause I'm one of only six people in the world who knows how to do it, and Adam, when you get to page 80 I will do it to you. I'm even gonna throw in the incredibly difficult reverse ceiling squad, which normally requires a permission slip from a cardiologist.

—Action

Someone with a lot of sexual experience knows a lot of maneuvers, but doesn't want to go into detail about them, for various reasons, so they refer to them by some name that isn't even remotely descriptive, and often has the name of a place in it, for some reason. This is truth in television; e.g. Cleveland Steamer, the name of which has nothing to do with the act itself. Any innocent viewer will remain blissfully ignorant of the meaning of the phrase until someone tells them. Then they tend to wish they hadn't asked. One variation is where an unseen work describes or depicts a particularly bizarre, but nameless act. Another is where an act isn't named, only implied. Whatever the variation, it most likely involves one or two Noodle Implements. Related to Attack Pattern Alpha. See also Head-Tiltingly Kinky.

And by the way, the punny page namer is the Kama Sutra, not Karma.

No real life examples, please; this is All The Tropes, not Tropes After Dark.

Examples of Comic Sutra include:

Anime and Manga

  • In episode 9.5 of DearS, Miu heads over to Takeya's house to check in on Ren, only to find her "Watching porn to study Takeya's preferences in the earthling ways of sex."

Ren: Holy cow, that looks pretty complicated...
Miu: IS SHE SPINNING!?

Comic Books

  • The "Elvish Tickler," in The Incredible Hercules.
  • During the Dave Micheline/Todd McFarlane run on Spider-Man, Peter once carried MJ to bed, promising "The Venus Butterfly", a reference to the L.A. Law episode mentioned below.
  • Two of Dori Seda's works feature a foursome which look... difficult.

Film

  • In Outsourced, a fictional position from the Kama Sutra is featured called "Monkey Pulls The Turnip" which is promptly dubbed impossible by the female lead.
  • At the start of the second Austin Powers movie, Austin is gung-ho to try out every single position in the Kama Sutra with Vanessa:

Don't you wanna try the "Wheel Barrow", or the "Praying Donkey", or 'The Chinese Shag Swing"?

  • In Easy A, when Brandon asks Olive to pretend that the two of them had sex, he goes through a list of these:

Brandon: It doesn't have a bonk; it can be anything. It can be an imaginary butterbean, lemonsqueeze, cowbell--
Olive: I don't know what any of that means.
Brandon: Well, that's because you're a virgin.

  • In Shanghai Surprise, when Sean Penn visits a famous courtesan, a servant offers him a plate of candies that will "assist him." When Sean argues that he needs no assistance, the servant girl sails into a hilarious rundown of the courtsan's expert maneuvers—immediately upon which Sean starts wolfing down the candies.

Servant Girl: My mistress is well-schooled in such ceremonial acts as the West Wind, the Wounded Tiger, the Willow Path, the Chair, the Obedient Wife. She has also mastered the Six Long Breath Stimulants, the Eight Shallow Penetrations, the Nine Minor and Eleven Major Positions, as well as the Technique of Passive Acceptance, Forceful Dominance, Contortion, and Mobile Union.

  • Eating Raoul: Mary is reviewing the flood of incoming letters for their fledgling sex-fantasy business. She asks, "What's a Basket Job?" Returns as a Brick Joke later, as one of the swingers at the big party complains vaguely while recounting a half-heard story: "Some Basket Job!"
  • Although forgettable in every other way, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo knew what it was and really went to town with this trope, giving us such intrigues as the Mud Pretzel, Turkish Snow Cone, Irish Facial, Filthy Lopez, and Cambodian Creamsicle. The Portuguese Breakfast even became a Running Gag, climaxing with some Comic Sutra almost being demonstrated on-screen!

Literature

  • The handmaiden Ptraci, from Terry Pratchett's Pyramids:

Ptraci defused the situation by grabbing Alfonz's arm as he was serving the pheasant.
"The Congress of the Friendly Dog and the Two Small Biscuits!" she exclaimed, examining the intricate tattoo. "You hardly ever see that these days. Isn't it well done? You can even make out the yoghurt."

  • Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff includes a sequence in India where, while Joshua is learning things like yoga from Gaspar the Magi, Biff learns a number of bizarre sexual positions from a prostitute. It's obviously a take on the Kama Sutra, but seeing as the real Kama Sutra doesn't have positions like "The Rhinoceros Balancing a Jelly Donut on its Horn"...
  • In Dead Witch Walking, Ivy gives Rachel a copy of a vampire dating guide so she won't accidentally set off Ivy's bloodlust. Rachel makes the mistake of reading it on the bus, and being asked about various acts by other bus riders.
    • "Oh--my--God. Ivy's book was illustrated. ... Was there a third person in there? And what the hell was that bolted to the wall? ... There were two people. Three if you count the one with the...whatever it was."
  • In Bridge of Birds, Number Ten Ox describes a sexual encounter in very abstract terms by explaining that the best way for two young people to "become acquainted" is through activities such as Fluttering Butterflies, Hounds by the Ninth Day of Autumn, and Six Doves Beneath the Eaves on a Rainy Day.
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas features a scene in a diner where the 325-pound Samoan lawyer "Dr. Gonzo" writes something on a napkin and surreptitiously hands it to a waitress at a diner. Upon seeing that it says "Backdoor Beauty?", the waitress (apparently a former prostitute) throws a fit.
  • Fortune's Stroke, in the Belisarius series has an un-named book whose contents are never described. Various people, upon glancing at the contents, make remarks along the lines of "maybe you're flexible enough to do that, but me? Not a chance."
  • Shadow of the Lion has a position called the "twin Camellias", which involves a footstool and a number of cushions, and "could very well give a man a permanent back injury".

Live-Action TV

  • "Mexican Halloween" on an episode of Community isn't just a nickname for the Day of the Dead; Chang, Troy, and Jeff all seem to know what it is, while Abed and Annie don't.
  • The above quote from the Too Good to Last tv show Action.
    • Later in the episode, she admits to another character that she made them up.
  • Russell from Rules of Engagement seems to have a extensive list of these.
    • And Adam, to his horror, discovers that Jen knows what several of these are.
  • An episode of How I Met Your Mother had this, but since Robin was the center of the discussion, all the names were based around Canada. Read about it at www.canadiansexacts.org (a service of the Ministry of Health & Wellness).
  • Of the "not named" variety Bones: discussing a sex scene in her latest novel, people talk about "page 186." Apparently Hodgins invented it (but even he apparently has no name for it; instead, he simply refers to it as "that thing I do"), did it to Angela, and Angela "suggested" to Brennan that the latter put it in her book.
  • Similarly, in the Red Dwarf episode "Marooned," Lister asks if he can burn Lolita, and Rimmer tells him to "save page 61". Lister looks at it and says, "That's disgusting." then he rips it out, puts it in his coat pocket, and chucks the rest of the book in the fire. Kind of a subversion, as Lolita is a real book, so anyone can read it and find out what's so disgusting.
  • Torchwood's Jack and Ianto do it with a stopwatch. Naturally, in and out of Slash Fic, the fans have puzzled over how that one works.
  • Elliot of Scrubs renown at one point gained a reputation for trampitude. When asked her 10 favorite positions, after the two she knew, she just started naming insects. Apparently "the stinkbug" is quite popular.
  • The infamous "Venus Butterfly" reference from L.A. Law.
  • The Daily Show likes to make references to these (the "Dirty Sanchez" being a particular favorite).
  • Jerri Blank on Strangers with Candy, in keeping with her "stupid junkie whore" background.
  • Not an act, but in the first episode of QI Stephen Fry told a story about having to explain to Prince Charles what a Prince Albert is.

Danny Baker: Did you tell him?!
Stephen: Well I didn't tell him it was a cock ring.
Danny: Well, what words did you use, then?
Stephen: I said, "It's a piece of jewelry worn in an intimate area..."
Danny: And he said, "Oh, a cock ring!"

