Suburban Knights/Characters

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


A list of characters from the That Guy With The Glasses anniversary special Suburban Knights.

Group One

The Nostalgia Critic as Link

Played by: Doug Walker

  • Bad Boss: He starts off like this to everyone but he's nicer when he's with his team. But his treating Ma-Ti badly comes back to bite him in the ass. Hard.
  • Becoming the Mask: After spending ages actively averting it, when he's had enough of everything he rants about all the crap that's happened to Link. Although, ranting about his life as the Critic would probably take up an episode of its own.
    • Also done at the end in a sadder way with Ma-Ti, he throws away his tie when he's rushing over and Ma-Ti knocks his glasses off. Those were the last two "Critic" identifiers left.
  • Break the Haughty: Done nicer than in Kickassia (he does get to be a good guy instead of just being willing to commit murder-suicide) but he still gets punished for being greedy. And with his reaction to Ma-Ti's death, it overlaps with Break the Cutie.
  • Call Back: He reviewed The Legend of Zelda cartoon in an earlier review.
  • Character Development: From being a greedy asshole to a capable leader who can boost morale with a Rousing Speech. Not only that, but he keeps himself relatively stable compared to how he was in Kickassia. At the end, he even considers going on another quest to resurrect Ma-Ti. He also seems to have gotten his greed under control as he decides to hide the Gauntlet rather than profit from it after seeing the magic it uses is real.
  • Cool Sword: The Master Sword, in fact... which unceremoniously (and unexpectedly) breaks in part 6.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Starts ranting about in-character woes when he grows sick of all the magic he's encountering.
    • Until Linkara gives him the idea of another quest, he really doesn't take the death of one of his comrades well.
  • The Ditz: Although he gets some intelligence back in part five.
  • Face Death with Dignity: Maybe he was Genre Savvy to know he'd get saved, but he looked surprisingly okay with things when Jaffers was about to kill him both times.
  • Flat Earth Atheist: He refuses to believe in magic after meeting a lightning-spewing witch, but he still thinks a broken chain letter will bring bad luck.
  • Genre Savvy: He's aware of his Bad Boss tendencies in a crossover, and seems to be more receptive to other people's ideas and regrets having said Well, Excuse Me, Princess! to Lupa.
  • Hypocritical Humour: The Critic complains bitterly about the frequent spelling errors in the map. Note that Doug has, in the past, spelt "Nostalgia Critic" incorrectly in his reviews and manages to mess up the spelling in the credits of Suburban Knights.
  • I See London
  • Innocent Fanservice Boy: Until it was pointed out to him, he had no idea that he was wearing such a... revealing costume.
    • Reluctant Fanservice Boy: According to Iron Liz, Doug requested strongly on the first day that nobody look up his skirt. But due to wind and an apparently ungainly falling over, everyone did.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Film Brain, Ma-Ti and (to a lesser extent) 8-Bit Mickey get treated badly, but he listens to his team, sulkingly accepts the "lady lessons" Lupa teaches him and worries about the others when he realizes that the Big Bad is tracking them. He's also VERY upset about the death of his comrade.
  • Man in a Kilt: Yes, one more skirt trope.
  • Mr. Vice Guy: Oblivious, greedy, bitchy, bratty as hell... but still sympathetic and ultimately a good man.
  • Nice Hat: Link's hat in place of his regular cap.
  • Papa Wolf: After seeing Malachite effortlessly blow up people, he looks back at his team and is the first to confront him. It doesn't work, but it's the thought that counts.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: He claims that his outfit is "a manly costume."
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: Repeatedly, once the Witch shows her Red Eyes, Take Warning. Iron Liz and Linkara's commentary says that they were on the other end of the trail about half a mile away and could still hear him doing it.
  • Stripperiffic: That skirt is mini and the boots are short for no reason. Well, maybe one or two reasons...
    • According to the commentary, Doug was both freezing and sunburned everywhere. So it wasn't practical in real life either.
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: After his Despair Event Horizon, he gets to have a Eureka Moment about the map and then he's one of the happiest to see Suede back.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: He makes Chester search for the necronomicon because he really is desperate to a) not accept death and b) get Ma-Ti back.
  • Well, Excuse Me, Princess!: Says this to Lupa, then promptly tells the party to never let him say it again.

