Axe Cop/Characters

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The cast of the webcomic Axe Cop.

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Good Guys

Axe Cop (Axey Smartist)

• A Load of Bull: As Axe Cop Lava Bull in Bad Guy Earth.
• An Axe to Grind
• Badass
• Badass Moustache: Apparently, he was even born with it.
• Badass Normal: While he does have some powers, they're very minor compared to everyone else.
• Blood Knight: He dedicates his entire life to fighting bad guys, with only two minutes of sleep each night, he's stated that he'd get bored if he became president and killed all the bad guys, and if he had a magic wand, he would use it to turn every alien in the universe evil just so he could kill them.
• Catch Phrase: "I'll chop your head off!"
• Chaotic Good
• Cool Shades
• Cowboy Cop
• Eats Babies
• Fatal Fear: Despite how strong he is, Axe Cop still has one major fear. TALKING GORILLAS.
• Friends With Jesus: He's had a direct line to God ever since he became President of Presidents.
• He-Man Woman Hater: He doesn't allow girls on his team, except for the Best Fairy Ever. Presumably because Malachai is six.
• Guile Hero: That was a secret attack.
• The Hero
• Hot-Blooded
• Killer Cop
• Lantern Jaw of Justice
• Master Poisoner
• Meaningful Name: He's a cop who wields an axe. Go figure.
• Memetic Badass: Axe Cop With Lemon in particular.
• Punny Name: His real name, "Axey Smartist".
• Rated "M" for Manly
• Real Men Love Jesus: He prays for the sharks.
• Supercop
• Super Mode: Axe Cop With Lemon, Axe Cop Fire, and Axe Cop Lava Bull.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Axe Cop is terrified of talking gorillas. They are his greatest fear.
• Wig, Dress, Accent: Axe Cop uses a variety of disguises at his disposal. He dresses up as a cat while killing bad guys in their sleep at night, he occasionally wears a baby suit, he dresses up as Ethan for comic conventions, and he occasionally disguises himself as a regular cop (he switches his axe with a gun).

Flute Cop (Flutey Smartist)

• Butt Monkey: He never stops transforming. Although many of these forms make him even more powerful, he never gets to use his true form, even when he tries. Even Axe Cop has stated that his best friend is Sockarang and not Flute Cop, who has been his sidekick since the first comic.
• Cool Shades
• Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Unlike Axe Cop, who actually has a real name, it seems that his name actually is Flute Cop.
  • This seems to have been a mistake in the early comic, as later on in "Ask Flute Cop" we more logically see his name given as Flutey Smartist.
• Everything's Better with Dinosaurs: After becoming Dinosaur Soldier, and later as Dragtrighostacops Rex.
• I Have Many Names: Due to his many transformations. The same character has gone by the names Flute Cop, Dinosaur Soldier, Avocado Soldier, Uni-Avocado Soldier, Ghost Cop, Drag-Tri-Ghostacops Rex, Viking Cop, Bear Cop, Zombie Bear Cop, President Zombie Bear Cop, Rat Cop...
• The Lancer
• Luke, I Am Your Father: He's Axe Cop's brother, but they forgot after backing into each other.
• Minored in Asskicking: His minor was in Criminal Justice. His major was in flute class. However, it appears that flute classes in the Axe Cop world involve learning how to fight with flutes.
• Musical Assassin: While we've never seen him use his Flute Cop form in battle, his fighting style evidently involves him distracting people by blowing into his flute.
• Our Presidents Are Different: He became President of the United States by eating President Towzerd's brain. (He was a zombie bear at the time.)
• Shapeshifter Default Form: Interestingly, in between storylines he seems to revert by unspecified means to a default form...but that form is Dinosaur Soldier, not his original form of Flute Cop.
• Sleeves Are for Wimps: Dinosaur Soldier.
• Truly Single Parent: He has a baby named Wexey that he wished for with his unicorn powers.
• Unicorn: As Uni-Avocado Soldier.

Sockarang

• All There in the Manual: His real name is Socky, but you'd only know that from reading the production notes in the Bad Guy Earth collection.
• Badass Beard: After he gets Bad Santa's blood on him.
• The Big Guy
• Brought to You by The Letter "S": Actually, his emblem is a sock in the shape of an S.
• Chainsaw Good
• Chick Magnet: Although he rejects his fangirls' affection since he's in love with the Best Fairy Ever.
• Detachment Combat: Uses his sock boomerang arms to fight.
• Heart Is an Awesome Power: His power is having sock arms. And he's still a Badass.
• Legacy Character: His father was a sock fighting superhero before him.
  • Bad Guy Earth clarifies that while his whole family were converted into sock fighters, his father only ever taught superheroes without being one himself.
• Mad Scientist: He's driven by love--he seeks to defy the exaggeration of Huge Guy, Tiny Girl.

