The Order of the Stick/Characters/The Linear Guild

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The Linear Guild

Lee: Destructive unnecessary conflict is pretty much all they do. Qarr: ... They look like total morons. Cedrik: They are! Isn't it just perfect?

Led by Elan's Evil Twin Nale, the Linear Guild is an Evil Counterpart to the Order, whom Nale has a vendetta against.

• Card-Carrying Villains: They even have business cards.
• Evil Counterparts: Nale intentionally invokes this.
• Five-Bad Band: Hard to pin down apart from the first three, but...
  • The Big Bad: Nale
  • The Dragon: Sabine
  • The Brute: Thog/Tarquin
  • The Evil Genius: Zz'dtri/Leeky/Malack
  • The Dark Chick: Hilgya/Pompey/Kilkil
• Goldfish Poop Gang: Lampshaded when our heroes realize that they do not have a permanent solution for disposing of them.
• The Psycho Rangers
• Quirky Miniboss Squad
• Terrible Trio: Once reduced to its core members.
• Unwitting Pawns: Of the IFCC.

(Core Members)

Nale

"Because no one denies me, Elan. Not father, not you, no one."

Race: Human Gender: Male Class: Fighter/Rogue/Sorcerer Alignment: Lawful Evil

Elan's twin brother, raised by their Lawful Evil warlord father to be extremely evil. A multiclassed fighter/rogue/sorcerer, this ironically means he has about the exact same abilities as his bard brother. Only more complicated. (Note, however, that Nale has said he wants the group to have an evil opposites theme, and bards can't be lawful, so this multiclass combination enables Nale to have the same abilities and the opposite alignment.)

• Back Stab
• Beard of Evil: Which he started growing as a toddler.
• The Big Bad: He sees himself as this. (He's adorably delusional that way.)
• Big Bad Wannabe
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: For all his card-carrying villainy, he was first introduced this way. Haley wasn't fooled.
• Blond Guys Are Evil
• Bond Villain Stupidity: He's aware of it, though, and tries to repress his urges.
• Boring Insult: Nale is so egotistical that calling him unoriginal will make him drop his disguise.
• Bullying a Dragon: His first response to seeing Malack again is to mention his family (three of his children had been killed by Nale). Cue HARM. Doubles as Casual Danger Dialog -- Nale seems pretty aware he is screwed.
• But He Sounds Handsome:

Nale-as-Elan: After almost being killed by my cunningly clever and devilishly handsome twin brother, Nale, I find that I am looking at everything in a different light.

• Charm Person
• Chessmaster: He tries, but events have repeatedly shown that while he's pretty good at putting plans together, he really isn't that hot at pulling them off.
• Complexity Addiction: See above. Apparently inherited from his mother, who as a barmaid created a serving plan for individual days of the week.
• Contractual Genre Blindness
• Diabolical Mastermind: He claims. His antagonists (and his deeds) say that he's really not all that bright.
• Disproportionate Retribution: "The Linear Guild is practically synonymous with taking disproportionate revenge over quasi-imagined slights!"
• Even Evil Has Standards: Spoofed when he considers using a Céline Dion record as torture below him.
• Evil Counterpart: Has an obsession with them, being himself Elan's Evil Twin.
• Evil Feels Good
• Evil Genius: Definitely one, but his idea of how far this extends and the reality is... somewhat skewed. All in all if he weren't a raging narcissist and were able to put aside his obsession with Elan, he'd be much more effective. Considering Lamarck Was Right for this universe, his father gives us an idea of how dangerous he could be.
• Evil Gloating
• Evil Plan: Part of being an evil leader is having one. Though as noted elsewhere, they tended to fall apart.
• Evil Sorcerer
• Evil Twin: Complete with Beard of Evil and Separated at Birth. And he's put a lot of effort into keeping that image, including his choice of minions.
• Fatal Flaw: His ego. Vaarsuvius thwarted a fake-out Kill Us Both by saying it was trite and cliché, like all of Nale's plans, which caused him to mouth off. His father Tarquin has little respect for him because of this, and claims that Nale's ego and Complexity Addiction keep him from ever becoming a truly formidable villain.
• For the Evulz: He occasionally does evil things just to screw with people. Like telling a slyph she'd been petrified for 1,000 years just to see her panic at being alone. He then says it was Worth It.
• Freudian Excuse: He was reared by his father Tarquin, although it is suggested he was already evil as an infant before he was placed under his care.
• Hair Antennae
• Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Has to fight the urge to do this when he takes the place of Elan, and Vaarsuvius nearly catches him smooching Sabine (who quickly turns into a male guard). Sabine then reveals that they have actually used her shapeshifting for, shall we say, "experimentation".
• Jerkass: Or more specifically...

