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Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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* His illustration for the "[[Squick|autoclitoridectomy]]" in ''[[Antichrist (Film)|Antichrist]]''. He says he can't show us what happens, so he illustrates it with a [[Rebus Bubble]] involving a kitten and a pair of scissors.
* His illustration for the "[[Squick|autoclitoridectomy]]" in ''[[Antichrist]]''. He says he can't show us what happens, so he illustrates it with a [[Rebus Bubble]] involving a kitten and a pair of scissors.
** "For some reason I see the cover art of a ''[[Twilight (Literature)|Twilight]]'' ripoff novel."
** "For some reason I see the cover art of a ''[[Twilight (novel)|Twilight]]'' ripoff novel."
** "The tree unironically enjoys ytmnd.com! Strange."
** "The tree unironically enjoys ytmnd.com! Strange."
** She becomes [[She Hulk]].
** She becomes [[She Hulk]].
** Discussing some of the dialogue:
** Discussing some of the dialogue:
{{quote| '''He''': I'd like to do one more exercise, it's like role playing.<br />
{{quote|'''He''': I'd like to do one more exercise, it's like role playing.
'''Oancitizen!He''': Now, I'm going be a half-elf ranger. Here's a character sheet. Now, you can pick anything you want but don't pick half elf or ranger since we need to diversify our skill sets. The talking fox will be the DM. }}
'''Oancitizen!He''': Now, I'm going be a half-elf ranger. Here's a character sheet. Now, you can pick anything you want but don't pick half elf or ranger since we need to diversify our skill sets. The talking fox will be the DM. }}
** This couple has now made made [[Twilight (Literature)|Edward and Bella Cullen]] look like John and Abigail Adams.
** This couple has now made made [[Twilight (novel)|Edward and Bella Cullen]] look like John and Abigail Adams.
** Hey, a phallic symbol! (He's just so chipper in the manner in which he says it, it's hilarious.)
** Hey, a phallic symbol! (He's just so chipper in the manner in which he says it, it's hilarious.)
** The [[Bambi (Disney)|familiar]] [[Mood Whiplash|song]] after the fade-out of the stillborn deer.
** The [[Bambi|familiar]] [[Mood Whiplash|song]] after the fade-out of the stillborn deer.
* From his review of Pinocchio:
* From his review of Pinocchio:
** His description of the World of Good Boys
** His description of the World of Good Boys
{{quote| It's a world of finals clubs, insider trading, and ''mountains'' of cocaine. It will stay that way as long as you keep the coloreds out. ''(wink)'' [[The Social Network|Now let me tell you about the Fuck Truck...]]}}
{{quote|It's a world of finals clubs, insider trading, and ''mountains'' of cocaine. It will stay that way as long as you keep the coloreds out. ''(wink)'' [[The Social Network|Now let me tell you about the Fuck Truck...]]}}
** A very clever [[Shout-Out]] during the last Blue Fairy scene:
** A very clever [[Shout-Out]] during the last Blue Fairy scene:
{{quote| [[Marz Gurl|Well, I'm off to Texas to review anime for a living.]]}}
{{quote|[[Marz Gurl|Well, I'm off to Texas to review anime for a living.]]}}
** "When I die, I will be greeted at the gates of hell by a thin, hyperactive Italian man, who will say to me, 'I'm a fish, gloog gloog.'"
** "When I die, I will be greeted at the gates of hell by a thin, hyperactive Italian man, who will say to me, 'I'm a fish, gloog gloog.'"
* From his review of ''[[Anatomy of Hell]]'':
* From his review of ''[[Anatomy of Hell]]'':
** After hearing the woman's excuse for attempted suicide ("Because I'm a woman"), he exemplifies how flimsy the gendered excuse is:
** After hearing the woman's excuse for attempted suicide ("Because I'm a woman"), he exemplifies how flimsy the gendered excuse is:
{{quote| Jeez, man, that's the third time you've ordered pizza this week! why do you keep doing that?<br />
{{quote|Jeez, man, that's the third time you've ordered pizza this week! why do you keep doing that?
BECAUSE I'M A MAN! (continues to nom on pizza) }}
BECAUSE I'M A MAN! (continues to nom on pizza) }}
** "Would a club catering to homosexual men even HAVE a ladies' restroom?"
** "Would a club catering to homosexual men even HAVE a ladies' restroom?"
** [[Romeo and Juliet|"But soft, what light through yonder front porch breaks? It is the east, and the insecure, suicidally depressed misandrist is the overhead light they shine in your eyes when you go to get a cavity filled."]]
** [[Romeo and Juliet|"But soft, what light through yonder front porch breaks? It is the east, and the insecure, suicidally depressed misandrist is the overhead light they shine in your eyes when you go to get a cavity filled."]]
** "After all, [menstrual blood]'s the only bodily fluid with some kind of stigma attached to it." *takes a sip of milk* "My semen is watery today."
** "After all, [menstrual blood]'s the only bodily fluid with some kind of stigma attached to it." *takes a sip of milk* "My semen is watery today."
*** Just before that, when the tampon is first removed and held in front of The Man: "Those of you who ''aren't'' disgusted by this point...wait ten seconds."
*** Just before that, when the tampon is first removed and held in front of The Man: "Those of you who ''aren't'' disgusted by this point...wait ten seconds."
** "Hi! I'm Jesus. Leave me out of this."
** "Hi! I'm Jesus. Leave me out of this."
** "Speaking of ''[[Antichrist (Film)|Antichrist]]'', here's an inexplicable humping scene."
** "Speaking of ''[[Antichrist]]'', here's an inexplicable humping scene."
* Oancitizen considering it ludicrous that the protagonist of ''[[Perfume (Literature)|Perfume]]'' could enrapture people so heavily through scent alone... at least, until he considers [[The Man Your Man Could Smell Like (Advertising)|Isaiah Mustafa]].
* Oancitizen considering it ludicrous that the protagonist of ''[[Perfume]]'' could enrapture people so heavily through scent alone... at least, until he considers [[The Man Your Man Could Smell Like|Isaiah Mustafa]].
** Kyle explaining the basis of the character Jean-Baptiste Grenouille<ref>Yes, he's a Frenchman with the last name 'Frog'. Go with it.</ref>
** Kyle explaining the basis of the character Jean-Baptiste Grenouille<ref>Yes, he's a Frenchman with the last name 'Frog'. Go with it.</ref>
{{quote| '''Kyle:''' In Süskind's novel, this is the key to his alienation: Jean-Baptiste Grenouille's sensory input cripples his emotional output, and so we see-<br />
{{quote|'''Kyle:''' In Süskind's novel, this is the key to his alienation: Jean-Baptiste Grenouille's sensory input cripples his emotional output, and so we see-
''[[Super Reflexes|Jean-Baptiste dodges an apple thrown at him... from behind.]]''<br />
''[[Super Reflexes|Jean-Baptiste dodges an apple thrown at him... from behind.]]''<br />
