Hellfire Commentaries

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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"HellfireComms; it'll happen eventually!"
—TheHelldragon
"We don't do two takes."
—NTom64

Hellfire-Commentaries is a commentary group based mainly on Youtube and Blip.tv, and now branching off to a site of their own.

Founded by NTom64 and The Helldragon, they partake in MTS3K-style riffs on various video games, movies and television episodes.

Members of the group include:

  • NTom64, co-founder and main commentator of HellfireComms
  • TheHelldragon, co-founder and commentator on the Kingdom Hearts series, and various others.
  • Fastest Thing Alive, head of Find the Computer Room and commentator on the Sonic the Hedgehog series.
  • TheGamingBrit, game critic and occasional commentator.
  • Mexirican Bass Monkey, commentator on the Legend of Zelda series and Pokemon speed runner.
  • Cold Chaos, commentator on various different titles on both Youtube and Blip.
  • Datai, commentator on various different Nintendo games on both Youtube and Blip.
  • sskinner, commentator of any game on both Youtube and Blip.
  • thesnake383,commentator on various titles who can be found on both Youtube and Blip.
  • RespawnPoint, Youtube game commentator and frequent Twitch streamer.

Older members who no longer contribute to the site for one reason or another:

  • AxelRyman, Youtube LPer and commentator on various Action/RPG games.
  • Greatzombieron, movie reviewer and commentator on retro/puzzle game series.
  • IRTundraBoy, commentator on any game series.
  • BigAl2K6, Blip ranter and commentator on various films.
  • Captainblue50, technical advisor and commentator on various films.
  • LuizPrower, Youtube LPer and commentator on various films and TV shows.
  • RandomDCE, creator of random vids on Youtube, and commentator on various films.
  • SonicMovies, creator of Sonic the Hedgehog movies, and commentator on various Sonic games and films.
  • MrPoT4tO, technical support, in charge of media etc.

Affiliated websites:

Tom has also done a hilarious dramatic reading of the ever so infamous My Immortal. The complete reading can be found here. [dead link]


Hellfire Commentaries provides examples of the following tropes:

NTom: What's a moray?
FTA: When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's a moray.
NTom: (clapping) Well done, that is actually well deserved.

    • "Ow. That was good." (Helldragon, regarding Tom)
    • In the Disaster Movie commentary, both Tom and Ron were genuinely amused when the main character was accidentally impaled by Prince Caspian, even though it was only a dream sequence.
    • They also decided this about a single joke in The Harlem Globetrotters Meet Snow White (the fact that the dwarfs eat shortcake for dessert).
  • Any Torment You Can Walk Away From: From the Sonic Adventure playthrough:

Tails: All's well that ends well, right?
FTA: THE CITY'S BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED!

Helldragon: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, lettuce.

  • Awesome McCoolname: "Hellfire", natch.
  • A Wizard Did It: During the first Sonic '06 playthrough, when asked by FTA to explain things like plot-holes, magic mirrors, and all sorts, Tom's answer is almost always "Magic".

Tom: Don't question the logic of this game, because there is none.

    • He uses the "Magic" explanation quite frequently, actually (along with "Don't bother questioning video game logic".
  • Atomic F-Bomb: "Excuse me for ten seconds, please *leaves computer* WHAT THE FUCK!"
  • Aw, Look -- They Really Do Love Each Other: Despite NTom and FTA's constant arguing and insults, there are times when they'll actually agree. Not much, though...
  • Berserk Button: Don't bring up the Captain mission from |Sonic '06 to FTA, trust us on that one. When that came around, he completely snapped:

FTA: ...WHAT?! You're fucking jo- please tell me you're joking on that, please tell me, tell me he, I, just, ....e-e-excuse me for ten seconds please..." (Leaves his mic) "WHAT THE FUCK?! GRAAAAAAHH!"[2]

    • Don't EVER call their playthroughs "Lets Plays", unless you want NTom to kill you.
    • Also, never call Greatzombieron by his real name, or he will end you.
  • Better Than a Bare Bulb: Invoked quite a few times, and finally noted by name, thanks to Tom in the Half-Life 2 playthrough.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: While Tom is usually the calm one of the group, he did lose it during the ball puzzle from Silver's Dusty Desert from Sonic '06.
  • Book Ends: In the Sonic '06 commentary, the first line Tom says after introducing himself is "This is a loading screen." Then, during the Sonic Unleashed commentary, Tom utters this once again before Perfect Dark Gaia is revealed.