Baby Man

• Badass Family
• Catch Phrase: "Shake what your baby gave ya!"
• Fartillery: For a while, his sole power was the ability to fly by farting.
• Gasshole
• Perma-Stubble
• Something Person: In addition to Baby Man, there's also his family members, Baby Dad, Baby Mom, Baby Kid, and Baby Baby.
• The Voiceless: Except for the aformentioned catchphrase.

the Wrestler

• Badass Normal: Even on the official character bios, his powers are listed only as "He's a wrestler."
• Captain Ersatz: Ethan has stated that we was designed after the Ultimate Warrior.
  • And his superior, the Wrestler Boss (seen in Bad Guy Earth and Ask Axe Cop) is based on Hulk Hogan.
• Exactly What It Says on the Tin
• Face Heel Turn
• Orcus on His Throne
• Out of Focus: After the first arc left him a tiny biting robot, he didn't reappear until a later comic demonstrated his battle cry, which also included defunct forms of Flute Cop. An even later comic showed that he got better and is still alive.
• Professional Wrestling
• Spell My Name with a "The"

Ralph Wrinkles

• Breath Weapon: He shoots a laser from his mouth.
• Canine Companion
• Cool Shades
• Eye Beams: Though his are healing rays.
• I Know Karate: Since Uni-Man wished he would.
• Talking Animal
• Team Pet

Wexter

• Arm Cannon: Two of them.
• Canon Immigrant: First appeared in Ask Axe Cop #8.
• Cool Pet
• Cool Shades
• Dinosaurs Are Dragons
• Ensemble Darkhorse: Even Malachai has stated he prefers him to Axe Cop himself. It's easy to see why.
• Everything's Better with Dinosaurs: Is it ever.
• Team Pet
• Tyrannosaurus Rex

Uni-Man

• Badass Bookworm
• Butt Monkey: At first.
• Fastball Special: Before he Took a Level In Badass, his combat role was limited to making wishes and being thrown horn-first at bad guys.
• Reality Warper
• The Smart Guy
• Something Person
• Super Intelligence
• Took a Level In Badass: Did he ever!

Leaf Man

• Ambiguously Gay
  • Subverted it was revealed he once had a wife.
• Circus Brat: His current occupation.
• Everybody's Dead, Dave: His whole family. Nobody knows how they died.
• Green Thumb: He apparently can control leaves, but seems to be limited to juggling them.
• Heroic Build: Averted. As opposed to a stereotypical buff superhero, Leaf Man is a scrawny 90-pound weakling.
• Something Person

The Best Fairy Ever

• Fairy Companion
• Fairy Sexy
• Interspecies Romance: With Sockarang.
• Refugee From TV Land: Axe Cop pulled her out of his TV while he was watching a movie about fairies.
• Knife Nut
• Master Poisoner: She has two types of poison powder--one that shrinks bad guys and one that kills giants.
• Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Her signature attack is to fly into bad guys' nostrils and punch her way out through the backs of their heads.
• Token Minority: She is literally the only female being in creation (besides Uni-Baby) allowed on Axe Cop's team.

The Moon Warriors (Vampire Wolfer and Fire Slicer)

• Badass
• Elemental Powers: Fire Slicer can control...well, guess.
• Friendly Neighborhood Vampire
• Killed Off for Real: At least for now.
• Martial Arts Headband
• Morph Weapon: Fire Slicer's sword, which can turn into a flaming stick as he's slicing a bad guy.
• Ninja
• Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Lampshaded by the narrative text. They were "wizard ninja brothers from the moon" even before they started getting vampire bites anf transformations.
• Omniglot: They speak every human and alien language due to doing ESL at moon school.
• Our Werewolves Are Different: Vampire Wolfer was born a werewolf and can change at any time because he lives on the moon.
• Our Vampires Are Different: This only gets explained in the book, but Vampire Wolfer was born a vampire. He only got double vampire power when he was bitten by Vampire Man Baby Kid.
• Sleeves Are for Wimps
• Too Cool to Live

Lobster Man (Koko Mia)