'''Kyle:''' [''astounded''] Oh my God he's [[Daredevil (Comic Book)|Daredevil]]! }}
'''Kyle:''' [''astounded''] Oh my God he's [[Daredevil]]! }}
** Movie is explaining that protagonist will not only prove he's someone but prove he's exceptional. Cut to Oancitizen, [[Awesome Moment|singing]]:
** Movie is explaining that protagonist will not only prove he's someone but prove he's exceptional. Cut to Oancitizen, [[Awesome Moment|singing]]:
{{quote| "[[Aladdin (Disney)|Riff raff, street rat, I don't buy that!]]"}}
{{quote|"[[Aladdin (Disney film)|Riff raff, street rat, I don't buy that!]]"}}
** Lampshading the protagonist's being a walking [[Mentor Occupational Hazard]] by saying this about [[It Makes Sense in Context|leaving a cave]]: The cave was later shot in the stalactites during a 3 a.m. drug store robbery.
** Lampshading the protagonist's being a walking [[Mentor Occupational Hazard]] by saying this about [[It Makes Sense in Context|leaving a cave]]: The cave was later shot in the stalactites during a 3 a.m. drug store robbery.
** "Oh bite me [[Les Misérables (Theatre)|Eponine]]!"
** "Oh bite me [[Les Misérables (theatre)|Eponine]]!"
*** "Ow! [[I'm a Humanitarian|Not like that]]!"
*** "Ow! [[I'm a Humanitarian|Not like that]]!"
** Anything regarding the perfume-instigated orgies ("He could go to all the major European capitals and cause them to collapse due to severe in-breeding!").
** Anything regarding the perfume-instigated orgies ("He could go to all the major European capitals and cause them to collapse due to severe in-breeding!").
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** The Book of Exodus had less wandering through through the desert!
** The Book of Exodus had less wandering through through the desert!
** Giving the audience a break from the terrible movie - by showing a video of a cockatoo dancing to bad hip hop. Specifically Whip My Hair by Willow Smith.
** Giving the audience a break from the terrible movie - by showing a video of a cockatoo dancing to bad hip hop. Specifically Whip My Hair by Willow Smith.
** Oancitizen's singing different songs over the pair of Gerrys marching was hilarious! Including [[Les Misérables (Theatre)|Do You Hear the People Sing]].
** Oancitizen's singing different songs over the pair of Gerrys marching was hilarious! Including [[Les Misérables (theatre)|Do You Hear the People Sing]].
*** Probably the two funniest songs sung in this sequence are "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers, and then Oan ends it all with [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBdKlNsuPd4 his own theme song.]
*** Probably the two funniest songs sung in this sequence are "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers, and then Oan ends it all with [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBdKlNsuPd4 his own theme song.]
*** Even better-as he ends the joke, he ''loses his patience and screams in frustration.''
*** Even better-as he ends the joke, he ''loses his patience and screams in frustration.''
{{quote| '''''They're still going!'''''}}
{{quote|'''''They're still going!'''''}}
** The fake movie trailer: "This summer. '''Damon.''' '''In.''' ''[[The Bourne Identity|The Bourne]] [[Leave the Camera Running|Monotony]]'', Rated PG-13."
** The fake movie trailer: "This summer. '''Damon.''' '''In.''' ''[[The Bourne Identity|The Bourne]] [[Leave the Camera Running|Monotony]]'', Rated PG-13."
** [[Obscurus Lupa]] appears at the start and just stares at him. She warns him off the movie, but is driven away by his condescension.
** [[Obscurus Lupa]] appears at the start and just stares at him. She warns him off the movie, but is driven away by his condescension.
{{quote| '''Oan:''' [sad] Lupa doesn't like me. [[Mood Whiplash|Anyway]], lets look at ''Gerry''.}}
{{quote|'''Oan:''' [sad] Lupa doesn't like me. [[Mood Whiplash|Anyway]], lets look at ''Gerry''.}}
** After a three-minute shot just following a car, it starts to sink in:
** After a three-minute shot just following a car, it starts to sink in:
{{quote| '''Oan:''' Lupa...? Please come back?}}
{{quote|'''Oan:''' Lupa...? Please come back?}}
* From his review of ''[[Shortbus]]'', the description of the "Sex Not Bombs" room:
* From his review of ''[[Shortbus]]'', the description of the "Sex Not Bombs" room:
{{quote| '''Oancitizen''': She's watching numerous people engage in simultaneously pleasurable experiences of a sexual nature.<br />
{{quote|'''Oancitizen''': She's watching numerous people engage in simultaneously pleasurable experiences of a sexual nature.
'''[[Memetic Mutation|O RLY? Owl]]''': O RGY?<br />
'''[[Memetic Mutation|O RLY? Owl]]''': O RGY?<br />
'''Oancitizen''': YA RGY! }}
'''Oancitizen''': YA RGY! }}
* From his episode on ''Sebastiane'': This guy apparently learned his oratory skills from [[Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Film)|Ferris Bueller]] of Illinoisis.
* From his episode on ''Sebastiane'': This guy apparently learned his oratory skills from [[Ferris Bueller's Day Off|Ferris Bueller]] of Illinoisis.
** "It makes as much sense as a pairing between Jefferson Davis and Ulysses S. Grant." *beat* "[[Rule 34|Oh, no, no no no no no --]]"
** "It makes as much sense as a pairing between Jefferson Davis and Ulysses S. Grant." *beat* "[[Rule 34|Oh, no, no no no no no --]]"
** [[Memetic Mutation|"...dicks. Dicks everywhere."]]
** [[Memetic Mutation|"...dicks. Dicks everywhere."]]
** "[[Firesign Theatre|All out for Fort Stinkindesert!]]"
** "[[Firesign Theatre|All out for Fort Stinkindesert!]]"
** "[[3rd Rock From the Sun|This man is a genius!]]"
** "[[3rd Rock from the Sun|This man is a genius!]]"
* In his [[WR Mysteries of the Organism]] review he says that the soundtrack for a sex scene is probably the worst lovemaking soundtrack since John Phillip Sousa. And then promptly shows the scene set to a Sousa march to show how accurate that is. There's just something funny about watching people having sex to Stars and Stripes Forever. And there's a [[Genius Bonus]] when you realize that the couple having sex are communists in the former Yugoslavia, so yeah, irony.
* In his [[W.R.: Mysteries of the Organism]] review he says that the soundtrack for a sex scene is probably the worst lovemaking soundtrack since John Phillip Sousa. And then promptly shows the scene set to a Sousa march to show how accurate that is. There's just something funny about watching people having sex to Stars and Stripes Forever. And there's a [[Genius Bonus]] when you realize that the couple having sex are communists in the former Yugoslavia, so yeah, irony.