FTA: Oh, God, it's Sonic '06 all over again!

    • Another example (albeit unintentional) happens in the Pokémon: Destiny Deoxys commentary. At the beginning, Helldragon mistakenly states that Pokémon 3 was not released in Western theaters. Tom corrects him. Then at the end, Tom mistakenly states that Pokémon Ranger and The Temple of The Sea was the last movie to feature the original voice actors. Helldragon corrects him.
    • Kingdom Hearts II. In the segment directly after the prologue, Helldragon says the Innocent Innuendo quoted in the YMMV page, and Tom asks him to rephrase it. Then, before the finale (The World That Never Was), their roles are reversed:

Tom: Well, Goofy goes into Sora when he does Valor Form.
Helldragon: What.

Tom: Yeah.

Helldragon: Rephrase that, Tom.

Tom: Okay, he penetrates Sora's being and disappears.

FTA: If your parents are dead, and the only friend you ever had is about to be erased from history, just smile!

  • Butt Monkey: A little bit of everyone, but mostly Tom.
    • IRTundraboy, on this site, having perused it during the Half-Life 2 playthrough, felt left out at it making no mention of him.
  • Call Back: In the KHII playthrough -- upon visiting the Hundred Acre Woods, there's some discussion similar to when they visited the area in the first game.
    • In the Sonic CD playthrough, FTA references the later parts of the Sonic Unleashed playthrough (his previous appearance, nine months prior) several times.

FTA: "When's CD getting made?", "when's CD getting made?", fucking today!

  • Camp Straight: Skyler. Doesn't really help that he seemed perfectly okay with the prospect of dressing up as Classic Amy and dancing for FTA.
    • "Hey, boys... do you know Classic Amy?" (Skyler)
  • Catch Phrase: Each member has at least one.
    • "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!" (Helldragon)
    • "Awesomesauce." (FTA)
    • "Do I care?" (Helldragon)
    • "Fuck that noise!" (Helldragon)
    • "I don't know/care!" (Helldragon)
    • "Well; wasn't that wonderful?" (NTom, at the end of each Dramatic Reading video)
    • "Sky-Neville" and "Sky-Jesus", among other things starting with the prefix 'Sky' (N Tom, Skyward Sword)
  • Celebrity Resemblance: In the Brutal Legend playthrough, Ron jokingly noted a resemblance between Tom and Jack Black. Tom denied this.

Ron: No I'm not, I'm fat.

Helldragon: You know what? Fuck you Sonic, fuck you Tails, fuck you balls, fuck you Aquatic Base, fuck you Shadow, fuck you Silver, fuck you laser fence, fuck you Elise, FUCK EVERYONE! FUCK THIS GAME!

    • Also:

FTA:Fuck the fucking fuckers!

FTA: It's all Tom's fault; blame him.
NTom: Umm, excuse me, who disappeared for a month?
FTA: ...You did.
NTom: ...You didn't even let me know where you were! I thought you died! I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?

NTom: That was a penis joke.

    • Also given a thorough lampshading.

Helldragon: See, that's how you tell jokes: you tell people the jokes you're going to make, then you make them, then you tell them the joke you just made.

      • However, at least in TheHelldragon's opinion, this does not work for puns.

Helldragon: If you explain the pun, it doesn't work. Fail.
Tom: It makes it an anti-pun; therefore, it is still a pun.

  • Dude, Not Funny: greatzombieron has made one or too quips that may have crossed the line -- an autism joke during the Disaster Movie commentary, or a Haiti joke in the Brutal Legend playthrough. NTom and (in the latter case) IRTundraBoy were not amused, either way.
  • Dull Surprise: Typically lampshaded whenever it shows up in the works they comment on. For instance, they reference one moment in Kingdom Hearts II thusly:

"Slight disappointment"

  • Even Evil Has Standards: "Aww, I can't cuss at you, Pooh; that'd just be mean." (Helldragon) Made funnier when NTom does, prompting the following exchange:

Helldragon: -gasp- Tom!
NTom: I'm sorry...
Helldragon: ...I should kill you for that.

