Riff Trax/Funny: Difference between revisions
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'''Leonidas''': You rode all the way from Persia for ''earth and water''? |
'''Leonidas''': You rode all the way from Persia for ''earth and water''? |
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'''Bill''': Well, I lost some of the message along the way... }} |
'''Bill''': Well, I lost some of the message along the way... }} |
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* When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the [[ |
* When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the [[Punctuated! For! Emphasis!|THIS! IS! SPARTA!]] gag [[Overly Long Gag|straight into the ground]]: |
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{{quote|'''Bill''': Well, I certainly think he proved that THIS! IS! SPARTA! |
{{quote|'''Bill''': Well, I certainly think he proved that THIS! IS! SPARTA! |
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'''Mike''': His kids make fun of him because when he's handing out stuff on the Fourth of July he insists on saying, "THIS! IS! A SPARKLER!" |
'''Mike''': His kids make fun of him because when he's handing out stuff on the Fourth of July he insists on saying, "THIS! IS! A SPARKLER!" |
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'''Bill''': ''Or...''when he sits down to a meal of juice, toast, milk, and Trix cereal-- |
'''Bill''': ''Or...''when he sits down to a meal of juice, toast, milk, and Trix cereal-- |
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'''Mike''': Uh-oh, where's he going with this? |
'''Mike''': Uh-oh, where's he going with this? |
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'''Bill''': And he looks at his bowl of Trix and he says, "[[ |
'''Bill''': And he looks at his bowl of Trix and he says, "[[Punctuated! For! Emphasis!|THIS! IS!]] [[Incredibly Lame Pun|'SPART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST]]!!!"<br /> |
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'''Kevin''': Wow!<br /> |
'''Kevin''': Wow!<br /> |
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'''Mike''': [[Actually Pretty Funny|Wow, you pulled it out! Nicely done]]! }} |
'''Mike''': [[Actually Pretty Funny|Wow, you pulled it out! Nicely done]]! }} |
Revision as of 23:26, 16 January 2021
Since Riff Trax is essentially an Uncanceled Mystery Science Theater 3000 with the same cast as the later years of that show, funny moments are almost entirely guaranteed.
Feature Films
300
- When the Persian messenger arrives:
Leonidas: What message do you bring? |
- When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the THIS! IS! SPARTA! gag straight into the ground:
Bill: Well, I certainly think he proved that THIS! IS! SPARTA! |
- Leonidas sitting down next to his son after a sparring session, "Hey, wanna beer, kid?"
Son: Um, Dad, why are you Scottish? |
- When Leonidas meets with the Persian messenger:
Leonidas: Submission. |
- "Jog, men! Jog casually into battle! JOG!!!"
- (seeing the Rain of Arrows) "Aw, relax; they're probably not even meant for us..."
- When the 300 are preparing to leave:
General Guy: ...Sons to carry on their name. |
- After a shot of the massive Persian fleet:
Mike (as Delios): And so Xerxes and Jimmy Buffett assembled the largest boat-to-boat party in history. |
- "Kid, how'd you get so dirty?! You were outside for, like, five minutes!"
- "Uh, I don't like this new 'extreme' image for The Giving Tree --it was fine the way it was."
- "March Of The Penguins had less marching!!"
- Leonidas meeting Xerxes for the first time:
Kevin: (as Xerxes puts his hands on Leonidas's shoulders) Mmmm...you're so tense... |
- And later in that scene:
Leonidas: You are as generous...as you are... |
- "Muffin out your chests, men!"
- "Alright, men, ready your six-packs! And if you haven't done so already, oil up those pecs!"
- (imitating Roger Rabbit) "Ahem. Attention, Spartans!"
- During one of the many battle scenes:
Delios: We did what we were trained to do, what we were bred to do, what we were born to do. |
- And in another battle:
Kevin: Okay, so they're really pre-ninja ninjas. |
- When they start throwing bombs at the Spartans:
Delios: (narrating) When muscle failed, they turned to their magic... |
- "Alright, we're finally here. The movie has finally taken us quite literally to hell."
Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, this has been The Importance of Being Earnest. |
- When the evil senator essentially rapes Queen Gorgo:
Disembaudio: Hey, guys, I made you some snickerdoodles--Gooooood Lord! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!?! |
- "Kneel before the soundtrack!! SUBMIT TO IT!!!!!"
- The Immortals approach.
Delios: The deadliest fighting force in all of Asia.... |
- During Xerxes' rebuttal to Leonidas turning down his offer to submit to Persia's will:
Mike: HAM ALERT! HAM ALERT!!! (imitates klaxon) |
- Right before all the Spartans get killed:
Delios: (narrating) [Leonidas's] roar is loud and long... |
- After Leonidas throws his spear at Xerxes
Kevin: But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear headed into him... |
- The Slo-mostrians are coming!
- Leonidas: Spartans! What is your profession?!
Spartans: HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!
Mike: And I'm a flower arranger! - "Remember, only you can prevent sickly babies from diluting the strength of our race! Freeedooom!"
Alien
- Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by Randy Newman instead:
"I've got a little alien in me, |
Avatar
Grace: Who'd you expect, numb nuts? |
- The scene where Jack tries to keep the doglike creatures away with a torch.
Mike: This how it is going to feel like for anyone who dresses as a sexy Na'Vi at Comic-Con this year. |
- During the destruction of the Home Tree
Soldier: Yee-ha, baby! Get some! |
- Jack: Look where we are, Grace.
