How to Become a Love Interest

How-To Guide

• Main
• Wikipedia
• All Subpages
• Create New
  Analysis Characters Laconic Recap Trivia Setting YMMV Fridge Fanfic Recs Haiku Headscratchers Ho Yay Image Links Memes Radar Quotes Reviews Useful Notes WMG Awesome Funny Heartwarming Nightmare Fuel Tear Jerker

/wiki/How to Become a Love Interestwork

Want to have your dream girl or guy swoon over you? It's easy! Just: (select your gender)

Females:

1. Be the first one at the entrance when he comes in. (If someone else got there first, you can always try waiting til the end.)
2. Dye your hair red.
3. If he's an American, become a cheerleader.
4. Don't settle for a simple greeting; make your first meeting with him extremely convoluted or sappy to prove that only fate could have thrown you two together. The Crash Into Hello meeting is especially popular.
5. Even better, leave the bathroom door open for him to walk inside and see you Naked First Impression. Not only does it leave a lasting impression, it also gives you an excuse to give him a Megaton Punch (see below).
6. Sucker punch him in the face or Groin Attack.
7. Act horrified at the thought that you could ever be in love with him and be a cranky, volatile person around him. Remember, no hero likes a Clingy Jealous Girl or shy, blushing person with "I'M SOOOO IN LOVE" stamped on her forehead. As insurance, be the first to beat the crap of out of him for doing something that can be regarded as even slightly perverted.
8. Make absolutely sure that you give each other your First Kiss. Sharing straws is acceptable; the rule of thumb here is if it can give mono, it probably counts.
9. Tell him you promised to marry him when you were five. This always, always, always works, just so long as he doesn't find out you're lying or remember that when he was five, he was afraid of girls. If he does, however, you instantly lose it all.
10. If he's a manly man with rippling biceps, become the Damsel in Distress to be swept up into his arms.
11. Failing that, be a Doom Magnet, and find a man who is equally one himself. You'll bond together for safety alone, even if you don't consider him your truest love. Promising him sex will help ensure that he doesn't try to leave, which would only get him killed anyway. Just don't have too much sex.
12. Somehow bribe the gods into removing all competition, leaving you as their sole choice.
13. Get contacts and let your hair down.
14. Get glasses.
15. ... and develop a love for books and other intellectual pursuits.
16. Get a degree in chemistry.
17. Get really good at video games, tabletop games, or whatever it is the geek is into.
18. Work out your womanly figure and take fighting classes.
19. ...or stay delicate with no muscles if he's got an ego stake in fighting.
20. Get a not-too-crippling disability. If you don't like the idea of permanently hurting yourself, try getting a not-too-disfiguring and non-contagious disease. Nothing invokes those chivalrous instincts like a cough in the right moment. Watch out, though: if you're too good at, you may end up dying in the end.
21. And make sure you never come off as being overly eager or aggressive.
22. Offer to teach him how to dance.
23. ...or play a piano duet together.
24. Sing.
25. Secretly be male. A Wholesome Crossdresser never fails to get some important guys after shim.
26. Of course dressing like a man works well too.
27. If all else fails, force yourself onto him. It'll give you something to laugh about afterwards! Warning: If you're in real life, doing this will at least screw up your karma and at most get you a life sentence or on-site death.
28. ...this may sound outrageous but.....if he happens to be black, be white. Just...be white Seriously, this works way more often than it sounds.

• • If he's anything else, Ambiguously Brown will usually work. Bonus points if you're a "savage".

1. Your main competition isn't allowed to admit her feelings until just before the end credits. Therefore, admit yours much sooner and attempt to gather enough audience sympathy make the confession stick.

• • Do not, however, proclaim love for someone within minutes of meeting them. Wait long enough to make everyone believe you took the time to actually get to know the person you claim to be in love with.

1. Conceal your gender and kick some serious ass right in front of him. Alternatively, help him to deal with a bunch of Mooks or the Quirky Miniboss Squad, still making believe you're male. And at just the right moment, when he hands out for a manly handshake and ask for your name, comply and reveal your face. Works all the time, no exceptions.

Males:

1. Wear a leather jacket.
2. Be aloof, quiet, and generally bad. Even if you don't get the girl, fangirls will flock all over you because there must, simply must, be a sensitive, tormented poetic soul underneath that bad boy veneer.

• • For extra effect, be abusive and sarcastic to her. Glasses optional.

1. When options 1 & 2 just won't work, be a honourable, considerate, chivalrous, well-meaning guy. No, seriously, this actually works a lot more than you may think. Also, the women on whom this works are often better quality than the others.
2. Go for the "slender but lithe" look. What girl can say no to a pretty face like that?
3. If you can't do either of the above, "accidentally" grope her breasts.
4. ...or catch a peek at her panties.
5. ...or walk in on her as she's bathing or undressing.
6. ...or all of the above. Preferably all at the same time; at which some one will awkwardly stumble into the room for comedic effect.
7. Proposition her heavily but don't force her. If you do it properly, she may consider your offer indeed.
8. It never hurts to sacrifice a goat or two to get the Powers That Be to uneven out the playing field in your favor.
9. Offer to teach her to swing a baseball bat.
10. Rescue her from danger. Seriously, this usually always works.
11. Get a job as her bodyguard.
12. Take your shirt off.
13. Swear off love.
14. Force yourself onto her. Every tear and protest she sheds will only cause her to fall even more hopelessly in love with a strong, assertive man like you. Warning: If you're in the kind of story in which this doesn't work, or you're in real life, doing this will at least screw up your karma and at most get you a life sentence, or even on-site death.
15. If she happens to be a Hot Amazon and Best Her to Bed Her doesn't apply , try playing the physically weak, frail, helpless Ill Boy.

• • Alternatively, prove that you can outdo her with your smarts rather than your strength.

1. Offer to help clean off that bit of food stuck to her cheek.
2. Special Note: If you happen to be black, and she just so happens to be white, there are a TON of options available. These include:

• • Grow an afro and just be really, really cool.
  • Or, shave your head and just be really, really cool.
  • Lose the Uncle Tomfoolery.
  • Become President of the United States.
  • Become the new Sheriff of Rock Ridge. Though, some folks might need to get used to you.
    • If you do go this route, and all else fails, just offer to prove to them that the rumors are, in fact, true.

NOTE: Role comes with a significant increase in the probability of dying, especially if one of you has the Cartwright Curse.