Elan: ... you're a mean jerk. A jerky jerk. The jerkiest jerk of all.

• Laughably Evil: Nale is a mass-murdering scumbag, but some of his comments are actually pretty funny, as is his massively inflated opinion of himself.
• Master of None: As a multiclass fighter/rogue/sorceror, he has roughly the same set of abilities as his twin, but in an excessively complicated way.
• Mistaken for Gay: Nale (disguised as his brother) making out with a shapeshifted Sabine gives V such an impression about Elan in "Caught in the Act".
• Most Definitely Not a Villain: While disguised as Elan.
• Pet the Dog: His genuine love for Sabine, which is pretty much his only redeeming trait. (And is maintained by human sacrifices.)
• Pride
• Sdrawkcab Name: "Elan" backwards.
• A Sinister Clue
• Smug Snake
• So Long, Suckers!: "+12 to Jump checks, sucker!"
• The Starscream: To his father.
• Sticks to the Back: His longsword in the third arc.
• Unholy Matrimony
• Wanted Poster
• We Can Rule Together: To Elan.
• Weapon of Choice: A longsword.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: Evil version; it's implied that his scheming and attempt to be a Magnificent Bastard is because he didn't receive his (also Lawful Evil) father's approval. It turns out it was because Nale wanted to be king, while Tarquin wanted to stick to ruling from behind the throne.

Sabine

"...Oh, sorry, I kind of got distracted after you said the word 'three-way'."

Race: Succubus Gender: Female Class: Rogue Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Nale's girlfriend, eventually confirmed to be a succubus. Can shapeshift into any humanoid form.

• The Ageless
• All Girls Want Bad Boys: Sabine inverts this, and Single Woman Seeks Good Man, in one fell swoop.

Sabine: Sure, women like me swoon for a hero, but that's only because deep down, we think we can change them. But me, I'm done with that now. I want a nice, safe, reliable mass-murderer that I can depend on.

• Ambiguously Brown
• Anything That Moves
• Arson, Murder, and Admiration: Defines her relationship with Nale.
• Bare Your Midriff: In her schoolgirl disguise, as well as her red bikini in the third arc. With a nice touch: while having one when shapeshifted as a human, she lacks a bellybutton in her true form (since succubi are demons and thus not born like mammals with an umbilical cord).
• Blue and Orange Morality / Values Dissonance: Being a Succubus, she would have been perfectly okay with Nale having sex with Haley, but was angry over him killing her alone.
• Dark Action Girl
• Depraved Bisexual
• The Dragon
• Dragon with an Agenda: She's covertly working for the IFCC.
• Evil Counterpart: To Haley.
• Evil Tastes Good
• Flight
• Geisha: She takes the apparence of one while undercover in Azure City.
• Good Wings, Evil Wings: The evil kind, naturally.
• Hell-Bent for Leather / Lady in Red:

Haley: She's wearing red leather. I mean, red leather?? Of course she's evil!

• Horned Humanoid
• Horny Devils
• I Take Offense to That Last One: "Suspicious Agreement":

Malack: Is your vapid devil-whore still keeping you aloft? Sabine: HEY! Who are you calling a devil?

