Whose Line Is It Anyway?/Quotes: Difference between revisions
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= UK side: = |
= UK side: = |
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== Welcome To ''Whose Line Is It Anyway?''... == |
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{{quote|Clive: "...where we make things up as we go along, whether they make sense or badger."}} |
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== (taking suggestions) == |
== (taking suggestions) == |
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{{quote| Clive: "'Biblical comedy'? What, like 'on the third day He fell over'...?"}} |
{{quote| Clive: "'Biblical comedy'? What, like 'on the third day He fell over'...?"}} |
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{{quote|Clive: We need a suggestion for a superhero that Greg can be.<br /> |
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Audience Member: Ejaculator Man!<br /> |
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Clive: Come again? }} |
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{{quote|Clive: We need a world crisis that Greg has to confront-<br /> |
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Audience Member: English Television!}} |
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{{quote|Audience Member: [[Apocalypse Now]]!<br /> |
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Clive: Yes, sir, coming right up.}} |
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{{quote| Josie: "I've chosen Louisa M Alcott; for those of you who don't know, she wrote ''[[Little Women]], Little Men'' and ''Little Wives''."<br /> |
{{quote| Josie: "I've chosen Louisa M Alcott; for those of you who don't know, she wrote ''[[Little Women]], Little Men'' and ''Little Wives''."<br /> |
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Clive: "Yes... and little else..." }} |
Clive: "Yes... and little else..." }} |
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{{quote| ''Scene: a man is talking to his builder''<br /> |
{{quote| ''Scene: a man is talking to his builder''<br /> |
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Paul: I'd like to lodge a complaint...<br /> |
Paul: I'd like to lodge a complaint...<br /> |
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Colin: What about a woman?<br /> |
Colin: What about a woman?<br /> |
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Ryan: [[Bait and Switch|...Well, a woman can rip a man apart too, but...]] }} |
Ryan: [[Bait and Switch|...Well, a woman can rip a man apart too, but...]] }} |
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== World's Worst == |
== World's Worst == |
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{{quote| (''...Television Program'')<br /> |
{{quote| (''...Television Program'')<br /> |
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Mike: (steps up) "[[Hilarious in Hindsight|It's the OJ Simpson trial, year 22...]]" (buzzed)<br /> |
Mike: (steps up) "[[Hilarious in Hindsight|It's the OJ Simpson trial, year 22...]]" (buzzed)<br /> |
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Mike: (steps up) "It's the OJ Simpson trial... [[Crosses the Line Twice|Hey he's being represented by Clive Anderson! HA!]]" (buzzed) }} |
Mike: (steps up) "It's the OJ Simpson trial... [[Crosses the Line Twice|Hey he's being represented by Clive Anderson! HA!]]" (buzzed) }} |
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{{quote| Clive: (reads suggestion) "''Houseflies, on a date.''"<br /> |
{{quote| Clive: (reads suggestion) "''Houseflies, on a date.''"<br /> |
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Ryan: (to his 'date') "Care for any more... turd?"<br /> |
Ryan: (to his 'date') "Care for any more... turd?"<br /> |
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Rory: [[Take That|(as Prince Charles) "Camilla Parker-Bowles."]] }} |
Rory: [[Take That|(as Prince Charles) "Camilla Parker-Bowles."]] }} |
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{{quote| Colin: "I like wearing pants that are really really tight<br /> |
{{quote| Colin: "I like wearing pants that are really really tight<br /> |
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I wear them in the day and I wear them in the night<br /> |
I wear them in the day and I wear them in the night<br /> |
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And everyone - EVERYONE - ...sings better than this." }} |
And everyone - EVERYONE - ...sings better than this." }} |
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{{quote| Colin: (in a winged medieval helmet) "I will make love to you till I'm [[A Worldwide Punomenon|Thor]]"<br /> |
{{quote| Colin: (in a winged medieval helmet) "I will make love to you till I'm [[A Worldwide Punomenon|Thor]]"<br /> |
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Caroline: (using the same helmet) "...well they said to try something with wings, so I did..." }} |
Caroline: (using the same helmet) "...well they said to try something with wings, so I did..." }} |
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{{quote| '''Colin''' ''(wearing a Conehead helmet)'': Just ''use your imagination''.}} |
{{quote| '''Colin''' ''(wearing a Conehead helmet)'': Just ''use your imagination''.}} |
