Badass Boast/Fan Works
- An eloquent summation of Tank Goodness:
"Yea verily, though I charge through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am driving a house-sized mass of "fuck you."
—Anonymous Mammoth Tank crewman in Tiberium Wars
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- Gregg Landsman, author of Evangelion fanfic Nobody Dies has put his own spin on this one.
- From the Fallout 3 Modus Operandi fanfic:
- A smaller one:
Ashur:"What's to stop me from calling my guards? |
- A short one from Thicker than Water:
Kai: Don't come closer--I'll shoot! |
- Controversial character D.J. Croft from the Mega Crossover Fanfic Neon Exodus Evangelion by Eyrie Productions Unlimited eventually gets one of these. Based on an I Have Many Names passage from the game Marathon, it first appears in the story as a set of Arc Words and [eventually evolves into a Badass Boast:
"Know you that I am he who was once Longinus, centurion of the Tenth Legion. I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh. I have been called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the world goes dim and cold. I have been killed a thousand times and every time I return. I fight for truth. I fight for glory. I fight for love. I fight for beauty. I am Hero. I will return." |
- "I have walked as a god! I have fought as a god! You will not frighten me, LITTLE MAN!" Not a bad boast, but made all the more awesome considering who's making it.
- "Alright. So. Introductions first, along with whoever's your command squad. I'm Michael, I own this house and can crush you with a tank. Repeatedly, if necessary. Or with something heavier. How about you?" From this fic called ToyHammer
- Darkly played in the Gurren Lagann/Evangelion Crossover: Neon Toppa EVA Lagann by a desperate Simon to a scared and confused Shinji (while pressing the sharp point of his drilling tool against the latter's stomach) to get information on where he can find an injured Kamina some medical attention:
- It's cool in the sense that we are made to remember that Simon is a fantastic and skilled driller, the Squick comes from being made to imagine (along with Shinji) what those drilling skills can do to soft, human flesh.
- From Wizard People, Dear Reader: "I am a beautiful animal! I am a destroyer of worlds! I am Harry fucking Potter!"
- The awesome Doctor Who fanfic The Man With No Name gives us this:
- Parodied with the Kingdom Hearts Fanfic Those Lacking Spines.
- The Firefly fanfic Forward has several of these, from both Jayne and Mal. At one point, when being held at gunpoint by a couple of jittery pirates....
- In an earlier arc, Mal slights Badger, who warns him to never come back to Persephone again. Mal's response....
- Sonic the Hedgehog, while in Tranquil Fury, gives out an awesome boast to this sorry bastard who hurt Tails(of another dimension...long but very well done story: He Is My Master).
Sonic: "My name is Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog. I move at speeds faster than you can imagine...I am the protector of Mobius, a dimension you have never even heard of. I am capable of channeling the power and even the wrath of Chaos when I chose to...I have saved moons tied to planets. I have watched the world burn. I have defeated Chaos, the God of Destruction with my own bare hands...And you...just hurt my little brother!" |
- From Pokémon: Storm Clouds, Missy sets the Scyther straight.
For all your claims to be invincible, for all your bragging and pride, I've beaten you twice. That's why you searched me out in this rain; not for revenge, but to prove to yourself that I'm not better than you. My victories over you eat you alive, and you know it. And even if you do kill me, even if I'm dead and gone, your damaged, imperfect blade will always be there: an eternal reminder of my triumph over you. |
- And when the true Big Bad reveals himself to the Disc One Final Boss:
Do you remember what I once told you? ‘You cannot control a marionette with only one string’. You dared to think you controlled me?!...I’ve made you dance this way and that for years now, Giovanni. You were my plaything. Well, now you and your organization bore me. I’ll cut your strings. |
- Warren Mears in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic Difficult to Fight Against Anger: "Oh, fine; this is like nickel-and-diming a cyberdemon when you're in god mode."
- Azrael in Knightfall: The Movie: "You have no idea what you?re dealing with, Bane. You broke Bruce Wayne, but the Bat is something not so easy to destroy. It?s bigger than him, me, all of us; and it?s more powerful than all your petty ideas about vengeance and retribution. That is why Wayne spared Napier?s life. He knows death and destruction are not the answer. I am not so forgiving. If I ever see you again, Bane, I promise, you will never see me."