Mike: In a nice, clean hospital with a crack surgical team? Oh, I guess this is good too. |
- Bill: Come my peaceful brethren, LET'S KILL THEM ALL!
- Kevin: Look at this stuff, Isn't it neat? Wish that my junk was as big as my feet. Doctor Manhattan's got nothing on me in PANDORA!
- Mike's "Robot Knife Fight" song.
- After the final duel between Quaritch and Jake, Jake is back in his human body and struggling to grab a breath mask:
Mike: Yeah, it kept falling out so somebody stapled the emergency mask into the case... |
- Neytiri, after she meets Jake: You are like a baby! Always making noise, don't know what to do.
Bill: Poopin in da Huggies, eatin da strained peas! |
- The very last joke: "Morning wood!"
- After the failed ritual to transfer Grace into her Avatar:
Moat: Her wounds were too great. It was not enough time. |
- The 'Informer's rendition was short but hilarious.
- After Jake prays to the Great Mother for aid.
Neytiri: The Great Mother does not take sides. |
- Kevin: 6-legged, anteater horses.
Mike: George Lucas slowly nods his silent approval. - Probably the most involved Kansas City Royals joke in Rifftrax history while Jake fights the six-legged dogs:
Kevin: A desperate man in blue, confused and frail, lacking necessary skill and training, called up to the big leagues before he was ready, swinging wildly at his more powerful opponent, a single disinterested spectator idly looking on from a distance... eerily reminiscent of a Kansas City Royals game. |
- Any reference to Quaritch's supreme Badass-itude.
Quaritch: Oh, yeah. "Breathing". I suppose some of you pussies need to do that... |
Battlefield Earth
- During the Opening Scroll:
Bill: Psssh. 3000. What has the year 3000 ever done for us? |
- "I used to like the color blue. Now it's dead to me. Cram it, Smurfs. Piss off, ocean. Screw you, sky."
- During the final air battle:
Mike: So...these jets were all fueled, and tuned up, and ready to go after A THOUSAND YEARS?! |
- And soon after that fight...
Mike: They did it! Those plucky little Hobbits destroyed The Ring! |
- "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
- Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
Terl: While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME... |
- This exchange:
Kevin: So, our story so far: Aliens from some death metal planet conquered the Earth then enslaved mankind for a thousand years. |
Beowulf
- The harp-playing scene in the mead hall, where the crew proceeds to interject "What If Thor Was One of Us" and "Shorty Got Low" into the song.
- During the battle with Grendel:
Here, we can follow along in the Old English text: Den punched he, nakede Beowulf, in Grendel on de noggin. Den flipped him doen Gymkata dismounten causen Grendel his assen be roasted en his bippies in der pit smoken. |
- (upon Beowulf stabbing his way out of the eye of the Kraken/Loch Ness Monster/what have you and yelling his name as a war cry:)
Mike: Guys, If I ever burst out of the eye of a giant sea creature, I promise I'll have something better to yell than "MIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" |
- (during a massively long zoom-out from the camera):
Mike: We interrupt our movie briefly to give you a ride on a skilift. |
- Anything and everything pertaining to John Malkovich. Example:
Mike: (upon seeing Malkovich) GAH! A creepy, hollow-eyed John Malkovich!...In other words, John Malkovich. |
- And later, after Grendel has attacked, something rises from the water:
Kevin: GAH! A hideous sea creature! |
- In regards to Beowulf's burning pyre boat...thing:
Mike: To quote one Mr. Kevin Costner on a similar occasion, let's see if I can remember this correctly...(clears throat, says the following line without an ounce of emotion) My boat. |
- At the burial of some fellow soldiers:
Birdemic: Shock and Terror
- The guys start noticing a similar similarity between Birdemic and a certain other film.
Bill: (as Tommy Wiseau) Oh, hi, poorly made cult film directed by an immigrant with a funny accent that's trying to horn in on my business! |
- The spontaneous, ahem, "forest fire":
Kevin: Help, it's a strangely localized forest fire! |
- Kevin: "Sadly, the only inconvenient truth was in Rod's pants."
- Bill's Cluster F-Bomb during the credits at the cast, filled with censor bleeps, followed by Mike when Kevin brings up spruce bark beetles.
- During an exceptionally bad bit of Special Effect Failure.
Mike: We're going to make this look good in post(-production) right? |
- After an eagle manages to divebomb a filling station.
Mike (as Sam the Eagle): Death to weirdos! |
- The guys have fun with the Blind Idiot Translation script:
Rod: Watch football. Especially the 49ers. Also, part-times Eagles fan. |
- Then:
Rod: You're right, he is cute. So, you're a cats lover. |
- In one particularly bad example of Nyugen refusing to ever do a second take:
Nathalie's Mom: Look, keep me... (stumbles badly on the dialog) uh, er, eh, you... know, keep me informed! |
- One word: "Slrpnls." Nobody knows just what a slrpnl is.
Executive: "Is there a patent?" |
The Bourne Identity
- After Jason has knocked out two policemen
Bill: Guess I'll have to arrest myself. All right, drop my weapon! I have a right to remain--hey, come back here, me! STOP ME! |
- "I hope there's a can on this floor. I've got more gas than the Homer Simpson balloon."
- "Well, apparently I'm a Euro-dick who's too good to answer my own door!"
- When Castel jumps out of the apartment window
Bill: AHA, I've ESCAPED! ...Oh, that was dumb! |
- "Eamon's starting to breathe on the windows and write dirty words."
- "Dude, you shot my ween! That's just not cool!"
- "I was LYING about my ween, for you see, I do not have one!"
