The Onion: Difference between revisions

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
Content deleted Content added
Rescuing 10 sources and tagging 0 as dead. #IABot (v2.0beta9)
Rescuing 17 sources and tagging 0 as dead. #IABot (v2.0beta9)
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* [[Absent-Minded Professor]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']".
* [[A Day in the Limelight]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-is-pundit-duncan-birch-a-worthless-idi,18591/ Is Pundit Duncan Birch A Worthless Idiot?]"
* [[Adventurer Archaeologist]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100224005002/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38680 Archaeologist Tired of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils]".
* [[After the End]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood.
* [[Aint No Rule]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100316044830/http://www.theonion.com/content/video/kentucky_violated_ncaa_rules Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/washedup-air-bud-signs-with-greek-pro-team,27510/ Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team]".
* [[Air Vent Passageway]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28978 Clinton Escapes Through Air Vent]".
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** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay]".
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20130621022207/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/ In the Onion Sports Network's main page], if you look at the list of sports categories, "[[Soccer]]" is lumped in the same category as "Women's Sports".
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20111217055642/http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/suffering-cleveland-bans-all-professional-sports,19701%2C19701/ Suffering Cleveland Bans All Professional Sports]".
* [[Anachronism Stew]] / [[Timey-Wimey Ball]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/historical-archives-civil-war-preenactors-have-sta,6356/ Historical Archives: Civil War Pre-Enactors Have Stage'd Battle Of Bull Run]".
* [[And I Must Scream]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-hearing-loved-ones-voice-induces-excru,27035/ Study Finds Hearing Loved One's Voice Induces Excruciating Pain In Coma Patients]".
Line 41:
* [[Antiquated Linguistics]]: The book ''[http://store.theonion.com/product/our-dumb-century-paperback,17/ Our Dumb Century]'' loves these.
* [[Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-only-there-were-some-way-i-could-watch-premium,17805/ If Only There Were Some Way I Could Watch Premium Movies In The Comfort Of My Own Home]".
* [[Artifact of Attraction]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219035916/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45795 Wool Blanket Destroys Commune]".
* [[Artifact of Doom]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/video/ashton-moves-on-from-demi-dating-evil-black-disc,26880/ Ashton Moves On From Demi, Dating Evil Black Disc]".
* [[Artifact Title]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219072232/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/steeler_defense_renamed_mid Steeler Defense Renamed 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' To More Accurately Reflect Contemporary Pittsburgh]".
* [[Artistic License Animal Care]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/as-much-as-i-hated-putting-my-dog-to-sleep-i-know,11522/ As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up]".
* [[As Long as It Sounds Foreign]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33632 I Bet I Can Speak Spanish]".
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* [[Bilingual Bonus]]: The so-called founder's last name is Zwiebel, German for "Onion".
* [[Black Comedy]]:
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223094236/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43212 More Americans Falling For 'Get Rich Slowly Over A Lifetime Of Hard Work' Schemes]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/university-implicated-in-checksfordegrees-scheme,1193/ University Implicated In Checks-For-Degrees Scheme]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/ Budget Mix-Up Provides Nation's Schools With Enough Money To Properly Educate Students]".
Line 89:
* [[Casanova]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/7_million_people_direct?utm_source=c-section 7 Million People Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor]".
* [[Casanova Wannabe]]: How they portray U.S. Vice President Joe Biden.
* [[Caustic Critic]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226182838/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/awful_man_offers_witty_acerbic Awful Man Offers Witty, Acerbic Take On Everything He Sees]".
* [[Chekhov's Gun]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gun-goes-off-during-lifes-third-act,17286/ Gun Goes Off During Life's Third Act]".
* [[The Chew Toy]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/universe-admits-to-wronging-area-man-his-entire-li,18556/ Universe Admits To Wronging Area Man His Entire Life]".
Line 98:
** From the week which featured the header article, "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/china-strong,2756/ China Strong]".
* [[Church of Happyology]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20090115091433/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31006 Scientology Losing Ground To New Fictionology]".
* [[Circles of Hell]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223092402/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28898 Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly-Growing Hell]".
* [[Clap Your Hands If You Believe]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_warns_he_may_cease_to Obama Warns He May Cease To Exist Unless America Believes In Him]".
* [[Cliché Storm]]: [[In-Universe]], "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perfectly-marketed-tv-show-somehow-fails,2333/ Perfectly Marketed TV Show Somehow Fails]".
Line 120:
* [[The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hawaii_wins_little_league_world Hawaii Wins Little League World Series]".
* [[Concept Album]]:
** "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131018072029/http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-launches-david-bowie-concept-mission%2C2907,2907/ NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission]".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bruce-springsteen-releases-new-scifi-concept-album,21358/ Bruce Springsteen Releases New Sci-Fi Concept Album About Struggles of Poor Miners Working On Mars]".
* [[Conspiracy Theorist]]:
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** Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John McCain during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (''The Cressbeckler Stance'') parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows.
** Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model.
* [[Conviction by Contradiction]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219102847/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29537 Idaville Detective 'Encyclopedia' Brown Found Dead In Library Dumpster]".
* [[Cousin Oliver]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100219121535/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cousin_oliver_to_join_white_house To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency]".