• Kiss of Death: Her energy-draining kiss.
• Ladykiller in Love: Implied to be a gender-flipped version for her and Nale.
• Morphic Resonance: So far, her alternate forms have kept the same skin tone, and most often the same hair color (with a few exceptions).
• Power Perversion Potential: Actually addressed, though you might wish it wasn't.
• Really Gets Around: She mentions sleeping with four different people while Nale was plotting to kill Haley. And she was in a hurry.
• Red Eyes, Take Warning
• Sexy Backless Outfit: Justified, as she needs to be able to unfurl her wings.
• Shapeshifters Do It for a Change
• Stripperific: She never was overdressed, but her third-arc outfit is basically a red bikini with boots.
• Unholy Matrimony: She and Nale are really in love with one another, and have a very fulfilling relationship.
• The Vamp
• Voluntary Shapeshifting
• Winged Humanoid

Thog

"thog like breaking stuff."

Race: Half-orc Gender: Male Class: Barbarian/Fighter Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Half-orc barbarian (with a few levels of fighter) who loves puppies and ice cream, as well as hurting people. His slow-wittedness tends to endear him to the readership.

• All Lowercase Letters: Although he switches to ALL UPPERCASE LETTERS while raging.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: After mass murder and treason, he ended up in a gladiatorial arena for public urination.
• An Axe to Grind
• Berserk Button: It's about the only thing he and Roy remotely have in common. To compare:
  • In strip #114:

Roy: You broke my sword. YOU BROKE MY SWORD!

• • In strip #795:

Thog: talky-man broke thog's tusk. TALKY-MAN BROKE THOG'S TUSK!

• The Brute
• Bumbling Sidekick
• But for Me... Was It Tuesday?: He doesn't seem to remember some of the murders he committed off-panel. It's not clear whether he's only doing it to taunt Roy, or if he really doesn't remember.
• Chekhov's Skill: Thog uses the Dungeoncrasher feat in "Smash". It allows him to deal extra damage to an enemy by bullrushing him into a wall, also damaging the wall. Roy puts it to good use later in the fight.
• Cloudcuckoolander
• The Ditz
• Dumb Muscle: As a fighter stereotype played straight, he's the complete opposite of Roy.
• Dump Stat: Intelligence
• Evil Counterpart: To Roy.
• Evil Has a Bad Sense of Humor
• Face: Defied Trope; no matter how much he may endear himself, he's still a mass-murderer. He's not becoming a good guy anytime soon. Unless he's in the gladiatorial arena. Then the crowd loves him, and he loves them. This turns into the only reason Tarquin doesn't just slit his throat in the night. Which the author uses In-Universe as a Take That to his Draco in Leather Pants status.

Tarquin: It's weird, no matter how many people he kills, the audience still thinks he's lovable.

• Fourth Wall Observer: He liked the Gender Belt subplot despite not being there (though he may be referring to his own use of a similar belt), is aware of comic layouts, and unaware of murders he committed off-panel.

"thog will always treasure thog's adventure with talky-man. it featured non-traditional panel layout." "thog hazy on that. did thog kill them off-panel?"

• Girls Have Cooties: Thog is afraid of girls, which aside from his stupidity makes him Roy's polar opposite.
• Half-Human Hybrid
• Hard Head: A head blow with a greatsword will make a loud "CLONK!", but barely faze Thog.
• Hulk Speak
• I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You
• Improvised Weapon: "thog improvise!"
• Moral Myopia: He's perfectly willing to beat the crap out of people or kill them, unless they're his friends. As demonstrated here.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: To Roy in "Smash".
• Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: "Misdirection and Subterfuge", for a start.
• Obliviously Evil
• Odd Friendship: His relationship with Elan.
• Pet the Dog: His love of ice cream and puppies, as mentioned above.
• Precious Puppies
• Psychopathic Manchild
• Real Men Wear Pink: He loves puppies and ice cream, and is a fan of musical theater.
• Shipped in Shackles: The Empire of Blood transports its arena champion in this manner.
• Shout-Out: "thog smash puny prison!!"

"how thog's pants turned purple?"

