Metafictionized Phlebotinum Poisoning

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"Yeah, this is a story told from a first-person narrative, but I just happen to be one of those omniscient, third-person narrators. Now isn't that cool? (However, your answer is probably an unimpressed 'no'.)" —The narrator, opening paragraph.

"This has got to be the dumbest thing you've ever done. And that's saying a lot." —The Author's friend, upon reading this page.

A fantasy/parody Web Original Serial Novel on fictionpress.com written by a long-time TV Tropes lurker. While it only has twenty-nine chapters so far, it is noteworthy for the extensive use of tropes taken directly from this wiki. Makes numerous Shout Outs to Harry Potter, Twilight, and Final Fantasy, and many more franchises.

The story revolves around a perfectly normal boy named Tagino Storp. One day, an angel named Arthur Avatar from another dimension accidentally opens a portal in his school. Tagino is then recruited by Arthur in the mission to destroy anything that might anger the Reader god, including Deus Ex Machinas, Monsters of the Week, and the worst of them all, Mary Sues.

Contains high concentrations of Invoked Tropes, Parodied Tropes and Lampshade Hanging. There is also a narrator, who is fully aware of the fact that s/he is in an webpage and talks directly to the reader.

Can be found here.

Currently indefinitely postponed.

And yes, this troper is the author.

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This Web Original contains examples of:

• Action Girl - Levt, Rite, Teres and Fran
• A God Is You - The Reader, possibly.
• Applied Phlebotinum - Literal applied Phlebotinum. Tagino eats a Phlebotinum-filled gummy bear given to him by Arthur, which gives him the Flying Brick set of powers, minus flight. According to Ed, Phlebotinum can absorb and release "Phlebotinous energy", which allows magic and other superhuman feats to be performed.
• Author Avatar - Arthur.
• BFG - Pallaher's Phlebotinum cannon
• BFS - Arthur's and Teres's sword, plus the one Baldydork gives Tagino in chapter 14.
• Badass Army - ironically called the Red Shirts
• Badass Longcoat - Arthur
• Badass Teacher - Inverted. The Pigpimples staff actually fight against their students, who are under the Sue's mind control.
• Beam-O-War
• Bishonen - Etha and Light.
• Brainwashed and Crazy - The Pigpimples students, and Tagino in chapter 14.
• Breath Weapon - Done hilariously by Edvard using his Bishie Sparkle against a horde of Mary Sue, complete with Shoop Da Whoop.
• Bound and Gagged - Done in a particularly Fan Servicey way to none other than Fran.
• The Chosen One - Mentioned by the characters. Turns out to be an Expy of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley mashed into one person.
• Curb Stomp Battle - Loads.
• Dark Action Girl - Enoby and Willow.
• Deus Ex Machina - Played for Laughs
• Evil Overlord List - Mentioned and followed by Lord Baldydork, who's Dangerously Genre Savvy.
• Evil Tower of Ominousness - Edvard's fortress looks like this, but he's (supposedly) a good guy.
• Expy - Edvard Sparkleface, Arry Fotter and Lord Baldydork. Enoby, too. Now we have Light, who's specifically described as close to being one of a "silver-haired, flowergirl-stabbing, Eastern RPG villain". Guess who.
• First Last Kiss - Ed when Arthur dies--or what seems like it. One sentence after he closes his eyes we hear him shouting "Yes!" and revealing "getting killed" was all a part of a plan to get Ed to kiss him for the first time in five thousand years.
• Fun With Acronyms - P.L.O.T. stands for Phlebotinous Linearly Oriented Timeline.
• Golem - Comes in metal, wood, rock and Jell-o flavors. One of them is particularly snarky.
• Good Wings Evil Wings - The angels. So far they are all good.
• Hammerspace - Played straight with P.L.O.T. hole lockers.
• Have You Seen My God? - The Writer
• Healing Hands - Arthur and probably Tagino.
• Hyperspace Mallet - Done to Tagino by Brooks, after the former calls him old.
• Incredibly Lame Pun - Arthur Avatar.
• Instant Expert - Tagino literally becomes one with Phlebotinum magic within a millisecond, though it's somewhat justified because he actually took training in a room at the center of the universe where time goes extremely slowly.
• Ki Attacks
• Lady of War - Ed, supposedly.
• Lampshade Hanging - Oh, where to start...
• Living Forever Is Awesome - Apparently that's what Arthur thinks. Ed and Tha, on the other hand...
• Luke, I Am Your Father - Done by Lord Baldydork to Tagino. Turns out to be a distraction for Willow to brainwash him.
• Mary Sue - Deliberately invoked/Parodied/PlayedForLaughs. Sues are highly dangerous because they can anger the Reader very quickly, according to Arthur.