The Nostalgia Chick as Arwen

Played by: Lindsay Ellis

  • Bishie Sparkle: More like Bishie White Flash.
  • Call Back; In her Top 11 Embarrassing and Nostalgic Dance Crazes video, she puts The Macarena in Number 1.
  • Confusion Fu: Her weaponized montages are this; she circles the enemy, waving her arms and babbling to sufficiently confuse them before punching them in the face. Lampshaded by Todd and Bennet.
  • Bilingual Bonus: In part one, the Chick says a line in gaelic- "pog ma thoin" (kiss my ass) which is translated as "it's cool".
  • Dull Surprise: It's especially obvious during the scenes in Doug's house and the elf montage sections (though the former was justified by Lindsay, as she felt the Chick would not care about the whole "being duped again" and be bored).
    • In the elf scenes, it's worth noting that the character she's playing was also noted for this, so it could be intentional.
  • Dyeing for Your Art: The wedding dress she had on was really restrictive, and she had to sit down a couple of times because she had trouble breathing.
  • Fun with Subtitles
  • Gratuitous Elvish
  • Innocent Fanservice Girl: In her first close-up inside Doug's house (before they all dress up), she showcases quite some cleavage, which Lindsay said to not have noticed before watching.
  • Must Have Caffeine: In all the pre-Arwen scenes, she's drinking coffee.
  • The Stoic: Most of the time she's not really bothered by anything.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: With the Critic. Although they're still snarky and Ship Tease-y, they're a lot less belligerent than they have been before.
  • Waxing Lyrical: While doing her "Arwen Montage" and speaking elvish, she inserts the line, "Chickity China/The Chinese Chicken/Have a drumstick/And your brain stops tickin'."
  • Woman in White: Which was an adaptation of a Fairytale Wedding Dress.

Linkara as King Arthur, as played by Sir Richard Harris

Played by: Lewis Lovhaug

  • Badass Beard: Though he runs out of Sharpie after his first appearance.
    • In the commentary, Doug intended for Linkara's make-up pen beard to last for the entire movie. Linkara was against it, due to both Harris' beard not being black in the movie, and the fact that he would have black smudges on his face on the crossover videos.
  • The Cast Showoff: Once again demonstrates his rather nice singing voice, but he keeps getting interrupted by the others in his group. He finally gets to sing a complete number at the end of Part 7.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: His persistence of a song inadvertantly leads to the Critic learning about the Necronomicon at the end.
  • Chest Insignia: The costume bears the Atop the Fourth Wall hat-brick-fire logo.
  • Combat Pragmatist: After fighting the Guardians for a while with his sword, he exclaims "Screw this!" and pulls out his gun.
  • The Glasses Come Off: Doesn't wear them when in costume.
  • That Reminds Me of a Song: To the annoyance of everyone else.
  • The Unexpected: Much like Tom, his costume was up for debate and being King Arthur from a musical was never considered. However, this could also be considered a Call Back to his review of Power Rangers Zeo #1, wherein he states that Camelot is his "favorite movie & musical EVER!"

Phelous as Rockbiter

Played by: Phelan Porteous

  • Ax Crazy: Believes his figurines are alive. 8-bit Mickey thinks he's a little too into character.
    • In Part 2 Mickey questions his belief that his "friends" are real... to which Phelous replies, "They're more real than you are!"
    • In Part 3 he talks to his "little friends" about killing Bennett... in front of Bennett.
  • Becoming the Mask: To a far greater extent than the others. He truly believes that he's the Rockbiter and that his action figures are alive.
    • Subverted in Part 6; he's just really good at staying in character.
  • Character Development: From Kickassia. He went from gleefully strangling the Critic and telling the others to "have fun" as return for all the idea-stealing, to coming out of a funk to protect him and calls him a friend.
  • Companion Cube: He starts treating a pair of action figures as being alive as soon as he puts on the costume.
  • Consulting Mr. Puppet: His "little friends."
  • Heroic BSOD: "They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they?"
  • I Am Not Shazam: An error in the credits list him as "Phelous Porteous".
  • In the Hood
  • This Is Gonna Suck: When the Big Bad walks off an exploding car crash.
  • Unfortunate Character Design: "You look like a steroid elephant turd."

Benzaie as Conan the Barbarian

Played by: Benjamin Daniel

Obscurus Lupa as Snow White

Played by: Allison Pregler

Lupa: I'm just gonna hang back here and be enchanted and shit.

