"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Film

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Examples of "The Reason You Suck" Speeches in Film include:

Action

  • Raiders of the Lost Ark: Indiana Jones must endure not one, not two, but three of these from French archeologist Belloq.
    • Immediately after the opening sequence where Indy retrieves the idol, Belloq ambushes Indy with his Hovito warriors, and laughs at Indy for not being able to speak their language.
    • In the cafe, Belloq calls himself a "shadowy reflection" of Indy, willing to use the Nazis to satisfy passions that they both share.
    • Before the final ceremony on the island, Indy threatens to destroy the Ark with a bazooka. Belloq confidently asserts that Indy's threat is empty, since as an archeologist he will not destroy such an important artifact. He's right.
  • The Joker was handing out these speeches like candy in The Dark Knight Saga.
    • Batman hits the Joker back with one himself after the Joker's plan doesn't work out.

"What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone is as ugly as you? You're alone."

    • The speech Ra's Al Ghul gave to Bruce Wayne right before burning down Wayne manor was pretty Badass. It's enough to make you think maybe Bruce trying to be a hero was a bad idea.
    • If ones from Batman Begins count, let's not forget Carmine Falcone's considerably smug remarks towards Bruce Wayne earlier in the film.

Wayne: I came here to show you that not everyone in Gotham's afraid of you.
Falcone: Only those who know me, kid. Look around you: you'll see two councilmen, a union official, a couple off-duty cops, and a judge. (Pulls a gun at Bruce) Now, I wouldn't have a second's hesitation of blowing your head off right here and right now in front of 'em. Now, that's power you can't buy! That's the power of fear.
Wanye: I'm not afraid of you...
Falcone: ... because you think you got nothing to lose. But you haven't thought it through. You haven't thought about your lady-friend down at the D.A.'s office. You haven't thought about your old butler. Bang! (pulls the trigger but no shots comes out) People from your world have so much to lose. Now, you think because your mommy and your daddy got shot, you know about the ugly side of life, but you don't. You've never tasted desperate. You're Bruce Wayne, the Prince of Gotham - you'd have to go a thousand miles to meet someone who didn't know your name. So don't come down here with your anger trying to prove something to yourself. This is a world you'll never understand, and you always fear what you don't understand.

    • Ironically enough, this is the conversation that makes Bruce go out into the world, ultimately finding the League of Shadows and becoming Batman. And when he returns, he makes sure to give Falcone a lesson on what it's like to be on the receiving end of the power of fear he gloats about.
  • Alec Trevalyan: "I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed ... or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you've failed to protect."

Greene: How much do you know about Bond, Camille? Because he's rather a tragic case. His MI6 file says he's "difficult to control" ... Nice way of saying everything he touches seems to wither and die.
Bond: Shall we? [begins to move away with Camille]
Greene: That doesn't bode well for you, I'm afraid. You two do make a charming couple, though. You're both ... what's the expression? "Damaged goods"?

  • In Transformers, Megatron does a short speech to Optimus Prime:

You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!

    • Megatron finds himself on the receiving end of one (from a human, no less) in the third film:

Carly: You're nothing but Sentinel's bitch!

Steve: Yeah, big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?
Tony: Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist.

Steve: I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.

Tony: I think I would just cut the wire.

Steve: Always a way out. You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.

    • Tony, explaining game theory to Loki:

Tony: There's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you...Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it.

Natasha: It's really not that complicated. I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out.
Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter, Tugenov, the hospital fire? Yes, Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer... pathetic! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away. No, I won't touch Barton, not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear. And when he wakes, he'll have just enough time to see the work he's done, and when he screams, I'll break his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!

    • Not even a mortal wound can stop SHIELD Agent Phil Coulson from delivering one to Loki during the siege on the Helicarrier.
    • Loki learns the hard way that trying to give one of these to The Hulk is a bad idea.


