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"Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you..."

—Deadpool

Bob is a private detective. He's sitting in his office and waiting to meet his client, Alice. Bob has never met Alice in person before; he's only spoken to her on the phone. He has seen a picture of her before and, well, he ...likes what he sees. The door to his office opens and he stands up. In walks Alice. Alice is extremely beautiful in a Gaussian Girl or Hello, Nurse! sort of way. Bob tries to keep his excitement down at meeting this gorgeous woman and tries to remain all business. Alice, however, is all too aware of the sort of the effect she has on men. Noticing the look on Bob's face... and Bob's pants, she offers a sweet, sultry smile, and says, "Why detective, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

A clever line originating from early Hollywood sex symbol Mae West, has now become a stock innuendo uttered by flirty women (or, occasionally, men). It's been said so much in media that it is kind of a Discredited Trope as it is almost always subverted these days. Namely, it almost always is something else in his pants.

While the specific line just happens to be from Mae West, this one is arguably Older Than Feudalism:

Herald: I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I come from Sparta about making peace.

Magistrate: But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes, surely.

—Lysistrata, Aristophanes, 411 BC

Examples of Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? include:

Anime & Manga

Inverted in the second volume of The Kindaichi Case Files: Miyuki, wearing a low-cut dress, crouches down in front of Kindaichi, giving him a good look at her cleavage. As she stands up, she notices his reaction and scolds him for keeping stuff in his suit pockets.
After Sechs gets a male body in Battle Angel Alita: Last Order, the team's Deckman servant greets him with this line.
Done in the infamous Code Geass swimsuit Picture Drama. Cornelia's bodyguards Guilford and Darlton are standing watch as Cornelia and Euphemia try on swimsuits, with a lot of suggestive dialog. Immediately afterwards, we see Guilford looking down as he asks Darlton if that's really the best place to store his handgun (we later see that he's in a Speedo).

Comics

A variation from Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow??

Hooker: I could break your heart for $50.
Metallo: (Rips open shirt to reveal a grappling hook where his heart should be) I doubt it.

Lampshaded in Cable and Deadpool:

Cable: Did you go to a bar with a grenade in your pocket?
Deadpool: Or am I just happy to see you?

- Played with again in an issue of a later volume after taking a Groin Attack which hurt Black Widow as well. See the Page Quote. Cue Black Widow trying to hold laughter in.
An issue of DC Comics's series Young Justice featured Superboy, Robin and Impluse at a Halloween party. A cheerleader flirts with Robin asking if he has a Batarang in his pocket, or if he's just happy to see her. He responses "Um, I'm happy to see everyone here..."
In Top Ten, after getting knocked into Dust Devil, Jackie Phantom says "That had better be a derringer in your pocket," to which Dust Devil replies, looking insulted, "Derringer?"
In Universe X, Venom (Mayday Parker) and dad Spidey are out of the fight with a gigantic Absorbing Man due to being hopelessly outclassed (he's taken on the attributes of Manhattan itself and is taller than the city skyline), so Spidey coaches her on one-liners "to make everyone think we have a plan". She finishes up with "Is that the Chrysler Building in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Everyone glares at them for making light of the catastrophe, and Peter responds with "Damn. We're in that much trouble?"
From the Angel and the Ape 1991 miniseries:

Angel: You are happy to see me!
Sam: Actually... (pulls a banana out of his pocket)

Fan Works

No, it never does occur in Harry Potter. but as Makani demonstrates, it should have.
Mai said it concerning a Lightforce Sword in Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series.
Inverted and subverted in the same line in Yu-Gi-Oh GX the Abridged Series.

Alexis: Is that an erection in your pocket or are you just a tennis ball?

This seems to be a theme in Doctor Who fanfiction; of course, the potential unconventional uses for sonic screwdrivers don't really help.
Subverted with this picture of The Joker.
Parodied in Kyon: Big Damn Hero, after Kyon gets a new phone/PDA made from Ryouko's leftover data. Whilst the phone was still in his hand, this was said:

Tsuruya: Is that the end of the world in your hand or are you just happy to see us?