** From the same review, his panicked calling of [[Obscurus Lupa]], [[Diamanda Hagan]], and [[Apollo Z Hack]] upon the film's completion and ultimate "message" (that men who don't have sex become murderous).
** From the same review, his panicked calling of [[Obscurus Lupa]], [[Diamanda Hagan]], and [[Apollo Z Hack]] upon the film's completion and ultimate "message" (that men who don't have sex become murderous).
* From the ''What Is It?'' review: "Ah, yes, Botticelli's ''The Birth of R. Crumb.''"
* From the ''What Is It?'' review: "Ah, yes, Botticelli's ''The Birth of R. Crumb.''"
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** "Sir [[Sean Connery]], [[Handsome Lech|Lover]], Fighter, [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|MIME!]]"
** "Sir [[Sean Connery]], [[Handsome Lech|Lover]], Fighter, [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|MIME!]]"
** Sean Connery is looking for answers:
** Sean Connery is looking for answers:
{{quote| '''Zed:''' I want the truth! <br />
{{quote|'''Zed:''' I want the truth!
'''Oan:''' [[You Can't Handle the Parody|The truth is something you cannot handle!]] [beat] I screwed it up. Shit! }}
'''Oan:''' [[You Can't Handle the Parody|The truth is something you cannot handle!]] [beat] I screwed it up. Shit! }}
** The end of the review: {{spoiler|"How did I miss!?"}}
** The end of the review: {{spoiler|"How did I miss!?"}}
** His reaction to [[The Reveal]] that Zed's religion was based on ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]'', after listing off increasingly obscure religions and philosophers.
** His reaction to [[The Reveal]] that Zed's religion was based on ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]'', after listing off increasingly obscure religions and philosophers.
{{quote| '''Kyle:''' The Wizard of... oh, wait- OH! OW!<br />
{{quote|'''Kyle:''' The Wizard of... oh, wait- OH! OW!
'''Zed:''' The Wizard of Oz. Zardoz.<br />
'''Zed:''' The Wizard of Oz. Zardoz.
'''Kyle:''' AAAAUGH! <br />
'''Kyle:''' AAAAUGH!
'''Zed:''' The Wizard of Oz was a fairy story about an old man that frightened people with a loud voice and big mask.<br />
'''Zed:''' The Wizard of Oz was a fairy story about an old man that frightened people with a loud voice and big mask.
'''Kyle:''' [[Go Mad From the Revelation|Sean Connery is Dorothy! SEAN CONNERY IS DOROTHY!]] }}
'''Kyle:''' [[Go Mad from the Revelation|Sean Connery is Dorothy! SEAN CONNERY IS DOROTHY!]] }}
* From [[We Are the Strange]]:
* From [[We Are the Strange]]:
** Calling it [[Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim vs. Rational Thinking]]
** Calling it [[Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim vs. Rational Thinking]]
** His interpretation of eMMM's charades:
** His interpretation of eMMM's charades:
{{quote| "Take this quarter, feed it to me, then do the monkey. That way we can stomp grapes and make wine."}}
{{quote|"Take this quarter, feed it to me, then do the monkey. That way we can stomp grapes and make wine."}}
** Every time he calls back to the notes Roo of the [[Clan of the Gray Wolf]] took for him.
** Every time he calls back to the notes Roo of the [[Clan of the Gray Wolf]] took for him.
** He brings up how the movie took cue from two styles of anime. The calm kind (showing a calm scene from [[Spirited Away]]) and the "what-the-fuck" kind (showing a scene from Garzeys Wing).
** He brings up how the movie took cue from two styles of anime. The calm kind (showing a calm scene from [[Spirited Away]]) and the "what-the-fuck" kind (showing a scene from Garzeys Wing).
** "Ah, yes, this is what Campbell would've called ''(the villain suddenly rises from apparent death)'' - this is what Campbell would've called the '[[Friday the Thirteenth|Jason Voorhees]] is not dead' moment."
** "Ah, yes, this is what Campbell would've called ''(the villain suddenly rises from apparent death)'' - this is what Campbell would've called the '[[Friday the 13th|Jason Voorhees]] is not dead' moment."
* From ''Exterminating Angels'':
* From ''Exterminating Angels'':
** He points out the Nineties synth strings playing over the lesbian 3-way and how they'd sound like something Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock would fight to. Cut to... Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock fighting, then getting distracted by the lesbian 3-way.
** He points out the Nineties synth strings playing over the lesbian 3-way and how they'd sound like something Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock would fight to. Cut to... Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock fighting, then getting distracted by the lesbian 3-way.
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** The opening, where he reads a book called "Feminism & Pornography"... and then {{spoiler|turns it on the side like he's actually reading a porn magazine}}.
** The opening, where he reads a book called "Feminism & Pornography"... and then {{spoiler|turns it on the side like he's actually reading a porn magazine}}.
** This bit from the beginning:
** This bit from the beginning:
{{quote| "It's a terrible stereotype that the French are much hornier than other nations..."<br />
{{quote|"It's a terrible stereotype that the French are much hornier than other nations..."
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*<br />
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*
"...but it's a stereotype that has some basis in fact..."<br />
"...but it's a stereotype that has some basis in fact..."
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*<br />
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*
"...French culture is quite open when it comes to sexuality..."<br />
"...French culture is quite open when it comes to sexuality..."
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*<br />
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*
"...they're famously blase when it comes to talking about sex and are more willing to discuss taboos..."<br />
"...they're famously blase when it comes to talking about sex and are more willing to discuss taboos..."
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*<br />
*Picture of [[Benzaie]]*
"...at least compared to most Americans."<br />
"...at least compared to most Americans."
*Picture of Oancitizen* }}
*Picture of Oancitizen* }}
** "[[True Art Is Incomprehensible|If you can guess what any of that means]], please send your answers to [[Bilingual Bonus|merdedutaureau]]@gmail.fr for a chance to win a prize.
** "[[True Art Is Incomprehensible|If you can guess what any of that means]], please send your answers to [[Bilingual Bonus|merdedutaureau]]@gmail.fr for a chance to win a prize.
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* Near the opening of his review of ''[[Sweet Movie]]'': "She said '[[Triumph of the Will]]'. We're barely into the first act and we've already gone full [[Godwin's Law|Godwin]]."
* Near the opening of his review of ''[[Sweet Movie]]'': "She said '[[Triumph of the Will]]'. We're barely into the first act and we've already gone full [[Godwin's Law|Godwin]]."