  • On one skit on Whose Line Is It Anyway, Colin Mochrie mimes doing a slide-show (presumably) depicting sexual positions; the first example is something called "Pruning the Hibiscus."
  • In Brazilian sitcom Sai de Baixo, Caco and Magda's favorite sex position is the "Legless Kangaroo".
  • On one of the first episodes of Conan, Conan asks TBS' Standards and Practices which terms for sex he can use on the air. Among them were the "Tokyo Sandblaster" and "taking grandma to Applebee's."
  • On the sitcom Two and A Half Men, "Japanese Rain Goggles" is mentioned.
  • An episode of Saturday Night Live featured The Rock as an undercover cop who dressed up as a female prostitute to arrest Tim Meadows' "Ladies Man" character. The Rock eventually comes clean after he admits that he can't determine if what Meadows is asking for is even sexual in nature.

The Rock: We don't even have laws for 90% of the stuff you mentioned. I mean, what the hell is an "Alabama Crab Dangler" anyway?!
Ladies Man: Yeah, that one's still in the developmental stage.

  • The Jeffersons: Louise and Helen find themselves in an extremely rough bar, and start reading the grafitti on their table:

Louise: 'Roses are red, violets are blue, take off your clothes and I'll ...' --Isn't that impossible?
Helen: Not according to that diagram.

Tabletop Games

  • Stormbringer supplement Demon Magic, adventure "The Velvet Circle." The Serpent's Coils (a brothel in Ilmar) has prostitutes who know a Dharijorian love technique called "The Slithering Serpent."
  • Warhammer 40,000 is fond of describing artwork influenced by Slaanesh as portraying people, beasts, and daemons in "blasphemous and improbable" positions.

Penlan: "I don't believe that's possible."
Cain: "It's not, and even if it was it would be against regulations."

  • Fates Worse Than Death, in it's discussion of the lives of prostitutes in 2080 Manhattan, references such acts as "Half-and-a-Half" and "Around The World", but elaborates no further.

Urban Legend

  • There's this story of a guy who gets asked by a buddy whether he knows about the "orange position". Not wanting to admit he doesn't, he says yes. Now he has to find out what the hell it is about. When he asks a co-worker, she slaps him and complains to the boss. When he tells the boss what he asked her, he gets fired. When he asks his SO whether she knows about it, she also slaps him and leaves him. When he goes to a brothel he once frequented, he also gets slapped and banned for life. Then he goes on asking several whores on the street, getting slapped several times. Finally, he finds an older, washed-up prostitute who tells him she knows about the position, but doesn't practice it since it's illegal and against human dignity. Completely desperate, he offers her all the money he owns. This makes her change her mind, and she tells him to come up to her room. The staircase leading there is pretty dark, and so she stumbles, falls and breaks her neck. And now we'll never learn how the orange position works.

Video Games

  • During the Ho-ing diversions in Saints Row 2, you're given one of these for each segment of each level. They're randomly generated from lists that aren't terribly long.

Web Comics

Miriam: You are so doing that with me tonight.
Chuck: I don't think we can. The supplies are usually on back order. [1]

Web Original

Western Animation

  • In The Venture Brothers fourth season finale, nearly every character has an idea for what exactly a 'Rusty Venture' is, offering a variety of conflicting descriptions, each longer and more detailed than the last, but no consensus is reached as to what it really is.
  • In one episode of Family Guy, the family is driving along when they see Peter standing on the curb whoring himself out (literally, as he's dressed as a female prostitute). Lois goes to chew him out, but Peter acts like she's a client, rattling off a list of sex acts he's willing to perform. The one that confuses Lois is "Cleveland Steamer", which Brian starts to helpfully explain, but Peter interrupts because he sees a policeman and pretends to be giving them directions.
    • In the audio commentary, the writers confess complete amazement that they got away with this one, suggesting that the censors don't know what a Cleveland Steamer is and assumed it was made-up, or had to do with Cleveland.
  • An episode of American Dad had an off-hand reference to the "Tennessee Logjam", which apparently requires three men, one woman, and a ladder.
    • A sex act called the "Chuck Berry" has been referred to a few times, though they haven't said what it involves.
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