This Star Trek drawing.
In the Death Note fic Fever Dreams:

Light: You're hard.
L (thinking): No, I'm not. That's just the gun in my pocket.

Films

It's Pat: When asked if Pat has a banana in a pocket Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?, Pat simply whips out a banana and says "I, uh, have a banana in my pocket."
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?: "Is that a rabbit in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" Rabbit, natch.
- It should be noted that the rabbit is very obvious and her voice makes it abundantly clear it's sarcasm. Eddie immediately ask her to "cut the comedy".
An interesting use in Ace Ventura Pet Detective: First Ace feels what he thinks is a gun while Lois Einhorn tries to seduce him, and points it out ("Your gun is digging into my hip."). But later, when he learns who Einhorn really is, Ace gets promptly squicked and begins to cry "It wasn't a gun! It wasn't a gun!", with the Boy George song "The Crying Game" playing in the background.
- When he originally asked that, Lois responded, "Don't you want me to read you your rights?"
- Made even more hilarious if you speak any German, as "Einhorn" means "Unicorn" or, literally, "one horn".
From The Pirate Movie: "Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" It turned out to be a knife that the pirate threw into the wall before demonstrating that he was indeed glad to see her.
Used in Blazing Saddles by Lily von Shtup, unsurprisingly. "Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"
- "Oh, it is twue!"
Americas Sweethearts—during a dream sequence, we get this conversation between the ex-sweethearts: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" "Actually, it's a gun." *shoots her repeatedly*
Done in the Eddie Murphy remake of The Nutty Professor, by the main character's Jerkass alter ego. *hugs older woman from behind* "Is that a test tube in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?"
"Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?", supposedly said by Mae West at the railway station in Los Angeles upon her return from Chicago, when a Los Angeles police officer was assigned to escort her home in 1936. She delivered the line on film to George Hamilton in her last movie, Sextette (1978).
- But the best-known form is when she said it to Cary Grant (his first film role) in "She Done Him Wrong".
Used for Ho Yay in The Big Red One. Two soldiers are sleeping close to each other.

"Zeff, quit pockin' me with your rifle."
"That's not my rifle, Johnson."

Literature

Discworld has the old Troll pickup line, mentioned in Moving Pictures, "Is that the legendary Sceptre of Magma who was King of the Mountain, Smiter of Thousands, Yea, Even Tens of Thousands, Ruler of the Golden River, Master of the Bridges, Delver in Dark Places, Crusher of Many Enemies *takes a breath* in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
Dragaera: Cawti, visiting Vlad Taltos in his bedroom, noticed a bulge in the blanket and asked, "Is that a knife in your hand, or are you happy to see me?" Vlad answered truthfully, "Both."
Dresden Files: In a moment that's a beautiful microcosm of the series of as a whole, Elaine, Harry's former girlfriend that he spent most of his life thinking he'd killed, returns suddenly with a "Hello Harry, is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" Magic, noir mystery, Harry being a nerd, and Jim Butcher's fantastic sense of humor, all in one line.

Live Action TV

A subversion from Scrubs

Gift Shop Girl: Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just having a really good time?
J.D.: Actually it is a roll of quarters. (takes it out and shrugs awkwardly) Laundry day...

In The X-Files episode "Hollywood A.D.", the on-screen adaptations of Mulder and Scully have a moment.

Movie Scully: Is that your flashlight, Mulder, or are you just happy to be lying on top of me?
Movie Mulder: My flashlight.

- The joke is further extended when the movie Scully tells Mulder she's in love with A.D. Skinner. When asked by Mulder what Skinner has that he doesn't, Scully answers "Bigger flashlight."
- A deleted scene from the episode "Home" plays with this trope, too. Taken from the scene where the duo is doing an autopsy on a dead infant in an impossibly tiny bathroom, Scully stops suddenly and looks at Mulder incredulously, who is behind her.

Mulder: That's my penlight.
Scully: Really? I thought a longstanding curiosity had just been satisfied.