Casino Royale
- "Welcome back to the finals of Olympic Open Field Tag. Daniel Craig is currently 'It,' but may not be for long."
- The random yet hilarious reaction to seeing Daniel Craig's face in the opening credits.
Mike: A GUINEA FOWL! Oh wait, it's just Daniel Craig. |
- "Oh, I get it now. This guy is the missing Mario Brother." "Either that or he's the original Prince of Persia."
- BOND SMASH!
- ENGLISH GUY!
- "The English Guy doesn't so much leap as he plummet."
- "Spies have been reduced to stealing ringtones for Eastern Bloc countries. A clean Schnappi can bring as much as $3 on the black market."
- After Bond steals a bad guy's backpack and starts rifling through it:
Kevin: (as Bond) Ha! Now I get his toaster strudel! |
- "Finally, he's got some time for Second Life--he can get back to being a foxy blue-skinned woman with green hair."
- "I'm Rube Cardsuck, this is Patsy McMoneygone, and Mr. E. Z. Mark."
- "So these are the people behind-the-scenes at the airport making sure your flight is delayed, your luggage is lost, and that the restaurants are always closed when you're hungry."
- When the "World's Largest Airliner" is unveiled:
Mike: And of course, this is the day the President is scheduled to go up in the all-new space shuttle-- |
- Mike and Kevin's bantering impressions of air traffic controllers.
- Kevin singing the James Bond theme and segueing into the Indiana Jones theme as Bond punches out an evil truck driver during the airport chase scene.
- (As Bond looks at his tuxedo'd self in a mirror) "Yeah! My God, I'm hot! This tuxedo would look best on the floor! ...Seriously, though, I'd do me in a heartbeat."
- Mike and Kevin's impressions of a guy who doesn't understand poker and a frustrated croupier, respectively:
Mike: "Hit me! |
- "Mr. Bond, I have a message for you from a Mr. Le Chiffre. It reads, 'Mr. Bond, your missing ten million dollars has been found, quote: "somewhere in my huge pile of money" and you can pick it up at "my butt." Burn, burn, ROFTLMAO, pwned, love, Le Chiffre.' You know, I really should look these things over before I read them over the intercom."
- ...This:
Vesper (whispering): You can have me anywhere. |
- "It's been six minutes and we haven't done it--I wonder if he's impotent..."
- "The people of Venice know about land, right? And how it makes an excellent foundation for buildings?"
- During the climactic scene where Vesper drowns:
Mike: * whistles "My Heart Will Go On"* |
Cloverfield
- Our first introduction to the monster:
Mike: You're about an hour late, monster. |
- When the citizens take pictures of the fallen head of the Statue of Liberty:
Kevin: Ms. Liberty! Over here, Ms Liberty! |
- "Then again, the upside to destroying New York...no more David Blaine."
- "Wow, you're right! Destroy away, monster! Look for a smug guy with a deck of cards."
- While the protagonists are running to the subway station:
Mike: Oh, zoinks! Let's get out of here, Scooby! |
- As the protagonists venture into a wrecked building to find their friend:
Mike: The Kool-Aid man did this. I'd recognize his work anywhere. |
- "My name is Robert Hawkins..."
|
- The camera is focused on a set of TVs in a radio store, with one of them playing an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants
Bill: Ladies and gentlemen, this just in: Sandy Cheeks is dead! |
The Curse of Bigfoot
- When a 70's, shaggy-haired, small-mustachioed, clueless logger comes on camera:
Bill: He looks like a police sketch of himself. |
Daredevil
- "I would seek justice, one way or another. I would become Batman! Until some rich idiot in Gotham city sued me for naming rights..."
- "I'm gonna get so, so naked, and then I'm gonna sit my fat bubbly ass right on Affleck's head!"
Drag Me To Hell
- "Stop playing Wii Voodoo and help my son!"
Eragon
- In the beginning, when Ayra is magically transporting Saphira's egg.
Kevin: Melon? |
- The Riffers constantly pointing out how Eragon's family members are never introduced properly.
Roran: Hail Eragon, the mighty hunter! |
- Later
Kevin: So, why does he feel the need to keep this from his wrestling parter and Hat Guy. You know, the one with the hat? |
- Culminating in:
As Roran leaves the farm |
- "Ah Jeremy Irons. The guy you call when you think, 'How can I make my movie a lot creepier?'"
- The Riffers giving baby Saphira the voice of an alcoholic.
- Mike lets Disembaudio take over for the credits.
- Over a shot of a medieval village
Kevin: HUZZAH! Welcome one and all, to the Renaissance Festival! |
- After the third fake ending:
Mike: Come on, throw one more random image at us- we can take it! |
Fast and Furious 2009
- Right off the bat, the's reaction to the "Original Film" card
Mike: "Original Film", a division of "Bitterly Ironic Studio Names, Inc." |
- During the opening scene, the mini-semi flips around and starts driving backwards.
Kevin: Oh, it's Cameron's dad's car from Ferris Bueller, they have to run the miles off before they return it. |
- After Dom catches a bullet in his back and barely even flinches
Kevin: Haha! Now you see that your bullets are useless against him! |
- "Offer him coupons! Drug lords love coupons!"
- O'Connor gets the name "David Park" out of a low-ranking gang member. One of his fed buddies complains that he could throw a fortune cookie out the window and hit a dozen David Parks. When another agent informs him that "Park" is a Korean name rather than a Chinese one...
