Kung-Fu Jesus

• Main
• Wikipedia
• All Subpages
• Create New

Kung-Fu Jesus is a Deadpan Snarker Let's Player and Something Awful goon with a pretty Creepy Monotone who is not afraid to drink and game. He often plays alongside his friends Pokecapn and/or Medibot, including the infamous Let's Play of Sonic the Hedgehog 2006. The majority of his work is in their Let's Plays, but he also has several of his own.

Twisted Pixel commissioned him, MyNameIsKaz, medibot, and pokecapn (generally collectively known as "the posse") to provide commentary for their game The Gunstringer.

His manned LP credentials include:

• Kingdom Hearts II
• Okami (incomplete)
• Shadow Complex (pokecapn came in for the post-game content.)
• God Hand
• Final Fantasy XIII-2 (With pokecapn, MyNameIsKaz, Dreamsower, Mio Bison, and medibot after several sessions)

Okami

• Cut Short: This LP stopped after nine videos available on his YouTube channel. The posse occasionally makes references to its incomplete nature.

Shadow Complex

• Special Guest: Pokecapn in the post-game material.

God Hand

• All Men Are Perverts: Except medibot.
• And That's Terrible:

The Roll: [The torch] breaks too damn easy. And That's Terrible.

• • Later, MyNameIsKaz name checks it directly from the Lex Luthor meme.
• Artistic License Religion: Played for Laughs.

medibot: Krispy Kremes are one of God's gifts to mankind. They were originally handed down to the Jews on top of Mount Sinai during their Exodus from Egypt. That's why we eat doughnuts during Passover. Kung-Fu Jesus: ...because they're kosher. medibot: Right. Because... uh... when they were traveling through the desert, they didn't have time for their bread to rise... But then God gave them doughnuts, so we all eat doughnuts.

• Apocalypse How: According to medibot and Kung-Fu Jesus, some form of a Class 3... for Pokémon on the world, also known as "Poképocalypse".
• Basement Dweller: Schizo Guy, apparently.
• Die, Chair, Die!: KFJ dropkicks a random street sign into oblivion. For no reason.

Kaz: Take that, sign! Kung-Fu Jesus: You fucking sign! Don't come back here anymore! You Killed My Father!

• Don't Explain the Joke:

Medibot: We call it the Gene Four Stomp. Because you stomped him four times.

• Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory: A Medibot specialty, also adopted by others as well at times.
• Exploding Barrels: Lampshaded.

Kung-Fu Jesus: This is an Exploding Barrel. You can tell it's an exploding barrel because it's red.

• The Glasses Come Off: Lampshaded as Azel only being likely to decide on taking off his Cool Shades when the situation got bad enough.
• Gushing About Games You Like:

Kung-Fu Jesus: This game is so fucking awesome!

• Incoming Ham/Ham to Ham Combat: The introduction to the "God Hand Challenges 2" video is an exercise in ham before the introductions themselves.
• It Runs on Nonsensoleum: Boxes are made from boxite, according to medibot.
• Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics: Apparently men with beards are 10% to 30% more likely to have beards than men without beards. However, IlluminatusVespucci thinks they might have to have a survey to be sure, but it's good to have a concrete range if you're going to publish something like that.
• Noodle Incident:

pokecapn: Hey, it's the Great Cornholio! medibot: I thought I poisoned him. Kung-Fu Jesus: It turns out arsenic is only deadly against humans.

• Our Souls Are Different: According to medibot, only souls, whether demonic or human, can block attacks, so robots can't, since they have no souls.
• Punched or Kicked Across The Room: Done many times by Gene. This is once lampshaded by The Roll when a female enemy with a whip is sent flying off into the distance over a ledge.

The Roll: Goal!

• Running Gag: Every random enemy type has a collective name. Every random NPC who is not named in game has no name.
• Self-Deprecation:

IlluminatusVespucci: You look like a real jerk! pokecapn: Well I am an LPer.