Even Pee-wee's Playhouse had a Getting Crap Past the Radar moment: It substituted "wrench", and had Miss Yvonne say it to Carlos. He had a wrench, obviously; The Radar isn't blind.
Lord Flasheart does this to himself in series two of Blackadder. "Nursie! I like it firm and fruity. Am I pleased to see you, or did I just put a CANOE in my pocket?!".
Used in Pushing Daisies, though without the exact line. After Olive kissed Ned in a previous episode, Olive tries to make light of the awkwardness between them. When they bump against each other, she says "This is... what it is, isn't it? Unless that's not a rolling pin under your apron." Ned, of course, reaches under his apron and produces a rolling pin. Olive is quite the optimist, it seems.
Half-used in an episode of Stargate SG-1 where Carter and O'Neill are lying together for warmth.

Carter: Uh, sir?
O'Neill: It's my sidearm, I swear.

- Which is purely a joke on O'Neill's part, since he's half-dead at this point and Carter wasn't feeling anything but drawing his attention to something else she'd noticed.
Spin City:

Caitlin: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Mike: What? No.
Caitlin: Then what's that pressing against me?
Mike: It's a cross wrench.
Caitlin: I don't care what you call it, just pull it back.
Mike: (produces cross wrench) It's a cross wrench.
Caitlin: Well, what's that?
Mike: OK, maybe I'm enjoying this a little.

Happens beautifully in the American version of The Office, when Pam hugs Michael after he stands up for her.

Pam:' Do you have something in your pocket?
(long, awkward pause)
Michael: A Chunky. (takes Chunky candy bar out of his pocket)

Similarly in The Thin Blue Line - PC Maggie Habib is getting into character for an entrapment operation, and uses the line on PC Kevin Goody - a naive manchild type character with a crush on her. After collapsing in embarrassment, he replies that "Actually, it's a Curly-Wurly" (chocolate bar)
In the 3rd Rock from the Sun episode "Why Dickie Can't Teach", Harry enters an executive meeting with a salami in one of his pockets (long story) and someone asks him if that's a salami in his pocket. He, of course, replies, "Nah, I'm just happy to see ya."
Played with (again) in a fairly recent Robin Hood TV series:

Marion: Why Robin, is that Sir Guy's sword in your scabbard?
Robin: No, I'm just happy to see you!

Referenced in the finale of The Detectives. "Um, no, actually, it's my inhaler".
NCIS. Ziva accidentally falls on top of McGee while inspecting a robot car.

Ziva: "That had better be your handcuffs."

- Abby enthusiastically hugs Gibbs after a long absence, then asks if that's his badge she's feeling. Gibbs naturally produces his badge.
- Tony also preemptively denied it whilst rolling naked in a bed with Ziva. "For your information, that's my knee!"
White Collar, after a female suspect searches Neal very thoroughly for bugs:

Agent Lauren Cruz: What is that? She making sure that's not a gun in his pocket?

Subversion in Comedy Inc.

Woman: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
Man: Both. *Shoots her*

Lampshaded slightly in the series Alien Nation; a neighbor of Detective Matt Sikes gives him a plate of poached trout for dinner, in gratitude for an act of kindness that Matt didn't remember performing. He then visits Newcomer neighbor (and inevitable romantic interest) Cathy, who greets him teasingly at the door; "Well, Matt, is that a fish in your hand or am I happy to see you...no, that didn't come out right."
Subverted in an episode of the short-lived series The Commish. In a dream episode set in an old crime-noir setting, the main character pulls a gun out of his pocket. To which, the femme fatale responds, "That was a gun? I thought you were just happy to see me!".
Happens in Bones when Booth and the title character go to a strip club, and the woman that they're questioning gives Booth a lap dance. He insists, "That's my gun." He does, however, send Bones away at the end of the scene.
Played with in Supernatural.

Dean: Oh God, please let that be a rifle.
Jo: (holding a gun to his back) No, I'm just really happy to see you.