Animated

Khalil: Would you look at yourself?!? You care more about that weed than about all the people in Nineveh!!
Jonah: Well... I...
Khalil: Why are you here now? Instead of back in the belly of that whale? Because God is compassionate! He wanted to help you! And because he is merciful! He gave you a second chance!
Jonah: Oh, yes - and I'm very grateful-
Khalil: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God loves everybody, not just you?! That maybe he wants to give everyone a second chance! He saw that those people needed help - that they didn't know right from wrong - and he wanted to help them! And that is why he sent you! And when you told them what they were doing wrong they said they were sorry - they put down their mackerels and their halibuts - and they asked God for a second chance. And by golly, he gave them one! Don't you see? God wants to give everyone a second chance! And so should we!
Jonah: Well, if they get a second chance - those fish-slappers - well, then... it would be better if I were dead! Oh, I wish I were back in that whale!

Khalil: (stonily) You are pathetic.

    • When Jonah protests Khalil's decision to leave, Khalil then retorts:

Khalil: I wanted to be big and important... just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are "big and important," the world needs more people who are nice. And compassionate. And merciful. That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new traveling buddy. Goodbye.
Jonah: You can't just leave!
Khalil: Can and am!

  • Syndrome, a.k.a. Buddy, delivered some pretty good ones to Mr. Incredible in The Incredibles. The movie directly referred to this trope as "monologuing" - Frozone describes a scenario where a villain once had him dead to rights, but still lost because instead of finishing the job, he stopped to deliver a speech.
  • In Osmosis Jones, Mayor Phlegmming gives one to Drix:

Phlegmming: Son, do me a favor and read what it says on your arm.
Drix: For the temporary relief of symptoms associated with--
Phlegmming: Exactly! Temporary. You're nothing but a wannabe, a placebo, a generic brand. Marked-down, over-the-counter, useless Tic-Tac! Now get out of my body!

You're wrong, Hopper. Ants are not meant to serve grasshoppers. I've seen these ants do great things, and year after year they somehow manage to pick food for themselves *and* you. So-so who is the weaker species? Ants don't serve grasshoppers! It's *you* who need *us*! We're a lot stronger than you say we are... And you know it, don't you?

  • The matchmaker gives one to Mulan in one scene.

"You are a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!"

  • While it doesn't appear in the final version of The Lion King, an alternate ending has Simba telling Scar this during their final battle.

"You think that because you killed my father, you're better than him? You're pathetic. You're weak. And above all, Scar, you're nothing but a coward!


Comedy

  • Mean Girls: Janis's speech to Cady at the latter's party.

Cady: You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be plastic.
Janis: Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.
Damian: Curfew, 1:00 AM, it is now 1:10.
Janis: Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?
Cady: You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge!
Janis: God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean! You try to act so innocent like, "Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!"

Cady: You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!

Janis: What?

Damian: Oh, no, she did not!

Janis: See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.

  • Randal delivers a great one at the end of Clerks, aimed straight at Dante, who's spent most of the day Wangsting, and puts in a little for himself as well.

"Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, pal! Jesus, there you go trying to pass the buck. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself. "I'm not even supposed to be here today." You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can waltz in here and do our jobs. You--You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante! And badly, I might add! I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man. He has no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?"

  • Though it's only a few lines long, Dark Helmet delivers one of the most famous examples in Spaceballs after tricking the hero into losing his "schwartz ring" just by offering a handshake...

Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph... because Good Is Dumb!

Daphne: (to Clarissa) If you take your nose out of the air for one second you'll see you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I've got a five floor walk up. You're a snotty little miss cranky pants and I go with the flow, so why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself and stop trying to be my daddy's little girl because I'm not going anywhere.

  • In Waiting, Mitch, who had pretty much been The Voiceless for the whole of the movie, gives one to the whole of the Shenanigan's staff at Monty's party.
  • Kat to Patrick at the end of 10 Things I Hate About You. Well, more like a The Reason You Suck Poem.
  • In Honey We Shrunk Ourselves, after Ricky King sweettalks Jenny Szalinski into the kitchen just so he can kiss her:

Jenny: (breaking the kiss) What are you doing?
Ricky: Kissing you.
Jenny: But you didn't even ask.
Ricky: Ask what?
Jenny: Ask if I wanted to kiss you.
Ricky: What do you mean?
Jenny: You just assumed that I wanted you to kiss me. I mean, I don't even know you, and even if I did know you and we talked and you got to know me and you asked me if I wanted to kiss, I might have gotten into it, but the way you did it was just... wrong.
Ricky: Well, lots of girls like that.
Jenny: Well, I'm not one of them. I don't happen to think that way, and as far as you and I are concerned, the party's over. (exits the kitchen)

Grinch: I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I've found in the dump!