Bennett the Sage as Aslan

Played by: Bennett White

Handsome Tom as Willow

Played by: Thomas Hanley

  • A Day in the Limelight: In Part 4 he defeats a witch by pepper-spraying her in the face as she rains down lightning bolts.
  • Demoted to Extra: He's had three lines, one spoken three times, in six episodes.
    • In the commentary, other cast members said he was to have gotten a slightly bigger role, but he begged off, saying "I'm just here to have fun" and doesn't think he's an especially good actor.
  • Fastball Special: Attempts to throw Mickey into battle. Emphasis on "attempts".
  • Gentle Giant
  • Hair Flip
  • Lampshade Hanging: His "I'm Willow" lampshades the fact that most viewers probably aren't familiar with the film.
    • Or that those who are familiar with it wouldn't expect him to be well over six feet tall.
  • Nerves of Steel: When everyone else is freaking out about he Witch, he calmly walks up and pepper sprays her.
  • Precision F-Strike: When the Critic reveals that they've been following a chain letter, he simply says "You fucker".
  • Throw It In: The second attempt to perform a Fastball Special with Mickey was actually a blooper where Tom dropped Mickey on his face. A dubbed in line of dialog allowed it to be added to the finished product.
  • The Quiet One
  • Running Gag: "I'm Willow." (in a video, he even lampshades saying "Basically my only line in this is 'I'm Willow'")
  • The Unexpected: In-universe and out. No fan even knew who he was, and the team didn't realize who he was until he told them. Mainly because Willow is played by a little person while Tom is incredibly tall.

8-Bit Mickey as Peter Pan

Played by: Michael Paradis

Lupa: [addressing The Critic] Listen here, you skirted little green fairy!
Mickey: It's funny because she isn't talking about me.

  • Fastball Special: Tries to have Tom use him for this. It fails miserably.
  • Non-Action Guy: So much that after flying around the villain, he says "That's all I got". (though he tries to fight Jaffer's team with a dagger, but the Critic is forced to "borrow" it...)
  • Non Sequitur Thud: After the attempted Fastball Special with Tom.

Mickey: The current time is 3:55. Thank you for flying Painful Airlines. *thud*

That Dude in the Suede

Played by: William DuFresne

Group Two

The Spoony One as Gandalf

Played by: Noah Antwiler

The Cinema Snob as Indiana Jones

Played by: Brad Jones

Angry Joe as Inigo Montoya

Played by: Joe Vargas

Marz Gurl as San

Played by: Kaylyn Dicksion

  • Action Girl: She can wield a mean spear.
  • Blade on a Stick
  • The Cast Showoff: Only speaks in fluent Japanese after donning her costume.
  • Clothes Make the Superman: Seems to have gained an enhanced sense of smell after donning her costume.
  • Media Research Failure: Her name should be "San", not "Princess Mononoke". As mentioned below, Marzgurl is fully aware of this.
  • Did You Think I Can't Feel?: Her response to "Yeah, your mother was a bitch and your mother was a bull! Guess it makes you a bullshitzu!" is "I have feelings, too!"
  • Dyeing for Your Art: She cut her hair (and was not happy about doing so!) and made the costume herself (Doug even offered her to play Kiki instead, but she said "No way! I want to do this the hard way and make the HARD costume!").
  • Facial Markings
  • Gratuitous Japanese: Which is actually genuine!
  • I Am Not Shazam: She refers to herself as "Princess Mononoke." Doug, who isn't a huge anime fan, wrote the script and she barely had enough time to convert her dialogue to Japanese, preventing her from correcting this error.
  • Raised by Wolves
  • Silence, You Fool: Shouts it to stop Film Brain and Luke's argument. In Japanese, of course.
    • "Urusai!"
  • Smurfette Principle: At least within Group 2.

Film Brain as Harry Potter

Played by: Mathew Buck

Cloak #1: Oh, look, a butterfly.
Film Brain: WHERE?!

Luke Mochrie also as Harry Potter

Played by: Luke Mochrie

Film Brain: [Being Canadian]'s as British as being Turkish, you tit!
Luke: What are you talking aboot?
Film Brain: It's "about," you twat!

Film Brain: Well now I would!

JewWario as Jareth

Played by: Justin Carmical

Paw Dugan as |Profion

Played by: Paul Schuler

Todd in the Shadows as The Dread Pirate Roberts

Played by: Todd Nathanson

Nostalgia Critic: We'd like to thank Todd for handling the cremation, even though I don't think any of us want to know how, or why he did it.
Todd: *holding a lighter* Yeah, it's probably best you don't ask.

  • Recognition Failure: At first, he thinks the cast didn't know who he was dressed as (even though they have an Inigo Montoya). Then he notices that they aren't recognizing Todd. Presumably the hoodie was his sole identifying mark to them.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Apparently with the entire cast. When the Cloaks attack, he tells them to stop because:

Todd: I barely know these guys, I just do music reviews! I don't even like these people!