• Evil Detecting Dog/Lobster/Man: His antennae can detect bad guys, a power later picked up by Axe Cop after being infected with lobster blood.
• Half-Human Hybrid: Sort of.
• Jerkass Woobie
• Mix-and-Match Critters: He has a human head, lobster claws and antennae, and the back legs and tail of a German shepherd.
• Scary Black Man
• Shapeshifter Mode Lock: Unlike his sister, who can turn into a dog at will, he permenantly is stuck with a human head and a dog body.
• Something Person

Bat Warthog Man

• Animal-Themed Superbeing
• Ascended Extra: He was originally just a one-off character from the Ask Axe Cop series before getting his own arc.
• Badass Abnormal: Unlike his namesake, he at least can fly.
• Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs: A slightly more complex sort: bat, warthog, man--bat warthog, man--BAT WARTHOG MAN!
• Captain Ersatz: He's Batman, but part warthog.
• Cool Car: "The Power".
• Expy: When he first appeared on Ask Axe Cop, he showed traits very similar to Axe Cop. He even had an airborne tyrannosaur as a steed--specifically, his Bat Warthog T-Rex. These were dropped when he got his own arc.
• Mix-and-Match Critters: Bat Warthog, which is "the best two-animal combo" according to Malachai.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: When in Man form, Bat Warthog Man looks a bit like Rod Serling.
• Our Werewolves Are Different: Sort of. He only turns into his bat warthog form at night, because bats go out at night, and he was bitten by a bat warthog.
• Shaped Like Itself: A literal case: Bat Warthog Man wears a bat warthog mask to cover his bat warthog face. It's justified, too: his mask is more stylized, whereas his head is slightly more grotesque.
• Something Something Person

Wolver Man

• Captain Ersatz: Of both Wolverine and Superman.
• Composite Character
• Wetware CPU: His pet Iron Spider Cannon is a Cyborg directed by a mouse brain wired into its circuits.
  • Abnormal Ammo: It can shoot bolts and fire tornadoes.

Grey Diamond

• Captain Ersatz: Of Grey Matter from Ben10
• Mad Scientist: Combined the surviving brain of his dead comrade Sergeant G with a lion's and a cheetah's.
• My Brain Is Big: Inside the giant diamond on his head.
• The Smart Guy

Grey Stone

• Author Avatar: Half his dialogue is clearly Ethan's Fridge Logic on being confronted with Malachai's ideas.
• Captain Ersatz: Again, of Grey Matter from Ben10, but in a very different way to Grey Diamond.
• Chekhov's Skill: His ability to repair robots comes up later on.
• Gadgeteer Genius: He builds a rocket ship from scratch, without instructions!
• Hulking Out
• My Brain Is Big
• Nerd Glasses: When repairing robots.
• Only Sane Man: Not that it gets him far in the Axe Cop universe.
• The Smart Guy
• Spell My Name with an "S": The narrative sometimes refers to him as 'Greystone' without a space.

Army Chihuahua

• Badass Adorable: Depends on your opinions on chihuahuas, but it is in his name.
• Badass Normal: In his backstory when he was an ordinary soldier.
• Blood Knight: He only turns into his human form when he's not ready to fight, which is "almost never."
• Dark and Troubled Past
• Ensemble Darkhorse: Just after his first appearance, he became stupidly popular from one dialogueless panel alone.
• Real Men Wear Pink: Before becoming a chihuahua himself, he was a tough, muscular, mustachioed army man...who owned a pet chihuahua. There's something inexplicably funny about seeing such a manly man say "Oh no! I forgot to feed my chihuahua!"
• Superhero Packing Heat: Has "army powers", which essentially seems to mean the ability to use a machine gun while in chihuahua form.
• Shapeshifter Mode Lock
• Troubled Backstory Flashback
• Was Once a Man
• What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: In any circumstance where he has to fight, he's forced to remain in the form of a chihuahua.

Chemist M

• Author Avatar: The M stands for Malachai.
• Happiness in Slavery: Axe Cop bought him and he seems fine with it.
• Nerd Glasses
• Science Hero
• See the Invisible: The main reason Axe Cop needed him was to create a chemical that would let him do this.

Liborg

• Cyborg
• Nineties Anti-Hero: His design is based on the art of Rob Liefeld.
• Portmanteau: His name is one of 'lion' and 'cyborg'.
• Was Once a Man: The result of Grey Diamond combining the remains of his deceased friend Sergeant G (actually Sergeant T, but Grey Diamond didn't know that) with parts from a lion, a cheetah, and a robot suit.