In the climactic scene of the third episode of Sherlock, Moriarty asks Sherlock "Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket? Or are you just pleased to see me?", to which Sherlock replies "Both" and aims the (actual) gun at him.
On one episode of the mock talk show Night Stand With Dick Dietrich, two guests were competing for a free plastic surgery; a woman with a huge nose and a man with a tiny penis. Over the course of the show they fell in love and decided they didn't need the surgery. As they embraced for the first time...

Woman: Hey, is that a roll of pennies in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Man: Well, I am happy to see you, but...(takes coins out of his pocket) yeah, it's just a roll of pennies.

Married... with Children played with this trope at least twice.
- Peg once asked Al if that was money in your pocket or if he was happy to see her. She then realized it had to be money.
- Kelly once had to play the role of Madame Curie and assumed she was some hooker but Bud quickly explained who Madame Curie was. The mistake wasn't mentioned during the rest of the episode but was referenced to when Kelly's version of Madame Curie asked somebody if that was radium in his pocket of if he was happy to see her.
Lois and Clark: At the two-part finale of Season 1, Lex Luthor bought Kryptonite from a dealer who tried to kill him to get the money and keep the Kryptonite. After the dealer and Lex's hired double killed each other, Luthor reclaimed the Kryptonite and searched the dealer's pockets for the Kryptonite, asking if there was Kryptonite inside them or if he was happy to see Luthor.
Subverted in Golden Girls: Blanche Devereaux asks one of the men at the local bar this. Turns out he really is carrying a gun in his pocket.

Music

Pet Shop Boys use a variant of this in "Pandemonium" to imply the subject...err... likes wild parties:

Is this a riot, or are you just pleased to see me?
Why aren't we holding hands and talking sweet?

This line appears in a Britney Spears song called "Kill The Lights": "Is that money in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"
"Bullet" by Jessie James.

Be careful what you wish for, you get what you see
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Theatre

The stage play Lost In Yonkers reveals that Uncle Louie does keep a gun in his pocket. He says that the ladies think it's something else when they dance real close.
From the second Bottom Live stage show, as Richie and Eddie, in prison, rehearse for Richie's forthcoming encounter with the jail's Mister Big:

Richie: Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you pleased to see me?
Eddie: Why, it's... [pulls out gun] A gun!
Richie: My, it is a whopper, isn't i- FUCKING HELL EDDDIE THAT'S A GUN!

Video Games

Used in Monkey Island: "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see us?" The hero had just stolen a banana from these guys. They weren't pleased.
- Also in the Play Station 3 version of Tales of Monkey Island, one of the bronze trophies obtained in Chapter 1 (when Guybrush sees the effects of the Pox of LeChuck on the inhabitants) is labeled, "Is That a Pox on Your Face, or Are You Just Angry to See Me?"
Both Civilization 3 and 4 give us this line from Catherine the Great, parodying the usual depictions of her as a sex-hungry slut:

"Is that a treaty in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Walking up to female villagers you saved in Overlord may cause them to say: "Is that a pumpkin in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
Used in one of the Gex games: "Is that a lightsaber, or are you just happy to see me?"
Final Fantasy XII has a sidequest NPC use this line:

"Pardon me, Bhadra. Is that a bottle of Bhujerban Madhu in your pocket, or are you...it is?"

Played with in Uncharted 2 with the following exchange:

Chloe: Is that an ancient Tibetan ritual dagger in your pocket?
Drake: Maybe I'm just happy to see you.

In the Ultimate Spider-Man video game, upon seeing R.H.I.N.O., Spidey will attempt this.

Spider-Man: Hey, is that a horn on your head or are are you just...happy...to see...I'm so scared I can't even finish my lame joke.

Used in the 2009 game Bionic Commando along with another trope at the beginning of a boss fight.

Spencer: Whoa, is that a long health bar, or are you just happy to see me?