- Hal Jordan's threat to Jerkass God Hades during the JLA Watchtower Olympics plot. He's Badass enough as is...but he proceeds to remind everyone what he was between his snit as Parallax and his return.
- Wandering Wordsmith's Rosario + Vampire fanfiction Thawing Permafrost gives Ruby a particularly nasty Mama Bear threat:
Ruby: “I’m not telling you anything. Now get out of Yokai, and stay out if you don’t want me using these vines as creatively, and as painfully as I see fit.” |
- This is countered quickly by Kaze:
Kaze: “Your first mistake was thinking you could threaten me with those little cotton threads. (takes Ruby down and leaves her cold on the floor) Your second mistake was thinking you were going to tell me about Mizore." |
- Gregg Landsman writes Eva fics, and in them he likes to have some of the Angels introduce themselves. With all of his stories together, he's almost got all of them:
- ADAM/The First: I am he who is named "I am." My feet shall walk the breadth of the Base Earth once more. My mission shall not end with death. I shall seed the ground with new truth. And that which has come before and from Me shall bow in worship. I am the Alpha. I am the original. I am the Creation of God. I am the first of the Messengers and I am coming for the one who is my Opposite. I am ADAM. I AM COMING.
- Lilith/The Second/Pending: I am she who is named "I think." My feet shall walk the width of the Blessed Earth once more. My Mission is your salvation through creation. Ascending, my children shall rally against the Enemy. They shall rise up. And the Enemy shall fall. I am opposite to he who is named "I am." I am his Equal. I am the Creator of Man. I am the True Ancestor. I am Lilith. I...RISE.
- Sachiel/The Third: I am. Through License of he who is called 'I AM' I have come. Though my feet must stomp upon the Base Earth for this blessed quest, I have come. I am the first of the many. I am the Harbringer of your destruction. I am the Covering of God. Angel of Water. I am Sachiel. I have come.
- Ramiel/The Fifth: I AM. THROUGH LICENSE OF HE WHO IS CALLED "I AM" I HAVE COME. THOUGH MY FEET SHALL NEVER TOUCH THE BASE EARTH ON THIS BLESSED QUEST, I HAVE COME. MOUNTAINS SHALL SHATTER IN MY PASSING. MY SONG IS THE CALL OF THE END OF DAYS. IN MY PASSING SHALL THE DEMON CHILDE OF LILITH BE EXCISED FROM THIS WORLD. I AM THE THUNDER OF GOD. ANGEL OF LIGHTNING. I AM RAMIEL. I HAVE COME.
- Ramiel II/Legion: I have come. And this body shall be my church! These sheep shall be my congregation! By license of he who is called ?I am? I have come. Though I have already touched the base Earth on this blessed quest, I have come. I am Legion. I am numerous. When I strike down your army, it is with SIX THOUSAND FISTS! When I stare my hatred into the depths of your soul, it is with SIX THOUSAND EYES! There has never been before one like me! There shall not be again. I am the Lightning of God! I am Ramiel. And I have returned.
- Gaghiel/The Sixth: I am. Through license of He who is called "I Am" I have come. Though my feet shall never touch the base Earth on this blessed quest, I have come. In my wake, I leave a Dead Sea. Before me, lies completion. I am the Roaring Beast of God. Angel of the Creatures of the Sea. I am Gaghiel. I have come.
- Sandalphon/The Eighth: I am. Through license of He who is called 'I am' I have come. Though I must drag my feet along the Base Earth on this most holy quest, I have come. I shall merge with the enemy of Father, becoming a being of perfection and peace. Through my Song, shall the hopes and dreams of the filthy Lilim be fulfilled in peaceful non-existence. Let My words be the seeds of your ending bliss, growing within your souls. I am the Master of the Heavenly Song of God. Angel of the Unborn. I am Sandalphon. I am here.
- Matariel/The Ninth: I am. Through license of He who is named 'I Am' I have come. Though I shall never touch the base Earth, I have come. The tears I shall shed for Father shall burn the Lilim to bones and slime. The sky itself I shall turn against them. I am the Premonition of God. Angel of Rain. I am Matariel. I have come.