• Shout-Out: Many as usual, ranging from Battlestar Galactica to Castlevania to Sonic the Hedgehog to Johnny Cash to much, much more.
• Slut Shaming:

medibot (about Shannon): You whore!

• Space Whale Aesop: "Moral of the story is: don't dig wells, or you're a terrorist."
• Special Guest: Changes each video, but often has posse members.
• Take That: As with Shout-Out moments, obscure ones again.
• Thousand Year Reign: A variant. The LPers realize that the average "mystic cult" is generally either one hundred years old or one thousand years old, never a specific number, but always a long time.
• Totally Radical: In-universe, pokecapn's imitation of Sonic the Hedgehog.
• The Unpronouncable: IlluminatusVespucci accepted this (though they got better by the Let's Play of Sonic the Hedgehog 2006), and so the others call him "Ill-Ves".
• The Watson: Many of the Special Guests have never played God Hand, and so have to have the game explained to them as it is going on.
• Worst Whatever Ever: Or rather, "stupidest meeting room ever," Kung-Fu Jesus' reaction to the Four Devas' meeting room.

Final Fantasy XIII-2

• Artificial Stupidity: Much fun is poked at how residents of Academia 4XX cannot seem to be able to stand up on their moving walkways.
• Ass Shove: How it's explained Serah stores the Artefacts, and where Hope stores his Battle Boomerang.
• Badass Automaton:
  • Gank, a ridiculously overpowered, Commando-paradigm Dragoon monster who has about double the attack power of the player characters.
    • Memetic Badass: The posse, especially Kung Fu Jesus, can't seem to get enough of him.
  • Crushabolic held this position first, surviving almost every attack thrown at him without breaking a sweat. Unfortunately, he has recently become So Last Season with recent Downloadable Content tearing him apart too fast for him to block.
• Better Than It Sounds (In-Universe): Chronoblind in Sazh: Heads or Tails? is initially thought to be a mindless distraction that is just as reviled as most of the game for them, but the posse eventually gets really into it once they learn the rules, playing for about half an hour.
• Calvin Ball: Subverted, they first assume Chronobind works this way before actually checking the rules in the game and looking them up online.

medibot: "Clocked out on a triple bind", okay, so this game has rules.

• Call Back: Various, as per usual with posse work.
  • Kung-Fu Jesus starts off the LP by singing "Kiss From a Rose" while the game is installing, calling back to a request made during the "Stupid Games Done For Money" stream for the Posse to sing it while Kaz fights Ridley in Super Metroid, which they forgot to do.
  • Kung Fu Jesus states a line of "Rocket Man" in complete deadpan in one of the videos while mocking the idea of "many Yuels" or "many Caiuses".
  • As in Pokecapn's Mario Party marathon Let's Play, medibot still says he is a botanist.
• Catch Phrase: Generally when someone or something falls into an abyss.

Kaz: Embrace the void! Dreamsower: Suck it down!

• Crap Saccharine World: Academia 4XX according to the posse. There is no way that much random screaming and falling over would mean this time is paradise.
• The Ditz: The posse is intentionally trying to play Serah this way in live triggers.

Kung Fu Jesus: Okay, so the new plan is to just make her the dumbest person on the planet. Whatever planet we happen to be on at the time.

• Drunk on the Dark Side: Well, more the Gank side, but Kung-Fu Jesus gets noticeably hammy when he gets into it with Gank, as noted here:

Kung-Fu Jesus: Sorry, Gank just gets my blood going.

• Ensemble Darkhorse: Gogmagog, In-Universe. The posse actually wants for him to be The Monster Behind The Caius in the end.
• Flat What: Dreamsower's response to Chocolina's identity.

Chocolina: I couldn't do anything as a tiny little Chocobo. I was so helpless. Dreamsower: What.