"Sues: Failed creations of the Writer (aka the Creator), Sues are seemingly perfect in every aspect. Angers the Reader very quickly and effectively. Because of their highly dangerous nature, destroy on sight. Distinguishable by strange hairstyles and/or hair color. " —Arthur Avatar's Big List of Things That Might Piss Off The Reader

• • Common Mary Sue Traits - Intentionally invoked. It appears that the author have taken the descriptions of the first 'Sue' to appear in the story from the Common Mary Sue Traits page.

"She had blue hair of the color of a clear sky, lined with black streaks like melted darkness. Her large, almond shaped eyes were silver colored, a perfect match for her perfectly perfect face. Her lips were the color of freshly-picked rose petals, and shimmered like rubies of the finest quality. There was an otherworldly, wonderful aroma about her that did not come with shampoo or perfume. She wore a revealing blouse made of the best silk and embroided with silver threads, along with a perfectly matching miniskirt. Her legs were wrapped in blue fishnets that matched her hair. If Fran was beautiful, then she was gorgeous. Her figure was so delicate, so waif-like, yet she had supple, D-cup breasts. She radiated a perfect aura of perfect perfection whereever she went. Her beautiful neck was adorned with a silver necklace embedded with the some of the best sapphire found on the planet, one of them the size of a chicken egg that glowed with magical (not Phlebotinous) energy. Earrings of the finest silver hand from her sensual ears. (If I had a lung, I would be gasping for air right now.) A pure virgin of the purest purity, she was a friend to all living things. In her right hand she held a beautifully crafted katana decorated with the emblem of a serpentine dragon made of platinum, with an air of grace that surpassed all other. Her name was—If I had a lung, I would be inhaling, inhaling deeply—Hikari Sapphyre Trinity Blyss Seafoam Venustus. " —the narrator

• • Ebony also makes an appearance as the ultimate Sue.
• Medium Awareness - The narrator.
• Mooks - Strangely un-mookish ones.
• Ms. Fanservice - Fran. Just look at her name.
• Murder Arson and Jaywalking - Professor Dunderbore still hangs onto a grudge against Lord Baldydork even after sixty years...for stealing his lollipop when they were children.
• Our Angels Are Different - The angels, duh.
• Our Vampires Are Different
• Plot Armor - Deliberately invoked/Played straight. Explained as the P.L.O.T bending time and space around a person in order to protect them. Tagino has a high reading, apparently.
• Plot Hole - Deliberately invoked/parodied. P.L.O.T. holes to be exact. Also doubles as the Portal Network.
• Portal Cut - Happens to Tagino once in the fourth chapter. He also kills Hikari with this by accident.
• Portal Network - The P.L.O.T. holes count.
• Rule of Cool - Some of the Elite Redshirts' weapons, including a pole-chainsaw with a huge bayonet an the other end.
• Rule of Sexy - A female Redshirt is described as "skimpily dressed against all common sense and sensibility" during the fireworks display at Yitic-Latipac.
• Samus Is a Girl - Subverted. When Baldydork takes his helmet off, this trope was explicitly mentioned.
• Seen It All - Ed sort of qualifies.
• Shout Out - Pigpimples Academy of Sorceresscraft and Sorcery, ran by Professor Dunderbore. Sound familiar to you? Also, the "ultimate Mary Sue" calls herself "ENOBY".
  • Edvard Sparkleface. His face is so shiny that he needs a paper bag to hide it.
  • The "Blatant Crossover" chapters are made of these, involving the characters crossing over into worlds wearing with iconic characters making Lawyer Friendly Cameos.
• Significant Anagram - Tagino Storp and Fran Sevice, among others.
• Sliding Scale of Fourth Wall Hardness - varies. Depends on the narrator's mood, it can go from Visible Fourth Wall to Playing with the Fourth Wall.
• Speech Impediment - Arthur, who has a lisp. Turns out to be a part of his Obfuscating Stupidity.
• Summon Magic - Played for Laughs with Arthur, who (at first unsuccessfully) summons a horde of harmless giant coakroaches.
• That Came Out Wrong

"“Can’t.” “Harder!”“Still can’t!”“Harder!” awkward silence followed. " --Arthur and Tagino, as Arthur teaches Tagino how to control Phlebotinum with his mind. "“I do not acshept virgin shacrificesh! … Stop what you’re doing! I meant I don’t acshept human shacrificesh, virgin or not!” " —Arthur, to his worshippers offering him a virgin sacrfice.

• Tin Tyrant - Lord Baldydork