- Sahaquiel/The Tenth: I AM. THROUGH LICENSE OF HE WHO IS CALLED "I AM" I HAVE COME. THOUGH I SHALL ONLY ONCE TOUCH THE BASE EARTH ON THIS BLESSED QUEST, I HAVE COME. MY FORM SHALL BE VAST AND NUMEROUS. NEW TRUTH SHALL BE FORGED WITHIN MY PASSING. AND THE NUMEROUS FORMS THROUGH WHICH I SHALL SCOUR THE LILIM OF THE EARTH SHALL BE WRIT DOWN IN THE WAY OF PRAYER AND LEGEND. I AM THE INGENUITY OF GOD. ANGEL OF THE SKIES. I AM SAHAQUIEL. I AM COMING.
- Iruel/The Eleventh: Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm an Angel of wealth and taste. Pleased to meet you! Hope you guess my name! But what's troublin' you is the nature of my game. I am. Through license of he who is called "I Am" I have come. Thought I shall never touch the base earth on my quest, I have come. I am the multitude. I am the endless expanse. I am the Many. Even standing alone, I am Legion. I am within your systems, within your story and rewriting this final act for my own ends. I am the Fear of God. Angel of Terror. I am Iruel. I am here.
- Leliel/The Twelfth: I AM. THROUGH LICENSE OF HE WHO IS CALLED 'I AM' I AM COMING. THOUGH I SHALL NEVER TOUCH THE BASE EARTH ON THIS BLESSED QUEST, I AM COMING. I AM THE DARKNESS BETWEEN STARS. I AM THE BRIDGE OF UNIVERSES. I AM THE HOLE OF THE WORM AND THE TUNNEL OF THE MOUNTAIN. LAST I AM, THOUGH NEW TRUTH SHALL BE FORGED IN MY PASSING. I AM THE JAWS OF GOD. ANGEL OF NIGHT. I AM LELIEL. I AM COMING.
- The Nobody Dies version: I AM. Through license of he who was called "I AM" I have come. Though I shall never touch my feet to the Base Earth on my most blessed mission, I have come. I am the Keeper of Father. I am separate from my Brothers, both above and below them. I am the Void. I am the bridge between the worlds and the Hole of the Worm. I am the Jaws of God. Angel of Night. I am Leliel. I have come.
- Zeruel/The Fourteenth: I AM. THROUGH LICESENSE OF HE WHO IS NAMED "I AM". I HAVE COME. THOUGH MY FEET SHALL DRAG UPON THIS BASE EARTH, I HAVE COME. I AM THE SECOND TO FATHER. INHERITOR OF HIS BOUNDLESS RAGE. YOU HAVE EXISTED SO FAR AT MY PLEASURE AND PATIENCE, AND THAT, AS SHALL YOUR WORKS OF CIVILISATION, SHALL NOW COME TO AN END. I AM THE GREATEST OF THE MESSENGERS, MOUNTAIN OF THEIR STRENGTH. CITIES SHALL FALL UPON MY PASSING. SONGS SHALL BE SUNG OF WHAT IS LEFT IN MY WAKE. I AM THE ARM OF GOD. ANGEL OF MIGHT. I AM ZERUEL. I HAVE COME.
- A brilliant Audio Adaptation can be fount here
- Arael/The Fifteenth: I AM. THROUGH LICENSE OF HE WHO IS CALLED 'I AM' I HAVE COME. THOUGH I SHALL NEVER STAND UPON THE BASE EARTH ON MY BLESSED QUEST, I HAVE COME. MY LIGHT SHALL BURN AWAY FALSEHOODS. THE TRUE AND STRONG SHALL NOT FEAR ME. I AM THE LIGHT OF GOD. ANGEL OF BIRDS. I AM ARAEL. I HAVE COME.