** Later,
** Later,
{{quote| '''Oancitizen:''' "Then [[True Art Is Incomprehensible|an OBGYN unicycles into the room]] and...[[A Rare Sentence|I just said that sentence out loud, didn't I]]?"}}
{{quote|'''Oancitizen:''' "Then [[True Art Is Incomprehensible|an OBGYN unicycles into the room]] and...[[A Rare Sentence|I just said that sentence out loud, didn't I]]?"}}
** Oancitizen ''losing his shit'' when the movie decides to show [[Stock Footage]] ''of [[wikipedia:Katyn massacre|a Soviet atrocity]].''
** Oancitizen ''losing his shit'' when the movie decides to show [[Stock Footage]] ''of [[wikipedia:Katyn massacre|a Soviet atrocity]].''
{{quote| '''Oancitizen:''' *look of rapidly growing madness* "''[[Cannibal Holocaust|CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST]]'' [[Even Evil Has Standards|DIDN'T USE REAL BODIES-"]] *cut to [[We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties]] screen*}}
{{quote|'''Oancitizen:''' *look of rapidly growing madness* "''[[Cannibal Holocaust]]'' [[Even Evil Has Standards|DIDN'T USE REAL BODIES-"]] *cut to [[We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties]] screen*}}
** During a particularly bizarre scene of a naked man acting like a baby while a clothed man straddles him and attempts to do...something, Oancitizen decides to cut to "something more pleasant". Cue footage from {{spoiler|''[[Battlefield Earth (Film)|Battlefield Earth]]''.}}
** During a particularly bizarre scene of a naked man acting like a baby while a clothed man straddles him and attempts to do...something, Oancitizen decides to cut to "something more pleasant". Cue footage from {{spoiler|''[[Battlefield Earth (film)|Battlefield Earth]]''.}}
** His rant at the end towards the other members of That Guy With The Glasses for being sheltered:
** His rant at the end towards the other members of That Guy With The Glasses for being sheltered:
{{quote| [[The Nostalgia Critic (Web Video)|You]]! ''The Garbage Pail Kids Movie''? At least the vomit was ''fake''! [[The Nostalgia Chick (Web Video)|You!]] ''Showgirls''? At least the sex scenes were ''funny''! [[Obscurus Lupa|You]]! ''Pocket Ninjas''? Robert Z'Dar never got naked in front of those kids! [[Rollo T|All]] [[Todd in The Shadows (Web Video)|of]] [[Desu Des Brigade|you]]! ''The Last Airbender''? Shyamalan didn't intercut his battle scenes with ''actual'' war footage! [[The Cinema Snob (Web Video)|You]]! ''E.T. the Porno''? ...well, you've got me there.}}
{{quote|[[The Nostalgia Critic|You]]! ''The Garbage Pail Kids Movie''? At least the vomit was ''fake''! [[The Nostalgia Chick|You!]] ''Showgirls''? At least the sex scenes were ''funny''! [[Obscurus Lupa|You]]! ''Pocket Ninjas''? Robert Z'Dar never got naked in front of those kids! [[Rollo T|All]] [[Todd in the Shadows|of]] [[Desu Des Brigade|you]]! ''The Last Airbender''? Shyamalan didn't intercut his battle scenes with ''actual'' war footage! [[The Cinema Snob|You]]! ''E.T. the Porno''? ...well, you've got me there.}}
* When witnessing the appearance of some [[Uncanny Valley]] animals in his review of "Alice"; he pauses, takes a sip of Listerine, spits it out, then [[Screams Like a Little Girl]].
* When witnessing the appearance of some [[Uncanny Valley]] animals in his review of "Alice"; he pauses, takes a sip of Listerine, spits it out, then [[Screams Like a Little Girl]].
* The opening speech to "9 Songs"
* The opening speech to "9 Songs"
** The fanfare when he finally finds a parallel between the sex scenes and the boyfriend being a glaciologist.
** The fanfare when he finally finds a parallel between the sex scenes and the boyfriend being a glaciologist.
* His cameos for other characters can apply as well:
* His cameos for other characters can apply as well:
** His measured, well-researched attempt to explain pirates to Sad Panda on "Forget About It: Pirates of the Caribbean."
** His measured, well-researched attempt to explain pirates to Sad Panda on "Forget About It: Pirates of the Caribbean."
{{quote| '''Sad Panda:''' Neckties are lame.<br />
{{quote|'''Sad Panda:''' Neckties are lame.
'''Oancitizen:''' *looks at tie:* Aww... }}
'''Oancitizen:''' *looks at tie:* Aww... }}
** His contribution to [[Atop the Fourth Wall (Web Video)|Atop the Fourth Wall]]'s [["Previously On..."]] segment for "Rise of Arsenal."
** His contribution to [[Atop the Fourth Wall]]'s [["Previously On..."]] segment for "Rise of Arsenal."
** Diamanda's [http://diamandahagan.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/diamanda-hagan-special-review-freaks/ look] at [[Freaks]] has Kyle being possessed by her and doing the entire review as a [[Large Ham]] with a voice that, in the commentary, he describes as a combination of [[Star Trek Voyager|Captain Janeway]] and [[Mrs. Doubtfire (Film)|Mrs. Doubtfire]].
** Diamanda's [http://diamandahagan.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/diamanda-hagan-special-review-freaks/ look] at [[Freaks]] has Kyle being possessed by her and doing the entire review as a [[Large Ham]] with a voice that, in the commentary, he describes as a combination of [[Star Trek: Voyager|Captain Janeway]] and [[Mrs. Doubtfire]].
** Just how he, like many others before him, can't wrap his head around the full insanity of the ''[[Revolutionary Girl Utena]]'' movie. Starting with the characters' [[You Gotta Have Blue Hair|hair colors]] and [[What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?|"limpid" eyes]]. [[Desu Des Brigade|JesuOtaku]] absolutely revels at his lack of foresight and misses not one chance to confuse the hell out of him.
** Just how he, like many others before him, can't wrap his head around the full insanity of the ''[[Revolutionary Girl Utena]]'' movie. Starting with the characters' [[You Gotta Have Blue Hair|hair colors]] and [[What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?|"limpid" eyes]]. [[Desu Des Brigade|JesuOtaku]] absolutely revels at his lack of foresight and misses not one chance to confuse the hell out of him.
* From ''[[Naked Lunch]]'':
* From ''[[Naked Lunch]]'':
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** "'Cause heeeeeere is a movie with [[Aesop|a message]]. Soooorry that it's theeeeere. But it has some nudes, so if that does it for you..."
** "'Cause heeeeeere is a movie with [[Aesop|a message]]. Soooorry that it's theeeeere. But it has some nudes, so if that does it for you..."
*** Unfortunately, the first sex scenes we see involve Rip Torn. Subtitle: "...I'm so sorry."
*** Unfortunately, the first sex scenes we see involve Rip Torn. Subtitle: "...I'm so sorry."
{{quote| '''Woman:''' You know, you're not at all like my father.<br />
{{quote|'''Woman:''' You know, you're not at all like my father.