NTom: Isn't that a bit extreme?

Helldragon: Extreme is how we do everything here on Hellfire Commentaries, Tom!

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME."

Helldragon: And thus, thousands of fanfictions were born...

  • Fantastic Racism: Helldragon's racist against technology -- NTom dubbed him a "techist".

Helldragon: AHLALALA! NTom seems to be like this with snowmen

FTA: We have a chick with cleavage bigger than Tails' head, and she's driving a friggin' penis!

Tom: Digest Cookies, Everyone!

"Optimus Prime, what are you doing here?"

Helldragon: (After a particularly lame pun): Ow. That hurt my soul.

    • Part 120 of the Kingdom Hearts Playthrough nearly has ten minutes of "fucking game puns."
  • Ice Cream Koan: IRTundraboy's random ancient Chinese wisdom:

IRTundraboy: Man with broom have no use for river!
IRTundraboy: Tiger-sleep-in-tree-to-escape-butterfly!

FTA: Sure you did, Tom, sure you did.

    • He has also attempted to justify this on a few occasions, such as during the second Sonic '06 playthrough:

Helldragon: (after Sonic runs into a wall of spikes) Well, why'd you do that?
NTom: Because he deserves it, okay?

  • Implacable Man: Apparently, Parasite Cage, later showing up as Mecha-Cage, and even later, Proto-Cage.
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: Done quite a few times. Lampshaded during the Half-Life 2 playthrough:

Tom: I make lame puns into an art-form, alright?
Ron: No, you make an art-form even lamer.

    • In an attempt to fight back against Tom's puns, Helldragon has delved into this as well. ("Terrable!")
  • Informed Ability: AxelRyman, BigAl2K6, Captainblue50, and LuizPrower are all members of the group, despite not having appeared too often, if at all.
    • They have appeared in commentaries, but most of them aren't available. Axel starred in an Ocarina of Time playthrough (cancelled), Alan starred in a commentary of the Super Mario Bros movie, Captainblue50 was in the Ben10 live-action film commentary with DCE, along with a Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas playthrough (cancelled), and Luiz starred in a Sonic Rewards Compilation playthrough (removed).
    • Cloud8745 was also a member briefly for 5 videos or so of the Pokemon Emerald playthrough (removed) before THD was a regular.
    • Luiz was also involved in something Street Fighter related, but it was never released.
  • Insult Backfire: This exchange during the Sonic and the Black Knight playthrough:

FTA: Well, you sound like a homosexual robot with a bad cold.
NTom: ...That's the weirdest insult I've ever received; thank you.

Helldragon: ...well, pieces fly off, it slowly gets worse; soon its core is compromised and it blows up everywhere, but really it's SEGA's fault because it built itself with a giant "FUCK ME" light on the very bottom.

    • Also later, as the boss is crashing:

Helldragon: Oh no, here comes SEGA's decline in the console market; run!
NTom: Bye-bye, Dreamcast!

    • In the Unleashed playthrough, Tom indulges in it as well.

Tom: A Sonic Unleashed playthrough without boosting is like a sandwich without a filling! It makes no sense if it's just bread!

Helldragon: YES. Robot Ghost Ninja Vampire High School. Best school ever!

  • Never Say That Again: "Don't you ever. Ever. Use my full name." (NTom, in response to FTA referring to him as "Thomas")
  • Noodle Incident: Ron's driving endeavors.
  • "No. Just... No" Reaction: During the Disaster Movie commentary, greatzombieron reacts to one of NTom's jokes this way. To make sense of it, the movie currently showed a character pinned to the ground with the spear from a collapsed statue:

Ron: I don't even know what the point is, to this whole thing...
Tom: Well, the point is on the end of the spear.
(A beat is heard, followed by an audible slapping noise.)