Kevin: (as agent) Fine, I'll throw a barbecued dog out the window, ya happy? |
- The running gag of Dom thinking 46 is the biggest number there is. One such instance late in the movie:
Dom: You can't buy your way out of this one. |
The Happening
- [movie opens up with a cloudy sky]
Kevin The Haaaappeniiiiing.... |
- [A construction worker has fallen to his death]
Worker: David? |
- At the construction site
Kevin: It's raining men, hallelujah! |
- This Actor Allusion:
John Leguizamo: Wanna come to my mother's for dinner? |
- During the lion attack
Kevin: Tis but a scratch! |
- Mark Wahlberg's character notices a soon revealed to be plastic plant...
Mike: (as plant) Put a piece of glass in your eyyyyye...C'mon. Why aren't you killing yourself? Oh, God, I'm terrible at this! |
- One of Rifftrax's many memorable song covers:
Kevin Murphy: (singing) The Summer Wind/Came blowing in/So I killed myself/It lingered there/So I took a hatpin from my hair/And plunged it into my jugular vein... Take it Mike! |
High School Musical
- The boys singing over the creepy sibling's audition song. Including Short People, the theme to The Facts of Life, Man! I Feel Like a Woman, London Calling, Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, and Suffragette City.
"Stop singing about "having" each other!" |
- Kevin deciding that "Get Cha Head In the Game" means "If you want Head, you should get it In The Game."
- Kelsi trips:
Kevin: MY QUIRKINESS! |
- A boy does some ballet:
- Troy's reaction after Gabrielle volunteers to audition, complete with wheezing.
- Stick To The Status Quo
Kevin: The Disney Channel. High schooler's repressed secrets are "I like rap" instead of "Dissecting a fetal pig gave me a boner". |
- Later, after the song.
Chad: Oh let's see, um you miss free period workout yesterday to audition for some heinous musical, and now suddenly people are confessing. Yeah Zeke, Zeke is baking. Crème brûlée. |
- During Chad's first appearance.
Chad to Troy: Because in two weeks we're going to the championships. With you leading us to infinity and beyond. |
- "Help!" - A message from the film's editor. Poor bastard never had a chance.
- "If Troy can tell his secret, then I can tell mine. I bake... every night, while watching Adult Swim"
- "Gah! A velociraptor!"
- Kevin's addition to Gabriella's song:
Gabriella: Why did I let myself believe/Miracles could happen? |
Inception
- The entirety of Bill Corbett's rant about Lost.
- As Cobb toasts Fischer Sr:
Cobb: To your father. |
Iron Man
- "The Dude, International CEO."
- When Tony is chatting up the journalist and looking very skeevy:
Mike: Glasses from the "I Own A Dirty Bookshop" collection. |
- Kevin mistaking "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies for a Keanu Reeves monologue, and continuing the song in his own words when Tony turns off the radio.
"THERE'S BUGLES ALL OVER THE FLOOR!" |
- When Tony shows his weapons to the troops:
Tony: I PREFER the weapon you only HAVE to fire ONCE! |
- "And this is just for an overdue book from the Kandahar library."
- [while Tony is building his reactor]
Yinsen: What is that? |
- When Tony Stark is wandering through the desert after escaping:
Kevin: Guys...I'm having...Ishtar flashbacks...(starts gasping for breath) |
- "Summer 2009: Robert Downey, Jr. IS John Henry!!!"
- "Doctor's got a Ph. D. in killing you."
- "Xanadude: L. A. home of Charles Foster Kane III."
- When Tony first attacks the terrorists in the cave with the original suit:
Kevin: The new and improved Tin Man! |
- This little bit when Stark returns to the Middle East village:
Bill (as Iron Man): Give me a reason not to smite thee! |
- Or this when we meet the, aptly named, main villain.
Announcer: Howard Stark's lifelong friend and ally, Obadiah Stane |
- At the start of Tony's press conference.
Stane: [over a microphone, audible pause] Aaahh... |
- Any joke about Robert Downey, Jr.'s
pasteverlasting drug problems.- Mike: HEROIN! I mean HELP!
- Kevin: I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
- Bill: VALIUM! I mean OH MY GOD!
- "I brought you some steak and some spinach; your diet needs more iron, man! (laughs weakly).
- Keanu Reeves monologue. Nuff said.
- Turning Pepper into The Ditz. "Which one is Spider-Man?"
- Bill's "Ow!" as the mask slams shut over Tony's face.
Jaws
- Kevin's opera note as wrong!shark's mouth is pulled open.
- As the town meets over the recent shark attacks, and Quint scrapes the chalkboard with his nails
Bill (as Quint) Attention. I dropped a rolo and i can't find it. so if you find a rolo, its MINE |
- As the Trio are about to set off to hunt the shark, and Brody is kissing his wife
Quint Break it up, will ya chief!! Daylight's wastin'!! |
- As the shark pulls Quint under:
Bill:Quint? You okay man? |
- The shark bursts through the wall:
"Oh Yeah!" |
- "Thirty-eight colorful and barely coherent Quint stories later..."
- "Day Two; or, as it would come to be known: The day Quint ate Hooper."
Jurassic Park
- When the Brachiosaur is first seen:
Weird Al: "The utter majesty... Imagine how much dog food you could make with just one!" |
- As the Jeep drives to the Visitor Center:
Weird Al: Is that a dinosaur? |
- "Time to run amok! Where are the Japanese?!
- "I'm a sadistic bastard!"
- "Aah! A human!"
- Our heroes are blocked by a fence that may or may not be electrified:
Weird Al: Timmy; you have a high tolerance for pain... |
- "BOY! OR! GIRL!?"