Antagonists

Malachite

Played by: Orlando Belisle Jr.

  • Badass
    • Badass Longcoat: He might be evil, but he's got a kick ass coat- long, leather, and still manages to flap in the wind.
  • Berserk Button: His hatred of technology and all those who use and depend on it.
  • Big Bad
  • Black Eyes of Evil
  • Brought Down to Normal: A follow-up vid reveals he has been stripped of his powers and banished to a cafe in Wisconsin where he now works as a server.
  • Bullet Catch: Done with Linkara's gun.
  • Cast from Hit Points: Magic drains his life force. He starts feeling the effects in Part 5.
  • The Cast Showoff: Orlando Belisle, Jr. is an accomplished martial artist and is able to showcase a lot of his moves in Part 7.
  • Catch Phrase: "What do you think of the 21st century?" Usually said whenever he's talking to someone who refuses to stop using their technological gadgetry.
  • The Chessmaster: Malachite set everything in the story into motion and everyone dances to his tune.
  • Cool Shades
  • Curb Stomp Battle: Does this to both Jaffers and his group and the TGWTG crew. Of course, they're a bunch of geeks with barely a real weapon between them and he's an immortal Magic Knight.
  • Establishing Character Moment: He is walking in an open field and tries to hitch-hike. He is picked up by a very flighty, materialistic guy, which prompts him to complain about the effects of this century's modern technology on humanity, and eventually kills him with supernatural powers.
  • Evil Luddite: Given his backstory, it's no wonder he loathes all technology.
  • Evil Mentor: Malachite taught Jaffers magic when he tried to trick Jaffers into finding the gauntlet for him.
  • Fate Worse Than Death: Malachite was not destroyed. Instead, he was banished to a little corner of Hell known as... the All Around Cafe, in Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin, where he is a barista and the owner's resident Butt Monkey.
  • Hell-Bent for Leather
  • Hey, It's That Guy!: He played Roger in the Rotten Dirty Bastard special.
  • Hidden Agenda Villain: For most of the story it's hard to tell just what his deal is, killing two people for relying on technology and walking around with an evil Leitmotif, but then helping Group 2 by returning their map. Turns out that Malachite couldn't find the gauntlet on his own, so he used the Channel Awesome crew to find it for him, sending the map as a chain letter and putting a tracking spell on it.
  • Home Run Hitter: A Megaton Punch throws Jaffers away, and a finger flick turns Spoony into A Twinkle in the Sky.
  • Hypocrite: He has an EVO 4G. Oddly, he specifically states he's not a hypocrite.
    • It's implied that he doesn't even know what the word 'hypocrite' actually means (and doesn't care to find out.)
  • Implacable Man: A car hits him and explodes as he crosses the street. It blows up and he continues on normally.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Any time he's onscreen, things get grim.
  • Ludd Was Right: His perspective is shown to lie here from the very beginning.
  • Meaningful Name: His name is a reference to a green crystal and probably what the crystal that powers the gauntlet is made of.
  • Mundane Utility: Occasionally uses his incredible, earth shattering magic powers to do things like... pick up his fallen hat.
  • Nice Hat: He sports a sweet fedora. It's also the only part of him that makes it.
  • Nietzsche Wannabe
  • No Body Left Behind
  • Omnicidal Maniac: It's implied a few times that he may not be as hypocritical as Team TGWTG think he is and may have just been after the destruction of the world out of revenge for not being the founder of modern civilisation.
  • Offscreen Teleportation
  • Really Seven Hundred Years Old
  • Scary Black Man
  • Simple Staff
  • Spell My Name with an "S": The special shows his name as both Malecite in the actor credit and Malachite elsewhere. Given Doug's propensity for misspelling words, it is unknown at this point which is the correct spelling (though probably "Malachite", which is an actual word and makes it a Meaningful Name.
  • Spin to Deflect Stuff: Done with the bullets shot by Joe and Lupa's machine guns.
  • The Stoic
  • Would Hit a Girl: He's an equal opportunity bad guy. Though in Nostalgia Chick's case he allows a switch for a stunt double, Nella.
  • The Un-Smile: After he's banished to the All-Around Cafe he's forced to smile for the customers, but is only capable of giving one of these.
  • You Keep Using That Word: He apparently doesn't understand what a word "hypocrite" really means.

