The CRONIES

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

The CRONIES is a fanfiction series that takes place primarily in the Sonic universe. Written formally by a trio of fanfic writers called "The Triple Peeps", this tale was originally meant to be a '"Friends"' parody, hence why the title card looks like that.

Sonic and Shadow were sitting in the Eggman Cafe. Shadow comments that the coffee tastes like Eggman, Sonic asks him how he knows what Eggman tastes like, and then a random person busts in and yells that the bank's being stolen (building and all). Henceforth, the two of them decide to make up their own superhero team, consisting of their pals, Amy Rose as the adorable "team secretary", and "sometimes Eggman."

From there, comedic adventures occasionally fueled by an ongoing arc/plot would occur. Villain(s) will rear their ugly heads, asses will get kicked, the villain(s) will be trounced afterwards, and commercials will happen inbetween.

There are a couple of 'Side-stories', per se, that fit into the 'Croniesverse', but are hard to gauge where they exist in the timeline. They are:

Recently Uncanceled with the posting of Cronies TRY 8.

Tropes used in The CRONIES include:

Eggman: It tastes like shit.

  • Courtroom Antic: Sol turns up to pull several in one chapter. Possibly just to screw with the judge, who happens to be his main rival.
  • Creepy Doll: Tails Doll, of the "psychic monster" variety.

Metal Sonic: It hugged me and didn't dismantle me on touch, so I guess its on my side! I'm actually kinda grateful about that.

  • Cutaway Gag: It's present in either the "Next Time, ON..." segments, the rare "Previously, ON..." segments, the commercials themselves, or sometimes in the main story, as described by certain characters. An example was the short skit of how Dr. Eggman tried to kill Doctor Doom because he wasn't paid royalties for all the Doombots he helped make for him.
  • Dangerously-Short Skirt: Sailor Mercury's is mocked by Rouge, who is hardly one to talk.

Sailor Mercury: Oh, I'M indecent, Ms. "heart-shaped barely large enough halter top?"
Rouge (gasps): You bitch!

Knuckles: Must bleach hands until burning!

Eggman Adventures Episode 4: HAMSTER IMPLOSION!!!

  • The Faceless: Bob (Eggman's Scottish Cameraman), and Hungry Phil.
  • Face Heel Turn: Knuckles, Shadow, Rouge, and Amy, under Tomoyo's "Eggman Empire", during Eggman Adventures 1 and 2. They changed back after getting defeated. Shadow and Rouge again, at the end of Cronies 9, because they revealed to be working with Eggman all along to aid him in conquering the world. They came back to the good side after Eggman flashed his junk at them for their 'reward'...
  • Fan Nickname: In-universe, Sonic has called the giant orca in Emerald Coast 'Dreamcast'.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Dr. Eggman
  • Five-Man Band: A little difficult with six/seven, but it is doable.
  • Forgot Flanders Could Do That: Knuckles, of all characters, manages to temporarily defeat Manga Yugi by trapping him in a penalty game. This being Knuckles, it eventually backfires.
  • Gadgeteer Genius: Tails, as per his nature, but taken Up to Eleven. All of his vehicles, he's created in spans of either twenty minutes, to the latest of a sleepless night.

Knuckles: Build us a "Cro-shuttle", stat!
Tails: Give me twenty minutes!
Blaze: Twenty minutes?

Sonic: He's giving us the worst-case scenario. He'll probably be done in five.

Tails: Oops, sorry! I certainly didn't want to insult our readers' intelligence.
Knuckles: Yeah, all two of them!

Shadow: Dude, fourth wall!

Knuckles: KNUCKLES CLIMBS ALL WALLS! ESPECIALLY THE FOURTH!

    • And this little gem from Eggman Adventures 10:

Eggman: And why the hell am I not the main feature in this final chapter?
Sonic: CUZ YOU'RE ALWAYS MOOCHING OFF OF US IN THE CRONIES CHAPTERS!!
Eggman: I'M HILARIOUS!!

Sonic: WHAT?! Amy's... NOT... MY FLOOZY!!!