- After Dr. Grant and the kids first escape from the T-Rex.
Alex: He left us! HE LEFT US! |
- "Shhhhhh, be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting waptors"
- *thunder crashes* "PLAY ME WILL YOU?!"
- When we first meet Hammond:
John Hammond: I can tell instantly about people - it's a gift. |
- Nedry giggles happily as Dodgson gives him a bag full of money:
Weird Al: Poor sap thinks the bag is full of bacon. |
The Last Airbender
- Just after Sokka pops up, we get this gem:
"Insta-Douchebag!" |
- Iroh: When you wake we'll have tea together before we start the engines, eh?
Bill: Let's go get something to eat, HUUUUUUH? - Kevin: (As Pakku, fending off the Fire Nation with some less than impressive waterbending) Behold the awesome power of my grand-niece's Super Soaker!
- Mike: [as Katara] Just F.Y.I., that big flying panda thing of yours... he drowned.
Bill: [as Aang sobbing]
Mike: And your flying monkey cat.
Bill: Yes?
Mike: He lived.
Bill: [sobs harder] Oh dammit! Dammit! - [A soldier walks up and whispers to Zhao, played by Aasif Mandvi]
Mike: [as soldier] Sir, I just checked. The whole Daily Show crew is making fun of you, even John Oliver. |
- [When Zuko talks to the boy in the Fire Nation colony]
Zuko: You seem like a smart boy. |
- Aang: We were forced under the water of the ocean.
Bill: The water of the ocean, much like the air of the sky or the flame of the fire. - And of course, the obligatory Harpo joke
Mike: Wait, that's... I'm ashamed to know this, but that's the Harpo guy from Twilight isn't he? |
- [An old Earth Kingdom man leads Aang to a shed.]
Old Man: These are all tools related to bending. |
- As the boy narrates Zuko's Backstory
Boy: Fire Lord Ozai burned his son, to teach him a lesson. |
- As Admiral Zhao confronts the Blue Spirit:
Zhao: Who are you? Why are you doing this? |
- As Zhao briefs Ozai on the Avatar's rescue:
Ozai: And you think. My son is this... person they are calling THE Blue Spirit? |
- [Zuko in the Southern Water tribe]
Zuko: BRING ME ALL YOUR ELDERLY! |
- Zuko: Don't even try to escape, THIS IS A WARSHIP!- [Aang flips over a table]
Bill (As Zuko): Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something! |
- "Hello, plot? Motivation? Audience Interest?"
- Zhao: With this information, we can bring down the water tribe city.
(Ozai's actor looks toward the Camera)
Bill (as Zhao): King? King,YO! I'm over here king! - PEBBLE DANCE
Kevin: Let us never speak of what just happened again. |
- A bunch of fire nation soldiers running away
Mike: Those guys aren't running from Aang, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's lemon drink back there. |
- Several Scenes Later.
Kevin: Oh no, it's the wind from The Happening. |
- Aang practicing waterbending
Mike: Oh great water god Matthew McConaughey, grant that I may remain forever shirtless. |
- Yue doing her thing.
Bill: Almost as dramatic as the time the earth princess sacrificed her life for the dead ficus tree. |
- Oh,sure his light up tattoo looks fancy, but it's just there to remind him where his nose is.
- The whole practice area sequence
- Also, airline safety dance.
- Introducing Zhao: The Daily Show's Senior Taking-a-Role-for-the-Paycheck Correspondent. And also:
Zhao:[spotting Zuko's ship] The banished Prince. Let's offer him lunch. |
- Run! M. Night's making his cameo back there!
- Kevin [as Zuko]: I have no time to think about girls when I'm obsessing over a 12-year-old boy. Wait. That Came Out Wrong.
- As Zhao dies a watery death:
- "Hey, Mr. Avatar, you're causing all the toilets in town to back up."
- Any time Aang is referred to as a Jawa.
- Iroh's first appearance:
Kevin: Hey, man, like, what have you done with Cheech, man? |
- Iroh tests Aang's Avatar abilities by pouring water on the table:
Bill: When the blind serve drinks. |
- Zhao sees Zuko again:
Zhao: I killed you! |
- After knocking Katara out:
Zuko: I'm not allowed to go without him. |
- One of the title cards:
Mike: You know, I tried reading the Water book; I found it a little dry. |
- "So do you think they mean 'bender' the way British people use it?" "Google it, folks!"
- Kevin vocalizing Aang's Dull Surprise while entering the Northern Water Tribe.
- When a Firebender looks up at the wave caused by Aang, turns around and points to it - "Frag One!"
- After Zhao removes his cape and nervously puts it down - "I'll take off more. Don't think I won't take off more!"
- During Katara's opening seen, showing her waterbending.
"Ultimately BP resorted to witchcraft to clean up the Gulf." |
- As Aang fights off a horde of Fire Nation soldiers in a stone dais thing:
Bill: (thoughtfully) You know, that looks like a lot of effort. He should just get a gun. |
- When Zhao is about to kill the moon spirit and asks Iroh why the gods insist on giving themselves such vulnerable physical forms:
Iroh: To teach man kindness and humility.
Kevin: Workin' out great. |
- As all the soldiers/citizens stop to watch the tidal wave rising up over the city during the climactic final battle:
Mike: You know, if it were me, I'd try and resist the urge to look up in wonder and just go around stabbing the other guys until they caught on to me. |
Memento
- The Running Gag involving Burt's the motel manager's missing pet raccoon.
- "SHIRTS! SHIRTS! THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!"
