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• Jesu Otaku

Professor Otaku

• From Prof's Let's Play of Spiderman: Web of Shadows: "Oh, this must be the movie version of Spiderman since all he does is wander around like a emo git."
• Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, the whole thing.
  • Prof's reaction after finding out Lex Luthor made Major Force one of his super force:

Professor Otaku: Major Force?! Major Force!? Major frickin Force!?! You stuffed Kyle Rayner's girlfrend into a goddamn fridge, you Chinese Captain Atom Bootleg! Congratulations Lex, you've hired someone crazier than you are.

• • "Melon Girl, I mean Power Jugs, I mean Power Girl tries to explain the state of things but everyone's too busy staring at her massive funbags."
  • "It turns out there's a large chunk of Kryptonite the size of god's testicle coming to Earth."
  • Metallowned!
  • Warning: What follows is needlessly Badass.
  • Captain Adam steilizes heroes and villians alike!
  • Deep in his fortress, he's hidden what is possibly the ugliest mecha since... well ever.
• Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths
  • Playing "All Along the Watchtower" while Superman and Green Lantern are working on the new watchtower.
  • His response to James Woods playing Owlman? He plays the "Ohh, piece of candy!" clip from Family Guy.
    • Probably not the best indicator of his work.
  • Anytime he uses a Laugh Track.
  • His response to finding out there's no Harley Quinn in the alternate universe? "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
  • Using the Price Is Right failure horn sound when the JLA finds out Deathstroke is the president.
  • "Apperently all his Batarangs can do is make her horny..."
  • There are two very diffrent takes on the situation here: Batman sees it as running for his life, and Superwoman sees it as foreplay.
  • "I'm so putting this on my Bat-Blog."
  • Every time Ultraman gets mistaken for the other Ultraman.
• Green Lantern First Flight:
  • "He goes through a transformation sequence which, despite being cool, I absolutely must profane." *cue GL transformation set to the Sailor Moon dub theme.*
    • "You'd have preferred Captain Planet?"
  • "Now to be fair, we're not all that great, given that we created Jersey Shore and Soulja Boy..."
  • [WARNING: INCOMING SLASHFIC MATERIAL]
  • After it's revealed Sinistro is on the heel side...*DUN DUN DUUUUUUN* "Really, who's surprised?"
  • "Seems like I've seen [that kind of hyperspace physics] in a show somewhere before..." *cue Cowboy Bebop clip*
  • "How many, Hal? How many more Bugmen have to die before your bloodlust is sated?!"
    • Please donate to save the Bugmen Foundation. If the Lanterns won't think of them, shouldn't you?
  • "Shame really, the musical number Sinistro and Canjaroe used to do in college could've gotten one last shot!"
  • Hal Jord-OWNED!
    • "Also, golf."
• Prof getting a bridget drop in Quick Hits 2 by...looking up porn of Shuichi.

"W-wow...she really likes it in the butt. Hm...why does she...OH! Oh, it's a duuude...oh, it's a dude...*breaks down*"

• Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket:
  • "You wonder why you lost the war, Zeon? It's because you can't keep to a fucking schedule!"
  • In response to the opening while facepalming: "I forgot how much I hate the 80s..."
    • And then he introduces the Tagalong Kid, leading to a HEADDESK. He reinstates that he hates kids a few times more throughout the review.
  • "You're going to school, not trying to hitch a lift on Route 66!"
  • His shocked reactions to the fact that Alfred is way to eager to destroy his town.
  • "You killed Santa Christ you dirty whore!"
  • "I need something to perk me up. Something pink and fluffy. Kinda wobbly and stretchy and...I got it! Lucky Star! *record scratch*...God, what have I done."
• Godannar:
  • "Did these women ever wear bras? No. Never. [with a freaked out look on his face]"
  • "And apparently Anna is still in high school. Let the skivving begin!"
    • Immediately afterwards, he sort of forgives the May–December Romance partly because of her Hot Mom...only to bring it back up and calculate in Xkcd terms that there is at least a 3 year difference between them.

