Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking/New Media

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • College Humor
    • In an episode of Bleep Bloop the Phantom Of The Office pays a visit and lists his favorite games as follows "Let me see, hoop stick, drown the cat, drown the rat, hobble the goat, and frogger, frogger was hard!"
    • In the "The Problems with Jeggings Continues" sketch, Mr. S lists off innappropriate articles of clothing that will not be allowed in class, such as "NO cellophane hoodies, NO bra cardiagns, NO U-Neck T-shirts, NO Hollister CLOTHES!"
  • This Meme has the main character reading up the demands of the kidnapper, but the thing that bothers him the most is the spelling errors.
  • The Salvation War: The commander of the sub that nuked Tel Aviv finally wakes up in Hell and is informed of the charges against him: " Captain Alex Ben-Shoshan, commanding officer of the Israeli Navy Submarine Tekuma. You are charged with crimes against humanity, treason against the human race, one hundred and fifty three thousand, six hundred and twenty counts of murder in the first degree and failing to complete your navigation logs."
  • Zero Punctuation: (In his Batman: Arkham Asylum review) "I could go on about how the combat flows, and how the atmosphere is solid, and how the highlights for me were the Scarecrow sections where Batman's perceptions of reality askew in favor of a nightmareish and respectively delusional glimpse into the darkest pretenses of his soul, and how jumping on people is cool"
    • From a recap on Wet: "Which played like mixing every bad idea from the past ten years in a blender then drinking it from a puch fashioned from a hollowed out ballsack. Soundtrack was good though".
    • From his review of Saint's Row 2: "If you give them guns, they will shoot old ladies. If you give them cars, they will run over old ladies. If you give them aircraft, they will ascend to the highest possible heights and hurl themselves out onto an old lady. And if you give them customizable outfits, their first instinct will be to take off their clothes and run around the streets hip thrusting in the faces of old ladies."
  • Likes: Blood, death, knives, psycos' [sic, pointy objects, Green Day, and... staying up all night.]
  • One possible XK-class end-of-the-world scenario from the SCP Foundation involves the proposed SCP-001 (the guardian to the Garden of Eden) moving, confluent with the breaching of the "Infinite Devil Machine" SCP-995, the opening of the hellish door SCP-616 and the activation of SCP-098... which is apparently a bunch of safe-ish crustaceans. It has been theorised, however, that the last one is a cover-up for something so horrifying that not even the usual deluge of [DATA EXPUNGED] and blacked-out text allows it to be safely mentioned.
    • It seems that when that SCP-001 was written, SCP-098 was the entrance to an underground tunnel network; witnesses described it as a "gate to hell." The article was removed and replaced with the crustaceans at a later date.
  • Songun Blog, which is a parody of North Korean propaganda practices claims America is "filled with unemployment, foreclosures, crime, drugs, prostitution, murder and jaywalking."
  • Parodied in part one of The Claire Floogin Movie.
  • This list of "Ghetto Names".
  • There exists a website called kids-in-mind.com which gives detailed ratings on any possibly objectionable material in films. Anything that could (ir)rationally be called offensive is listed. Take for instance, Law Abiding Citizen, a film that scored a 9/10 in violence thanks to people being dismembered, blown up, incinerated, poisoned, suffocated, raped, and stabbed. The icing on the violence cake? "Two men eat food using their fingers."
  • In Open Blue, the Axifloan Coalition lists various crimes that various Pirate Lords and ladies are wanted for. While some have pretty serious lists throughout, others... not so much. From v4's Pirate Lord list: Pirate Lady Lucille Prideux's list ends with "Theft in general" while Captain Van Wijk's ends with "Blasphemy" (which is pretty light compared to his other crimes). The real cake takers, however, are Captain Garth, with "Unlicensed operation of a menagerie", and Captain Ingrid, with "Insulting Admiral Flota Vladimir Ilyavich Tokarev, HERO OF THE TRIBES".
  • The Angry Video Game Nerd spent 30 seconds solid insulting TMNT on the NES with some of the most vile profanities in the history of the English language, concluding with: "It fucking sucks, it sucking fucks, it fucking blows, it's a piece of shit... and I don't like it."
    • He did it again with Deadly Towers: "This game is a chicken-licking-finger-fucking son of a bitch! This game is ball-cider! The Assholians bow down to this piece of shit! In other words, the game sucks."
  • Something Awful's review of Grand Theft Auto IV in the style of Jack Thompson notes a (fake) scene where the player carjacks and stabs a family driving to church, then notes that the in-game vehicles have no turn signals.
  • PPCers often start out the chargelist with things like grammar and spelling errors, move on to bigger charges like "disrupting the fabric of reality", and end with things like "having a stupid name", "pissing off PPC agents", etc. An example is Acacia's addendum in This Mission. Another had a character charged with rape, child abuse, and "having an annoyingly complicated house to navigate".
  • From part one of the Werewolf Prevention Guide, "You may remember me from such videos as Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, Protecting you and your family from Vampires & Advanced Billiards Tutorial."
  • In one episode of Atop the Fourth Wall, Linkara rattles off a list of evil robots, which includes The Terminator and Robbie The Robot.
  • When the Cornette Face from Botchamania became an Ascended Meme, a short video was made describing it's purpose. It pulls this trope twice.