- (At the end of the film) "Hi, I'm Mike Nelson, and welcome to Rifftrax..."
- "Memento: HOT, BACKING UP ACTION, PULLING CAREFULLY FORWARD LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN!"
Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
- When Nestor returns home as Roger Miller sings:
Mike (as Nestor): "Guy that beat me and killed my mother, you're my best friend of all!" |
- Mike and Disembaudio arguing over the appropriateness of Mike using the word "ass" to describe the donkey narrator.
Paranormal Activity
- The riffers making fun of, among other things about Micah, his name:
Micah: Show yourself! |
Kevin: Parents, more evidence that naming your child "Micah" never ends well. |
Mike: By the way, guys, just wanted to correct a little error I've let go for too long: my name is spelled M-I-K-E, but it's pronounced "Meek". |
Bill: Yeah, don't trash-talk the phantoms when your name is "Micah"; it's not gonna work. |
(Doorbell rings) |
- (Pretending to read with the planchette on Ouija board): T-H-I-S-M-O-V-I-E-B-L-O-W-S
- The riffers' reaction to the ridiculously small areas where Micah puts powder on the ground to pick up the demon's footprints:
"And, provided the thing can't jump or take an average sized stride, we WILL catch it!" |
- The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shia Leboeuf is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
- Mike: So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is Michael Bay.
- Micah: Hey, we haven't had anything interesting happen in a while!
Bill: Wow, he's doing our job for us. |
- Mike (as Micah): Here, let me sing you a lullaby: PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I'M A MAN...
Reign of Fire
- * singing* "I fell in to a burnin' Reign of Fire!/ McConaughey peeled off his shirt/ and the flames got higher!"
- When a man and a boy explore a cave:
Man (to Boy): Why don't you go inside and have a wee look?" |
- (As a child) "YAY!!! I get to sleep in the same room with a depressed, hairy man!!!!"
- "My ugly senses are tingling!"
- (About the dragon) "Are we gonna get a bigger boat? We need a bigger boat."
- "INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING!!!" "Yeah, well, INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING BACK AT YOU!!!!!"
- This moment:
Kevin: That's right men--vigorously defend our smelly crap-hole! |
- "Alright, just like we practiced men: panic and scatter. Panic and scatter!"
- Any scene where they make fun of Matthew McConaughey (there are too many to list).
Roadhouse
- The entire monologue about "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!". "Do you still keep in touch with them? Did you hang around and talk afterwards or was it purely sexual?"
Dalton: Pain don't hurt. |
The Room
- Brain Bleach: Every sex scene is greeted with horror by any who watch them, but especially when Kevin sees Tommy Wiseau's pasty white rear end.
Kevin: DISCONNECT! (electric shock) DISCONNECT! (electric shock) DISCONNECT! (electric shock) |
- [Lisa orders a pizza]
Lisa: Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. |
- Crowning Music of Awesome. Kevin and Bill singing "There's a Hole in My Bucket", and taking it too far.
Mike: No, NOT HAMBONE! |
- Ear Worm: The mention of Loverboy gives Mike and an earworm of Working For the Weekend.
- Epileptic Trees: Is the film secretly a sly dadaist joke? Does Mark possess the God-like power to hear the film's soundtrack? Will Johnny come back as a zombie in a sequel entitled The Tomb?
- Melodrama: The Disembaudio sequences during the movie's sex scenes. This movie manages to destroy the lives of Disembaudio and all of his friends and family.
- Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, and we guess Walter, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.
- Disembaudio's rant about his addiction to horse tranquilizers and the fact that he's committed several murders recently will probably bring tears to your eyes.
- Running Gag: They riff on the football motif, mention the mom's cancer everytime she is mentioned or shown, and have Johnny saying "Oh hi" to everything. There's more.
- "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!" "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh hi, Answering Machine!" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa! I'm dead, you know..."
- Sanity Slippage: After one bizarre and inexplicable piece of dialogue after another between Peter, Johnny, and Mark:
Bill: We have fully descended into madness, people, and it's not even at the one hour mark. |
- See Crowning Music of Awesome above.
- Take That: Kevin compares Tommy Wiseau's multiple production credits as producer, writer, director, and actor as a modern M. Night Shyamalan. Mike tells Kevin not to insult Tommy Wiseau with that comparison.
- The riff about of Lisa and her friends discussing which one of them is Edward Cullen's wife
- A Call Back to, of all things, Prince of Space! "I like you VERY MUCH!"
Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny
- Kevin's horrified screams upon seeing the weird bug things in the "Thumbelina" segment.
- Any time the riffers remind us that Santa is telling the Thumbelina story to the kids, and imitate what his narration for some of the strange/boring/painful parts must be like.
Bill: (as a kid) Wait, the lady on the loudspeaker is a ground-dwelling animal of some sort? What's going on here?! |
- During the painful sequence where Santa attempts to attach a sheep to his sleigh
Mike: Guys if you close your eyes during these scenes it takes on a whole new context. Give it a try! |
- And the above is immediately preceded by this bit
Santa: (as he lumbers out of the sleigh to help attach the aforementioned sheep to his sleigh) let me see what we can do (gets out of the sleigh revealing a hideous brown stain on the backside of his santa costume) |
- During a close up of the Ice Cream Bunny:
Bill: (as Ice Cream Bunny) HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR! HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR! HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR! |
- Mike becoming increasingly fed up with Bill's Running Gag about Mr. Digger's Bronx accent. "Now let's go get some nice pastrami at the deli."