Helldragon: What is that structure in the background, the one with the big fuckin hole in it, what is that?
Tom: Looks to be part of an oval office, if you will.
Helldragon:... Nooo, Tom. Noooo...

Tom: Oh, god, not another tank! I need health! This won't end well...

Helldragon: So you're on the two Skullker tanks, I presume-

Tom: Oh, there's two of them?!

  • One of Us: Otherwise, this page wouldn't exist. I wonder if it's ruined their lives yet?
    • NTom64 has lost some respect for this site though.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: Helldragon AKA Matt Willard
  • The Plan: NTom64 and Helldragon Wild Mass Guessing this to be how the plot of Kingdom Hearts II got started, complete with [[Gargoyles David Xanatos himself.
    • It's gotten to a point where they believe that Xanatos was responsible for not only the creation of the Cage legacy (Parasite Cage, Mecha-Cage, Proto-Cage), but also for Nomura letting no TV series be included in Kingdom Hearts.
    • In the Super Mario Galaxy 2: Stream playthrough: The two worlds that are multiples of three were both 12 parts long, which is also a multiple of three! As a response, N Tom said "Funny how things work out like that."
      • Also, he just happened to be playing the game on the third-year anniversary of Hellfire Commentaries.
  • Plucky Comic Relief: Helldragon
  • Police Are Useless: Pointed out by Captainblue50 in their Ben 10: Race Against Time commentary.
  • The Power of Rock: The Brutal Legend playthrough, natch.
  • Power Trio:
    • NTom, FTA, and TheHelldragon. (Not in any playthrough, but the three have appeared in livestreams and such.)
    • NTom, greatzombieron, and IRTundraboy. (Brutal Legend, Half-Life 2)
    • NTom, FTA and SonicMovies (The Sonic Heroes playthrough)
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: "Must... talk... in... fragments!" (Helldragon)
  • Pungeon Master: NTom64.
  • Quintessential British Gentleman: Lampshaded by Tom on a number of occasions.

NTom: Yes, I'm actually drinking tea; I'm that much of a stereotype.

    • In their Half-Life 2 playthrough, they even call him out on it; and he openly admits it.

NTom: A true gentleman uses an FAQ to solve puzzles in a children's puzzle game.

NTom: Seriously, we can't put it towards curing cancer? No, just Pokémon battles? Ok.

  • Refuge in Audacity: The Ben 10:Race Against Time commentary.
  • Reset Button: At the end of their [[Pokémon: The First Movie]] commentary, when Mewtwo wipes the minds of everyone, he also wipes the minds of NTom and Helldragon, and they forget the entire commentary.
  • Running Gag: At least one per commentary, as well as some general ones that span from comm to comm. Some notable ones:
  • Rule of Cool: They decide that Brutal Legend's "Bring It On Home" solo runs on this.
    • Also quoted verbatim by Helldragon during their Sonic '06 playthrough:

NTom: Lawrence III's Upgraded Styrofoam Fortress versus a Dragon Mech for no reason.

THD: But it would be the best reason... 'cause it'd be kickass -- Rule of Cool, people, come on.

NTom: One day, someone's gonna watch this and think we're actually being egotistical.

BigAl: This is happening now, this is based on a true story.

Greatzombieron: This is why every day with you... is pain. Constant... pain.

  • What Could Have Been: Originally, the Disaster Movie commentary was to be done with RandomDCE, but there was never put a date for him and Tom to start recording, so Tom eventually did it with Greatzombieron instead.
    • There's also the Disney-thon, a ten-day marathon of Disney movies. It was affected so much by the Schedule Slip that Tom eventually canceled it, releasing the 6 finished commentaries [3] all at once as the "Proto-thon".
  • The Wiki Rule: Averted; they started a wiki, but eventually scrapped it in favor of a TVTropes page.
  1. ↑ (According to the non-commentary footage on this channel.)
  2. ↑ During the Sonic Unleashed commentary, FTA reveals that the reaction used in the actual Sonic 06 LP was staged, though it was genuine the first time he saw it.
  3. ↑ Alice in Wonderland, Toy Story, A Bug's Life, Tron, Aladdin and the King of Thieves, and High School Musical
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