'''Oancitizen:''' ''(to the tune of "Fame")'' Pain. }}
'''Oancitizen:''' ''(to the tune of "Fame")'' Pain. }}
** When Thomas spaces out while seeing members of his race, Mary-Lou calls out to him. "Tommy? Tommy?" Oancitizen sings [[Tommy|"Tommy, Can You Hear Me?"]] for a few bars before realizing his mistake<ref>"Can You Hear Me" is completely different</ref> and abandoning it.
** When Thomas spaces out while seeing members of his race, Mary-Lou calls out to him. "Tommy? Tommy?" Oancitizen sings [[Tommy|"Tommy, Can You Hear Me?"]] for a few bars before realizing his mistake<ref>"Can You Hear Me" is completely different</ref> and abandoning it.
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* ''Trash Humpers'':
* ''Trash Humpers'':
** '''PRETENSION NIRVANA'''
** '''PRETENSION NIRVANA'''
** He expects one of them to start a [[Red Letter Media|90 minute]] ''[[Star Wars]]'' review. "OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE!"
** He expects one of them to start a [[RedLetterMedia|90 minute]] ''[[Star Wars]]'' review. "OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE!"
*** Later on, when a slurring old man appears, he says that he wasted the Mr. Plinkett joke.
*** Later on, when a slurring old man appears, he says that he wasted the Mr. Plinkett joke.
** When he sees a man tell a blatantly homobphobic "joke" that has no real punchline, he tells a "joke" in a similar style that mocks the movie.
** When he sees a man tell a blatantly homobphobic "joke" that has no real punchline, he tells a "joke" in a similar style that mocks the movie.
{{quote| So this idiot made a movie about people that society rightly rejected on an old VHS camera, and he sold it, and people think he's some sort of visionary.}}
{{quote|So this idiot made a movie about people that society rightly rejected on an old VHS camera, and he sold it, and people think he's some sort of visionary.}}
** "So, these guys are like Henry David Thoreau crossed with [[The Joker]]... I would've guessed they were [[Arrested Development (TV)|the Bluths]] crossed with the Progeria Support Group, but whatever."
** "So, these guys are like Henry David Thoreau crossed with [[The Joker]]... I would've guessed they were [[Arrested Development (TV series)|the Bluths]] crossed with the Progeria Support Group, but whatever."
** [[Civilization|OUR WORDS ARE BACKED WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS!]]
** [[Civilization|OUR WORDS ARE BACKED WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS!]]
* ''[[The Doom Generation]]'':
* ''[[The Doom Generation]]'':
** Oancitizen taking his [[Running Gag]] involving milk to new heights by "reenacting" the scene where {{spoiler|one of the characters jerks off, cums in his hand, then licks it off}}. He then turns to the camera and says in the most upbeat voice possible, "Scene!"
** Oancitizen taking his [[Running Gag]] involving milk to new heights by "reenacting" the scene where {{spoiler|one of the characters jerks off, cums in his hand, then licks it off}}. He then turns to the camera and says in the most upbeat voice possible, "Scene!"
** [[Atop the Fourth Wall (Web Video)|90's Kid]] shows up. "Oh God, I forgot you existed."
** [[Atop the Fourth Wall|90's Kid]] shows up. "Oh God, I forgot you existed."
*** And then Oancitizen sends him away, broken and confused, by claiming that Nirvana was directly responsible for the formation of Nickelback.
*** And then Oancitizen sends him away, broken and confused, by claiming that Nirvana was directly responsible for the formation of Nickelback.
** His cherry response to the first line in the movie (it's [[Rose McGowan]] saying [[Precision F-Strike|Fuck!]])
** His cherry response to the first line in the movie (it's [[Rose McGowan]] saying [[Precision F-Strike|Fuck!]])
** "Hello, and welcome to We're-Too-Dumb-Not-To-Wear-Green-In-Front-Of-A-Green-Screen News."
** "Hello, and welcome to We're-Too-Dumb-Not-To-Wear-Green-In-Front-Of-A-Green-Screen News."
* ''[[Me And You And Everyone We Know]]'':
* ''[[Me And You And Everyone We Know]]'':
** One scene with the two brothers on an internet sex chat drove Oan to play clips of "[[The Human Centipede (Film)|The]] [[The Cinema Snob (Web Video)|Human]] [[The Spoony Experiment (Web Video)|Spider]]"
** One scene with the two brothers on an internet sex chat drove Oan to play clips of "[[The Human Centipede|The]] [[The Cinema Snob|Human]] [[The Spoony Experiment|Spider]]"
** After the art curator says that [[Insane Troll Logic|we wouldn't have the Internet without AIDS]], Oancitizen goes on a long, [[Shown Their Work|detailed]] explanation of the military and commercial origins of the Internet. He then says, "But, y'know... ''your'' explanation works, too."
** After the art curator says that [[Insane Troll Logic|we wouldn't have the Internet without AIDS]], Oancitizen goes on a long, [[Shown Their Work|detailed]] explanation of the military and commercial origins of the Internet. He then says, "But, y'know... ''your'' explanation works, too."
** "...I guess my opinion will just oscillate between those two view points. Back and forth. Forever." *cheerful wave* "Byeeeeee!"
** "...I guess my opinion will just oscillate between those two view points. Back and forth. Forever." *cheerful wave* "Byeeeeee!"
Line 161: Line 161:
** "He [Gallo] picks one [a prostitute] up and he does terrible, nasty things to her - he buys her a McDonald's lunch, the BASTARD!"
** "He [Gallo] picks one [a prostitute] up and he does terrible, nasty things to her - he buys her a McDonald's lunch, the BASTARD!"
*** (to the tune of Old Susanna) Ha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha, JOKE." With the word "joke" said completely straight-faced and deadpan.
*** (to the tune of Old Susanna) Ha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha, JOKE." With the word "joke" said completely straight-faced and deadpan.
** [[The Spoony Experiment (Web Video)|Experience BJ!]]
** [[The Spoony Experiment|Experience BJ!]]
* ''[[Tideland]]'':
* ''[[Tideland]]'':
** "What's that, Mr. Squirrel? What do you mean, '[[Antichrist (Film)|Chaos reigns]]'?"
** "What's that, Mr. Squirrel? What do you mean, '[[Antichrist|Chaos reigns]]'?"
** His attempt at seeing the movie with the mind of a child, ending in a high pitched '''''WHAT THE FUCK?!?'''''
** His attempt at seeing the movie with the mind of a child, ending in a high pitched '''''WHAT THE FUCK?!?'''''
** So the moral of this film is 'Children are sociopathic morons'. Good for you!
** So the moral of this film is 'Children are sociopathic morons'. Good for you!
Line 190: Line 190:
*** "Uh, [[Reading the Stage Directions Out Loud|read, read, read]], um... ...[[Slacker]]?"
*** "Uh, [[Reading the Stage Directions Out Loud|read, read, read]], um... ...[[Slacker]]?"
*** "Am I talking a lot of bullshit? [camera nods "yes"] (snickering)"
*** "Am I talking a lot of bullshit? [camera nods "yes"] (snickering)"
* The ending song for his ''[[The Fall (Film)|The Fall]]'' review.