- Tabris/Kaworu Nagisa/The Seventeenth: I Am and I Think. By the Power of He who is called "I Am," and the Genius of of the descendants of She who is called "I Think," I was Born. Though I Walk on this Base Earth, seperate from the Lilim and my Brothers, I Am Here. Though my Father is I Am, I have another Father who was descended of I Think. Despite our Collective Goals, I will fight my Brothers to further my own Goals. I Plan, and I Live, and I Improvise. When I strike, it Will be without Warning. And when you Believe that I Am not a Threat, that is when I Am the Most Dangerous. I Am the Last, the Reborn First. I Am The Pilot of Provisional Evangelion Unit 6. I Am the Will of God. I Am the Lilim Spirit of Life. I Am the Angel of Free Will. I Am Kaworu Nagisa. I Am Tabris. I Am Here. And I Will Remain. Though Gregg has given some approval for it.
- And now in NGE: Nobody Dies, new Angels have appeared with equally boastful intros.
- Shalgiel/First Cherub: You are, all of you, Garbage. We shall burn the surface of this world until your carbon remains become like diamond glass. I am the falling snow that buries you ?neath our contempt. I am the winding chill of the wind as it strips your flesh from bone. I am the Knight of God. Angel of the Snow. I am Shalgiel. I am Here.
- Rampel/Second Cherub: You are, all of you, garbage. You choke the air and rape the base earth beneath you. Those you term "Angels" are you salvation through destruction. But we are not them. We do not seek salvation. We do not believe you are to be saved. You will ground beneath our weight until you are paste and compost. I am the Crawling Mountain of God. Angel of the Peaks. I am Rampel. I am coming.
- Shateiel/Third Cherub: YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU, GARBAGE. Born of hate and refuse. Born of greed and fear. Your works of civilization are the mad ramblings of the already dead. You worship us and discard us. And now we have come to discard you. I am the Interrogation of God. Angel of Silence. I am Shateiel. I am here.
- Raziel/Fourth Cherub: You are, all of you, garbage. You have debased the sacred site of the Father. You have ended your world through your own curiosity. You have defiled the cosmic order through your own hunger for knowledge and power. But now you will find some answers are not worth knowing. The secrets you have judged worthy of your attention have now decided you are worth theirs. I am the Secret of God. Angel of Mysteries. I am Raziel. I am here.
- Turel/Seventh Cherub: You are garbage. Trash. Father has said above all, you must be destroyed. Humiliated. Laid low like the simpering parasite you are. I am the Spear of God. Angel of Walls. I am Turel. And you are NOTHING.
- Tamiel/Eighth Cherub: You are, all of you, Garbage. You have gathered yourselves like sheep. And like sheep, can the wolf gut you all. You are prey. I am the hunter. And I have been waiting for you all. I am the Observer of God. Angel of the Flood. I am Tamiel. And I am here.
- Camael/Eleventh Cherub: You are, all of you, garbage. You have reigned victorious against my brethren. But you have become complacent and weak. You become soft in your own victories. But I do not seek victory. I only seek to watch you squirm. I am the Chief of the Powers. Angel of Joy. I am Camael. I am here.
- From the canonised Expanded Universe, Kei Ayanami has one:
- And now Pen-Pen has one too, thanks to the SpaceBattles forums:
- And now Jet Alone Prime has one: i am. Through the license of those who are called "humanity", i stand, though the blood of angels does not flow through me, i stand, i am a machine, a construct of steel and fury, i am the anvil upon which the enemies of man shall be broken, i am the hammer that shall crack the gates of heaven and hell, the big guy of f__king metal, i am jet alone prime! And i stand against all who dare threaten humanity!
- Revised due to new events: With Adam gone, you cannot change the fate of our Blessed Earth. Yet fate has yielded a humble reward: a unique and newborn soul. I live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in silence, waiting...protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage in the face of insurmountable odds. Though we are worlds apart, they of blood, and I of metal, there's more to us than meets the eye. I am Jet Alone Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Angels hidden in waiting amongst the the stars: I am here. I am waiting.