Fwinky Dog

• Animal Superheroes
• Blow You Away: He can create a Fwinky-tornado.
• Eye Beams
• Flight
• Funny Animal
• Super Serum: The super-Fwinkies (Twinkies for dogs) that gave him his powers.

Bad Guys

Telescope Gun Cop

• BFG: It is in his name.
• Cool Gun: It even has a flashlight!
• Cool Shades
• Eighties Hair: Has a mullet.
• Evil Brit: In the animated version.
• Face Heel Turn
• Who's Laughing Now?: He only became a bad guy after Axe Cop refused to let him on his team, at first because he had to go fight Psydrozon and then because he was already powerful enough to go without him.

King Evilfatsozon

• Adipose Rex
• Fat Bastard
• Kryptonite Factor: He can only be killed by a unicorn horn, as he explains to the guy who's standing right next to someone with a unicorn horn.
  • In fairness, he didn't actually finish saying "a unicorn horn" before he was killed by Uni-Man being thrown at him, so he was already doomed before starting to say it.

Dr. Stinky Head

• Arch Enemy: Seeing as he has connections with Axe Cop and appears in the Dr. McNinja crossover, he's about the closest Axe Cop has.
• High-Class Glass
• Mad Scientist
• Morally-Ambiguous Doctorate
• The Pig Pen: Hence the name Dr. Stinky Head, and his childhood identity, Stinko.

Vampire Man Baby Kid

• Fashionable Asymmetry: Because he's half vampire baby, half vampire man, and vampire kid in the middle, his appendages are longer on one side.
• Gonk
• Lookslike Orlock
• Nigh Invulnerable: His head can't be chopped off by anything short of a golden chainsaw.
• Our Vampires Are Different: He's a "sun vampire" and can apparently survive in the sun.

Dr. Doo Doo

• Brown Note: He can make people poop their pants and give birth to doody soldiers by saying "Poooooop!", similar to the Trope Namer.
• High-Class Glass
• Mad Scientist: Apparently, given that he has "Dr." in his name.
• Morally-Ambiguous Doctorate
• Talking Poo

The King of All Bad Guys

• Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever
• Cyclops
• Invisibility
• Orcus on His Throne

Chicken Head

• Breath Weapon: Can shoot lasers out of his mouth.
• Hero-Killer
• Mooks: Chicks that shoot drills.
• Non-Indicative Name: He's a huge chicken with a human head.
• Posthumous Character

Iggy and Willy

• Animal Jingoism: They spend their time plotting against dogs.
• Cats Are Mean
• Cool Mask
• Fat Bastard / Husskie Russkie: Willy.
• Lean and Mean: Iggy.
• Magitek: They use combinations of both technology and magic, such as setting up ordinary technological booby traps but then hiding them with an invisibility spell.
  • Later they build a transformation machine and install the last button using a magic spell.
• My Death Is Just the Beginning
• Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: They're Siberian witch doctor cats.
• Our Presidents Are Different: They were apparently democratically elected to witch doctordom, as Iggy is president and Willy is vice president.
• Polyamory: They have one wife between them.
• Witch Doctor

Axe Cop Presents

Jack and John

• Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: They have an army of zombie vampires with jetpacks, all called Laser Scott.
• Pals with Jesus: They exchange advice and favours with God.

The Secret Agent Brothers

• Author Avatar: Secret Agent I is Ethan and Secret Agent M is Malachai.
• Sibling Team

Print-only Characters

Characters that have only appeared in Bad Guy Earth and other print-only comics. Because these are self-contained stories, spoilers will not be marked.

The Psychic Brothers (Psychic Boss and Psychic Helper)

• Anime Hair: Psychic Boss' mohawk.
• Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: They can merge together to form a giant monster...which is named the Best Psychic Pal.
• Author Avatar: Psychic Boss is Malachai, Psychic Helper is Ethan.
• Big Bad
• Bow Ties Are Cool: And robot bow ties are even cooler!
• Fat and Skinny
• Lean and Mean: Psychic Boss.
• Outside Context Villain
• Psychic Powers: Though despite their name, they actually don't use them that much.
• Those Two Bad Guys

The Evil Magician Woman Riding A Gorilla Riding A Lion

• Anime Hair
• Bigger Bad
• Fiery Redhead
• Horse of a Different Colour
• Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot
• No Name Given: But supplementary material indicates it's "Psychic Wazasha".

President Towzerd

• Dropped a Bridge on Him
• Our Presidents Are Different: Closest to President Buffoon.