Reading a shirt in Nethack may yield the following message:

"Is that Mjollnir in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Webcomics

Referenced in Girl Genius, when a still-rather-innocent Agatha portrays a her mother in a play, having practiced her lines out of context: "--and when I asked him if that was a wrench in his pocket--"
- The play in question being "The Socket Wench of Prague" and is well-known for being risqué—the circus wanted to leave town quickly, and suggested using it to get thrown out, until they found that the prince wanted to see that specific play. "PS: Tart it up."
Art and Kat are trapped in a closet in Sequential Art; Kat is about to say this line when Art yells "Broom Handle!" Later, Kat checks the grill in the door to see if anyone is outside, which puts her rear in proximity to his groin. She shoots him a dirty look and he defends "Well: stop rubbing your arse against me!!"
The Exterminatus Now strip where Jamilla kisses Eastwood features something similar:

Jamilla: What's that poking my in the thigh under you coat?
Eastwood: Uhm... It's... a... PACKET OF MINTS!
Jamilla: Well, you must like em, feels like it's half empty.

- Behind them, his... "friends" are covering their mouths to barely stop them from being in throes of laughter.
In Questionable Content, during the early days of Will They or Won't They? between Marten and Faye, she gives him a purely platonic hug, and then comments "I'm just going to pretend that a roll of quarters in your pocket is what I feel poking into my hip."
In this strip of Emergency Exit, Saya asks Eddie while drunk, "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Eddie then pulls out a banana.
- So Saya... you ate Eddie's banana?
And Shine Heaven Now has the Spirit of the Scarlet asking Pip if that's a gun in his pocket or if he's happy to see her. He produces the gun in question... but then Scarlet has to ask if he has two in there.
Played with in this Cyanide & Happiness comic.
- Another has "It's a gun. And I hate seeing you." Followed by the man making a thrusting motion, and the gun shooting the questioner.
Sinfest did it with Blue vs. Criminy (it obviously is a telescope and the line backfired) and Monique vs. Slick.
Luke Surl had a WACOM stylus in the pocket. Or not.
What's New with Phil and Dixie, when they finally got their "Sex and D&D" themed issue. This specific gag was about orcs...
Comic Who does this with Jack and the Doctor. They hug, and Jack asks if the Doctor had a banana in his pocket, or was just happy to see him. Jack's disappointed.
Butch of Chopping Block has declared it to be both.
In The Noob the corny line was thrown at Ohforf by Cyborella the Elven Queen. It was a bottle of ketchup. Earlier she (back then "Cathy") played this with Drakoola (back then "Heathcliff"), but there was a little problem.
Snafu got this one:

Samus: Is your waste management unit malfunctioning, or are you just happy to see me?

Web Original

In [Yu Gi Oh Abridged[|Yu Gi Oh GX Abridged]] resident Dumb Blonde manages to butcher this line horribly.

Alexis: Is that an erection in your pocket or are you just a tennis ball?

Western Animation

Futurama: Amy to Kif: "Is that your camouflage reflex or are you just happy to see me?"
Played with (and then immediately lampshaded) in Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (while Lucy is stealing supplies from a dildo factory).

Security Guard: Is that a dildo in your pocket?
Lucy: No! I'm just happy to see you!
Security Guard: I've heard that one. Every shoplifter uses that joke.

Played with once in Family Guy: Cleveland once begins with "Is that a banana in your pocket," but ends it with "or an erection in your pocket?", essentially explaining the joke before it's finished.
In The Simpsons, Lovejoy's wife hugs her husband and asks "Is that a train in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" He replies, "Both".
Comes up occasionally in Archer.
From The Venture Brothers:

Shore Leave: This isn't my gun; it's an indication of how excited I am to be doing this. This is my gun.

Real Life

Though it was re-used later in She Done Him Wrong and later stillin Sextette Mae West originally used this line in a LA train station upon her return from Chicago, to a police officer assigned to escort her home.
This Clerk actually manages to use the line on an armed robber(who actually DID have a pistol in his pocket), before calling him a dumbass!
That's my penis.
Invoked a couple times on (The Customer is) Not Always Right.