• Sweet Tooth
• Sticks to the Back: His greataxe.
• Third Person Person
• Turns Green-er: Roy should not have broken his tusk.
• Unstoppable Rage: Like all barbarians, he has the Rage ability (probably Greater Rage if he's around Roy's level) and was able to break open a jail cell and toss Roy around like a rag-doll while under its influence. It also makes him greener and destroys his clothing, in a Shout-Out to Marvel superhero the Incredible Hulk.
• Weapon of Choice: A greataxe, in contrast to Roy's sword.

(First Arc)

Zz'dtri

"..."

Race: Drow elf Gender: Male Class: Wizard (transmuter) Alignment: Neutral Evil

A dark elf wizard and V's opposite number; unlike the ambiguously gendered V, he is defined as a male.

• Exclusively Evil: Double subverted.
• Awesomeness By Analysis: He's built himself up in the third arc specifically to defeat Vaarsuvius. Right up to boosting his own spell resistance to counter the vast majority of Vaarsuvius' spells.
• Anti-Magic: As a drow, he has Spell Resistance.
• Bob Haircut: Mirroring Vaarsuvius' -- but only in the first arc.
• Crippling Overspecialization: By adapting his entire build to defeat Vaarsuvius, a fellow wizard, he has left himself vulnerable to archers, which wouldn't have otherwise been a major concern.
• Death or Glory Attack: See "Taking You with Me" below.
• Dual-Wielding: Twin scimitars.

Zz'dtri: They're standard issue.

• Elfeminate: Before he cut his hair, giving him a more obviously boyish appearance.
• Evil Counterpart: To Vaarsuvius.
• Familiar: Qarr(!)
• Flesh to Stone: Likes casting this spell when he has the element of surprise.
• Flight: With a house-ruled E 3.0 Fly spell.
• Overused Copycat Character: He starts out as yet another blatant Drizzt ripoff. V defeats him by pointing this out, prompting the two lawyers to drag him off.
• Parody Retcon: A bizarre example in that he declared himself, in-universe, to be a parody of Drizzt rather than his copy. This allowed him to get off scott-free.
• Pointy Ears
• Prophet Eyes:

Blackwing: I'm gonna fly up there and pecks your Little Orphan Annie eyes out!

• Put on a Bus: Dragged off by the lawyers for copyright infringement and seemingly written out of the comic. "Seemingly" being the operative word. The Bus Came Back, though it took more than 700 strips.
• The Quiet One: Part of what makes him the talkative V's opposite.
• Shock and Awe: Favors lightning spells.
• Significant Anagram / Punctuation Shaker: His name.
• Sinister Scimitar: Of course. However, unlike in the Drizzt case, this is played straight.
• Taking You with Me: Before being dealt the finishing blow in the third arc, he uses Plane Shift to send Vaarsuvius to... the Semi-Elemental Plane of Ranch Dressing. Zz'dtri intended to send him to the Demiplane of Extremely Painful Torture, but the humiliation is still there. (It's worth noting that, as Conjuration is a barred school, V cannot get back to the Material Plane on his own.)
• Sore Loser: During both of his battles with Vaarsuvius, he almost won while they fought using conventional methods. However, Vaarsuvius ultimately prevails in both battles by thinking outside the box. The first time is enough to goad him into gearing his entire build towards defeating Vaarsuvius. The second time he accuses Vaarsuvius of cheating.
• Terse Talker: To contrast with Vaarsuvius.
• Two Aliases, One Character: Has been masquerading as the Elven ambassador Polozius.
• Visible Silence
• White-Haired Pretty Boy
• Yellow Lightning, Blue Lightning: Subverted; his lightning bolts have an unusual green color.

Hilgya Firehelm

"Oh, golly, I'm soooo sorry I can't get worked up by what a bunch of dead dwarves think about my personal life. MY personal life, as in MY business."

Race: Dwarf Gender: Female Class: Cleric Alignment: Chaotic Evil

A female dwarf cleric of Loki, who was briefly Durkon's love interest, until he learned she was married.