Prof: Someone get Chris Hansen on the line.

• Halfway through his review of Animation Runner Kuromi, Prof grabs a "giant ball of estrogen" in order to analyze one of the aspects.
• When he finally gets around to reviewing Princess Tutu, he has a brief rage moment wondering why some of the shows he likes are so damn GIRLY.
  • The constant mentions of Fakir being in an abusive yaoi relationship with Mytho.
• From one of his earliest reviews, Prof throws up upon hearing the Ouran High School Host Club opening.
  • And in the redo during Girly Month, he does it again upon hearing the dub version after claiming he wouldn't.
• Salaryman Kintaro: "Oh come on dude, I know your life is dull and everything but are you seriously gushing about PENCILS? Here's a tip -- use mechanical!"
• From Prétear: "I believe his qualities can best be summed up in song: Douche douche douche douche douche he's a great big douchey bag, douche douche douche douche douche he's a great big douchey bag. Douche douche douche... well you get the idea."
• From his Magical Nyan Nyan Taruto review: "He just admitted to having a backyard full of dead cat girls. Someone get Detective Benson on the line, I think we have a case."
  • "What 18 to 30 year old would watch this willingly? Stop looking at me like that."
  • "Respect the sacrifice of my balls!"
• In his World of Narue review, he syncs up a scene with the theme from Doctor Who.
• The cold opening of the Ninja Nonsense review being played out in live action, almost like a silent movie.
• Prof acting out the plan of the military in his review of Saikano.
• Icchan portrayed as Aqualung in the stinger of the Angelic Layer review.
• It was amusing seeing Prof's animated half gently doze off while watching Black Blood Brothers, what was really funny was seeing him dream about Vixen.

Arkada

• Ark's Enemy Without moment during his Desert Punk review. To clarify, his real self, Tristan, argues with his reviewer self Arkada on whether or not it's okay to make a masturbation joke since Tristan has a girlfriend.
  • Also at the end he says he should review more manly shows, and goes to look through his shelf. He brings back a bunch of action shows, and when he reaches the bottom says, "This is perfect! (holds up case) Princess Tutu!!"
• For his long-awaited review of School Days, Ark reacts to Makoto's death thusly:

Ark: Well, there's only one thing you can say to that...he had it coming! *cue the Cell Block Tango*

• When music from Jaws plays with Final Fantasy Ulimited approaching him.
• When he was maniacally mocking Digimon for being a Pokemon rip-off while playing on a Nintendo DS colored similarly to a Poke-Ball and wearing a cap that looks like Ash's.
• His reading aloud to an excerpt from Yotsuba&!, complete with in-character performances, especially the "farm" scene.

"Jeez! Take her to the damn farm already!"

• The beginning of the Slayers review taking place with three of the Brigaders playing an online RPG. Ark casts Dragon Slave, causing Prof and Vix to crack up.
• This exchange at the end of his Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex review:

Mystery Captor: Hey, Ark. Just to piss you off, you wanna know what else McGlynn did? Arkada: What? Mystery Captor: She also happened to be one of the ADR Directors for Naruto. (Arkada backs up for a moment)

Mystery Captor: Yes, I can imagine your figurative brain leeking out of your imaginary ears because I do believe by what you just said that Naruto is gold.\\ Arkada: Ahhh.. (does some frustrated babbling) Um... She can't be great all tthe time, right?
Mystery Captor: Nice save.

• The voices he gives the different characters in his playthrough of the Recettear demo. Especially Louie.
• Arkada's portrayal of a Pokémon fanboy's reaction to even hearing of Digimon.
  • His little comment afterward made it even funnier:

Ark: I had a strange childhood.