Chuck Jaffers

Played by: Rob Walker

  • Go Mad from the Revelation: He was heard raving about Malachite's Hand in the days leading up to his disappearance.
  • Harmless Villain: Ultimately. When you're so pathetic that you make the Critic look competent in comparison, you know you're in trouble.
  • Hero Antagonist: Jaffers just wants to keep Malachite from the gauntlet and thinks the reviewers aren't worthy guardians. Nevermind that he's blatantly incompetent and that the TGWTG crew massively outnumbers Jaffers' group, which means they might have a slightly better chance of guarding the gauntlet.
  • Hollywood Nerd
  • Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: He completely misses everyone in Team 1 at point blank range!
  • Knight in Shining Armor
  • Knight Templar: After hearing how The Internet Is for Porn, he decides Channel Awesome can't possibly be pure enough for his purposes.
  • Mad Libs Catchphrase: "A little too <adjective>..."
  • New Age Retro Hippie
  • Posthumous Character: Presumably; he's been missing for just over 30 years before the special began. Turns out he was just sealed in a book.
  • Sealed Good In A Book: Though technically a good guy in that he's against Malachite, he's an antagonist to the Channel Awesome crew for deciding they aren't worthy of finding the gauntlet.
  • Shadow Archetype: Personality-wise, he's Critic without the likability.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: When Malachite sends Spoony flying into the air, he eventually falls back on the battlefield. Jaffers, meanwhile, never reappears. Then again, he did get shot up instead of at an angle...
    • Also, note that Spoony is only finger flicked into the air, while Jaffers is sent flying with a Megaton Punch.

The Last Angry Geek, Jim Jarosz, and Iron Liz as The Cloaks

Played by: Brian Heinz, James Jarosz, and Elizabeth Skochil

Cloak 1: Unleash the fire of a thousand arrows!
Cloak 3: You mean the machine gun?
Cloak 1: [[[Beat]]] Yes.

Cloak 3: Don't use the magic. You know what it does to you! And besides, you're a lousy shot.

  • Cool Sword
  • Dark Is Evil
  • Distinctive Appearances: Despite being dressed identically, it's possible to tell which Cloak you're looking at. The one played by The Last Angry Geek because of his size compared to the other two, and the one played by Iron Liz due to having boobs and wearing gloves (which were actually driving gloves).
  • Expy: For the Ringwraiths and possibly the Shadowlords.
  • Elite Mooks
  • Enemy Mine: Kind of. When Malachite shows up they stop fighting the reviewers and go after him instead.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: One of the Cloaks hits Angry Joe when he says Santa doesn't exist to a little girl.
  • Evil Sounds Deep: Their normal speaking voices are whispery, but the howl they give off when angered certainly qualifies.
  • The Faceless

Cloak 1: Look into my eyes!
Film Brain: I can't see them!

Cloak 1: Then pretend you are looking into my eyes!

Cat

Played by: Dave Myers

Witch Warrior/The Good Witch Of The Woods

Played by: N. Cardena

"Oh, oh dear. Perhaps it's better if you die now rather than wait for what's coming. I know what hunts you, and believe me it's much kinder if I just smash your brains in and drink from your bleeding skull."

The Voice Of The Ancient World

Voiced by: James Rolfe


Supporting Cast

Ma-Ti (from Captain Planet)

Played by: Bhargav Dronamraju

Bill

Played by: James Troken

The Gate Cleaner

Played by: Noah Antwiler

Crom

Voiced by: Jason Pullara

  • The Cameo
  • Lying Creator: Jason did not go to Chicago for the special and never said anything about doing even a little cameo, not even a Twitter message about the special. On the day Part 6 was released, he finally revealed the role on his livestream.
  • Jerkass: Crom sees anyone who openly prays to him as a weakling. Benzaie is very lucky Crom didn't smite him on the spot, as Crom has done in those cases.
  • Throw It In: That burp at the end of his lines? Ad-libbed by Jason. Doug decided to use that particular take, probably for extra laughs.
  • The Unexpected: Not as much as Suede, but he did leave the site earlier in 2011 prior to filming the special, so it was unclear if he'd make an appearance or not.

Elisa

That Guy With the Glasses

Played by: Doug Walker

Aeon

Nella

  • Butt Monkey: It's Nella, what do you expect?
  • Stunt Double: She'll gladly cover the Chick's stunts, even putting her own life on the line!
  • Written-In Infirmity: Lindsay said she would be "my Patsy", but as Nella couldn't get enough time off work, it was reduced to a cameo.

Larry Prince

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