• Freud Was Right: When the Odinbolt's stats raise Serah's to 69 on strength and magic, they have to draw attention.
• Funny Afro: Taken Up to Eleven when the recruited Sazh gets an accessory called "Afro and Silver Chick", giving his afro a second afro akin to a pyramid.
• Ho Yay (In-Universe): Medibot thought that having a lisp was just him "being into dudes". Or being British. Whichever works.
• I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder: medibot reminds us that he is a botanist, not an ornithologist.
• In Which a Trope Is Described: His naming convention for the videos, though this seems to have changed as of Part 30, "I'm Sorry Miss Farron".
• Incredibly Lame Pun: Various ones involving Yuel.
• Jerkass: The posse tries to play Noel this way in live triggers.
• Literal Metaphor: medibot about a mission to find missing Chocobo chicks in Sazh's DLC.

medibot: This is literally a wild goose chase.

• Male Gaze: Kung Fu Jesus has a tendency to focus the camera on Serah's chest or hindquarters specifically for this reason.
• Marathon Boss: Royal Ripeness took them about a full half-hour video to defeat.
• Me's a Crowd: Played for Laughs with the "many Caiuses".
• Fan Nickname: Kung-Fu Jesus consistently calls Mog "Moog".
• Not So Different: According to the posse, the duos of Serah and Noel versus Yuel and Caius. They even call the latter just another simultaneous Final Fantasy game.

Mio Bison: Why would you trust her? She hangs out with a total asshole! Like... c'mon, guys! Kung Fu Jesus: Well, why trust Serah for the same reason?

• Our Zombies Are Different "from zombies you encounter in your day-to-day life."
• Perverse Sexual Lust: Kung-Fu Jesus takes any opportunity to try to peek perverted looks at Serah. medibot of all people is the Only Sane Man in this equation.
  • "So, Kung Fu Jesus, what's your final fantasy?"
  • pokecapn in general. His sole research for the role of commentator was downloading 3 gigs of final fantasy porn before showing up for the first session.
  • And then there's the reaction to Serah's stats going up to 69 for strength and magic power each when they get the Odinbolt.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: After dealing with the slots at Serendipity and the Goddamn Bats in Academia 400, he gets fed up and just shuts off the game.
• Sentai: Of miniflans. It Makes Sense in Context.
• Seven Deadly Sins: medibot thinks this of the Chocobos in the "find the Chocobos" mission from Chocolina as Sazh. He believes each one represents a sin as he would. This gets even funnier when later chocobos are literally named after sins, like Luxuria, Nied, and Greed.
  • Cute Is Evil: As a result.
• The Silent Bob: medibot, for the first few videos he's present.
• The Smart Guy: Pokecapn.
• So Last Season: Buttercup the cat in the hat, Tim and Tango the imps, and even the Made of Iron Crushabolic all suffer from this over the course of the game.
• So Okay It's Average (In-Universe): Medibot's description of the game when he finally speaks, noting that the game is so average that it leaves him completely uncaring, owing to why he didn't speak previously.

Medibot: This is a game, that, despite the parts, comes together to elicit absolutely no response from me. I feel nothing about this game. I could not be more nonplussed. It's amazing! It's fascinating! Just how nonplussed I am.

• Speech Impediment: Apparently medibot has a lisp. It's not okay if you make fun of others with a lisp, but it is okay when you make fun of his lisp, or so he says.
• Squee: Kung Fu Jesus has a tendency to do this about Gank.
• Strange Minds Think Alike: Kaz predicted one of Serah's lines an instant before she said it. The posse offered their sympathies.
  • Also played for laughs here:

Kung-Fu Jesus: Kupo. Mog: Kupo! Kung-Fu Jesus: Indeed.

• Stupidity Is the Only Option: The posse feels this way about the "correct" solutions to any one problem.
• What the Hell, Hero?: The posse calls Kung Fu Jesus out on skipping an early cutscene because he got bored of it, when they are playing the game to play the whole game, not just look at what they find enjoyable.