- Their riffing on the "Santa"
Mike (as "santa" stands up to greet the ice cream bunny, directly blocking out the sun to the camera) BOW DOWN BEFORE ME PUNY HUMANS! COWER IN FEAR AS I BLOCK OUT YOUR SUN!!! |
- And as Santa seems to fall into unconsciousness after the kids leave
Mike He, hes Dead!? the sun Killed him! |
- The group's reaction to the various nightmarish animals that appear
The Frog: What i need is a little girl! |
- their reaction to the bug/wasp/cthulhu like things as they hop their way across the screen
Kevin (perfectly calm) Ah... well... Guys if you don't mind I've got this one |
- and their reaction to Mrs Mole's "Mole Supremicism"
Mrs Mole: (on the subject of the aforementioned frog) Frogs are terrible looking. We moles think they are FILTHY creatures. |
- "Well, that's it. I officially have no idea what we're looking at, why we're here, or even who I am anymore."
- Kevin's Heroic BSOD after the entire Thumbelina story doesn't change a thing in the Santa story. "I'll pull the sleigh! I'll marry Mr. Digger! I'll do whatever you want!"
- As the Ice Cream Bunny drives the kids in his vintage fire engine to save Santa, the guys are left speechless.
Mike:"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 150+ movies, Rifftrax has nothing to say." |
- Their theories of what exactly they're seeing and why- ranging from a seriously bad drug trip to the studio exploding and them being in hell while Satan himself considers that forcing them to watch the film might be a little too harsh.
- Their reaction to Thumbelina's criteria for an ideal husband
Thumbelina I just wish there was someone younger, or someone who was handsome, someone who was a human being like i am, (bill starts giggling) someone who will come and take me in his arms. I would be happy to be his wife |
- "We came through time, space, and the boundaries of fiction to see that?"
Sherlock Holmes
- On the sergeant found dead at the end.
Clark: I'm afraid sewage workers found his body just this morning. |
Terminator: Salvation
- As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie fades to white, and "Directed by McG" appears on the screen.
Kevin: If this is the last thing I see when I die, I will assume I'm going to hell. |
- Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in Avatar.
- As John Connor steps onto the landing site:
Mike (as John): "Thanks for the ride, Harrison!" |
- As the Harvester first appears:
Mike: Hey, I think I'm in the wrong movie. You guys seen a douchy, stammering kid running around with a stripper? |
- Any joke referencing Christian Bale's infamous tirade (which came from the shooting of this movie).
- "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
- "Hurry--get out of Christian Bale's light!"
- (As John Connor is stranded on a crashed and sinking helicopter) "He's wondering how he can blame this on the lighting guy." "Oh, good for you, you broke my helicopter - and how was it?"
- "(in a Batman-like voice) They know what you are, even if you don't!" "ROAR!"
- "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." "ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"
- When Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)
Marcus: What day is it? |
Thor
- The description brings up the 1985 Dork Age where Thor was turned into a frog and led a frog army, concluding with "This actually happened and you should look it up right now."
- When Selvig says Thor's on steroids: "Just check his balls. They're tiny!"
- Odin breaking his toe, twice.
- Mike and Kevin's outrage that Bill would say anyone is as bad as the cast of Jersey Shore.
- "Is there something in my mouth?"
- After a tender scene in the RV, it cuts to a fire.
Bill: THEN SHE BURNED HIM ALIVE AND ATE HIS FLESH!!!! |
- After Loki reveals his blue skin to Odin: "Okay, okay. I knocked up Violet Beauregarde."
- The endless fun they have with the word Odinsleep.
- Thor can't lift Mjolnir: "Must I now whack moles with my bare hands?"
- Lampshade Hanging how expected the Actor Allusion jokes have become: "To avoid crucifixion by The Wire fans, we're obliged to point out that this guy played Stringer Bell."
- As Mjolnir is thrown to Earth: "Oh, please be found by a mischievous monkey!"
- "I only have one hand! Oh right, the eye patch."
- When Loki is lying under Thor's hammer:
Mike: My horns are stuck. |
- This:
Thor: You can't kill an entire race! |
- As Thor enters the halls of Valhalla to triumphant fanfare:
Bill:(As Thor) That's right! GOT A COMIC BOOK DEAL BABY! |
- Disembaudio singing along with the Foo Fighters over the credits.
Titanic
- Capt. Smith as the Titanic sets off.
Kevin: I'm going to sink this bitch! |
- Also counts as a CMOF for Mystery Science Theater 3000, as this line was also used when Mike and the 'Bots viewed clips of Titanic during an Oscar special.
- as Rose, Ruth, and Cal admire the Titanic
Ruth: So this is the ship they say is unsinkable. |
- (As the flashback starts to the ship) CGI! CGI! CGI
- Jack: Come on!
- Bill: Into Molly Brown's changing room... OH MY GOD!!! OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!
- At the end when the camera pans from 1997 Rose past a series of pictures of her in her cabin meant to show her life after the Titanic accident they point out how narcissistic it makes her look and have her talking about her cropping other people out of her pictures and objecting even to the presence of a horse in one.
- Whenever Rose's mother appears talking, they start humming a circus style music.
- On the scenes that sets the people in the high-class area, and the people on the basements, the three start to chatter on "business" and "gambling", respectively, and in the same manner on both scenes.
- Singing "Poker Face" to the tune of "Nearer My God to Thee."
- After saying "I regret nothiiiing!" several times in regards to the people falling off the ship, this happens:
Kevin: I regret- OOOH!! Hitting the propeller! WOW that hurt! |
- As a passenger falls to his death on the capsizing Titanic:
Mike: I bet I can count to 15 before I hit the water! 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 321! |
- "I have to admit, I totally saw that coming."