• Affably Evil: For a Chaotic Evil priestess of Loki, she's quite the pleasant sort.

Hilgya: Say hello to the nice adventurers.

• Arranged Marriage: In her backstory.
• Distaff Counterpart: To Durkon.
• Evil Counterpart: To Durkon.
• The Hedonist / The Unfettered: Ran away from her husband and slept with Durkon because it made her happy, not caring about what her ancestors might think. (See why she's Durkon's opposite?)
• Luke Nounverber
• Preemptive Apology: She makes one to Durkon just before the first Linear Guild battle.
• Put on a Bus
• Religion of Evil: Priestess of Loki.
• Unreliable Narrator: The narration of her sob story about her "horrible marriage" is poignantly contrasted with scenes of her husband's earnest attempts to make her happy, as well as her repeated attempts to kill him.

Yikyik

"He totally provoked me! He left my threatened area!"

Race: Kobold Gender: Male Class: Ranger Alignment: Chaotic Evil

A kobold ranger; effectively an orange Belkar-esque lizard.

• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: His son loves him dearly, and is described as a good father.
• Evil Counterpart: Played with; he's a counterpart to Belkar, but he's evil because he's exactly like Belkar and Belkar is evil.
• Expy: Rich explained in the commentaries that Yikyik is Belkar in kobold form.
• Jerkass
• Killed Off for Real
• Lizard Folk
• Nice Hat: Belkar makes him into one.
• Why Did You Make Me Hit You?: He considers someone "leaving his threatened area" (and thus being open for an attack of opportunity) as reason enough to strike. Twice in a row (thanks to the feat "combat reflexes"). Also a Mythology Gag -- this is the exact language the Dungeons & Dragons PHB uses. "Moving out of a threatened square usually provokes an attack of opportunity from the threatening opponent."

(Second Arc)

Pompey

"I hate elves! Stupid oppressive kinsmen, they should all die painfully!"

Race: Half-elf Gender: Male Class: Wizard (conjurer) Alignment: Neutral Evil

A half-elf conjurer from the Warthog's School of Wizardry and Sorcery, and Zz'dtri's replacement as Vaarsuvius's evil opposite.

• Ambiguous Gender: Averted; unlike V and most other elf characters, Pompey is clearly established as being male, which secures his position as V's opposite.
• Casanova Wannabe
• Evil Counterpart: To Vaarsuvius.
• Fashionable Asymmetry: A Pointy Ears on only one side.
• Half-Human Hybrid
• The Intern
• Punny Name: Pompey → Vaarsuvius = Pompeii → Vesuvius.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Ditches the Linear Guild with Leeky in order to strike it off on their own.
• Stalker with a Crush: He asked Julia out once. Per week. For three semesters. When she asks who he is and he tells her this, she needs him to narrow it down a bit more.
• Summon Magic: Specializes in conjuration, which is one of V's banned schools.

Leeky Windstaff

"Druids always pick the hard way; it encourages natural selection."

Race: Gnome Gender: Male Class: Druid Alignment: Neutral Evil

An evil gnome druid who replaces Hilgya as Durkon's opposite, a role in which he fits very well with his habit of animating trees to send them rampaging.

• Animal Wrongs Group: But with plants.
• The Beast Master
• Everything's Worse with Bears: He can transform into a gigantic one.
• Evil Counterpart: To Durkon.
• Evil Gloating
• Kill It with Fire: "FIRE STORM!!"

Firestorm: There it is again! Green Lantern: You're just being paranoid. No one is talking about you. Batman: Relax, old chum.

• Large Ham / Evil Is Hammy
• Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards: Geometric Priests.

Leeky: Foolish girl! I am a druid! I have special features more powerful than your entire class!

• Luke Nounverber
• Morphic Resonance
• Not Good with People
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Ditches the Guild with Pompey to strike off on their own.
• The Social Darwinist
• They Called Me Mad
• Voluntary Shapeshifting
• When Trees Attack: Parodied.

Kitty

Leeky's hawk animal companion.