  • In the film adaption of The Princess Diaries Mia jabs Lana with an ice cream cone for being a jerk. The following conversation then happens:

Lana: Mia, you're such a freak!
Mia: Yeah, yeah I am but some day I might just grow out of that but you...you will never stop being a jerk.

Angus: I'm still here, asshole! I'll always be here! You push me down and I'll get back up again, and again, and again!! I can beat you right now, but I don't wanna be better than you, Rick! I don't wanna be better than anybody! I wanna be who I am: a fat kid who's good at science, and fair at football; that's who I am! I can live with it, why can't you?
Rick: Because it's not normal! You're not normal!
Angus: And who is normal? You?!
Rick: You bet your ass!
Angus: So what, to be normal we all have to be like you? There are 400 people in this building that are nothing like you! Some of them are fat, some of them are skinny, some are tall, some are short. Some of them have braces or birthmarks, or scars or frizzy hair, or ears that stick out! (Angus' big-eared friend Troy stands up) and most of them walk through those halls every day, never telling anyone the truth about what they really want, or need, or believe, because people like you, "normal" people like you, have them terrified of being who they are. I mean, if you're normal, what does that make them? ...So which is it, Rick? Are you "normal," or are you just one of us?

Rick: Whatever I am, it's something you're never gonna be.

Angus: ...Thank God.

"You know nothing of my work. You mean my whole fallacy is wrong? How you got to teach a course on anything is totally amazing"

  • Dean tells Joanna off in the beginning of Overboard.

You know what your problem is? Huh? You're so goddamn bored, you gotta invent things to bitch about. You haven't got a single thing to do except for your hair. Yeah! The closet was fine! You just needed somethin' to take up your useless, empty, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich-bitch, sun tanning days!

Joe: You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK... (makes a sucking noise) For 300 bucks a week, that's the news. For 300 bucks a week, I've lived in this sink, this used rubber.
Mr. Waturi: You watch it, mister! There's a woman here!
Joe: Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for 300 bucks a week, and Frank, the coffee stinks, it's like arsenic. The lights give me a headache. If the lights don't give you a headache, you must be dead; let's arrange the funeral.
Mr. Waturi: You better get outta here right now! I'm telling you!
Joe: You're telling me nothing. And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for 300 freakin' dollars a week! You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to! And maybe you're not so lucky at that. 'Cause I'm gonna leave you here, Mr. Wahoo Waturi, and what could be worse than that?

  • The aliens (or possibly indigenous creatures of the deep) from the movie The Abyss give this to the protagonist in a sort of slide show format, depicting all the famous atrocities of human history. Although if memory serves, they might have done this to demonstrate why they were afraid of humanity and choosing to stay in the deep ocean, rather than illustrating why humans deserved to die. Either way, they weren't actively trying to wipe out humanity or even the protagonist, but it was made painfully clear that and why they think Humans Are the Real Monsters.
    • That's in the theatrical cut. The director's cut puts back the giant tidal waves sequence and shows that yes, the aliens were willing and able to wipe out humanity if we didn't straighten up and fly right.
      • Able to, sure, but willing is left unknown. The director's cut doesn't specify if the protagonist's effort made the aliens suddenly change their minds, the tidal waves are just as likely a simple demonstration of what they could do if they so wished. It's even possible they are not threatened by current human technology at all adding to The Reason You Suck.
  • Taylor gives this brief one to Daniel in the first twenty minutes of He Died with a Felafel in His Hand:

Taylor: Lets get some things straight, you're twenty-something years old, you've no money, no job, very few prospects, you have not been seen in the vicinity of anything that faintly resembles the opposite sex, and yet you sit here and tell us that you have something that makes the other side go 'ga ga', well if it makes them go so fucking ga ga then what the fuck are you doing here with us losers?