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{{quote| Tony: (mimes making a phone call) "Is that Clive Anderson's Ties Company? Yes, I think you should shut down. Bye!"}} |
{{quote| Tony: (mimes making a phone call) "Is that Clive Anderson's Ties Company? Yes, I think you should shut down. Bye!"}} |
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{{quote| Tony: Oh, I'm so nervous, this is my first party...now, did I forget anything? Oh, food and drink. Ah well, can't be helped. ''(answers door)''}} |
{{quote| Tony: Oh, I'm so nervous, this is my first party...now, did I forget anything? Oh, food and drink. Ah well, can't be helped. ''(answers door)''}} |
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{{quote|(Clive hits the buzzer by accident instead of the doorbell.)<br /> |
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Paul: Excuse me, someone's at the microwave. }} |
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{{quote| ''Things to sell: Somebody else's photos, an umbrella handle, and a pot of cold onion gravy''<br /> |
{{quote| ''Things to sell: Somebody else's photos, an umbrella handle, and a pot of cold onion gravy''<br /> |
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'''Ryan:''' It's four o'clock and...it's time to shop! I'm Gary!<br /> |
'''Ryan:''' It's four o'clock and...it's time to shop! I'm Gary!<br /> |
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'''Ryan:''' And if you call in less than ten minutes, ''(Pulls out photo)'' You get a picture of me with Gary's wife!<br /> |
'''Ryan:''' And if you call in less than ten minutes, ''(Pulls out photo)'' You get a picture of me with Gary's wife!<br /> |
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''(Colin grins along, then looks puzzled - he and Ryan stare at each other - Clive buzzes them out)'' }} |
''(Colin grins along, then looks puzzled - he and Ryan stare at each other - Clive buzzes them out)'' }} |
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== Props == |
== Props == |
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== Misc. == |
== Misc. == |
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{{quote| (''Expert Translation'': Paul Merton translates for Steve Steen as an Albanian expert on television)<br /> |
{{quote| (''Expert Translation'': Paul Merton translates for Steve Steen as an Albanian expert on television)<br /> |
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Steve: "''[[As Long As It Sounds Foreign|Eehhh, westevuchie evepuvnezenya.]]''"<br /> |
Steve: "''[[As Long As It Sounds Foreign|Eehhh, westevuchie evepuvnezenya.]]''"<br /> |
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Colin: (similarly) "...I give up, what?"<br /> |
Colin: (similarly) "...I give up, what?"<br /> |
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Ryan: (beat) "What am I gonna shove up your ass if you don't get me a beer?" }} |
Ryan: (beat) "What am I gonna shove up your ass if you don't get me a beer?" }} |
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{{quote|Mike (about Ryan): Don't mess with the neon love chicken!}} |
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Revision as of 18:44, 18 December 2013
Quotes from the highly quotable Whose Line Is It Anyway.
UK side:
Welcome To Whose Line Is It Anyway?...
Clive: "...where we make things up as we go along, whether they make sense or badger." |
(taking suggestions)
Clive: "...I think I heard a cry of "masturbation" back there, but I'm afraid you're on your own on that one..." |
Clive: "...Somebody always sugggests 'Swedish porn'!... Is it the same someone who comes every week... so to speak?" |
Clive: "Constipatedly? Is that a suggestion or a cry for help?" |
Clive: "'Biblical comedy'? What, like 'on the third day He fell over'...?" |
Clive: We need a suggestion for a superhero that Greg can be. |
Clive: We need a world crisis that Greg has to confront- |
Audience Member: Apocalypse Now! |
Authors
Josie: "I've chosen Louisa M Alcott; for those of you who don't know, she wrote Little Women, Little Men and Little Wives." |
Film, TV, and Theater Styles
Scene: a man is talking to his builder |
Scene: Colin and Ryan are explorers in the Amazon |
World's Worst
(...Television Program) |
Scenes From A Hat
Clive: (reads suggestion) "Houseflies, on a date." |
Clive: (reads) "Unlikely erogenous zones." |
Clive: (reads) "Those three little words." |
Hoedown
Colin: "I like wearing pants that are really really tight |
Colin: "Come on over to Canada, we've got mountains galore! |
Hats
Colin: (in a winged medieval helmet) "I will make love to you till I'm Thor" |
Ryan (in the middle of an unrelated Running Gag, puts on a huge hat piled with fruit): I really have nothing to say...I just like wearing this. |
Colin (wearing a Conehead helmet): Just use your imagination. |
Party Quirks
Tony: (mimes making a phone call) "Is that Clive Anderson's Ties Company? Yes, I think you should shut down. Bye!" |
Tony: (dancing wildly when the doorbell goes off) "...I wish I had a record player." (answers door) |
Tony: Oh, I'm so nervous, this is my first party...now, did I forget anything? Oh, food and drink. Ah well, can't be helped. (answers door) |
(Clive hits the buzzer by accident instead of the doorbell.) |
Home Shopping Channel
Things to sell: Somebody else's photos, an umbrella handle, and a pot of cold onion gravy |
Props
(Mike McShane and Sandi Toksvig get a stickly toy gel-thing) |
Misc.