  • Ship Tease: For many, many pairings. Knuckles/Rouge is tossed around a lot, Rouge toys and flirts with Tails, Amy thinks too much about losing Sonic to Blaze, Luigi doesn't like how Mario has Peach and hates being reminded he has Daisy to look forward to, Captain Falcon tries constantly to get on Samus's good side, Edge can't seem to get Akira to notice him, etc. Given the dysfunctional relationships, it seems appropriate that X and Alia are the closest thing to a normal relationship.
  • Shock and Awe: Sailor Jupiter, Ky and Luigi (green fire from Mario Kart : Double Dash, and his lightning abilities from Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga)
  • Shout-Out / Homage: So, so, SO many to count, especially from games, anime, and other various sources. Three chapters alone are a tribute to Phantasy Star Online.
  • Skyward Scream: Sometimes used seriously, sometimes for hilarity.
  • Sorting Algorithm of Evil: Strewn around. The first villain they come across? Archie Andrews, and he was merely just stealing a bank. The second antagonist? Sephiroth. That's a major jump up from a geeky ginger teenager. But then when you follow it up after with Tomoyo Daidouji manipulating the Eggman Empire, the Cronies' bizarro counterparts, and Mr. Game and Watch shortly after, you'll think "How the 'EFF' did Sephiroth lose to Sonic and friends?"
  • The Stoic: Averted with Metal Sonic's Mecha-Hisui he stole and reprogrammed.
  • Super Mode: Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow became Super once again to defeat a really pissed-off Sephiroth.
  • The Tape Knew You Would Say That: Tails had a tape recorded and set up in case Eggman betrayed Sonic and friends as expected. It corrected one of Sonic's overreactions, told Sonic and Shadow not to name his Ikaruga a stupid Cronies-type name, and at three separate times, told Knuckles to stop reading the fox-boy's hidden porn cache and pay attention. Third time around, however...

Knuckles: Oh, fuck you, Tails, you're a pre-recorded image!
(Suddenly, a tiny laser is emitted from the magazine to Knuckles's head. Knuckles's eyes roll back and he falls to the floor, convulsing.)
Shadow: Cool! I want one of those!

  • The Thing That Would Not Leave: Dr. Eggman, and to a lesser extent, the rest of the Cronies to Tails. They all crash at his house in the Mystic Ruins, eat his food, mess up his place, and occasionally lead to having his precious house destroyed. All while they dub it as their base.

Dormammu: "And I JUST got rid of them, too..."

  • Time Paradox: Silver's ill-fated attempt to rid the world of |Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 leads Tails to try to explain the concept, with little success.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Sometimes other characters will have moments where lapse into this, but Knuckles is the biggest contender, followed closely at times by Eggman.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Nack the Weasel appears in the most recent chapter, having stepped up from his pathetic cork gun to a Hyperspace Arsenal of assault rifles, pistols, sniper rifles...you get the idea. Amy responds in alarm to the change.
  • Transformation Trinket: Captain Falcon's helmet - in his "normal" form, he's actually a sane, polite gentlemen - but his attacks are useless.
  • Transforming Mecha: Three components make up the almighty and devastating Grand Omelet Deluxe, aka, G.O.D.
  • Two Lines, No Waiting: Most chapters will shift away from the focus of the main characters to the other characters and their subplots. Sometimes the plots will coincide, the heroes will meet up, and they'll work together to kick the crap out of the villains.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Knuckles and Tomo became these when they were telling their made-up flashbacks that tried to make themselves look good after a considerable mess-up. Shadow and, surprisingly enough, Osaka are reliable narrators when they tell the correct flashbacks.
  • Updated Rerelease: The chapters that are listed on deviantArt are slightly polished up compared to the originals, and have had little modern touches added to them as well. One example is the adding of "Next Time" skits to Cronies TRY 5 and 6. Another is having Tuxedo Mask trying to summon Dormammu instead of Diablo (the net result of summoning Theory of a Deadman is still there).
  • Villain Exit Stage Left: Pretty much why Sephiroth (as well as Aeris) made their first appearances in this series.

Sephiroth: In my world, I was the main antagonist. I died. Just think about this: if you're evil, you don't want to die! So I said to myself, "Fuck it, I'm leaving!"

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