Alternate History: The Series/Characters

    Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


    Crew of the MES Alternatehistory.com

    Doctor What

    Captain by default, a goofy screwball with a heart of gold. Obsessed with porn and lesbians, and porn of lesbians. Canadian.

    Grey Wolf

    Second-in-command, a perpetually drunken Englishman with a thing about genealogy and plush unicorns.

    Landshark

    Chief pilot and third-in-command. Spends most of his time snarking at the American crew members or taking part in an S&M relationship with Ironyuppie.

    Ironyuppie

    For much of the show's run, the only female crewmember. Terrifies most of the men. In a relationship with Landshark. Has a sex dungeon full of people they encounter on their voyages, occasionally added to.

    Dave Howery

    Chief engineer. Has a pathological hatred of Canada and an indestructible wiry beard.

    G.Bone

    Engineer and teleporter operator. Hawaiian.

    Psychomeltdown

    Engineer. Navajo Indian.

    Michael

    Engineer and security officer. Australian.

    Flocculencio

    General layabout and compatriot of Michael. Singaporean of Indian descent.

    Matt

    Weapons officer.

    Weapon M

    Head of security.

    Torqumada

    Ship's doctor.

    Thande

    Ship's chemist.

    GBW

    Ship's operations officer.

    Othniel

    "Ensign and standard bearer", an evangelical Christian from Utah.

    Hendryk

    Quartermaster and Whatian Priest. Sinophile Frenchman.

    DMA

    Security and Orthodox Sheepist Priest. Australian.

    Diamond

    Optician, nurse, cartographer and Reformed Sheepist Priest. Also practices Pantslessness.

    Luakel

    Kit

    Ship's operations officer. Gay Welshman.

    Leo Caesius

    The ship's computer, appearing both as a disembodied voice and incarnate in a robot body.

    Other hangers-on

    • Big Creepy-Crawlies (subverted with The Mosquito, a giant mosquito born from a teleporter accident who is perfectly harmless - he's male, and only drinks nectar)
    • No Celebrities Were Harmed (subverted with Keira Knightley, a D&D Game World artificially created clone of the actress, who is referred to simply as "Keira Knightley")
    • Paper-Thin Disguise (Bobo, a flying brain with tentacles, was at once point stuffed into a Frankenstein body to impersonate Thande and none of the other crew noticed any difference)

    Crew of the MES Counterfactual.net

    Ward

    Hard-bitten former admiral with a grudge against Doctor What and, indeed, most of the multiverse.

    Grimm Reaper

    Second-in-command and professional sadist. Dresses up as The Grim Reaper.

    Merryprankster

    Third-in-command, perpetually trying to take over.

    Kilngirl

    Chief engineer.

    Fortyseven

    Engineer and teleporter operator.

    Romulus Augustulus

    Security officer.

    Dominusnovus

    Weapons officer.

    Faeelin

    Ship's operations and communications.

    Midgard

    Assault leader.

    Bulgaroktonos

    Assault goon.

    Darkslavik

    Genetic weapons specialist.

    Other recurring characters and groups

    The Mirror Crew

    Mirror Universe counterparts of the AH.commers.

    The Germans

    A group of German mercenaries, obsessed with politics and perpetually arguing.

    The Pole Trolls

    Enemies of the Germans, who infest the Wiki World (based on The Other Wiki) and seek to change reality to fit their views. Based on the large number of Polish trolls who have been known to spam alternatehistory.com's message board.

    • Anime Fan Boy (The Wikimasters, the incompetent rulers of the Wiki World, are universally of this type)
    • Improbable Weapon User (Human237, who steals Ironyuppie's sex toys to use as weapons)
    • Rewriting Reality
    • Verbal Tic (Their Armenian ally, Rafi, is unable to speak a sentence without the word "genocide")

    The Lesbian Space Marines

    Originating from a planet where all the men were killed by a virus. After acquiring shift-drive technology from the AH.commers, began expanding into other timelines.

    The Administratum of Bankind

    A Grimdark civilisation perpetually at war and consisting of countless hellish hive worlds and huge warships like gothic cathedrals, presided over by a dark religion dedicated to a a dead leader upon a great golden chair. Does This Remind You of Anything??

    The Guild of Cartographers

    Or Mappist Cabal, a group of elite mapmakers crewing the ship Mercator.

    The King

    Saviour, religious icon and ruler of a planet. Wears white suit, eats cheeseburgers, plays guitar, has quiff. Reminds me of someone, but can't quite think who...

    Mike Collins

    Powerful enemy of the Hub.

    • Big Bad (in early seasons)
    • The Starscream (in any episode involving him working for or teaming up with others)

    The Alien Space Bats (ASB)

    Enemies of the Hub, embodiments of chaos, and have been interfering with various timelines since at least Season 2.

    The Hub of the Multiverse

    A vast complex in its own dimension, a place where timelines intersect. The Pub in the Hub, Ouroboros, often features - it can be accessed from any bar in the multiverse through the door labelled 'Authorised Staff Only'. The Hub also contains docks for ships, huge shopping malls, and so on.

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