    • Then later on we get this gem:

Sammie: One day Dani, you're going to wake up old and gray, in a house full of dumb kids, living off of fish fingers, bucket bongs and social security, and it's going to hit you, like a fist, right in the middle of your stupid looking face, and you're going to wander what happened to your life.

  • Burn After Reading has them in spades ("If you ever carried out your proposed threat, you would experience such a shitstorm of consequences, my friend, your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there") but the crowning moment is a beautiful speech at the height of the final act from the delightful Osbourne Cox:

Osbourne: Oh yes, I know very well what you represent. You represent the idiocy of today. Yeah, you're the guy at the gym when I asked about that moronic woman. Oh yes, you see, you're one of the morons I've been fighting my whole life. My whole fucking life. But guess what... Today, I win.

  • The recurring line from A Knight's Tale, "You have been weighed. You have been measured. And you have been found....wanting."
  • In Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Neil Page delivers a particularly scathing speech to Del Griffith during their first night together:

Neil: You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!

Wanda:I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's going to tell me where the loot is and if they're going to come and arrest you. And you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid?
Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

  • In Bruges provides a great example of this when Ralph Fiennes' Harry meets Eirik, the character that attempted to mug Colin Farrell earlier in the film:

Eirik: I was trying to rob him. And he took my gun from me. And the gun was full of blanks. And he shot a blank into my eye. And now I cannot see from this eye ever again, the doctors say.
Harry: Well to be honest it sounds like it's all your fault.
Eirik: What?
Harry: I mean basically if you're robbing a man and you're only carrying blanks and you allow your gun to be taken off you and you allow yourself to be shot in the eye with a blank which I assume that the person has to get quite close to you then, yeah really it's all your fault for being such a poof, so why don't you stop wingeing and cheer the fuck up.
Yuri: Eirek - I really wouldn't respond.
Eirik: I thought you wanted the guy dead?
Harry: I do want the guy dead, I want him fucking crucified but it don't change the fact that he stitched you up like a blind little gay boy, does it?


Comedy-Dramas


Drama

  • In Fight Club, Tyler Durden not only savagely beat down the narrator, he proceeded to call him, basically, a shallow, spineless, consumer-driven drone.
  • Though they greet each other nicely enough, the meeting between queens Mary and Elizabeth in Mary Queen of Scots soon turns so nasty that they both give each other one.
  • There Will Be Blood: Daniel Plainview pulls a disproportionately savage one on Eli Sunday how he is a total failure compared to his brother, because he acted pious and self-righteous while demanding things, while his brother merely sold Daniel the land he needed to start drilling for oil. And because he had that land he was able to drill the oil out of the land Eli is now desperately trying to sell to him, making it totally worthless. He then goes on to demonstrate how he made that land useless by using a metaphor involving milkshakes and really long straws.
  • There are quite a few of these in Good Will Hunting, but the one that deserves special mention is when Chuckie tells Will that in twenty years, if he's still living in their neighborhood and working construction, he'll kill him.

Will: Oh, come on! Why is it always this, I mean, I fucking "owe it to myself" to do this or that? What if I don't want to?
Chuckie: No, no, no, no, fuck you. You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me. 'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty. And I'll still be doing this shit. And that's all right, that's fine. I mean, you're sitting on a winning lottery ticket. And you're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do anything to fucking have what you got. And so would any of these fucking guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. Hanging around here is a fucking waste of your time.
Will: You don't know that.
Chuckie: Oh, I don't know that. Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up. And we go out and we have a few drinks and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? It's for about ten seconds from when I pull up to the curb to when I get to your door. Because I think maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye, no see you later, no nothing -- just left. I don't know much, but I know that.

  • In It's a Wonderful Life, Potter gives George Bailey one of these when George begs him to help him out with the "missing" bank-deposit money and by giving it establishes himself firmly as one of the most despicable villains in the history of cinema.

Potter: Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me "a warped, frustrated, old man". What are you but a warped, frustrated young man? A miserable little clerk crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help. No securities, no stocks, no bonds. Nothin' but a miserable little $500 equity in a life insurance policy. (chuckling) You're worth more dead than alive!