* The ending song for his ''[[The Fall (film)|The Fall]]'' review.
* From ''Goodbye Twentieth Century'':
* From ''Goodbye Twentieth Century'':
** "Also, [[Mortal Kombat|Kano]] found Jesus." '''CHRISTIANITY'''
** "Also, [[Mortal Kombat|Kano]] found Jesus." '''CHRISTIANITY'''
** Everything about the funeral scene. EVERYTHING. From the Steve Jobs joke (complete with victory pose and [[Too Soon]] disclaimer) to the EPIC [[Big Lipped Alligator Moment]] that occurs shortly afterwards. The utterly dumbfounded look on Kyle's face doesn't even begin to describe it.
** Everything about the funeral scene. EVERYTHING. From the Steve Jobs joke (complete with victory pose and [[Too Soon]] disclaimer) to the EPIC [[Non Sequitur Scene]] that occurs shortly afterwards. The utterly dumbfounded look on Kyle's face doesn't even begin to describe it.
** Kyle's [[Not Making This Up Disclaimer]] about when he saw the film for the first time.
** Kyle's [["Not Making This Up" Disclaimer]] about when he saw the film for the first time.
{{quote| "True story: when I first saw this film, I tweeted what I saw, and someone on Twitter responded, 'Are you reading aloud from a [[Troll Fic]]?'"}}
{{quote|"True story: when I first saw this film, I tweeted what I saw, and someone on Twitter responded, 'Are you reading aloud from a [[Troll Fic]]?'"}}
* Kyle's video of the New York Comic Con, done in character of Oancitizien and featuring him dancing to "My Humps" with [[The Nostalgia Chick (Web Video)|Team NChick]], [[Todd in The Shadows (Web Video)|Todd in The Shadows]], and [[Desu Des Brigade|JesuOtaku]].
* Kyle's video of the New York Comic Con, done in character of Oancitizien and featuring him dancing to "My Humps" with [[The Nostalgia Chick|Team NChick]], [[Todd in the Shadows]], and [[Desu Des Brigade|JesuOtaku]].
{{quote| "What am I doing with my hips?!"}}
{{quote|"What am I doing with my hips?!"}}
* The Dork Ages: My Eighth Grade History Project (done in the style of Pop-up Video)
* The Dork Ages: My Eighth Grade History Project (done in the style of Pop-up Video)
{{quote| I think this girl agreed to help me with this project out of pity.<br />
{{quote|I think this girl agreed to help me with this project out of pity.
She has since gone on to found a non-profit organization that supports girl's soccer in South Africa.<br />
She has since gone on to found a non-profit organization that supports girl's soccer in South Africa.
I have since gone on to squirt corn syrup up my nose, hump a trash can and scream "fuck" on the internet.<br />
I have since gone on to squirt corn syrup up my nose, hump a trash can and scream "fuck" on the internet.
I have made good life decisions. }}
I have made good life decisions. }}
* ''[[Ghost Dog: The Way of The Samurai]]''
* ''[[Ghost Dog: The Way of The Samurai]]''
** Mistaking hip hop producer RZA for "Royal Zoological Administration".
** Mistaking hip hop producer RZA for "Royal Zoological Administration".
** "You know me, I'm [[The Rap Critic]]!"
** "You know me, I'm [[The Rap Critic]]!"
{{quote| '''Oan:''' Oh, right, yes. And what do you do? <br />
{{quote|'''Oan:''' Oh, right, yes. And what do you do?
'''Rap Critic:''' [stares] }}
'''Rap Critic:''' [stares] }}
** [[Pass the Popcorn|whilst eating a bowl of popcorn]]: "Holy sh- this is still art, right?"
** [[Pass the Popcorn|whilst eating a bowl of popcorn]]: "Holy sh- this is still art, right?"
** Condensing his analysis of the film into rap over an instrumental of Wu-Tang Clan's "C.R.E.A.M.".
** Condensing his analysis of the film into rap over an instrumental of Wu-Tang Clan's "C.R.E.A.M.".
** "Which is totally an apt analogy, and not just a lame excuse to name-drop Monet like the stuck-up douche that I am."
** "Which is totally an apt analogy, and not just a lame excuse to name-drop Monet like the stuck-up douche that I am."
* A bit of an older review, but ''The Discovery of Heaven'' has a few of these.
* A bit of an older review, but ''The Discovery of Heaven'' has a few of these.
** "[[Title Drop|And we have a title!]]"
** "[[Title Drop|And we have a title!]]"
Line 217: Line 217:
** "Heaven falls into panic because... an actual discovery of Heaven may restore faith in God... [[Fridge Logic|Which they don't want for some reason]]... This might have been better explained in the book."
** "Heaven falls into panic because... an actual discovery of Heaven may restore faith in God... [[Fridge Logic|Which they don't want for some reason]]... This might have been better explained in the book."
** The running gag of showing [[Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry's]] Twitter page was already great, but the best use of it has to be:
** The running gag of showing [[Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry's]] Twitter page was already great, but the best use of it has to be:
{{quote| How did you know I was in Rome?<br />
{{quote|How did you know I was in Rome?
(Cut to Twitter page) ZOMG I found a gelato place with a view of the Colosseum! Rome = win!] }}
(Cut to Twitter page) ZOMG I found a gelato place with a view of the Colosseum! Rome {{=}} win!] }}
** Oancitizen [[QI|getting the klaxon.]]
** Oancitizen [[QI|getting the klaxon.]]
* It's a more somber piece, but his review of ''[[Angels in America]]'' has him declaring the end of "Millennium Approaches" to best the "Best. Cliffhanger. EVER." It then cuts to the cliffhanger of "[[Star Trek the Next Generation|The Best of Both Worlds, Part I.]]"
* It's a more somber piece, but his review of ''[[Angels in America]]'' has him declaring the end of "Millennium Approaches" to best the "Best. Cliffhanger. EVER." It then cuts to the cliffhanger of "[[Star Trek: The Next Generation|The Best of Both Worlds, Part I.]]"
{{quote| ''Better than that.'' Pfft. Nerds. }}
{{quote|''Better than that.'' Pfft. Nerds. }}
* From Shakespeare, Film, and Kenneth Branagh, - A Retrospective: "It says I'm supposed to poison him? That's boring-EAT CHANDELIER, BITCH!"
* From Shakespeare, Film, and Kenneth Branagh, - A Retrospective: "It says I'm supposed to poison him? That's boring-EAT CHANDELIER, BITCH!"
** "IT SURE AS HELL WASN'T SPAIN!"
** "IT SURE AS HELL WASN'T SPAIN!"
** "Oh, my God, [[Emma Thompson]], be my bride! Oh, excuse me..."
** "Oh, my God, [[Emma Thompson]], be my bride! Oh, excuse me..."
Line 230: Line 230:
{{reflist}}
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Web Original/Funny]]
[[Category:Web Original/Funny]]
[[Category:That Guy With the Glasses (Website)/Funny]]
[[Category:Brows Held High]]
[[Category:Funny]]
[[Category:Funny]]
[[Category:That Guy With The Glasses/Funny]]
[[Category:{{TOPLEVELPAGE}}]]