(Expert Translation: Paul Merton translates for Steve Steen as an Albanian expert on television) |
(Secret: Ryan is Tonto and Colin is the Lone Ranger) |
(Backwards Scene: Ryan and Colin are in a Wild West saloon) |
Mike (about Ryan): Don't mess with the neon love chicken! |
US side:
"Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are like...
"...our border with Mexico." |
"At the end of the show, the winner gets to do a little something special with me...
"...Or is it... the loser?"
"...and the loser gets lipo-sucked... but we won't tell 'em where!" |
"Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?, I'm Drew Carey..."
"During the break, did you talk to your daughter, did you tell her you love her? I did." |
Greatest Hits
Ryan: "Hi." |
Colin: "As our regular viewers know, I'm a child of the streets..." (pause for laughter) |
Colin: "...and if you order RIGHT NOW..." |
Colin: "Every song a hit..." |
Ryan: "Say, Colin. What do you think of when I say Ricky Ricardo and great cigars?" |
Ryan: "Say, Colin. What bird says the name of our next musical number?" |
Colin: "Y'know, teachers are the most misunderstood of all mammals..." |
A deleted scene:
Ryan: We interrupt your movie, Men In Back, while we tell you about a special offer. Col? |
Scenes From A Hat
Drew: (picking from the hat) "Entries in Drew Carey's Diary." |
(From the episode with UK regular turned special guest Josie Lawrence) |
Drew: "Times You Don't Want The Spotlight On You." |
Drew: "Annnouncements that will make this audience cheer wildly." |
Drew: "Giving Your Date's Parents Too Much Information." |
Drew: "If Award Recipients Were Completely Honest In Their Acceptance Speeches." |
Drew: "What Robin Williams is thinking right now." |
Drew: "Strange things to hear from a sea shell." |
Drew: (snorts) "Drew Carey's day planner." |
Drew: "Difficult Questions for Mommy to Answer." |
Drew: "Visions of Hell other than fire and brimstone." |
Drew: "Confusing battlecries." |
Drew: "Famous Hollywood Roles As Played By Carol Channing." |
Drew: "Other people Dorothy might have met on the way to the Wizard of Oz." |
Drew: "Unlikely ways to impress women." |
Drew: "Phrases you can use to describe a truck, but not your girlfriend." |
Drew: "Graffiti in the Whose Line bathroom." |
Drew: "The good news and the bad news." |
Drew: "Moments when cheerleading is inappropriate." |
Drew: "Bad times to use the athletic butt slap." |
Drew: "Hillbilly proverbs." |
Drew: "Refreshingly honest statements that could earn you a black eye." |
Drew: "Bad names for perfume". |
Drew: "Bad songs to sing in prison". |
Drew: "Pull the string on the Drew Carey doll and it says..." |
Drew: "The title of Drew Carey's second book." |
Drew: "Nightly bedside prayers of Whose Line cast members." |
Drew: "Unlikely subjects to be the basis for a musical." |
Drew: "What Lassie was really trying to tell everybody." |
Drew: "Rejected welcome signs of US states." |
Drew: "If people broke into song in real life." |
(Wayne, Chip and Colin walk out) |
Drew: "Pick-up lines as written by Dr. Seuss." |
Drew: "Rejected endings to the film Titanic." |
Drew: "Rejected theme songs -- oh, jeez -- rejected theme songs from the movie Titanic." |
Drew: "What they really talk about in football huddles." |
Drew: "World's Dumbest Criminals caught on tape." |
Weird Newscasters
Colin: "Good evening and welcome to the 6 o'clock news, I'm your anchor..." |
Colin: "This just in - Beverly Hills 90210... Cleveland Browns 3." |
Colin: "Bars across America were saddened today by the death of Dr. Joseph Lowenstein. The famous doctor who, as a sideline, would make exotic drinks from wood sap, died suddenly today. This is one patron who is really gonna miss that hickory daiquiri doc." |
