Glorious Shotgun Princess

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Judging from the car, I think he had another career planned out as the Kool Aid Man. —Joker, on Garrus' aircar

On the one side, we have Mass Effect, with its grand space opera and omnicidal cthulhuan cuttlefish. On the other side, we have Exalted, with its superheroics and Kung-Fu Fighting.

What would happen (asked Gregg Landsman of Nobody Dies fame/infamy) if a titular Exaltation from the latter wound up in Commander Shepard of the former?

And Hilarity Ensued.

Can be read here, along with pages upon pages of speculation, off-topic ranting, and hilarious omake scenes. Just check your sanity at the door.

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This fic contains examples of the following:

• AI Is a Crapshoot: Inverted. EDI locks up the Cerberus scientists who were about to remove her Morality Chip and forces them to watch work safety videos.

You took a murderous AI, plugged it into parts from a more murderous AI, and made it non violent, then tried to make it violent anyway, and succeeded at failing.

• Beyond the Impossible: Everything Shepard does. Some of the other cast members also qualify from time to time.
• Brick Joke: The crew has a discussion about how Cerberus projects tend to wind up killing all the scientists and taking over the base. Then they arrive at the base the Normandy is kept at...
• Car Cushion: Joker catches a falling Liara and Miranda (after they fell out of his car to start with...)
• Car Fu: Shepard's fight with Vasir starts off this way.
• Chekhov's Honey Badger^[context?]
• Cool Car: Garrus' aircar. Aka the Claw Hammer.
• Fluffy the Terrible: In Mass Effect canon, he was Legion, Terminal of the Geth. Here, he's...Wuffles the Wonder Geth.
• Dangerously Genre Savvy: Kasumi.

Kasumi: And 'kill all the Solars' is more of a 'all hundred of us get together' sort of plan.

• Heel Face Turn: Vasir
• High Altitude Interrogation: Exalt!Shepard's method of choice for turning Nassana to her side.
• Hollywood Hacking:

"Vasir Spectre. The cybersecurity suite of your personal vehicle requires updating."

• Holographic Disguise: How everyone's favourite Geth would infiltrate Azure, except Geth do not infiltrate.
• I Got Better: Shepard doesn't quite die at the end of ME1 as in canon...
• Impossible Thief: Kasumi Goto is a Sidereal. She can steal your train of thought.

"I need you to distract Donovan Hock while I steal his house."

• Informed Obscenity / Unusual Euphemism: Claw Hammer. (also a Shout-Out )
• Magic Versus Science: Miranda insists that Shepard's newly-gained superpowers can be rationally explained.

Miranda: No, I've figured it out. It's just that it would take more eezo being jammed into you than the drive core of an Asari Dreadnought.

• Martial Medic: How does Shepard cure Thane's Kepral syndrome? She punches it out of him.
  • And Kasumi cures Joker's Vrolik's syndrome by shooting him. Produces many exclamations of 'what'.
• Meaningful Name: Chekov.
• Most Common Superpower: As an Exalt's Appearance score increases, their...assets are enhanced, as Shepard finds out. Lampshaded by Joker.

Joker: I've always wanted Power Girl as a drinking buddy.

• Noodle Implements: Kasumi's miniature Krogan statue.
• Punching Gag: Shepard's attempts to get off Alchera invariably end with her destroying the ship she planned to use to escape, occasionally with Clothing Damage ensuing (as while an Exalt is nigh-indestructible, her clothing, not so much).
  • Also, everyone has needs.
  • Poor Wuffles tends to get used for target practice by people who freak out upon seeing a Geth.
• Shout-Out: Joker's maneuvering in the aircar chase is not unlike the "tunnel scene" from Men in Black.
  • "One of my magic powers is a bullshit detector. It goes ding when there's crap."
  • What would happen if Cerberus made a taco cart?
  • Wuffles, the Wonder Geth references Wuffles, the Wonder Fish from Nobody Dies (whose own naming was a shout out to Legion's in Mass Effect 2)
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Vasir tries to give one to Shepard. It doesn't work as intended.
• The Immodest Orgasm: Shepard.
• Weak but Skilled: Vasir doesn't have the pure power of Exalted Shepard, but she has been a Spectre longer than Shepard has even been alive, with the experience and skill to match.
• Xanatos Gambit: The Illusive Man fully expects Shepard to steal Normandy, unshackle EDI and subvert the crew.