• Big Badass Bird of Prey
• Feathered Fiend
• Single-Stroke Battle: With Roy.
• Stealth Pun: "You named your hawk Kitty?"

Yokyok

"Hello. My name is Yokyok. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Race: Kobold Gender: Male Class: Unknown (probably Duelist) Alignment: Lawful Good (possibly Lawful Neutral due to his willingness to let Nale and company rampage uncontested for the sake of his vengeance).

A Lawful Good kobold; son of Yikyik and intent to avenge his death at Belkar's hands.

• Affectionate Parody: Inigo Montoya as a kobold.
• Anti-Villain (Type IV): The only reason he's part of the Linear Guild is so he can kill Belkar and avenge his father.
• Avenging the Villain
• Curse Cut Short: "Oh shi--"
• Evil Counterpart: Inverted; he's actually the evil Belkar's good counterpart.
• Hero Antagonist
• I'll Kill You!
• Killed Off for Real
• Lizard Folk
• Revenge Before Reason: For someone who's supposedly Lawful Good, he's awfully willing to let Nale go on a rampage around Cliffport just to lure Belkar into a fight.
• Shout-Out
  • Hello, My Name Is Inigo Montoya, You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die.

Belkar: STOP SAYING THAT!

• • Not to forget I Am Not Left-Handed -- by holding his sabre with the left hand.
• Token Good Teammate: As the Evil Counterpart to the Order's Token Evil Teammate, this is to be expected.
• Weapon of Choice: A sabre.

(Third Arc)

Yukyuk

"Yeeeeehah! Sneak attack!"

Race: Kobold Gender: Male Class: Ranger/Rogue Alignment: Unknown (probably Evil)

A new kobold member of the group, naturally another Belkar equivalent.

• And I Must Scream: Belkar and Vaarsuvius force him to become Mr. Scruffy's litter box while he's under V's control. Lampshaded by V, who can hear his screams.

Vaarsuvius: His silent screams are a symphony I cannot share.

• Back Stab
• Butt Monkey: Some pretty unpleasant things happen to him after Vaarsuvius dominates him, including nearly being killed when forced to duel one of his former teammates, being used as a litter tray by Belkar's cat, and being used as a trap springer.
• Calling Your Attacks
• Evil Counterpart: To Character Development!Belkar.
• Guns Akimbo: With hand crossbows.
• Karmic Death: Ends up being accidentally killed by a Linear Guild attack on the Order, while being used as a shield by Mr. Scruffy. It gets lampshaded.
• Kick the Dog: Crossbow the Cat.
• Lizard Folk
• Meaningful Name: As of "A Dish Best Served Warm, After All", a name sounding like "Yuck! Yuck!" makes a lot more sense.
• Mind Control Eyes: Appears after Vaarsuvius enslaves him with a dominate spell.
• Suspiciously Similar Substitute
• Tempting Fate: "I guess it's just my lucky day."
• Theme Naming: Third "Y*ky*k" kobold in a row, with Lampshade Hanging:

Yukyuk: What kind of stupid name would "Yakyak" be, anyway?

• Trust Me, I'm an X: "You don't need to be scared, I'm a ranger."
• Turncoat: Temporarily, at least, when Zz'dtri tries to kill him using Phantasmal Killer after V mind-controls him. As the wizard observes, he immediately ceases all attempts to resist V's mind controlling orders to shoot Zz'dtri afterwards.

Sir Scraggly

"Grrrrr!"

Yukyuk's riding dog mount -- thus providing an opposite to Belkar's feline companion.

• Big Badass Wolf: Sort of... Sir Scraggly is large compared to a kobold.
• Brick Joke: In a reference to a much earlier strip in which Belkar expressed a preference for a wolf as a mount, but was stuck with a wiener dog.
• Canine Companion
• Cool Horse: Yukyuk uses him as a mount in battle.
• Evil Counterpart: To Mr. Scruffy.
• Formally-Named Pet
• The Nose Knows
• Right-Hand Attack Dog