First debuting in Botchamania 84, the Cornette Face has been used to summarize the emotions brought on by insane booking decisions, complete disregard of basic wrestling principles, and late WCW Kevin Nash matches. The bad wrestling featured alongside the Cornette Face is made to look worse than it already is, as it appears that the footage has shocked Cornette to the point where he cannot even move. He is powerless to move. He is powerless to rant. He is powerless to spit on Eric Bischoff's windshield.

Dr. Horrible All the cash! All the fame! And social change!

    • Also

Penny(after noticing Billy isn't listening to her) Our goal is to get these people off the streets and into job training so they can build rockets and go to the moon and become florists...

  • The Nostalgia Chick's review of top movie villains included captions listing the various characters' prosecutable crimes. Amid such offenses as "Treason", "Manslaughter", "Conspiracy to Genocide" and the like are occasional mentions of "Littering" (discarding a bone from dinner) or "Animal Cruelty" (squashing bugs).
  • On the Something Awful forum thread that started The Slender Man Mythos someone made this comment:

Thanks to this thread I now hate trees, windows, and tall people.

  • In the College Humor video Duck Hunt: Behind the Scenes, the dog describes formula RD-601 (used to punish players who cheat the games) as such:

Duck Hunt Dog: It's a mixture of crystal meth, jet fuel and Pixie Sticks.

Paul: Carl, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!
Carl: That sounds dangerous!
Paul: You were headbutting children off the side of the ship!
Carl: That, uh, that must have been horrifying to watch.
Paul: And then you started making out with the ice sculptures!
Carl: Thank God that the children weren't on board to see it!

    • With the fourth episode the openings themselves become an example. The first begins with Paul finding a dead human in their house, the second with Carl sinking a cruise-ship, the third with Carl overthrowing a South-American Goverment, and in the fourth... He drags mud all over the carpet. It Got Worse.
    • Sort of a reverse example, from another of his videos, "Ferrets", in which two ferrets are talking in a valley. The one on the left, Harold exclaims how sad he is, so the other one on the right insists that whenever he's feeling down, he sings about things that make him happy. He then breaks into song, and starts listing off happy things to make Harold happy. The first things he sings are okay, like "the feel of a dollar bill", but the song quickly gets dark, when he starts singing about "the fresh smell of blood", and "touching Harold inappropriately while he sleeps".
  • Wikipedia is pretty rife with this:
    • According to her Wikipedia page, after Boudica's husband died, his will was ignored. The kingdom was annexed as if conquered, Boudica was flogged and her daughters raped, and Roman financiers called in their loans.
    • On the Wikipedia page for sleep deprivation, there's an image that lists the effects, some of which are irritability, cognitive impairment, memory lapses or loss, impaired moral judgement, hallucinations, and severe yawning.
    • On the Wikipedia page for the SS: "Members of labor organizations and those perceived to be affiliated with groups (religious, political, social and otherwise) that opposed the regime...were rounded up in large numbers; these included clergy of all faiths, Jehovah's Witnesses, Freemasons, Communists, and Rotary Club members."
    • On the Wikipedia page for the Malleus Maleficarum: "The Malleus Maleficarum accuses witches of infanticide, cannibalism, casting evil spells to harm their enemies, and having the power to steal men’s penises". Granted, some (roughly half) of the population may feel that the last is the most horrific thing ever, but still.
    • From Wikipedia's article on Bert Is Evil:

"The website featured manipulated images of the puppet consorting with nefarious figures including Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Jerry Springer."

    • The video for The Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" inspired this bit on Wikipedia:

The video reached #11 on MuchMusic's 50 Most Controversial Videos for references to zoophilia, sexual lyrics, insulting French people, gay people and chefs.

Throughout his journey, Hocus encounters strange and sometimes dangerous creatures, like mummies, bats and Eskimoes.

Side effects include moral, gender, sexuality dissonance, trauma, depression, stress, addiction, nausea, mental affliction, nightmares and tiredness.

I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna rape him, I'm gonna eat his fucking costume...

  • In Cracked.com:
    • According to an article on the Kama Sutra, the "Vow of Painful Heating" requires a man to drink "a mixture of cow urine, cow shit, grass, water, milk, butter and yogurt".
    • Also, in the article "7 Reasons the 21st Century Is Making You Miserable," the author illustrates the lack of substance in Internet criticism:

I've also been called "asshole" and "cockweasel" and "fuckcamel" and "cuntwaffle" and "shitglutton" and "porksword" and "wangbasket" and "shitwhistle" and "thundercunt" and "fartminge" and "shitflannel" and "knobgoblin" and "boring."

Mark: There's also a great deal of commentary on slavery, oppression, privilege, and why Percy is so goddamn annoying.

  • Harley, after ordering a Baconator and fries in a Wendy's drive-through, is told the drink would only be twenty cents more.

"Your drink will be?" "Fresca."

Pretty much every kind of imaginable catastrophe can be found in this film. Earthquakes? Check. Volcanos? Check. Collapsing skyscrapers? Check. Uncontrolled fires? Check. Raining ash? Check. Plane crashes? Check. Capsized ocean liners? Check. Tsunamis? Check. John Cusack as an action hero? Check - say anything, but not that!

  • In the online game Monster Galaxy, you can go on a quest to retrieve some compromising photos. They show a man committing various felonies like robbery, but the last photo is one of him jaywalking near a "Don't Cross" sign.
  • Recent entries of the Madness series by Krinkels contain easter egg posters with things written on them for those willing to pause the animation and read. In Madness Aborgation, there's a poster that reads "WANTED: DEAD, "Deimos" Murdurer, Liar, Thief, Conspirator, Traitor, Smoker"
  • Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series Kaiba: "You can take over my company, you can kidnap my little brother, you can even try to kill me but when you F*ck with Video Games, you've gone too far."
  • In an interview with Suicide Girls, Doctor Steel says that those that have attempted world domination in the past have gone about it in the wrong way. "War, destruction, genocide, mini-malls..."
  • In The Frenemy's advice on seduction she is recommending that girls lie to guys in bars, giving examples such as, "Hey, I'm a surgeon. With a heart of gold." "I'm a hooker who can fly!" and "I'm not going to get obsessed with you."
  • Uncyclopedia's article on the Grim Reaper says that he "was forced to arrest himself on trumped-up charges of assault, murder, looting, arson and being far more interesting than is the legal limit." May also double as Arson, Murder, and Admiration.
  • During a job interview which takes place in the middle, of all things, a space invaders review, we get 'our company does not discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation, enslavement to eldrich abominations, or against the living dead... Bald people need not apply.'
  • In Bowser's Kingdom episode 666, Jeff tries to warn Hal about the Zombies by describing what makes them dangerous. Hal is aloof to what Jeff is saying, but Jeff says they called Hal gay. Hal is indignant and the two set off on a zombie hunt.
  • One account on the Something Awful forums was permanently banned for the following reasons: 6 bans, 20 probations, constant shitposting, spelling more "moar." (it helps to realize that permabans are generally given for severe or repeat offenses, as punishment for failing some sort of challenge, self-imposed or otherwise, or for being a previously permabanned member.
  • An article for The Onion parodying coverage of the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks claimed that Americans would rather think about the attacks than any of the dreaful events that followed:

Phyllis Bennett of San Jose, CA, [...] considered 9/11 a notably less unpleasant topic than the Iraq War, the worldwide financial meltdown, Hurricane Katrina, the nation's debt burden, the deaths of 6,200 U.S. troops, China's rise into a global superpower, the housing market, relentless partisan bickering, millions of job losses, the war in Afghanistan, nuclear proliferation, unchecked climate change, declining household income, swine flu, or the 9/11 Truth movement.

And the of course, the big three - the subjects it would be a dereliction of my duty not to address on this platform: maintaining the stability of our planet's resources, the urgent need to convince the skeptics of our environmental peril, and the imperative never to go "woo" at a sandwich.

  • In Sonic For Hire The battle part 2, Mario wants to kill Sonic for ruining his business, let Luigi getting killed by a bus , and programing his VCR to record bachelor pad three different times.
  • From the Archive of Our Own Terms of Service Agreement:

You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, or badly spelled.

  • On Homestar Runner, in his character video, Bubs says that he can "fix everything what needs fixing, like cars... T.V.s... marriages..."
    • The "The Virus" edition of Strong Bad Emails: Strong Bad's computer is so riddled with viruses that it warps reality around it. He runs the computer's anti-virus program to find a ridiculous number of viruses. This causes him to freak out. The computer BSOD's on him, with the message "Computer Over. Virus = Very Yes", to which he shouts, "That's not a good prize!" But when the monitor dissolves into a blue liquid and splashes onto the floor, he says, "...aaaand the compy just peed the carpet" in a unsurprised fashion that borders on monotone.
    • In the "myths & legends" e-mail, Strong-Badian fence etchings recorded Bear holding a shark's attribution to "burned crops, stolen babies and family bike rides."
  • There are quite a few of these examples in JibJab's year-in-review episodes, but they mostly have to go to "2011, Buh-Bye!" A few examples are:
    • This verse:

We finally took out bin Laden.

Japan had one hell of a year. (A year!)

There were riots in Britain: "All rotten!"

Harold Camping: The Rapture!

2012 "Seers": Not yet, but it's near. (Next year!)

The S&P blew up our rating.
The jobs market stayed in a slump. (A slump!)
The debt ceiling had us debating,
While Weiner just tweeted his junk.

    • Another verse:

There were Occupy Wall Street protesters,
And folks who will surely be missed.

    • And here's one more verse:

Quakes! Crimes! New signs!

Klavan: "Shouldn't it be paved with bad intentions, or flaming bricks, or copies of the New York Times, or maybe the steaming entrails of Communists and Nazis."

"[...]The passage of ERA, she declared, would mean Government-funded abortions, homosexual schoolteachers, women "forced" into military combat, men refusing to support their wives, and unisex bathrooms."

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD's.

Barats: "Cuz Monday I go to jail: For Tax Evasion! Child Pornography! And Jaywalking!"

Chip Cheezum: "...[T]o give you examples of what's in this show is: Murder, sex, attempted rape, lots of nude prostitutes, more murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, killing, murder, a man gets his neck shot so many times his head falls off, a man gets his head torn off by a subway car moving in the opposite direction, BROOKLYN ACCENTS!

"Why does war exist? Why do we hate, why do we keep killing each other and who keeps making these Martin Lawrence movies? Big Momma's House 2? Two!? What the f--"

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