Where on Earth, Spies

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
Yes, Waldo, her fingernails do count as weapons.[1]

"She had such a tiny frame it was hard to believe she could kill a man seven ways without the use of a weapon. Eight if her fingernails didn't count as weapons."

Waldo, a Tall, Dark, And Handsome Frenchman spy, works for the World Spy Organization, combatting the dastardly designs of an evil entity called VILE. Carmen, the sultry Russian daughter[2] of the original Carmen Sandiego, is the VILE agent Waldo has sworn to stop. She traverses the world in pursuit of artifacts to steal and has been eluding Waldo for a while by the time the story begins, their first meeting face-to-face.

Where on Earth, Spies is a Fanfic written in Web Serial Novel format by Pentharis, published on Deviant ART. It's essentially a Mega Crossover Alternate Universe Spy-Versus-Spy Fic centered around the Foe Yay-charged antics of Carmen and Waldo. Their respective spy teams are comprised of a number of Darker and Edgier iconic advertizing mascots including Erin Esurance, her partner Erik, the GEICO Gecko (Martin), Progressive's Flo, the Taco Bell Dog (Carlos), and Allstate's Mayhem. All of them are interpereted by the author from their perspectives as spys, but they're kept in some line with their source material to fun effect. While the story itself is indeed amusing, with most things underlined by snark and interspersed with both action and character interation, there's not really anything particularly notable about it. Maybe that Waldo wears a fedora.

It can be read starting here, continuing backwards through that gallery folder.[3]

Tropes used in Where on Earth, Spies include:

Waldo: A bruise is temporary, but a scar is forever. You know what else is temporary?
Carmen: Pregnancy?
Waldo: Quoi?!

Carmen: Birds of a feather, my sweet. Birds of a feather.
Waldo: I hate birds.
Carmen: So do I, I prefer cats. You?
Waldo: Dogs.
Carmen: Pity. We could have gotten a pet. I guess we'll have to have children instead.
Waldo: ...What.

Carmen: "You and I are a lot alike, Wally."

Merry-friggin'-Christmas to you too, rat-ears.
—Waldo to Carlos.
  • Real Name as an Alias: Martin is in a gecko body. He gives out his real first name as an alias because who could track down his family based upon "Martin" and a UK accent?
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Zack is passionate about his desire to be a spy and is outgoing while Ivy us quiet and focused. Played with a bit as Zack is better at standard medical care while Ivy considers herself a "MacGyver Medic."
  • Rescue Introduction: Mayhem and Mischief.
  • Retcon: Originally, Erik was named "David Doe" because Pentharis couldn't find out his name was. Soon after he debuted, a fan found out for her and she corrected it retroactively.
  • Retirony: Martin only agreed to shadow Carmen because it was one last mission and Erin asked him to.
  • Riddle Me This: How Carmen gets Waldo to return to France in the first chapter.
  • Running Gag: Referring to Mayhem as a dog in varied contexts.
    • "My name is not Wally."
  • Sarcasm Mode: When symptoms of the Lemony Narrator arise, this is generally among them.
  • Say My Name: Erik's introduction is him calling out Erin's name several times.
  • Scary Black Man: Dennis, who outranks Waldo at the WSO, intimidates the Frenchman quite a bit.
  • Secret War
  • Security Cling: Erik and Erin hold each other when they find out Martin is in grave peril and later spend the night in each others' arms to support each other while he is recovering.
    • Ivy holds Zack's arm when they travel to Russia, where she's intimidated by not knowing the native tongue.
  • Seen It All: Mayhem, then a dog, could talk, but Carmen didn't think that was so wierd considering everything else going on.
  • Sensual Slavs: Carmen.
  • Sequel Hook: Some chapters more than others.
  • Series Hiatus: The author is in college, so there was a few months between Chapters 32 and 33.
  • She Is Not My Girlfriend: Waldo on Carmen.
  • Shout-Out: Both Waldo and Carmen are stated to have uncanny aptitudes for hiding in plain sight despite garish clothing.
  • Shoe Phone: Waldo's glasses take pictures.
  • Show Some Leg: Waldo doesn't outwardly take the bait, but Carmen tries this when he captures her.
  • Snark-to-Snark Combat
  • Sneeze of Doom: Martin while in Carmen's headquarters. He's caught because of it.
  • Sneeze of Doom
  • Soap Opera Disease: Alik lost his legs because of one.
  • Spy Fiction: Martini Flavored.
  • Spy-Versus-Spy
  • Stable Time Loop: During Carmen's time travelling, she set a fire in the Doctor's lab, killing many agents trapped in animal bodies. Carlos, turned into an animal and present there, references this event in the present.
  • The engineer constructing the time machine brings it to Waldo while his younger self is still working on it.
  • Stealth Pun: Just before she boards the Chronoskimmer, Carmen tells Alik that she'll see him "in time."
  • Stockholm Syndrome: Mayhem's joining VILE after Carmen saved his life. She plans to indoctinate him so he'll want to work for them.
  • Sympathetic P.O.V.: Half the story is from VILE's perspective and they aren't made out to look like bad people. Rather, they are Not So Different from the WSO and merely have different aims.
  • Tagalong Kids: The ACME kids to Waldo, but they pull their own weight.
  • Take That: "It sounded horrifying, 'teaching' someone to like something. But honestly, how what that any diferent from public school in the States?"
  • Talking Animal
  • Tall, Dark, and Handsome: Waldo.
  • Team Pet: Mischief.
  • Tempting Fate:

They had no building plans, no plans of action, no idea how to find out where she was, and indeed: No idea if Carmen was still there. Surely there was no possible way this could go horrendously wrong and he was going to have to explain to two children's families why they wouldn't be coming home from work that day.

Waldo: "How goes the building of the time machine?"
Engineer: Great, we should be done by next week, so you can leave any minute."
Waldo: What? Is this one of those things you have to be drunk to understand?"

  • Timey-Wimey Ball: Carmen time travels to the Doctor's lab where he's turning spies into animals. There was intended to be a somewhat lengthy gap between that point and the present, but Geckos don't live long enough for that. The author noticed and she decided to play through without more exposition than that Martin thinks he's near death because of his gecko body's age.
    • Neither is she certain about how Carmen Sandiego I's Heel Face Turn fits on the timeline because the given date of March 1973 may not be far enough in the past.
  • Token Minority: While the story is international, the main charcaters originate from caucasian countries. One of the WSO higher-ups, Dennis, is a black man, however. He's Allstate's primary spokesman.
  • Torture Always Works: Subverted when Martin did not give Carmen information because of her torture, but she didn't ask for spying information, only what Waldo thought of her.
    • Also Averted as The Doctor's torture of Mayhem was unsuccessful.
  • To the Batpole: How Carmen escapes from Waldo's clutches in the opening chapters.
  • To the Pain: "If you ever call me 'Moi krolik' again I will harvest your organs while you sleep and sell them on the black market." - Alik to Mayhem.
  • Trash Talk: Between spies, naturally. Lots of snark.
  • Tracking Device: First Carmen plants one on Waldo, then Waldo plants one on her car later in the series. Every WSO agent has one either on their person or under their skin. It stops broadcasting when they die.
  • True Art Is Incomprehensible: An Invoked Trope. Upon seeing the ACME base, Waldo can only compare it to Modern Art, which he appreciates in general. However, thinks it looks rather weird and can't quite understand why the secret base is so blatantly garish.
  • Turncoat: Carmen Sandiego I and Mayhem.
  • The Unfavourite: Mayhem has lower standing tha Michief in Carmen's eyes.
  • Underestimating Badassery: Mayhem speaks with repect when talking to Carmen, but not so when addressing Alik. He learns.
  • Underwater Base: The WSO spy boat.
  • Unresolved Sexual Tension: Much. Mostly between Waldo and Carmen, but also present in some scenes from Alik's perspective. Also towards Carmen.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: VILE conducts its activites to distract governments and give them something to rally against. They give the news something to report on and provide a "bad guy" for the counties to focus on.
  • What Did I Do Last Night?: Carmen upon waking up in a cot with Alik, though it was benign. Also Waldo, during his dream
  • When She Smiles: Alik for Carmen.
  • White and Grey Morality: WSO being White and VILE being Grey.
  • Worthy Opponent: One way Carmen and Waldo view each other.
  • Would Hit a Girl: Waldo.
  • Written Sound Effect: Mayhen trudging throught the snow: "Crunch. Crunch. Crunch."
  • Vodka Drunkenski: Waldo and Carmen joke about this.
  • You Can Talk: Mayhem's debut as a talking dog. Carmen takes it in stride.
  • You Gotta Have Pink Hair: Erin Esurance.
  • Your Mom: The conclusion of Mayhem's I Am the Noun speech to Waldo.
  1. Only that scene didn't actually happen this way.
  2. Adopted
  3. DeviantArt isn't exactly made for hosting stories.