Colin: "Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion, where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, 'Well, if it was anyone else we could've gotten away from it, but unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars'. (Beat) Try saying that three times." |
Colin: "Convicted hitman Jimmy "Two-Shoes" McClardy confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be a first known case of a knick-knack paddy wack." |
Weird Superheroes
Drew: "Hey, I wonder what signal the Commissioner uses when he wants Body-Parts-Constantly-Falling-Asleep Man..." |
Drew: "It's good to know that whenever we're in a time of crisis, Captain Bloodloss will be there..." |
Drew: "Who knew that the world famous Captain Obvious was really mild mannered Colin Mochrie..." |
World's Worst
(...Self-Help TV Program) |
(...Acceptance Speech) |
(...Priest or Rabbi) |
Hats
(Greg wears a large fish head) |
Greg: (wearing a multi-colored afro) "Hi. I'm the guy who always sits in front of you on the bleachers..." |
Greg: (in a long wig with a medieval weapon) "Gondor Needs Women!" |
Greg: (in a Native American wig) "Hello, I am Hung Like Snake..." |
Ryan: (wearing some kind of red horsehead) "Guess what I'm hung like..." |
Ryan: (balancing an actual bunch of bananas on his head) "...Peel me." |
Greg: (in an alien mask that looks nothing like a Klingon) "Well, I'm a Klingon by trade..." |
Ryan: (wearing a hangman's noose) "Guess who's well hung?" |
Ryan: (with a hat in his lap) "It ain't gonna be a rabbit..." |
Ryan: (wearing a hat looking like a turkey) "This year, I do all the stuffing!" |
Ryan: (wearing gladiator armor) "Don't worry, I brought a Trojan!" |
Wayne: (wearing a tam o'shanter, speaking with a Scottish accent) "Hello. I'll let ya touch Nessie!" |
Wayne: (wearing a taxi driver's cap, sighing) "Ah, that'll be $10.50... (the audience groans) For the taxi ride! You guys are horrible!" |
Colin: (Wearing a scuba diver's cap) "I promise not to do it too fast. You might get the bends." |
Ryan: (wearing a ball and chain on his wrist) "And this is just my ball. You should see my chain." |
Wayne: (wearing a nun's habit) "Guess what? You ain't gettin' nun!" |
Ryan: (wearing a bird mask) "It's time for something other than an egg to get (bleep)ed around here!" |
Colin: (wearing a motor cop's helmet) "I'm Erik Estrada..." |
Wayne: (holding a trumpet, imitating Louis Armstrong) "All the ladies say 'Blow, Satchmo, blow!'" |
(deleted take) |
Hoedown
Colin: "I am a wrestler, watch them turn me loose |
Let's Make A Date
Wayne: (as bachelorette) "Bachelor no. 2... Disposition and personality are very important to me. Do you consider yourself congenial?" |
(With special guest Josie Lawrence as the bachelorette) |
(with Greg as an "irate guest on Jerry Springer") |
Wayne: "Bachelor no. 1?" |
Irish Drinking Song
Wayne: One night I was getting freaky |
All: Oh, i-dee, di-dee, di-dee, di-dee, di-dee, di-dee, di! |
Infomercial
Colin: Hey do you have problems with snoring? Do airports complain when they hear you sleep? |
Colin: Hey, do you have problems with chest hair? Does it look like your chest is... eating a dog? |
Song Titles
Ryan: (points to Colin's shoes) Blue suede shoes. |
Misc.
(Hollywood Director; Drew starts by explaining the scene) |
(after a game of 'Let's Make a Date') |
Drew: "Let's go on to a game--I love this game, it's kinda new this year--African Chant! |
(after 'African Chant' ends} |
(after a playing of Party Quirks in which Ryan accidentally broke the light on Drew's desk with his head) |
(Show-Stopping Number: Accounting Firm) |