    • Of course, this is a rejoinder to a "Reason You Suck" Speech that George himself had given Potter earlier in the film, after George's father died and Potter tried to talk the directors of the Bailey Building and Loan into folding that institution.

George: Just a minute, just a minute! Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You're right when you say my father was no business man. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I'll never know. But neither you nor anybody else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was...Why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn't that right, Uncle Billy? He didn't save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter. And what's wrong with that? Why...here, you're all businessmen here. Doesn't it make them better citizens? Doesn't it make them better customers? You, you said, what'd you say just a minute ago? They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait! Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're so old and broken-down that they....do you know how long it takes a working man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about...they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you'll ever be.

      • Then there's the scene where Potter tries to charm George into working for him, and George (after nearly getting sucked in) lays into him:

George: You sit around here, and you spin your little webs, and you think the whole world revolves around you and your money. Well, it doesn't, Mr. Potter. In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little spider.

"They didn't release you because you're better, Daisy. They just gave up. You call this a life, hmm? Taking Daddy's money, buying your dollies and your knick-knacks... and eatin' his fuckin' chicken, fattening up like a prize fuckin' heifer? You changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation - and the warden makes house calls. And everybody knows. Everybody knows that he fucks you. What they don't know is that you like it. Hmm? You like it."

    • To twist the knife, after Susanna discovers Daisy's act the following morning, Lisa casually robs her corpse.
      • Of course, Lisa gets a taste of her own medicine at the end when Susannah turns her own routine against her and informs her that no, it's Lisa who's the broken and pathetic one:

"No one cares if you die, Lisa, because you're dead already. Your heart is cold. That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place. You need it to feel alive. It's pathetic. I've wasted a year of my life. Maybe everyone out there's a liar, and maybe the whole world is stupid and ignorant, but I'd rather be in it. I'd rather be fucking in it than down here with you."

  • In Breakfast at Tiffany's, Paul Varjak gives a brutal, and heartwrenching, one to Holly Golightly right before the climax of the film:

Paul: You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

  • Every single guard working on The Green Mile gives one to Percy after he sadistically 'forgets' to wet the sponge for Del's execution in the electric chair. The two most notable are Paul's (for its awesome) and the Warden's (for its hilarity):

Paul (grabs Percy and forces him to watch Del burning alive): You son of a bitch, you stand there and watch!
Warden: How many years you pissed on a toilet seat before someone told you to put it up?

  • During the climax of The Devil's Advocate, Kevin Lomax accuses Milton of engineering Mary-Anne's Sanity Slippage and his own corruption; Milton replies with a gleefully billious rant that shoots down every single one of Kevin's pretensions to morality:

Milton: You're blaming me for Mary-Anne? Ooh, I hope you're kidding. Mary-Anne, you could have saved her anytime you liked; all she wanted was love, but hey, you were too busy.
Kevin: That's a lie!
Milton: Mary-Anne and New York? Face it, you started looking to better-deal her the minute you got here.
Kevin: That's not true. You don't know what we had, you don't know anything about it!
Milton: Hey, I'm on your side.
Kevin: YOU'RE A LIAR! (He turns to leave)
Milton: Kevin! There's nothing out there for you! Don't be such a fuckin' chump! Stop deluding yourself! (Kevin stops at the doors) I told you to take care of your wife! What did I say? "The world would understand." Didn't I say that? What did you do? (In Kevin's voice) "You know what scares me, John? I leave the case, she gets better and then I hate her for it." (In own voice) Remember?
Kevin: I know what you did, you set me up!
Milton: Who told you to pull out all the stops on Mr Gettys? Who made that choice?
Kevin: It's entrapment, you set me up!
Milton: And Moyez! The direction you took! Popes, swamis, snake handlers, all feeding at the same trough. Whose ideas were those?
Kevin: You PLAYED ME! It was a test! Your test!
Milton: And Cullen- knowing he was guilty, seeing those pictures- what did you do? (laughing) You put that lying bitch on the stand!
Kevin: You brought me in. You put me there! You made her lie!
Milton: I don't do that, Kevin! That day on the subway, what did I say to you? What were my words to you? Maybe it was your time to lose. You didn't think so.
Kevin: LOSE? I DON'T LOSE! I WIN! I WIN! I'M A LAWYER! THAT'S MY JOB! THAT'S WHAT I DO!
(Beat)
Milton: I rest my case.