Latest revision as of 04:50, 7 August 2017


  • His illustration for the "autoclitoridectomy" in Antichrist. He says he can't show us what happens, so he illustrates it with a Rebus Bubble involving a kitten and a pair of scissors.
    • "For some reason I see the cover art of a Twilight ripoff novel."
    • "The tree unironically enjoys ytmnd.com! Strange."
    • She becomes She Hulk.
    • Discussing some of the dialogue:

He: I'd like to do one more exercise, it's like role playing.
Oancitizen!He: Now, I'm going be a half-elf ranger. Here's a character sheet. Now, you can pick anything you want but don't pick half elf or ranger since we need to diversify our skill sets. The talking fox will be the DM.

    • This couple has now made made Edward and Bella Cullen look like John and Abigail Adams.
    • Hey, a phallic symbol! (He's just so chipper in the manner in which he says it, it's hilarious.)
    • The familiar song after the fade-out of the stillborn deer.
  • From his review of Pinocchio:
    • His description of the World of Good Boys

It's a world of finals clubs, insider trading, and mountains of cocaine. It will stay that way as long as you keep the coloreds out. (wink) Now let me tell you about the Fuck Truck...

    • A very clever Shout-Out during the last Blue Fairy scene:
    • "When I die, I will be greeted at the gates of hell by a thin, hyperactive Italian man, who will say to me, 'I'm a fish, gloog gloog.'"
  • From his review of Anatomy of Hell:
    • After hearing the woman's excuse for attempted suicide ("Because I'm a woman"), he exemplifies how flimsy the gendered excuse is:

Jeez, man, that's the third time you've ordered pizza this week! why do you keep doing that?
BECAUSE I'M A MAN! (continues to nom on pizza)

Kyle: In Süskind's novel, this is the key to his alienation: Jean-Baptiste Grenouille's sensory input cripples his emotional output, and so we see-
Jean-Baptiste dodges an apple thrown at him... from behind.

Kyle: [astounded] Oh my God he's Daredevil!

    • Movie is explaining that protagonist will not only prove he's someone but prove he's exceptional. Cut to Oancitizen, singing:
    • Lampshading the protagonist's being a walking Mentor Occupational Hazard by saying this about leaving a cave: The cave was later shot in the stalactites during a 3 a.m. drug store robbery.
    • "Oh bite me Eponine!"
    • Anything regarding the perfume-instigated orgies ("He could go to all the major European capitals and cause them to collapse due to severe in-breeding!").
  • The ending of the Gerry review has Oancitizen very slowly walking to the kitchen as Diamanda Hagan, Obscurus Lupa, Apollo Z Hack and Derek of Audible Underwear hack his feed. Apollo and Derek try to shut it off, Lupa starts having Gerry flashbacks, and Hagan keeps insisting on just solving the problem by nuking D.C. ("I've always wanted an excuse to nuke a major world capital!").
    • The Book of Exodus had less wandering through through the desert!
    • Giving the audience a break from the terrible movie - by showing a video of a cockatoo dancing to bad hip hop. Specifically Whip My Hair by Willow Smith.
    • Oancitizen's singing different songs over the pair of Gerrys marching was hilarious! Including Do You Hear the People Sing.
      • Probably the two funniest songs sung in this sequence are "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers, and then Oan ends it all with his own theme song.
      • Even better-as he ends the joke, he loses his patience and screams in frustration.

They're still going!

    • The fake movie trailer: "This summer. Damon. In. The Bourne Monotony, Rated PG-13."
    • Obscurus Lupa appears at the start and just stares at him. She warns him off the movie, but is driven away by his condescension.

Oan: [sad] Lupa doesn't like me. Anyway, lets look at Gerry.

    • After a three-minute shot just following a car, it starts to sink in:

Oan: Lupa...? Please come back?

  • From his review of Shortbus, the description of the "Sex Not Bombs" room:

Oancitizen: She's watching numerous people engage in simultaneously pleasurable experiences of a sexual nature.
O RLY? Owl: O RGY?

Oancitizen: YA RGY!

  • From his episode on Sebastiane: This guy apparently learned his oratory skills from Ferris Bueller of Illinoisis.
  • In his W.R.: Mysteries of the Organism review he says that the soundtrack for a sex scene is probably the worst lovemaking soundtrack since John Phillip Sousa. And then promptly shows the scene set to a Sousa march to show how accurate that is. There's just something funny about watching people having sex to Stars and Stripes Forever. And there's a Genius Bonus when you realize that the couple having sex are communists in the former Yugoslavia, so yeah, irony.
  • From the What Is It? review: "Ah, yes, Botticelli's The Birth of R. Crumb."
    • His continued attempts to find the symbolism behind the snails.
    • NAKED NAZI SHIRLEY TEMPLE MASTURBATING WITH A RIDING CROP!
    • The utter madness of the closing sketch.
    • "I can't mock this! I... (look of sudden realization) I can't mock this. I can't mock this! Crispin Glover, you tactical genius!"
  • From the Zardoz review:
    • "It's so tempting to manipulate this image."
    • "Sir Sean Connery, Lover, Fighter, MIME!"
    • Sean Connery is looking for answers:

Zed: I want the truth!
Oan: The truth is something you cannot handle! [beat] I screwed it up. Shit!

    • The end of the review: "How did I miss!?"
    • His reaction to The Reveal that Zed's religion was based on The Wizard of Oz, after listing off increasingly obscure religions and philosophers.

Kyle: The Wizard of... oh, wait- OH! OW!
Zed: The Wizard of Oz. Zardoz.
Kyle: AAAAUGH!
Zed: The Wizard of Oz was a fairy story about an old man that frightened people with a loud voice and big mask.
Kyle: Sean Connery is Dorothy! SEAN CONNERY IS DOROTHY!

"Take this quarter, feed it to me, then do the monkey. That way we can stomp grapes and make wine."

    • Every time he calls back to the notes Roo of the Clan of the Gray Wolf took for him.
    • He brings up how the movie took cue from two styles of anime. The calm kind (showing a calm scene from Spirited Away) and the "what-the-fuck" kind (showing a scene from Garzeys Wing).
    • "Ah, yes, this is what Campbell would've called (the villain suddenly rises from apparent death) - this is what Campbell would've called the 'Jason Voorhees is not dead' moment."
  • From Exterminating Angels:
    • He points out the Nineties synth strings playing over the lesbian 3-way and how they'd sound like something Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock would fight to. Cut to... Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock fighting, then getting distracted by the lesbian 3-way.
    • FIRE DOWN BELOW!
    • The opening, where he reads a book called "Feminism & Pornography"... and then turns it on the side like he's actually reading a porn magazine.
    • This bit from the beginning:

"It's a terrible stereotype that the French are much hornier than other nations..."

"...but it's a stereotype that has some basis in fact..."

"...French culture is quite open when it comes to sexuality..."

"...they're famously blase when it comes to talking about sex and are more willing to discuss taboos..."

"...at least compared to most Americans."

  • Picture of Oancitizen*

Oancitizen: *look of rapidly growing madness* "Cannibal Holocaust DIDN'T USE REAL BODIES-" *cut to We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties screen*

    • During a particularly bizarre scene of a naked man acting like a baby while a clothed man straddles him and attempts to do...something, Oancitizen decides to cut to "something more pleasant". Cue footage from Battlefield Earth.
    • His rant at the end towards the other members of That Guy With The Glasses for being sheltered:

You! The Garbage Pail Kids Movie? At least the vomit was fake! You! Showgirls? At least the sex scenes were funny! You! Pocket Ninjas? Robert Z'Dar never got naked in front of those kids! All of you! The Last Airbender? Shyamalan didn't intercut his battle scenes with actual war footage! You! E.T. the Porno? ...well, you've got me there.

  • When witnessing the appearance of some Uncanny Valley animals in his review of "Alice"; he pauses, takes a sip of Listerine, spits it out, then Screams Like a Little Girl.
  • The opening speech to "9 Songs"
    • The fanfare when he finally finds a parallel between the sex scenes and the boyfriend being a glaciologist.
  • His cameos for other characters can apply as well:
    • His measured, well-researched attempt to explain pirates to Sad Panda on "Forget About It: Pirates of the Caribbean."

Sad Panda: Neckties are lame.
Oancitizen: *looks at tie:* Aww...

Woman: You know, you're not at all like my father.
Oancitizen: (to the tune of "Fame") Pain.