- Bill: (in a snooty tone of voice) Time for a crunk party. ...Bitches.
- Disembaudio's rendition of "My Heart Will Go On." He gets a little too into it...
- "Dear diary...I saw boobs today."
Troll 2
- "Drew has broken free! He's trying to flee the set!"
- At the beginning of the movie:
Grampa Seth: Goblins still exist! |
Warriors of the Wasteland
Kevin: (singing) Just hanging out, hanging out, hanging out with my enemies, having ourselves a party! |
- There is also a Call Back to The Room. When the film goes into a softcore Cinemax's style porn scene, Kevin exclaims, "Tommy Wiseau has ripped control of the film!" Naturally, Disembaudio walks in at this moment, just as he did in The Room, and once again calls the trio perverts.
The Wicker Man
- The infamous bike scene:
Edward: Get off the bike. |
- And school girls' Straw Feminist rant.
- Pretty much every time the ridiculously masculine Sister Beech is on screen, expect to crack up like a lunatic. She's obviously their favorite thing about the movie.
- For instance, after Edward knocks her out with a single punch:
Kevin: Well, the 'never strike a woman' rule is still intact, it being Sister Beech and all |
- Late in the movie, when Mike mistakes her for Kevin James.
- "When I think of getting jumped by Leelee Sobiesky, it's a little different."
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
- The intro includes a fantastic Shout-Out: Disembaudio challenging guest-riffer Neil Patrick Harris to a Slap Bet.
- "Nintendo Sixty FOUUUU-I mean a Golden Ticket! Yippie!"
- Chemistry class:
Mike: Neil, can I ask you to go ahead and mix together some of my special chemicals I brought into the studio today? |
- When the news reports that two of the five tickets have been found:
Reporter: Whatever corner of the globe we're in, which ever of the five continents we're on... |
- "Mom saw a dull flicker of hope and snuffed it out right at the source. Way to go, mom."
- Math class.
Mr. Turkentine: Today, we're going to learn...(draws a circle on the black board) |
- "Where have I seen that deluded look of hope before--oh, yeah! A craps table at 4:00 a.m.!
- When Charlie and his grandfather pine over a Wonka bar that may or may not have the Golden Ticket inside:
Mike: Neil, I don't want to know what happens next, but just tell me this...are dreams crushed? |
- Just before they enter:
Mike: Joe's pointing out all the people that couldn't vote the last time he was out of bed. |
- In the very tiny room, just before the factory itself:
Mr. Salt: You're a bleedin' nut, Wonka! No one can get through there! |
- When Willy Wonka sings for the first time:
Mike: Hey, I wore nearly that identical outfit to prom. |
- When the kids are licking the walls:
Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry? |
- When Willy Wonka starts shouting during the Creepy Tunnel Scene from Hell:
Neil Patrick Harris: And if you're ready Mike, may I offer you a wide-awake nightmare? |
- After drinking the special soda:
Mike: You think this is a metaphor? You know, for...getting high? |
- During Veruca's "I Want It Now" song:
Mike: Did you ever do this on the set of How I Met Your Mother? Just dance around, singing a song of your contractual demands? |
- "A stiff thumbs-up shows the kids today you're 'down' with the 'music' and the 'scene' and the 'Pogs'."
- The confusion over which country the movie takes place in, including "Maybe it's set before the American Revolution" and "Hope he doesn't get mugged on the mean streets of Englameripoland."
- During "Pure Imagination":
Wonka: If you want to view paradise... |
X-Men
- During the opening scene:
Mike: Oh...Oh, do you really get to use the Holocaust in your silly little comic book movie? |
- On Wolverine's facial hair:
Mike: You know, I don't think the Martin Van Buren mutton chops quite cut it anymore, now that it's not 1825 and all." |
- "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start being their mascot?"
- "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" "Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto." "Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."
- On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):
Bill: Such a subtle name. |
- A nice Take That at a certain other movie in the series:
Charles: This is a school for gifted mutants. |
Video Games (seriously!)
Gears of War 3
- On the COG armor:
Mike: Those chestplates indicate the actual size of their nipples. Yeah, the future is gross. |
- When Cole Train enters his old locker room.
Bill: (as Cole) My old locker room! (sighs dreamily) Saw a lot of nude men in here, yep. |
Live Shows
- The pre-show cards. A few from Jack the Giant Killer included "Movie Mistakes" (Zookeeper starring Kevin James), "Real Life Giant Killers" (David - Goliath), "Only in the Movies" (Could a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and fun have difficulty finding a relationship, because she is "kinda clumsy"), Movie Anagrams (Blil Plluman - Bill Paxton), and Movies that Netflix Puts on Instant Watch Instead of Riff Trax (Cool Dog).
- The all-time best is one from Jack the Giant Killer, where they finally answer an open question from the previous year's show: yes, corn is actually grass.
- The toy commercials from the Christmas show. Mike's "gift" was of a 60s toy robot with an Accidental Innuendo-filled commercial.
- At Jack the Giant Killer, the constant jokes about "seizing the bone."
- "Be right there..."
- Shmorky's animated short before the main show, an animated representation of the thoughts of Lowtax's daughter Lauren. It's hilarious.
- This leads to a bit in Jack the Giant Killer where the guys suggest that one scene in the film (which involves a chimpanzee reaching for a bottle containing a leprechaun in order to have him assist Jack in dealing with a two-headed giant) was actually written by Lauren.