• The puppet show at the start of his AIR review.
• The Garbage Story. No description can do it justice, just watch the DesuRattle episode of the same name and you'll find out...
• Unofficially renaming Darker than Black to Hei's Super Happy Fun Fun Time With Superpowers, using quite large text as he's saying it.

Vixen

• Vixen's reaction to Shiloh's song 17 in Repo! The Genetic Opera.
  • (After Shiloh was knocked unconscious by Nathan) "Thank you."
• This girl has a very strong pair of lungs, made the most obvious in her screams of terror in her co-review of New Moon.
• Vixen and Steven's Twilght Saga: Eclipse review. Naturally!
  • After Vixen remarks the opening looks like a Mastercard ad, she starts adding prices to each thing the guy has.

Puberty: 15 years. Screaming Like a Pussy: Priceless

• • This:

Vixen: Bella! Why are you making me rage 5 minutes into the film you stupid broad?!?! Steven: Because it wouldn't be a Twilight film if she didn't.

• • "Yeah, I destroyed your car so you can't see your friends, have fun walking bitch!"
  • "This is the retard pot calling the asshole kettle black."
  • After imprinting is explained in a very romantic way...

Vixen: And remember when Breaking Dawn comes out, all of this is gonna be applied to a baby!" Steven: That's not creepy.

• • "I know that Edward's just making out with me here to piss Jacob off, but making out is awesome!" "I hate you."
  • Vixen and Steven's response to Jacob telling Charlie that Bella broke her hand punching his face? "WHAT?!?"
  • "This is the movie telling Bella once again not to become a vampire and treasure her humanity, but does this this change her mind? Of course not, it never fucking will! In one ear, out the other."
  • Trying to treat Twilight realistically:

Vixen: You know what would happen if a girl really ran off with a guy like Edward? Steven: You'd be a Twilight fangirl?

• • Playing "Hungry like the Wolf" during the training montage.
  • During a scene filled with Ho Yay: "Say it Jacob, to hell with Bella, you want his sparkly ass."
  • "Why Jacob? Why did you cut your hair and turn into a total D-bag?"
  • "And here the wolf grabs Riley and probably rapes him behind a tree... no seriously that's what it looks like is about to happen."
  • Steven's reaction to two Breaking Dawn films. "BANG" "Oh my God, there's blood and penis everywhere!" "Why did you do it?!" "Seemed like a good idea at the time!"
• Her complete Angrish-filled fearful reaction to the radish spirit in Spirited Away.
  • This may be a running theme of her Miyazaki marathon, though they can admittedly be Nightmare Fuel.
• Princess Mononoke: "Hooooooly shit, tentacle monster?!"
  • After explaining the boar created it out of hatred and suffering... "Remind me not to go near Prof anymore."
• In Howl's Moving Castle, guess what song she plays when Howl has an emotional breakdown. Just guess.
• In her Beauty and the Beast review, there's her captions during the fight-scene ("DICK MOVE!"), during the transformation (";U;?") and then finally, when the Beast reveals his human self: "OH MY GOD, CHANGE BACK."
• Ponyo
  • Ponyo used Water Gun! It's super effective! Old Bitch has become confused!
    • And almost moments later—after an angry outburst about how almost everyone's crazy in the film—there is a Fuck Yeah Seaking reference.
  • All the cameos from the other brigaders.

Ark: [about the moon crashing down] Last I checked, this wasn't Majora's Mask... Prof: [about Ponyo's mom] I'll put the motion in her ocean! JO: [about Ponyo growing chicken legs] Ponyo: the other other other white meat!

• • Her reaction to the dub ending song..."WHO PUT ON MY Owl City CD?"
• School Days:
  • Ark interrupting the beginning to muse on her introduction (she uploaded the review on Valentine's Day, but said Singles Awareness Day instead), only to be reduced to a scared wreck when Vix simply countered with what she was reviewing.
  • On Kotonoha being self-concious about her rack: "No sympathy here." *chews on her Poptart*
    • And while we're on that..."SUPER SIZE ME!"
• From the review of Papa to Kiss in the Dark: her explanation of the terms "Seme" and "Uke", for the non-Yaoi Fangirl crowd, if only for the delivery of the last line:

"Do you remember those old electric train sets that used to be popular forever ago? The ones that went through the town, the forest, and then finally into the tunnel in the mountain? Yeah, the seme is the train."