Xenos: I, who for 1,000 years have manipulated their ancestors like puppets. I killed their dragons and they blamed each other. I know how they think. I know how they feel. They are but weak humans. And they can do nothing!

Boss Jim Gettys: You're makin' a bigger fool of yourself I thought you would, Mr Kane... If it was anybody else, I'd say what's going to happen to you would be a lesson to you. Only you're going to need more than one lesson. And you're going to get more than one lesson.

Leland: You talk about the people as if you own them, as though they belong to you. As long as I can remember, you've talked about "giving the people their rights," as if you could make them a present of liberty as a reward for services rendered! Remember the Working Man?
Kane: I'll get drunk, too, Jebediah... if it'll do any good.
Leland: Ah, it won't do any good. Besides, you never get drunk. You used to write an awful lot about the Working Man, and he's turning into something called "Organized Labour." You're not going to like that one little bit when you find out that it means your Working Man expects something as his right, not as your gift! Charley, when your precious underprivileged really get together... oh boy, that's going to add up to something bigger than your privileges. I don't know what you'll do- sail away to a desert island probably and lord it over the monkeys.
Kane: I wouldn't worry about it too much, Jeb. They'll probably be a few of them there to let me know when I do something wrong.
Leland: You may not always be so lucky.
Kane: You're not very drunk.
Leland: What do you care? You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you love 'em so much that they ought to love you back; only you want love on your own terms. Something to be played your way, according to your rules.

Susan: Oh sure, you give me things, but that don't mean anything to you.
Kane: You're in a tent, darling, you aren't at home. I can hear you very well if you speak in a normal tone of voice.
Susan: What's the difference between giving me a bracelet or giving somebody else a hundred thousand dollars for a statue you're gonna keep crated up and never even look at? It's just money, it doesn't mean anything! You never really give me anything that belongs to you, that you care about!
Kane: Susan, I want you to stop this.
Susan: I'm not gonna stop it!
Kane: Right now!
Susan: You never gave me anything in your whole life! You just tried to bribe me into giving you something!
Kane: (getting to his feet) Susan! ...Whatever I do, I do because I love you.
Susan: Love! You don't love anybody! Me or anybody else! You want to be loved - that's all you want! "I'm Charles Foster Kane. Whatever you want - just name it and it's yours! Only love me! Don't expect me to love you."

  • The Caine Mutiny: Military defense attorney Lt. Barney Greenwald (Jose Ferrer) gives one to the mutineers he successfully defended at the court martial but at the cost of Captain Queeg's reputation, saying that if they had supported Queeg from the beginning as they were obligated to do so, the mutiny never would have been necessary. At the end of it he saves most of his derision for the Lt. Keefer(Fred McMurray):

Lt. Barney Greenwald: And now we come to the man who *should've* stood trial. The Caine's favorite author. The Shakespeare whose testimony nearly sunk us all. Tell 'em, Keefer!
Lieutenant Tom Keefer: [stiff and overcome with guilt] No, you go ahead. You're telling it better.
Lt. Barney Greenwald: You ought to read his testimony. He never even heard of Captain Queeg!
Lt. Steve Maryk: Let's forget it, Barney!
Lt. Barney Greenwald: Queeg was sick, he couldn't help himself. But you, you're *real* healthy. Only you didn't have one tenth the guts that he had.
Lieutenant Tom Keefer: Except I never fooled myself, Mr. Greenwald.
Lt. Barney Greenwald: I'm gonna drink a toast to you, Mr. Keefer.
[pours wine in a glass]
Lt. Barney Greenwald: From the beginning you hated the Navy. And then you thought up this whole idea. And you managed to keep your skirts nice, and starched, and clean, even in the court martial. Steve Maryk will always be remembered as a mutineer. But you, you'll publish your novel, you'll make a million bucks, you'll marry a big movie star, and for the rest of your life you'll live with your conscience, if you have any. Now here's to the *real* author of "The Caine Mutiny." Here's to you, Mr. Keefer.
[splashes wine in Keefer's face]
Lt. Barney Greenwald: If you wanna do anything about it, I'll be outside. I'm a lot drunker than you are, so it'll be a fair fight.