    • When Thomas spaces out while seeing members of his race, Mary-Lou calls out to him. "Tommy? Tommy?" Oancitizen sings "Tommy, Can You Hear Me?" for a few bars before realizing his mistake[2] and abandoning it.
    • "GUN Sex!" This troper almost peed himself laughing.
  • Trash Humpers:
    • PRETENSION NIRVANA
    • He expects one of them to start a 90 minute Star Wars review. "OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE!"
      • Later on, when a slurring old man appears, he says that he wasted the Mr. Plinkett joke.
    • When he sees a man tell a blatantly homobphobic "joke" that has no real punchline, he tells a "joke" in a similar style that mocks the movie.

So this idiot made a movie about people that society rightly rejected on an old VHS camera, and he sold it, and people think he's some sort of visionary.

  • The Doom Generation:
    • Oancitizen taking his Running Gag involving milk to new heights by "reenacting" the scene where one of the characters jerks off, cums in his hand, then licks it off. He then turns to the camera and says in the most upbeat voice possible, "Scene!"
    • 90's Kid shows up. "Oh God, I forgot you existed."
      • And then Oancitizen sends him away, broken and confused, by claiming that Nirvana was directly responsible for the formation of Nickelback.
    • His cherry response to the first line in the movie (it's Rose McGowan saying Fuck!)
    • "Hello, and welcome to We're-Too-Dumb-Not-To-Wear-Green-In-Front-Of-A-Green-Screen News."
  • Me And You And Everyone We Know:
    • One scene with the two brothers on an internet sex chat drove Oan to play clips of "The Human Spider"
    • After the art curator says that we wouldn't have the Internet without AIDS, Oancitizen goes on a long, detailed explanation of the military and commercial origins of the Internet. He then says, "But, y'know... your explanation works, too."
    • "...I guess my opinion will just oscillate between those two view points. Back and forth. Forever." *cheerful wave* "Byeeeeee!"
    • Describing the film's sudden, out-of-place lines of overly pretentious dialogue as "profundity bombs," complete with whistling and explosion sound effects.
  • The Brown Bunny:
    • Using the driving music from Birdemic in the driving scenes for this film.
    • His growing look of horrific realization when Gallo drives through the salt flats where Gerry was filmed.
    • "He [Gallo] picks one [a prostitute] up and he does terrible, nasty things to her - he buys her a McDonald's lunch, the BASTARD!"
      • (to the tune of Old Susanna) Ha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha-haha, JOKE." With the word "joke" said completely straight-faced and deadpan.
    • Experience BJ!
  • Tideland:
    • "What's that, Mr. Squirrel? What do you mean, 'Chaos reigns'?"
    • His attempt at seeing the movie with the mind of a child, ending in a high pitched WHAT THE FUCK?!?
    • So the moral of this film is 'Children are sociopathic morons'. Good for you!
  • A Serbian Film:
    • His take on The Aristocrats joke, down to subverting the punchline.
    • Just his dumbfounded look at the very beginning of the review.
    • The end. Just the end. After he finishes his review, the rage he's managed to suppress results in him getting a pretty nasty nosebleed before he snaps.
    • "Seriously, I'm evil Ed Glaser."
    • "Haha! His name is Fuckmere!!" in the middle of his plot summary.
    • The Nato guy's deadpan rant: "And you're getting your panties in a bundle just because some angry young Serb went and made a horror film that's actually horrifying, you sheltered little boob."
  • Flesh for Frankenstein:
    • The opening, where he's reading from the original novel but it's pretty clear he's quoting Young Frankenstein. "My grandfather's work was doo-doo!" In fact, the whole review is peppered with Young Frankenstein references, and why the hell not? It's the funniest Frankenstein movie ever.
      • Censoring a pair of breasts with the "nice knockers" scene from Young Frankenstein
      • Also, "Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found yooouuu!!" in the sex scene.
    • The return of the subtitles.
    • Frankenstein gets stabbed in the galbladder. Oan's response? "Quick, fuck it!"
  • Otto Or Up With Dead People
    • The intro. "That's right Romero fans, board up your windows and rev up your chainsaws, because we're going to talk about gay porn".
    • Ba-dum-ching!
  • Oan and Ven Gethenian completely eviscerate the Roland Emmerich film "Anonymous." The review is one long Moment of Funny, as well a Crowning Moment of Awesome. The best and funniest parts of the review are Ven's expressions as Oan describes the utter insanity they saw on screen.
  • Slacker:
  • The ending song for his The Fall review.
  • From Goodbye Twentieth Century:
    • "Also, Kano found Jesus." CHRISTIANITY
    • Everything about the funeral scene. EVERYTHING. From the Steve Jobs joke (complete with victory pose and Too Soon disclaimer) to the EPIC Non Sequitur Scene that occurs shortly afterwards. The utterly dumbfounded look on Kyle's face doesn't even begin to describe it.
    • Kyle's "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer about when he saw the film for the first time.

"True story: when I first saw this film, I tweeted what I saw, and someone on Twitter responded, 'Are you reading aloud from a Troll Fic?'"

"What am I doing with my hips?!"

  • The Dork Ages: My Eighth Grade History Project (done in the style of Pop-up Video)

I think this girl agreed to help me with this project out of pity.
She has since gone on to found a non-profit organization that supports girl's soccer in South Africa.
I have since gone on to squirt corn syrup up my nose, hump a trash can and scream "fuck" on the internet.
I have made good life decisions.

Oan: Oh, right, yes. And what do you do?
Rap Critic: [stares]

    • whilst eating a bowl of popcorn: "Holy sh- this is still art, right?"
    • Condensing his analysis of the film into rap over an instrumental of Wu-Tang Clan's "C.R.E.A.M.".
    • "Which is totally an apt analogy, and not just a lame excuse to name-drop Monet like the stuck-up douche that I am."
  • A bit of an older review, but The Discovery of Heaven has a few of these.
    • "And we have a title!"
    • Pointing out how strange it is for Communists to play Bach at a rally.
    • Stephen Fry proves that among his many talents... he can't dance.
    • "Heaven falls into panic because... an actual discovery of Heaven may restore faith in God... Which they don't want for some reason... This might have been better explained in the book."
    • The running gag of showing Stephen Fry's Twitter page was already great, but the best use of it has to be:

How did you know I was in Rome?
(Cut to Twitter page) ZOMG I found a gelato place with a view of the Colosseum! Rome = win!]

Better than that. Pfft. Nerds.

  • From Shakespeare, Film, and Kenneth Branagh, - A Retrospective: "It says I'm supposed to poison him? That's boring-EAT CHANDELIER, BITCH!"
    • "IT SURE AS HELL WASN'T SPAIN!"
    • "Oh, my God, Emma Thompson, be my bride! Oh, excuse me..."
  • On his Twitter feed, he asked fans to tell him their ideas for Reality TV shows. Just take a look at his feed, as it appeared shortly afterwards.
  • Kyle's review of Eraserhead. Who would ever think that someone could get so angry over An April Fools' Day joke featuring poorly-shot footage of pencils, sharpeners and Chicken Mc Nuggets.
  1. Yes, he's a Frenchman with the last name 'Frog'. Go with it.
  2. "Can You Hear Me" is completely different