• And pretty much the entirety of her Boku no Pico review, especially this line: "Never masturbate with a banana. Seriously, it's not solid--wouldn't it get all mushy and then you have to go to the doctor and explain why there's funky potassium in your cooch?!"
• From her The Lion King Film Fox:

"A ghostly image of Mufasa appears to tell Simba to get it together." *cut to Osaka's face Photoshopped over Simba's*

• Vixen turning into a soda can at the end of her review of Akikan.
• The credits of her Junjo Romantica review, which has Hitch telling Prof about thinking a guy was attracted to him... which leads to a lengthy musical number about how if Prof were gay, Hitch would be okay with it that comes out of nowhere.
  • Vixen commenting on the awkwardness of Shinobu being with Miyagi when the latter used to be married to his sister. We get Vixen doing a brief Gag Dub over Shinobu and his sister resulting in this:

Shinobu's sister: So I hear there's someone you like Shinobu? Shinobu: Yeah, sis, I'm banging your ex-husband! Shinobu's sister: (Chirping Crickets)

• Vixen's review of Kuragehime. She thinks that Kuranosuke is pretty effin' amazing and she'd do him. Her "I'd Do Him" list pops up.

Havoc: I would too. (Pulls up her own "I'd Do Him" list which is pretty frickin' long, Li Shang popping up three times)

Hitch

• The funniest clip ever from Psychic Wars and the various things he puts to it.
  • Hitch actually letting Steve and Joe, the two idiots who interrupt his videos, go on just so he doesn't have to review the movie... until they ask for their own episode.
  • And then there's blue lights flying by in a scene in the film with audio clips of Ryu shouting "Hadouken!"
  • After the credits for the Psychic Wars review, we see a moment from Psychonauts that was already hillarious, where Sasha demonstrated to Raz how to release projectiles, using an ugly lamp as a test subject. Only CJ replaced the lamp with a DVD copy of Psychic Wars!
• Sonic The Hedgehog: The Movie
  • After Sonic tells Tails to shut up: "You gotta wonder whether that was in the script or if Sonic's voice actor heard Tails' actor for five minutes and decided enough was enough"
  • "This is Sonic at his absolute best when he's not talking... I mean when he's running."
  • "He begins shooting the elastic material out of his ass.... I'll pretend I didn't just say that"
  • The CSI: Miami gag.
  • "NOTICE THE SARCASM!"
  • "In this movie Knuckles floats like he's freaking Doctor Manhattan. Luckily there's not Echidna penis in this movie.
  • "ICE ICE BABY TOO COLD TOO COLD!"
  • The whole discussion about Robotnik and Sarah including "The goggles they do nothing!"
  • "I am thinking way too hard for a freaking Sonic the Hedgehog movie."
  • "That line makes my head hurt!"
  • Steve and Joe on the infamous "Tails accidentally groping Sarah" scene.
  • And the "Episode III treatment" that Metal Sonic ends up with

Sonic/Obi-Wan: You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them...Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness! Metal Sonic/Darth Vader: I HATE YOU!! Sonic/Obi-Wan: You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!

• The End of his Princess Tutu Review, which has Ark call Vixen and Prof to discuss what to do about Hitch, especially Prof being drunk the entire time and Ark's suggestion of punishment as a "Letterbomb or a Nuke". Words can not do justice to the expression on his face when he says nuke.
• YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING LOVE ME!!! >:-O
• How about his reaction to the main character in Vampire Wars being named "Cookie?"