Genre Busters


Horror

  • Jigsaw in Saw II had a twisted logic that kind of made sense as to why he was carrying out those sadistic games.


Musicals

Winslow, what a foolish thing to do. Didn't you read your contract closely? See where it says Terms of Agreement, can you read what it says? "This contact terminates with Swan". No more suicides, Winslow; you gave up your right to rest in peace when you signed this contract.

  • In RSVP, Hal Evans (played by the late lamented Glenn Quinn) delivers one of these to Ax Crazy Nick:

Hal: You know, for a big brain, Nick, you're awfully fucking stupid.
Nick: Smart enough to beat you.
Hal: Beat? Hah! Shit, boy! Did you ever stop for fucking one goddamn minute and take a good arm's length look at the fucking situation, eh? You're nothin' but a shill, my friend -- a little experiment that I've privately undertaken, that I readily admits gone a wee bit wrong. Right, question: how much bullshit do I have to fill an overly intelligent but fucking emotionally retarded kid's head with before he steps, or in Nick's case leaps, with both feet and a kitchen sink, over the edge?
Jordan: Evidently not fucking much!
Hal: Just whispered fucking sweet nothings about murder and mayhem into his ear, and three semesters later, he's got his best friend stuffed into a box, man. Jesus, kid, wake the fuck up! You're not in control here. I am, always have been!


Satires

  • Dr. Herbert Bock (George C. Scott) gets a great one in The Hospital:

"Eight days ago you showed up half-stoned for a simple nephrectomy, botched it, put the patient in failure, and damn near killed him. Then, pausing only to send in your bill, you flew off on the wings of Man to an island of sun in Montego Bay. This is the third time in two years we've had to patch up your patients. The other two died. You're greedy, unfeeling, inept, indifferent, self-inflating, and unconscionably profitable. Besides that, I have nothing against you. I'm sure you play a hell of a game of golf."

  • Another Paddy Chayefsky-scripted film, Network, has Max Schumacher (William Holden) giving one of these to Diana Christensen (Faye Dunaway) when he breaks up with her:

"You need me! You need me badly. Because I'm your last contact with human reality! I love you! And that painful, decaying love is the only thing between you and the shrieking nothingness you live the rest of the day. [...] It's too late, Diana. There's nothing left in you that I can live with. You're one of Howard's humanoids. If I stay with you, I'll be destroyed. Like Howard Beale was destroyed. Like Laureen Hobbs was destroyed. Like everything you and the institution of television touch is destroyed. You're television incarnate, Diana: Indifferent to suffering; insensitive to joy. All of life is reduced to the common rubble of banality. War, murder, death are all the same to you as bottles of beer. And the daily business of life is a corrupt comedy. You even shatter the sensations of time and space into split seconds and instant replays. You're madness, Diana. Virulent madness. And everything you touch dies with you. But not me. Not as long as I can feel pleasure, and pain, and love. And it's a happy ending. Wayward husband, comes to his senses, returns to his wife, with whom he's established a long, sustaining love. Heartless young woman, left alone in her arctic desolation. Music up with a swell, final commercial. And here are a few scenes from next week's show."


Sci-Fi

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we...are the cure."

    • One level on which he is wrong is that no animal reaches an equilibrium. There's something called the Logistic Equation, and it basically describes the cycle of animals over-reproducing, overeating, starving, dying, and then seeing their population go back up when the food source or other resource returns. Nature doesn't do equilibrium. It does chaotic tugs of war between over-consumption and starvation. It's not merely in our nature to over-consume, when given the chance, it's in nearly every creature's nature. our intelligence just means we can screw up things in a way other creatures are too dumb to.
    • It's also ironic since by the second movie he's become a virus himself
    • There's also Smith's angry "Why, Mr. Anderson?" speech to Neo in the final showdown which fully cements him as a Nietzsche Wannabe.
  • Inverted in Serenity; whenever the Operative is on the verge of killing someone, he tells them why he's doing it, and then instead of taunting them while doing the deed, he actually praises them for the good work they've done, how well they've fought, and so on. The closest he gets to ever insulting someone is to explain to them what he feels is their "sin" that leads to their downfall.
  • Our favorite scheming Sith Lord Darth Sidious, aka Emperor Palpatine delivers a beauty to Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi.