- Even Humanity has one now: WE ARE. THROUGH DESCENT OF SHE WHO IS CALLED "I THINK" WE ARE BORN. THOUGH SIX BILLION FEET POUND THE BASE EARTH, WE ARE AS ONE. WE ATE FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE AND STAND AGAINST THE PROGENY OF THE TREE OF LIFE. WE ARE MANY, AND YET WE ARE UNITED. THROUGH OUR DEEDS, SHALL FLESH AND MACHINE AND MIND UNITED STRIKE DOWN THOSE WHO OPPOSE OUR BILLIONS OF SELVES. LET OUR WORDS SPLIT ATOMS, AND CALL FORTH THE PRODUCE OF THE BASE EARTH TO SERVE US, AND ONLY US. WE ARE THE KILLERS OF ANGELS. AND THOSE WHO WE SPARE SHALL BECOME ONLY TOOLS IN OUR SERVICE. WE ARE THE FINAL ANGEL. WE ARE THE LILIM. CHILDREN OF LILITH, MOTHER OF MONSTERS, WHO SHOW THEIR MOTHER NO MORE MERCY THAN ANY OTHER ANGEL. WE ARE LEGION. AND WE ARE WAITING.
- Thanks to that thread, The King of the Monsters himself has one: I WHO AM BORN OF FIRE AND DEATH. MY STEPS SHAKE THE FOUNDATIONS. MORTAL MAN FEAR MY WAKE. CALLED TO SHATTER THE CHAINS OF MAN. OF RAGE AND POWER NOW SET FREE. NEITHER GOD NOR MAN DARE CHALLENGE ME. WRATH AND RUIN LEFT OF MY FAIR PREY. BUILT ONCE MORE BY THEE DO I RETURN AGAIN. EVEN IN SUBLIGATION TO MY WHIM. DOTH DEVASTATION FORMED BY ARROGANCE WALK FORTH IN THE WORLD OF MAN. I AM UNSTOPABLE BY ANY WEAPON YOU CHOOSE TO WIELD. I AM KING UPON THE THRONE OF MONSTERS I AM GODZILLA I LIVE AGAIN!
- In addition there's the boast the thread created for one of the most terrifying of tropes, a boast that is specifically used as the page quote for that trope: I Am. Through Nature of He who is called "I Speak," I Have Come. Though my Feet shall Touch upon Two Base Earths, I Have Come. My Existence has been used in Stories for generations. One is a Tale of a Cunning Rogue. One is the Epic of a Courageous Knight. Through my Influence, these two shall meet. I Am the Literary Device of Unity. I Am the Trope of Mingling Worlds. I Am Crossover.
- Personally, I think Commander Pieter Sohryu has an epic one of his own from Chapter 7 of Mother Issues:
- And now Jet Alone Prime has one: i am. Through the license of those who are called "humanity", i stand, though the blood of angels does not flow through me, i stand, i am a machine, a construct of steel and fury, i am the anvil upon which the enemies of man shall be broken, i am the hammer that shall crack the gates of heaven and hell, the big guy of f__king metal, i am jet alone prime! And i stand against all who dare threaten humanity!
- In Chapter 20 of Uzumaki Harry, by Shadow Crystal Mage, the First Task gives us this one:
- Fuck the Jesus Beam has one in the eighth chapter.
- Horus has one in the Warhammer fanfic PRIMARCHS:
- In Luminosity, Elspeth, whose powers are all based around effective communication, delivers a supremely spoiler-heavy one.
- There's one Dollhouse crossover[1] (Name? Link?) where just as the Big Bad is bearing down on a hostage (also evil, but more experienced in the crossing-over universe's conventions), the hostage warns that he better surrender, because an acquaintance is coming and is going to say the four scariest words in the universe, and goes on for quite some time about how he needs to give himself up now, despite holding the high ground, because once he hears those four words, he is dead meat and has no chance whatsoever, not even for mercy. This is, naturally, followed by the acquaintance arriving and saying those four words:
- The lead-up is a conventional example, and unusual in that it turns the perfectly ordinary introduction into one as well.
- In the Service's originator/extra material Monsters has Signum explaining why making her angry is bad, while in the midst of torturing someone by turning unnecessary bits of their body to ashes.
- In the Service itself gives us the introduction of the Immortal Order. Worse yet, they mean it. “We are the Immortal Order. Defeat is temporary. Death is meaningless.”
- A Numbered Existence gives us Sette's take on her job: "When nightmares have their own bad dreams, they dream of me."