* [[Cowboy Cop]]:
** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30550 Lone Wolf Ashcroft Given Rookie Partner]".
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** The world as a whole. ''In The Know'''s world has ghouls, robot overlords, baby skulls as jewelry... [[Rule of Funny]] produces some hilariously-horrific things.
* [[Crazy Cat Lady]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-put-the-spark-back-into-your-relationship-w,14398/ How To Put the spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat]."
* [[Crazy Enough to Work]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100225045816/http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/area_idea_so_crazy_it_just_0 Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work]".
* [[Creator Breakdown]]: "Study: Children Of Divorce Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry".
** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspir,27192/ Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create ]".
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** [[Activist Fundamentalist Antics]]: Millions more, however, have decried the recalcitrant Christ's apostasy, breaking ties with Him and calling His conversion "a heathen act" of "utmost blasphemy before Himself".
** [[Thou Shalt Not Kill]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/ God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule]".
* [[Repurposed Pop Song]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100304134125/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38780 Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank]".
* [[Retraux]]: All of ''Our Dumb Century''.
* [[Rubber Forehead Aliens]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32439 Star Trek Introduces Alien Character With Totally Different Forehead Wrinkles]".
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** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyph_DZa_GQ Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass']".
* [[Running Gag]]: Many.
** When the print versions need to fill a small space, they put in a small article with nothing but the repeated phrase "Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood." (which also [[It Makes Sense in Context|appears in context]] during "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100314110222/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blood_blood_everywhere Blood...Blood Everywhere]").
** Recurring article types include "[Corporation] scientists discover [related discovery]", among others. In the sports section, any article about Tim Duncan will make fun of how bland he is.
** Clifford Banes has [[The Ghost|never actually appeared]] in his self-titled panel-discussion series ''In the Know with Clifford Banes''; there's always a sit-in newscaster who gives a reason, often completely absurd, for Banes' absence.
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* [[So What Do We Do Now?]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/voice-inside-cheering-libyan-rebels-head-oh-fuck-n,21204/ Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?']".
* [[Spoiler]]: [[In-Universe]], "[https://web.archive.org/web/20080110080422/http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/final_harry_potter_book Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers]".
* [[Stalking Is Love]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100223092422/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29546 Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]".
* [[Start of Darkness]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMzyI6cIbek Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide to Create Role]".
* [[Stealth Cigarette Commercial]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/56014 Philip Morris: 'Please Talk to Your Cooler Children About Cigarettes']".
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* [[Too Soon]]:
** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27638 'Beltway Sniper' Video-Game Release Delayed Out Of Respect For Victims]".
** In a [[Real Life]] version, "[https://web.archive.org/web/20100226183632/http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29298 Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying]" wasn't printed in the [[Denver]] edition.
* [[Trailers Always Spoil]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBM3j7x4Lcw&NR=1 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film]".
* [[Transforming Mecha]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27590 Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot]".
Line 540:
* [[Where Everybody Knows Your Flame]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-bar-comes-out-as-gay,2447/ Local Bar Comes Out As Gay]".
* [[Wild Child]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]".
* [[A Wizard Did It]] / [[Techno Babble]] / [[Quantum Mechanics Can Do Anything]]: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20091223025942/http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']".
* [[Word Salad Philosophy]] / [[Talkative Loon]] / [[Techno Babble]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]".
* [[Worst News Judgment Ever]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28660 No Jennifer Lopez News Today]".

Revision as of 18:41, 12 September 2018


A satirical newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on This Very Wiki. Started in 1988 as a print newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin (by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin), it has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the Onion News Network.

Some people mistakenly think The Onion is a legitimate news source, ranging from Christians against Harry Potter to the People's Republic of China. Others are aware of its parody nature.

The Onion also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called the AV Club, which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer is Nathan Rabin. The AV Club maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with The Onion, mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like The Onion.

The Onion has in the past extended into a (critically derided, even by its own AV Club) movie, and most recently two TV series — Onion Sportsdome on Comedy Central and Onion News Network on IFC. There have also been two original Onion books - Our Dumb Century, a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, and Our Dumb World, a Hollywood Atlas filled with stereotypes and Dead Baby Comedy.


Parody Newspaper Names Following Trope:

Area Man Embodies And Parodies Following Tropes:

"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally erased."
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a clock tower."
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea."
"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who messed with the wrong people and got involved in some serious shit."
"I'm Clifford Banes, wearing a perfect latex Juliana McKannis mask."

"Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.
As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that."

Kornfeld: 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a Lee Van Cleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a mother fuck.

Smoove B: Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. I will hit you doggy-style.

Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.

  1. "You are stupid"
  2. Specifically, the Gundam Fix Figuration action figure