So be it... Jedi. If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.
(as he fries Luke with Force lightning) Young fool...only now, at the end, do you understand! Your feeble skills are no match for the powahhhh of the Daaaarrk Siiide! You have paid the price for your lack of vision! Now, young Skywalker, you will die.

      • Of course this in response to Luke's own from the Emperor's attempt to turn him to the dark side not working.

You failed, your highness. I am a Jedi like my father before me.

Motti: Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes. Or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fortre-

(At that moment, Vader raises his hand and begins Force-choking Motti.)

Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

    • Obi-Wan Kenobi himself delivers one to Anakin...or rather, Darth Vader, following their duel on Mustafar.

Obi-Wan: You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!

  • Aaron gets a small one against the prisoners toward the end of Alien3:

Aaron: Okay, so I'm a company man. So I'm not a fucking criminal! You keep telling me how dumb I am: well I'm smart enough not to have a life sentence on this rock!

Columbia: My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out again... I loved you... do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough. You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named after the rocks in his head!

Rufus Shinra: So bring your Jenovas and your Sephiroths. We'll just stop you every time.


Thrillers

  • In Falling Down, Det. Prendergast has the perfect statement to tell D-Fense that he had no right to commit all the violent crimes he did against his petty frustrations.

Sergeant Prendergast: Is that what this is about? Is that why my chicken dinner is drying out in the oven? You're mad because they lied to you? Listen, pal, they lie to everyone. They lie to the fish. But that doesn't give you any special right to do what you did today.

  • Both used and subverted in Layer Cake: after XXXX and his crew finally deliver the ecstasy pills to Eddie Temple, all of them are rather surprised when the payment of three million pounds is replaced with membership to a very exclusive gentleman's club and enforced at gunpoint. Eddie explains himself very frankly to XXXX in his office, before turning the Reason You Suck Speech into a very memorable "Welcome To The Business" lecture:

Eddie: You and Jimmy have caused my little angel Charlotte considerable anxiety: she's off to Arizona for a course of intense treatment. I'm keeping those pills for myself, by way of compensation. I think I'm entitled. Simple. End of. The amount of trouble you've caused the last few days.... Jimmy. Poor little Jimmy. It would be in your interests if this thing finishes here, now, today. Understand?

XXXX: It doesn't matter what I do; this lot are going to come after you.

(Eddie turns on the intercom so the rest of the crew can hear what he says next)

Eddie: They're too long in the tooth to rampage round the country looking for revenge. Look at them. Bunch of underendowed, aging fuck-pigs.

XXXX: You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Eddie: No. On the contrary; take it as a compliment...

Smith: May a dead man say a few words to you for your enlightenment? You will never rule the world, because you are doomed. All of you who have demoralized and corrupted a nation are doomed. Tonight you will take the first step along a dark road from which there is no turning back. You will have to go on and on, from one madness to another, leaving behind you a wilderness of misery and hatred. And still you will have to go on, because you will find no horizon, and see no dawn, until at last you are lost and destroyed. You are doomed, captain of murderers. And one day, sooner or later, you will remember my words...


Westerns

  • At one point in Hud (1963), the title character demands to know why his father, Homer, dislikes him so much:

Hud: All right, I'll bite, what turned you sour on me? Not that I give a damn.
Homer: Just that, Hud. You don't give a damn. That's all, that's the whole of it. You still don't get it, do you? You don't care about people, Hud. You don't give a damn about 'em. Oh, you got all that charm goin' for you. And it makes the youngsters want to be like you. That's the shame of it, 'cause you don't value nothin'. You don't respect nothin'. You keep no check on your appetites at all. You live just for yourself. And that makes you not fit to live with.


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