The Onion: Difference between revisions

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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{{quote| ''[[Pretentious Latin Motto|Tu Stultus Es]]'' <ref>"You are stupid"</ref>}}
 
A [[Satire|satirical]] newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on [[This Very Wiki]]. Started in 1988 as a print newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin (by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin), it has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the [[CNN|Onion News Network]].
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* [[Get a Load of That Square]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38778 Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something]".
* [[The Ghost]]: Clifford Banes, the [[Informed Ability|supposed host]] of ''In The Know''. The various reasons given are Troperiffic:
{{quote| "I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally [[Unperson|erased]]."<br />
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a [[Evil Tower of Ominousness|clock tower]]."<br />
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is regaling the interns with [[The Storyteller|tales of his days at sea]]."<br />
Line 314:
* [[Must Have Nicotine]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29141 Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa]".
* [[My Greatest Failure]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mall-justice-is-swift-and-harsh,10892 Mall Justice Is Swift And Harsh]".
{{quote| "Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.<br />
As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.<br />
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that." }}
* [[Narm]]: [[Invoked]] with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book ''[http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Tenth-Circle-Best-Onion/dp/0609808346 Dispatches from the Tenth Circle]'').
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* [[Precision F-Strike]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/playboy-centerfold-has-big-dreams-tits,1019/ Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits]".
* [[Pretty Fly for a White Guy]]: [http://www.theonion.com/personalities/herbert-kornfeld,1019/ Herbert Kornfeld], Accounts Receivable.
{{quote| '''Kornfeld''': 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a [[Lee Van Cleef]] on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a ''mother fuck''.}}
** Not all that fly. Kornfeld was a big fan of [[Chicago (band)|Chicago]].
* [[Product Placement]] / [[Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEFL4mZa8ys Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?]"
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* [[Small Name, Big Ego]]: [[In-Universe]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebodys-got-to-save-this-country-from-certain-do,21135/ Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me]".
* [[Sophisticated As Hell]]: [http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/ Smoove B.]
{{quote| '''Smoove B''': Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. ''I will hit you doggy-style.''}}
* [[So Unfunny It's Funny]]:
** The entire point of Roger Dudek's "[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/roger-dudek,1027/ Write On The Funny!]"
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* [[Viewers are Morons]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/microsoft-word-now-includes-squiggly-blue-line-to,19739/ Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience]".
* [[Villain Has a Point]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-authorities-cant-really-fault-alqaeda-for-deadl,19105/ U.S. Authorities Can't Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship]"
{{quote| Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.}}
* [[Villain with Good Publicity]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pr-firm-kills-innocent-child,20226/ PR Firm Kills Innocent Child]".
* [[Visual Pun]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-who-normally-holds-up-letter-d-sick-this-week,18404 Guy Who Normally Holds Up Letter 'D' Sick This Week]".

Revision as of 09:14, 8 August 2014

Tu Stultus Es [1]

A satirical newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on This Very Wiki. Started in 1988 as a print newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin (by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin), it has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the Onion News Network.

Some people mistakenly think The Onion is a legitimate news source, ranging from Christians against Harry Potter to the People's Republic of China. Others are aware of its parody nature.

The Onion also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called the AV Club, which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer is Nathan Rabin. The AV Club maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with The Onion, mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like The Onion.

The Onion has in the past extended into a (critically derided, even by its own AV Club) movie, and most recently two TV series — Onion Sportsdome on Comedy Central and Onion News Network on IFC. There have also been two original Onion books - Our Dumb Century, a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, and Our Dumb World, a Hollywood Atlas filled with stereotypes and Dead Baby Comedy.

Parody Newspaper Names Following Trope:

Area Man Embodies And Parodies Following Tropes:

"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally erased."

"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a clock tower."

"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea."

"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who messed with the wrong people and got involved in some serious shit."

"I'm Clifford Banes, wearing a perfect latex Juliana McKannis mask."

"Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.
As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that."

Kornfeld: 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a Lee Van Cleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a mother fuck.

Smoove B: Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. I will hit you doggy-style.

Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.

  1. ↑ "You are stupid"
  2. ↑ Specifically, the Gundam Fix Figuration action figure
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