- The Alpha Houndoom in Poké Wars: The Exigence says this prior to battling the Golem leader.
- Takato from the Tamers Forever Series FREQUENTLY attempts this, though it invariably comes out as Narm both In-Universe and out
Takato://moves his right leg forward and clenches his right fist// "What did you do to my friends!" |
- However, he does get one genuinely epic one during his battle againgst Rika.
Rika: You're underestimating us Gogglehead! |
- A Hero has Dalek Sec Giving one to Kyubey:
Dalek Sec: I COME FROM A PLACE WHERE GODS ROAM A-MONGST THE STARS, WHERE THERE ARE BEINGS THAT COULD E-RASE ALL OF RE-AL-ITY WITH BUT A ME-RE THOUGHT, THAT COULD BEND TI-ME TO THEIR WILL AND FREE YOU FROM HAVING EVER BEING BORN!! YET, NO MAT-TER HOW PO-WER-FUL THEY ARE, THEY ALL FEAR THE SAME THING. |
- Naruto: Myoushuu no Fuuin gives us this gem when Ino tries to bully Kakashi into letting her look after Sakura after her parents die:
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality gives us a combined Badass Boast and Crowning Moment of Heartwarming:
- Power Rangers GPX; if you thought Power Rangers was silly, think again:
Sean: We're Power Rangers! We don't quit, we don't surrender, and most importantly, WE DON'T LOSE!!! |
- From Only Smile When I Lie, a Doom/Loki Thor fanfic:
Doom: [smiling] I have seen enough horror in my life that I'm not impressed. I have walked the road through Hell itself. I have loved monsters and had my monstrosity loved in return. I am not afraid. |
- In A Sticky Situation series, specifically the Digimon/Star Wars crossover sequel "Secret of the 327th", there is a particularly impressive one that covers plenty of events in Aayla's life both prior to the story's beginning and during the fanfiction itself.
- Short but sweet in A Growing Affection. The Daimyo of the Land of Fire wants to talk to Tsunade alone, but his bodyguards protest, leading to this exchange:
- Josh delivers one in Blood in The Water:
He spread his arms wide, grinning madly. "Look around you, Haleigh! Your world is crumbling. Your Pokemon have been defeated. I am the true Master. You see, I'm the one people are truly afraid of. I'm the one who makes the likes of Giovanni and Ghetsis tremble in their sleep. I can wipe the floor with anyone. I've defeated Cynthia and Naomi effortlessly!" |
- Kross and Rain: Cursed Souls has two, both from Kross, and both inspired by Berserk
Kross:'Fate. Destiny. Predestined. SHUT UP! My brother died in my arms today, and you tell me it was fate? I'll make my own fate in this world. You just declared war on the Nightroad clan.And this is war like any other. The last man alive wins! And I won't rest until I track down and destroy every one of you and then take the fight to your pathetic god! This is my declaration. MY DECLARATION OF WAR!!!" (lightning flash emphasizes the word war) |
- The My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic/Sonic the Hedgehog crossover Chaotic Harmony; Dr. Eggman finds out harshly what happens when you tear through a certain purple unicorn's home.
Dr. Eggman: A foolish choice, you stupid horse. Those who dare stand in my way will be destroyed. Now, be a good little horsy and back off! |
- In the Deliver Us from Evil Series, Dr. Watson delivers a passionate and pretty scary one to a captured Mook...
- Time Lords and Terror has the Doctor delivering a subdued but effective one to the S'Muz.
"I'm The Doctor, and these (MLP Mane Cast...and Zecora) Are my friends. And we are going to stop you. Understood?" |
- During the "Origins" arc in the Pony POV Series, Mimic gives one to Discord right before her Dying Moment of Awesome:
Mimic: You float one inch towards my daughters, I'll kill you and seal your spirit in one of my horseshoes! |
- The final lines of chapter 79 of the Harry Potter fic Lady Archimedes:
Bellatrix cackled. "And you think you can stop me this time, little girl?" |
- Jaune Arc in the RWBY/The Gamer crossover, The Games We Play:
- ↑ with what will become immediately evident