Misc

• The Christmas Special. The whole thing.
  • "We're not quitting till everyone gets raped!"
  • "Get her!"
• Vixen and JesuOtaku's Squee moment during Manservice Corner during Pocky Spot 22. No seriously, they literally go squee.
  • JO proves she's Not So Above It All:

"Kyoya, you're not quite dressed for the occasion; YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF TOO!" "The proper response is to grab his shoulders, throw him on the bed, and ride him like a stallion!"

• • • Hilarious in Hindsight in one of their Anime Central clips (posted almost right after that), as Prof and Arkada make the same Shout-Out.
  • "You are a cockblocker, Haruhi!"
  • The ending:

JesuOtaku: You know what? I think he was actually going to violate her, and that's not sexy. Vixen: I DON'T CARE! IT'S STILL HOT!

• During Mailbag Showdown on Pocky Spot 23, Arkada asks Prof when he's going to do a review of Princess Tutu. His response?

Arkada: Okay I'm back. And he said, eat a brown one.

• • Note that Prof did eventually review Tutu. And liked it.
• Professor Otaku and Arkada's team-up review of Naruto while at ACEN is full of these:
  • Both, upon seeing what they're reviewing, fall backward.
  • The Unreveal:

Arkada: Wait...you have a real body? Prof Otaku: Of course. What did you think, that I wished on the Blue Fairy to become a real boy? Arkada: Well, yeah.

• • "Mediocrity HO!"
• Tsubake on the Town:
  • Her horrified reaction to kids sitting on Santas lap.
  • Breaking a guys arms off for trying to kiss her under the mistletoe
• The Brigade teach Tsubake about Christmas.
  • Did someone make an oblique reference to Boxing Day?
• From the February 24th Desu Rattle, in response to a question about what Shakespeare plays would make good anime:

Prof: I think Macbeth or Henry V would be good. If they did it as a sci-fi robot show."

• • Dead catgirls.
• Almost the whole introduction of the new Brigaders:
  • BURRITO EXTRAVAGANZA!

Vixen: [offscreen] IS THAT ANOTHER GOD DAMMED BURITTO PARTY? WHO'S FAULT IS IT? PROF? ARK? I'LL KILL YOU!

• • WILD STALLIONS!
  • Prof's response to the fact there are now four girls to the two guys,

Prof: I can feel the estrogen seeping into me. Ark: Aren't you a girl right now anyways? Prof: Oh yeah, because that's permanent Ark: Riiiigggghhhht.

Prof: Yeah, God knows that this place is about to topple over with all the-[jiggling boobs in a thought bubble and Prof with a Cat Smile] Ark: PROF! Focus... Prof: Buh, boobs. What?

• • The truth revealed:

Vixen: Kagami.. you killed your boyfriend, didn't you? Kagami: (Sing-Song) They'll never proooove itttttt.

• The April Fools Video for 2011, especially at the end, apparently someone forgot to tell Hitch this wasn't a real confession.
• JO and Vix's Wicked Duet for the following line...

Vix: Unusuuuuually and exceedingly pecuuuuuuliar And altogether quite impooooossible to descriiiiibe. Beat JO: STACKED. (With appropriate hand gesture!)

• From Hitch and Vixen's crossover of La Blue Girl:

Vix: The story, Hitch? La Blue Girl TRIES to have some resemblance of a plot twist, but that doesn't mean the story's good! Hitch: Name one other hentai that is completely plot-driven. Vix: Master of Marti-- Hitch: That was actually a porno. [Vix looks defeated] Heh-heh, I thought so. [Rabbit enters Vix's shot, dressed as a ninja] Rabbit: Shuriken to the face! *throws a shuriken, hitting one of Hitch's eyes and forcing him to wear an eyepatch for the remainder of the review*

• • The opening where Vixen cheerfully reveals that she's made it so every time Hitch has a perverted thought he gets a shock in the testicle. Hitch's reaction, subtle it may be, really sells it
  • The Stinger:

Rabbit: Just sadistic I guess

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